Please just tell me
One more time

Breath, just breath
B-R-E-A-T-H- BREATH

No, not so fast!

So I breathe in slow but instead of breathing in
the light
and breathing out the anxiety
I breath in more anxiety the anxiety of breathing in and only getting more anxiety gives me anxiety

so I hold it
I hold my breath until every sound every figure dulls and blurs and fades with me

Til my heart-rate slows until my body aches for air, it cries for air but my cry for peace is much greater and even at the greatest sense of alarm my will to quell the never ending buzzing in my heart shuts the creature down and gives into the mind

The second hand becomes is millisecond hand the world fades... the buzzing stops.

But ****, I gotta breath. I breath in a swarm of bees- a hive in my chest every second aches me and every modern inconvenience a sting to chest.

So maybe, just maybe, the whole "breathing thing" doesn't help



Puh-lease just tell me one more time
one MORE time
that it's all in my mind,

all in my head, all in MY control, tell me tell me TELL me.

I cannot wait, for me, CEO, Commander-in-chief, owner and operator of this broken terrestrial vehicle, this flimsy floppy bipedal flesh sack that some tainted white-light was poured into by some divine comedy to call the man in charge that oh-so-happy-hoppy dopamine and ORDER him

to GET ******* pouring and while you're at it go and fire Cpt. Cortisol he can't tell the cunting difference between a fire and a ****.

Please send me more motivational quotes so I can "Go get 'em" and remember that "every failure is just a learning experience" and to "**** the haters"

but how do I **** myself?

**** myself... maybe that will bring me down... give me 20 minutes OH WHO AM I KIDDING give me 30 seconds

I mean, really anything to soothe the bees


Why don't you go ahead... go ahead, advise me on what to do

Tell me about how sometimes you have bad days-
tell me it's hard for you to go from work to yoga to the gym to your friends house then home with only a hour left and still decide to make lunch for the next day (to maintain that ideal diet) about the difficulty you face in getting up from the couch from that point of utter exhaustion that desire to sit still and consume bright lights until your night light becomes day lights... but you got up anyway!

INSIPIRATIONAL!  

All the while I cried in bed.

Why? Who ******* knows. Wait, wait, wait... you're telling me sometimes sheer existence isn't enough to destroy you? You're telling me you can draw a straight line from event to emotion every time? You're telling me you don't lie to your coworkers about what you're doing for lunch so that you can go to your car and drive to the NEXT parking lot over only to be alone in the uncomfortable quiet of your car where you can just sit and scroll and scroll and scroll where nothing can distract you from distracting yourself?

oh.

Well, this is awkward.


OH! OHHHH! Run! Drink water! OPEN AIR!?

HOW HAS THIS CONCOCTION ESCAPED ME FOR SO LONG? I should have listened more in Sunday school.

So here I am running and sweating and drinking only for the water to turn right into sweat that stings the chaffed skin under my eyes from rubbing plum-colored bags waiting for that genie to come out and grant me sleep. Sprinting. Violating my body's every signal to chill the **** out, like I've ever listened.

And honestly- I think it spooked the bees. I think they froze in fear over the tossing and jostling of their home.

I stop to breath, to **** in more anxiety, so I must run more.

So I run, and breath and stop to heave in more anxiety then run some more.

And I run and will run until I think of some better way or hear some better advice or die or whatever makes you comfortable with this line - what do you want to hear? Fade? Vaporize? Stop?

Well now I'm exhausted and drowning in the water I drank. Thanks.

For now I'll be the world's greatest actor. The charlie chaplin of masochism!

You were right all along, it's all under my control. I could've pretended long ago!

Any other ideas?

Stardust traveled nonillion miles
Life struck, all somehow
All to let me see your smile
All to kiss you upon the mouth

Beautiful, Good Earth spins and spins
Day and night, allow
To hold your hand [a considerable win]
To hold you close, my guiding shroud.

Oh bird sing sweet, mellifluous melodies
And for my love, endow
A tree who's branches wrap round thee
A tree that's fast, fearless of flounce

Season, oft, may change its cloths
But see me, lough
Deep, deep down- koi and Thoth
Deep, deep down, thy heart I house

Traveling Universe without destinations
I find it all, now
To be a thing of thoughtful, [marvelous] creation
To be a journey, in and out

No matter how many words one uses
The thoughts, ideas, avow
My simple truth, because of you (Miss)
I was lost, but have been found.

Take me off the pedestal
I am not what you see
That man's a miscreation
It's what i'd like to be

Take me off the pedestal
For it is far too high
For if I trip, slip, or fall
You'll think I was a lie

Take me off the pedestal
One cannot comprehend
To think 'tis where I stand
Make me not king, but friend

Take me off the pedestal
I've never felt so wrong
But please, oh please keep me in
your heart- that's right where I belong

Deep down Sand Man shakes
my mighty mind, controlled,
~
that phantom dance moves, takes
my shivered spine, ahold.

Skitters sweetly- with a kiss -
ethereal to my sullen-soul,
~
that phantom dance, oh the bliss;
my hopeful heart- it stole

Silver-tongued sun arose my eyes,
burdened body- cold as stone;
~
that phantom dance, oh the lies:
lost lover dreams atone.

We have no fear
It's freezing here;
In our little town called truskadeer

So walk at night,
Carry cash in daylight
If it's wrong, here- it's alright

Difficult to pass the snow-
Criminality is no go.
Go ahead, ask Johnny Black-toe

In terms of violence
There is no sense
Their wounds will freeze over hence

With so many massive banks,
Robbing one? Yeah, no thanks!
The chill's not worth any franks.

And those ghosts,
The twilight hosts,
Frozen over or to the coast!

So come on here
To truskadeer;
for those ill-fated, quite a cure.

the air outside was cold
the air inside lingered with the sweet smell of sweat and raw skin
the bed was consumed and the sheets were tossed
it's 3am and although it seems that time stands still when they're together, the snow still falls and the wind whispers secrets like he whispers in her ear 'i love you'
it's tomorrow but it still feels like the day she knew she loved him
it's 6am and he rolls over to see her bare back
fingertips to skin, lips to skin
he knows she loves when he kisses the back of her neck and runs his fingers down her body, top to bottom
naked but not vulnerable
and although so simple, she's aroused and he's invigorated and they're both in love

We walk through the park
We walk without thought
We walk as if only
We are two, but one heart
-
She holds my hand knowingly
She holds my hand instinctively
She'll hold my heart
Death will only do us partly
-
He sees my eyes cheery
He sees my pulse rise
He'll see me for what I am
And holds tight for what i'll be
-
So the drum beats on without reason
So the flute shall play it's mellifluous melody
So the thoughts that swirl in our minds
Shall walk with you and me