A simple crash is all it took
To encourage a nervous and curious look
Into the bathroom where my mother lay
A blood bath around her, in the middle of the day.

Oh honey, please just look away
You should not see this, please do not stay.

Self-help never works, I could finally see
As she covered her tracks, her eyes never leaving me;
But the evidenced razor lied on the floor
And the pile of pills poured out by the door.

Oh baby, please do not let your father know, too
He wouldn’t understand, the way that you do.

And all of my words held deep inside
Hung on my tongue, my lips were dry.
All of the times you spoke only through words
Left me so confused, viewing life backwards.

You are beautiful, and just so pretty
it is the inside that counts, don’t be so petty.

Oh but momma, can’t you see
How do you expect me to love me?
When you have so much hatred towards yourself?
Enough to clear off the medicine shelf,
Enough to starve, binge, and purge;
You always told me to have some courage.
Enough to cut into yourself: thin and long lines;
You always told me, we would be fine.

But how could this painful sight be so?
Please bow now, mommy, an award for your show.

You were that for me
a little bubble
that encompassed me
everywhere I went
And it did not matter
who
I was with
so long as in the back
of my head
I knew you were there.
You were my comfort zone
my safe place
you were the reminder
that I was accepted
as me.
And now that's gone
and I am
helplessly trying
to recreate a mentality
in which I can survive
and accept myself.
But this time
my home will
not be
inside of somebody else.
I will build walls
around myself
with open doors
and open windows.
There will be no key
for there will be no lock.
Therefore I will
not
give myself the option
to put the key
in someone's hand
that is not mine

I am lost on nights like these
When a sudden rush collides within me
A hushed whisper at the back of my mind
That causes a ripple more forceful than time
A simple reminder of a simpler fact
That this world is nothing and I am of that
And if I can be of something whose worth has no prize
Then where do I stand on this list of grand size?

These nights leave me breathless- as I sink deeper away
Yet visually moving much further astray
My body may sink but my soul rises high
As I see through the view of a little bird’s eye

From the heights we are merely, a speck of dust
Incapable of emotions, no hatred, no lust
And if only distance can cause this view
It must be time for this world to work for something new

No longer to crave to be the greatest being
But to aim past the dreadful sense: seeing
No longer to care for physical things to hold
But to desire to leave your own touch, your own mold
To know that this is not a piece of clay
But an action, a thought, a word that you say
That may change a life and ripple to more
Each leaving a mark or opening a door
That allows more to enter without having to knock
We are now moving mountains, not pebbles, not rocks

If we all work together for a greater one
Then maybe, just maybe, this world will not be done.

There occurred a dual
Between my instinct and you
About a world behind my back
Of which the light it utterly lacked
It was so dark that even your eyes,
what your hands did, could not visualize

But of course your brain knew
What you allowed yourself to do
And as you lied straight to my face
I watched it all leave you, goodbye to your grace

And years ago
They fought
They fought for the basic
Rights
Every human
Regardless
Of race
Or gender
Deserves
Freedom
They fought
And we said no

And now we are embarrassed
By the pain
And the hurt
And the suffering
That we caused
But we can’t take it back
So we pretend it is not there

And years ago
They fought
And today they fight again
And we cause pain
And hurt
And suffering
They fight and we say no

Years from now
Our humiliation
Will be harder to mask
The face in the mirror
That you see
That has caused
The pain
And hurt
And suffering
Will not be beautiful
It will not be what you expect
All because you said no
Again
To a right
Every human
Regardless of
Race
Gender
And sexuality
Deserves

This is not a war
Of your God
Or their God
We do not stone
The man and woman
Who divorced
We accept it
And move on
Leaving
That judgment
To God
Why can we not do the same?
Does Matthew 7:1
Not say
“do not judge,
or you too will be judged.”
So why
Does this continue
Only to one day be
As obvious as a choice
As it was to give freedom
To every person

Because this cannot be
Freedom
If we are not all
Free