Love is a curious thing. I think undefined and it never quite tastes the same day after day. I use to try and isolate it to pinpoint what it was I fell in love with I'm beginning to think that I may have fallen in love with all of you. Perhaps none of you. Maybe I'm not really in love at all but god what I would to trade demons through our lips like this was Our own special form of currency. Someone told me once if you kiss Someones soul, you'll get pieces of there heart stuck in your teeth  and eventually they'll get so homesick they'll have to kiss you again just to get a little of themselves back. That's what I want to do with you. I want to lay next to you when you're sleeping so I quietly steal your heart. I'm polite like that. You see my parents raised me right, and they told me everything I should and shouldn't do. The only thing they neglected to tell me, however, was not to fall in love with boys that smell like the woods and everything that comes out of their mouths sounds like moonlight, as these will be the ones that will break you in every way you never even thought was possible. They forget to tell me that girls that have wildfires running the lengths of their souls are not to be trusted, and you should never let them hold your heart while you tie your shoe. I'm beginning to think that it's not very wise to fall in love, and definitely not all that sane. You see, I'm not quite sure how a person is supposed to be capable of love when they're still picking up the pieces of themselves that others found to be useless. I  am composed entirely of forgotten cracks that I'm only reminded of when you piece me back together. I am every word you tired to say at midnight but couldn't quite force out. I am every word you whisped "I love you" even when you know you shouldn't. We're a match made in heaven but we were only built for hell. They said we wouldn't work, that we could never be together and **** it they were right but I didn't care because you were an earthquake and I was the girl who always stepped on the cracks on the sidewalk to see if they'd really break my mothers back. I'm tired of these stupid notions that love is only the way someone looks at you when you're not looking back. Or that little electric spark when you touch someone for the first time and every time after that, what matters to me is if the skin underneath your fingernails is only mine or if you've been digging your way into someone esles soul. What I care about is if you'll Kiss me like you're a sinner in crunch and if you hold me close enough, god won't be able to see you. I need to know if you'll kiss me like I'm blood bursting through your veins, people make love more complicated then it should be, and maybe that's why we didn't make it. Because I was so in my head and you were so out of yours that I'm not sure whether we imploded or exploded. Falling in love with you was the greatest mistake of my life and I wouldn't take a second back. I used to tell myself that falling for you was like being trapped in a car underwater  i used to say my only regret was that i got in but now you stolen my breath and planted roses in my lungs like that where they belonged I've realized I don't miss every little bit of your insanity. Maybe we were just in love with the idea of what we could have been together. But all I know is that you could crack open my chest and rip out my heart with your bare hands and I'd use my last gasping breath to tell you how much I was sorry. All I know is that I've still got fingerprints on the walls of my heart and darling, I'm sure he will get around to washing them off.

I used to love the way
You would stand on the tips
Of your toes to kiss me
I remember the days when
I would leave and you were upset
Because you would miss me
I recall the night of our first kiss
Something I’d been dreaming of
A chance I wouldn’t miss
And I remember thinking
That for me to have found you
Was the fulfillment of my wish
But then in time you changed,
You forgot all about me
I hadn’t done a thing though babe,
I wish that you could see
I wanted nothing more
Then to see you smile
To stay by your side all the while
Time just changed you though,
Made you a different person
A couple should grow closer babe,
But your feelings for me worsened
I just wish that I could understand
The reasons that you did it
You slept with him,
You lied to me,
And all this time you hid it
You cheated babe and hurt me bad
Left me beat, but I’m not broken
I just wish the words you said to him
Were words that you had spoken
To me that is, because I loved you
But you just never cared
I would have been there through anything
But what you’ve done is
Unforgiveable to me
There’s so many reasons I should hate you
But it’s just not in my heart
I cared for you so dearly once
And believed we’d never part
I shouldn’t want to speak to you
But that’s just not my way
I can’t just cut you from my life
What else is there to say
You held a lot of meaning to me
Represented all things true
I thought you were my gift
To make up for the bad in the past
I believed you were the best thing
That’s happened to me but
Now those feelings have passed
The fact that you could do those things
Doesn’t sit with me to well
I hate myself above all else
For just how hard I fell
I thought you were the one for me
And our relationship would mature
There was a time when I believed
That you were the perfect woman
Both beautiful and pure
If only I had known the way
That you would change before
I don’t regret meeting you
But I would of stayed just friends
And never wanted more
The time we shared was fun and all
But sadly it was time wasted
I’m so upset you did this babe,
Just can’t understand why your
Feelings for me so quickly faded
I guess I’ll never understand
And I should let it go
But leaving you is just something,
I wasn’t ready for
I tried to change and be perfect
But that wasn’t enough
I’m trying hard to stay strong babe
But **** you make it tough
The things they say are all so true
Life and love can all be rough
But how you let all of this end
Just really wasn’t fair
Anytime you needed me you knew
I was always there
I’ve always been far too nice,
You know it’s been my curse
And you knew that from the start
I thought you wouldn’t take advantage of it
But then you filled the part
I spent my time and money babe,
I worked weeks just for you
So you could see the world with me
What else was there to do
I thought that I could keep you
But I was all so wrong
You never cared a bit for me
And loved others all along
To top it off you slept with him
When he’s already hurt you
I would of never done a thing like that
And you know that it’s so true
You made the choice and did it though
Didn’t even seem to regret it
Why you chose him over me
I’ll never get one bit
I’ll analyze this for so long
But I’ll still never understand
Why you lusted for all them
But pushed away my hand
I guess all of this had to happen
Eventually you were bound to get caught
But the way that this is ending now
Is one hundred percent your fault
I’m trying hard to remain calm
And I want to stay your friend
But the things that you have done to me
You don’t even try to amend
I don’t know if I can talk to you
Once I finally leave
It’s hard for me to see you now,
I still just can’t believe
You lied so much, and used me more
You were just so deceiving
But if that’s the person that you
Truly are, then I’m happy to be leaving
The kinder I got, the worse you were
I knew I could do better
I guess I had just made myself believe
That we were meant together
I was wrong once again,
I’m sure you’re happy to hear that
But after what you did to me
Just know I’m never coming back
I caught you late, wish it had been sooner
But there’s nothing I can do
I’m just happy now that I have seen
The person who’s really you
I wish you well and hope you change
And that’s all for your sake
Losing me in time you’ll realize
Was the worst mistake you’ll make

Under my skin,
Your words are digging in.
Ripping, tearing,
Pulling my flesh away.
Peeling back the skin
And settling in.
To a host of which
They are unwelcome.

Under my skin,
Your words are digging in.
Lying, defying,
Numbing the realities.
Peeling back the skin
And settling in.
Whispering nothings to which
There are no meanings.

Under my skin,
Your words are digging in.
Confusing, undoing,
Ignoring all truths.
Peeling back the skin
And settling in.
Crafting lies which
Are filled with sin.

Under my skin,
Your words are digging in.
Mending, fixing,
Stitching the wounds.
Peeling back the skin
And settling in.
Making a home in which
They shouldn't be existing.

Under my skin,
Your words are digging in.
Peeling back the skin
And settling in.

I'm a little lost now
you've helped me reach the inbound
I'm broken I cannot be found
I need to leave this town.

What am I supposed to do?
I've tried to run away from you
Now I'm stuck inside my mind
I feel like I have wasted time

You tell me that you're going to change
but every time you're still the same
I can't even continue
to play these games
it's my mistake
for heaven's sake

please just let me go baby
that's all I think about lately
you make girls feel like their your baby
but I needed you to save me

when you call me gorgeous
I don't even feel worth it.
I know how you feel,
but you're so bad at being real

I think I've spent too much time
hoping that things will turn out fine
because we're still in this tragic mess
and I'm stuck in the neverless.
© 2013 Samantha Girouard-Holt

Gather this courage and martyrize it -
A stand on a wind-shackled precipice
Before the storms of a chemical fit
Of the lunar curse. Blind Lady Justice,
Escort me to your coven, blindfolded,
And let the dogs drink from my jugular.
It's their gnawing teeth (my ribs) and moulded
Claws (my sharpened nerves in tense muscular
Shudders) that wake the hound of blood and black,
All inside. No glass bottle can contain
A larger watered inferno - see cracks,
Fractals dividing into trees of pain.
Internal wars, infernal calls, stand by
Give this battered soul no reason to die.

when he kissed me, I thought of you
and when he looked me in the eyes, he reminded me of you
and when he smiled at me, I hoped that it was you
and for some reason I dare not think of
I wanted him even more

because you are the best I never had