Your avoidant behavior
Leaves me second guessing
My anxious attachments

My body is not your temple
I’ve grown it
Bigger than you want
But you insist that it’s no longer worthy
Instead a grave to mourn over a person who was

My mind suffers from the reminder that I’ll never be enough
Only the was and the better
The one who you’d prefer me to be
A symbol that has been broken

My health is a prize to you
Something that at this very moment is actually a disappointment
No longer beautiful in any light
Just a thing to side eye and sigh

A room full of mist
Suffocating blissfulness
Sign warns don’t persist

11 months and 20 days
A chorus of self doubt rings in my ears

6 month and 4 days
I fight the urge every single day

8 days and 23 hours
I think “well, it does take several tries”

3 days and 10 hours
Does it count if it’s just once

4 hours
I really need this

1 minute

What do you do
On nights that feel hopeless
Right next to days
That felt worth it
How do you fight
Loneliness filling your mind
Every thought left behind
Soon to end up
in a void of emptiness

So many men think it's okay
When I'm not cautious of their touch
The ones that slide their fingers along my thighs
Up my body like I want this to happen

But I'm so tired
That I can't fight it

So many men
Win my battle
And find pleasure in an empty body