CH - Hello Poetry

CH Apr 2014

crumpled

I want someone who doesn’t see the scars and scratches on my body
as a symbol of destruction and misery
I want someone who sees the scars and scratches on my body as
a piece of art – a representation of survival
Someone who sees me as a crumpled piece of paper
that is still, somehow, whole but

Simply crumpled

#love #battle #body #scars

CH Mar 2014

I dream of becoming a masterpiece

I feel like I was once a naked canvas
- a credulous artist was to be my creator,
his deepest desire was to fill the empty frame
with beautiful work of art and make it
the masterpiece of his life - well, see there was this one
significant problem - the canvas was never meant
to be beautiful

and so the artist smothered it with paint,
and ripped it with a rusty pocket knife,
and shouted at it in pure shame
that it could never be a masterpiece

with stains of dreadful paint,
and open wounds,
it stood on the painting easel
– all alone

*worthless

CH Mar 2014

Last night I didn’t dream of you

Last night I dreamt of you,
We were running in the midst of daffodils and buttercups
The damp air bestowed you with tiny water crystals and
Birds above us were chanting the melody of dawn
With a teasing laugh I ran and told you: catch me if you can

Last night I dreamt of you,
We were running in the midst of dandelions and hogweed
The violent weather soiled me with poisonous raindrops and
Hawks above us were screeching the melody of night
Without a laugh you ran and told me: *don’t you try to catch me

CH Feb 2014

i hate(love) you

One day I adored you,
The next day I hated you,
The day after that I missed you,
And then I despised you,
Only to be longing for you
And then to loathe you

This is the cruel game of my mind,
The endless circle I am trapped in
Always torn between feelings
Of love and hate toward you.
And I still haven’t figured it out.

Please stop making my heart race when you smile,
And please stop irritating me with your arrogance.

Please just stop.
I don’t want to love you and I don’t want to hate you.

I don’t want you at all

CH Feb 2014

One must always hope

My heart is aching
My throat is itching
My head is throbbing and
My sight is fading

Still I smoke the cigarette,
Inhaling the smoke so deep into my lungs,
That you would think it was for the last time

My mind is screaming,
My hands are buzzing
My legs are weakening
My chest is beating

Still I smoke the cigarette,
Inhaling the smoke so deep into my lungs,
That you would think it could ease my mental distress

My ribs are tightening
My eyes are burning
My lungs are ripping and
My scars are prickling

Still I smoke the cigarette,
Inhaling the smoke so deep into my lungs,
That you would think it could tame the beast inside me

*One must always hope

CH Feb 2014

hush

a large sweater
and a single bite
then everything looks better
and I'll continue to hide

CH Feb 2014

true self

I find it remarkable
that I always say I’m scared,
scared that people will run away
as soon as they notice my true self
still I reveal it to one and all,
to anyone who will listen
I think maybe it’s because
I hope they will run away
that they will think I’m mad and bizarre
ill – absurd – ludicrous
so I can capture all their contempt
and hide it inside my chest
and continue to live in the darkness
where self-hatred represents all
that is where I feel secure

because no-one can hurt someone
who has already been beaten down