People, mere puppets that I ruthlessly use as a distraction, to escape.
Escape from the pain, the misery, the loneliness, the constant aching explosion of boredom that eats on my itching flesh.
Too detached, yet so attached, what is it that I need?
My loneliness  is unwanted toxicities of distractions that bring me no joy, no purpose, no belonging.
Lost in the chaos, I have become this destructive madness.
Sin is me, I have nothing yet to become, to see.
I have seen enough, I want away from this world.
The bitterness is eating me alive like a starved hyena that wails like a crying baby.
Let me go, let me leave, let me sleep, let me never wake up from this delusional dream.
People are my puppets, but I would rather not play.
Leave them before they leave me, stay the **** away.
Let me die alone, hate me for eternity.

Alone, lost, trapped, stuck, held in by these false and unfair delusions.
I don't know where my home is, or where I come from, but I am immensely drawn to cats and birds.
I was sent on a mission, on a purpose, and it is the loneliest life I live.
Since I could remember, I have been fighting the battle alone, being a messenger from higher dimensions and spreading knowledge only I know. Awakening those on earth, spreading justice.
Humans are threatening, scary, and cruel.
It gets painful, I hurt with every aching cell in my body.
But through all that pain, many lessons were learnt.
More knowledge was invested, and more strength was established.
I am looking for those who are also on a mission, I am looking to reach out to the ones who don't feel like they belong here.
This life is lonely, I have nobody.
Maybe we can connect and communicate together.
Please reach out.

The cups keep pouring, the drinks keeps sipping, the people keep talking, the night keeps blazing.
Through all that I am to do, to become, to manifest, to transform.
Dissolving all that is lost, not seen, the stance of it seems forbidding, disillusionment and escapism.
Never knowing the way out, the way in seems confusing, conflicting to what I can never achieve.
I think through all the pain, that it is worth it and that I will find the light and stay in it forever, yet, I hide, not knowing how to display my forefront.
Hidden, private, yet open to all that I am.
Hiding in this shadow, misunderstood by false illusions.
I am to die, or maybe I am not.
My mind of jitter, I hope I am never to be lost after I am found, if I will be, to not be so alone.

Sweating myself dry.
Bored, flat out, dissatisfied, discontent, unmotivated, exhausted, fatigue, no will, no strength.
Loneliness is the feeling.
Too detached to stay attached.
Too nihilistic to give a ****** ****.
**** them all.
I am better off alone.

Love, a written spell that is cursed with loss and longing for someone else.
Tenderness, reciprocation, union, everything that exists between two people in purity, belonging.
Emotions overflowing... I feel you, miles apart, I miss you.
It's deeper than love itself...
It's spiritual, it's someone I was with before, many times...
Needing them in my presence.
Tears rolling whilst thinking about him...
Puts this heartache on my spirit.
So synchronized, the iridescence of it is unreal, untouched...
It's depth takes me away from what doesn't matter.
But it's the only thing on my mind and its the only thing I want.
A love so raw, so deep, it is dared to burn the shadows, the fire, and the petty talk.
Completely far away, but once it is mine, once we meet, it will be something of twilight, of eternity...
The burning flame that will never go out.
I love you...
I want you now...
I need you in my arms...
I feel your energy vibrating immensely through my body, its amazing, so amazing I dare not to think about it to that depth because it ripples away at my water streams and takes me away from what needs to be done in my reality.
I need you now, long lost twin flame.
I have not been the same since I met you, and I never will.
I have never felt this with anyone, ever.
I truly desire the magic we can create, the intellectual art that is lost.
I have felt love with others before, I have been hurt before, I have hurt, to be ridden, yet, I met you, and never forgot.
You imprinted on me and this is something that  will last a lifetime and beyond.
I am in love with you, Yolan.
Please come back home...

Swallow away, lose myself in all that I am portraying.
Resurfacing, coming out the other side.
Remembering all that I am, all that I lost, all that was built, the potential that has no name.
Standing in the crowd, talents that can bring wonders to the world, a brain of Einstein and a body of a dancer.
A painters tongue, I am wasting all that I am born for.
Obstacles defeating my purpose.
My passions have me mentally in a constant war.
I am wasting myself.
Without my passions, I am nothing, a lonely soul with nothing, not even people can fill the misery.
Authentically multitalented.
How do I make it happen?

The stream pours, the water molds.
The thoughts unfold, mind state hits the lowest peak.
Who is in control?
Is it me or is it the person you think you see?
Is what you see real, or are you staring at own reflection.
Mutable contingencies.
Deformities and formulations of lost ones who try to speak.
Cut out, who are we meant to be in a world that lost its own stakes.
I see it gather like a river, forming its own strategies.
Conclusions, grasping at my twitching nerves that ache with curious desire that forbid me to my own disclosure.
Begging you, can we close what was not meant to be informed?

Just stop, stop holding me.
Let me go.
Selfish, secretive and hollow as a cold lurking shell.
Do you see what you are?
Or are you merely projecting your inner reflections onto my chaotic imagination.
Look ...
Within yourself you are ****** cracked mirror with a ripple of a murky stream of water that pollutes the ground you walk on.
Look ...
Just stare, and let the water stream.