I can't write anything good anymore
it's annoying
i'm ****** that you did that to me
it really ****** me up
it ***** that you did that
but you could have told me
i acted like i didn't care
I just wanted the conversation to end
but in a way I didn't because I knew once that conversation ended
it could take years for their to be another one
I'm off track
I'm ignoring what really matters
but then again you always distracted me from the bad things
at least as I was hoping you would continue to do so
i guess without you i'm forced to face reality
without you i'm not a starry eyed lover
I'm alone
yes I know I'm not ALONE
but I'm alone
we were meant for each other
I'm off track again
I almost threw my future down the drain
and now i am hanging on the ledge begging for a hand
and my school is trying to kick me off
MY SCHOOL
the one that asks my family for a check sevaral times WANTS TO SEE ME FAIL
THEY ARE waiting
they do not care about
I am just a five digit number to them
one that hopefully recurs 4 times and then maybe 5
but watch this
if i graduate if i make it big
if i become something
they will want me to help them
to nurture them
to everyone how great they are
and when
that day comes
I will tell them in as many words
that they can lick my nuts
and i Know that is graphic but that is how I feel
that is how betrayal feels
and I want so badly to enjoy life
while I still can
while simultaneously creating a life I can enjoy
and it's impossible and it's driving me insane
and it makes me upset
because when people asked me what I wanted to be when i grew up
i responded
happy
and I meant it
no *******
i would do anything as long as i would
and now I feel that whatever I do
Happiness will always be out of touch
and every time i attempt to capture it the world
will shove me back down into my hole like a good little boy
but
I will get better
I will improve
I will prove people wrong
And I will prove my family right