I went today
I have not been going  
so many reasons
So many things
How hard it feels how much it hurts
How much I miss where I was
How Starting over is more challenging than it was to begin in the first place
How much I miss the way it used to feel vs how much pain I’m in now
I know I know I must keep going to make it hurt less but I’m afraid and avoiding the pain of hurting witch makes me hurt more in other ways
I feel as if I’ll never be winning again this is my season of loosing
I have lost where I was and I don’t know how to find my way back with out going
I went today
It hurt

❤️‍🩹
The hard days
When I don’t see them coming
When I’m already navigating thing after thing
Hit me like a ton or bricks
When objects I really cared for are destroyed
When it seams as if you don’t care if it hurts
When the communication is refused
And your in this mood
I feel the most alone too
Like what am I to do
I feel like I don’t matter
I’m just trying to accomplish all the things
And I just want a safe space to come home to
And it’s not a thing
What even is comfort or peace
It’s not for me

I get allot of bad feelings
And no one wants to here about those
So I try to ignore them
Until they are so loud they scream at me
So I try to distract myself from them
Until they become overwhelming the only thing I can feel anymore

And then I’m just stuck feeling bad feelings that are things no one wants you to say to them with no more ways to distract myself from being left with them

I know you’re just supposed to think about something else…. I know. But I don’t know how to make bad feelings go away anymore