I honestly wish
I could explain
What you mean to me
And what you do

You are a life saver
A miracle, you could say
You held me at my worst
And wiped away my tears

You listened to me
And did whatever you could
To make me smile

I was on edge
And wanted to jump
But you held my hand
And pulled me back
Then held me against your chest so tight
As if I'd disappear otherwise

You convinced me
To stop the self-harm
Because you knew
My need for other's safety
Was a larger priority to me
Then my health

You told
Whatever I did to myself
You'd do it
To your body
Because you knew
I didn't want that

Whenever I panicked
You held my hands
That way I couldn't fall into old habits
Of tearing my skin apart

You make me smile
And pull me out of my self-hate
And depression
Faster than anyone else

I've never met anyone quite like you
Because even though
You're just as broken as me
You love me anyways
And we are fixing each other
At the same time
Without even trying

You mean more to me
Then I think you realize
Because no matter what I say
It isn't even close to what I actually feel

You smile at me
And I can't stop the smile
That forms on my lips

Whenever you kiss my temple
Or forehead
I get butterflies

Whenever you hug me
Or hold me against your chest
I feel like nothing could hurt me
As if it's the safest place in the world

When you "pick on" me
I can't help but laugh
And smile
And do it back

Whenever I act like a kid
You have this cute little smile
That is reserved for me
Because you think I'm being cute

Even though we aren't together
All the time
You take care of me

You make sure I eat
And take my medicine
You make sure I get sleep
And get my school work done

You're the first thought I have in the morning
And last thought before I go to bed

You're the reason I smile
And the reason I laugh

You help me be
A better person than I was
You don't baby me
Or feel the need to shelter me

You protect me
But see me as an equal

You pulled me out of the dark
And showed me the light
That I have inside
And showed me what everyone else sees
Which is something no one has been able to do before

I believe God gave me you
For a specific reason
And I believe it's because
We build each other up
And make each other better people

And to think
This all happened
Because you needed a friend
While you were hurting
And I reached out
And now here we are

And I'm hopelessly
In love with you
And I'm falling harder every day

And I'm really glad that you're there to catch me

Click
We have a problem, over

Silence

What is it, over

Silence

Click
We're about to hit a Major **** Storm

Silence

I wait for a response
As silence echoes through my head
And all around the room I'm in

Click
Hello? Over

More silence

You're on your own, over.

I drop the radio in shock
Realization hitting me like a ton of bricks
I stare ahead of me
Jaw dropped
Eyes wide

It approaches me with such force
And speed
It almost feels like I'm running at it
Even though I know I'm staying in one place

The dark clouds
Are a dark purplish gray
With sparks of electricity
Weaving through it
And lashing out at nearby things

I can see the metaphorical storm brewing
As if it were dark clouds with thunder and lightning
And I watch in horror

Part of me wishes it was a real storm
Because with real storms
You know what to do

But I have *no idea what to do
**** is about to get real
It's about to get ugly

I'm preparing myself for everything
That will hit me
In the next two hours
But I have a feeling
That no matter what I do
I'm not going to be ready

Why am I so afraid?
Why am I so scared,
Of a metaphorical storm?

I guess because
In a way
The storm is real
People just can't see it like me
Or maybe they can
I'm not sure

I feel like I'm going to *****
Or have an anxiety attack
Or maybe even both

Because my heart is either pounding too fast
Or not at all
And my stomach
Is twisting in so many ways
That I'm not sure was even possible

The countdown to Hell begins
So wish me luck
As I face the **** Storm
That comes at me with such force

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've never met anyone
Quite like you

You warm my heart
When you say my name
Make me smile
As you hold my frame

You're different than the rest
And I'm not sure why
But I love you nonetheless
And that's no lie

My skin sparks with electricity
Every single time you touch me
My stomach dances with butterflies
As you kiss my neck and nibble my ear

I love you immensely
More than you know
I won't let you go
Until you say no

I want you to know
No matter how much I show
I love you so much
And the last thing I want
Is to hurt you

Late night talks
And all day conversations
Nonstop words
About nothing and everything

I wish I could be with you
All the time
But I don't want to smother you

I love the attention
I have gotten from you
I love everything about you
And everything you do

You always make me smile
You always make me laugh
You help me forget about my past
And remind me that's not who I am

I've said it once
And I'll say it again
You're perfect to me
And you always will be

I'm so happy with you
That I smile at any thought of you

Your shaggy brown hair
And bright blue eyes
Your adorable laugh
And beautiful smile

The image of you
Is always in my mind
Making me smile
And have butterflies

I can picture us
Dancing around the house
To the music of our hearts

I can picture early morning breakfast
And quiet night time lullabies
Cuddles in bed
And kisses galore

There's so much I'm missing
That has yet to happen
All because my mind likes to wonder

I love you baby bear
No matter what you do
Because no matter what
I'll be there for you

I can't describe exactly
What you mean to me
Because I don't have the right words

I find it amazing
On where we are today
Because it feels like just yesterday
I was telling you to behave

I tried to push you away
And ignore the feelings I had for you
Just because I was afraid
Of what you would do
If you knew
The real me

But you wrapped me in your arms
And said you don't care
Let me cry on your shoulder
And told me you'd be there

In a way
My love
You saved me from me
Because you know
The route I was on

You have loved me
Even when I hated myself
Because you saw something
That I have yet to entirely see

Whatever it is
I'm glad you've stayed
Because I'm starting to seeing myself
As everyone sees me

And to me it's incredible
Because I had known you
But didn't really know you
Not until I reached out to you

I heard you cry out
As you typed the words on the screen
So I reached out
Because that's just me

So now here we are
Closer than ever
Because I was willing
To be a good friend
When you were in need

And to be completely honest
It was the best thing I've ever done
Because I met you
And finally saw the real you

And I love it
I love your heart
I love your scars
I love every single thing
So basically

*I love you

Congradu-*******-lations
You broke my heart again

I saw you once
My heart skipped twice
And I had to rethink three times

I saw you and smiled
Forgot for a moment
A split second in time
How cruel and unkind you are

Your hair was shaggy
Your shirt was baggy
And I almost looked in your eyes

But then I remembered
How pathetic you are

You're so strong
You're so powerful
But that's physically

Mentally...
Not so much

You're like a small child
Who wines and cries
And throws tantrums every day

I wonder why I stayed with you
For four ******* years
Because lets be real

You didn't deserve me

Not to sound vain
But I've got to make this plain
I gave you my heart
And you broke it apart

I take back what I said earlier though
Because you can't break something
You don't have

And you
My friend
Don't have my heart

I gave it away
And my love is here to stay
So you can't hurt me no more

But I'll admit
I hate what we did
But I'd never take it back

I learned from you
I was taught some very important lessons
Lessons that will stick with me
For the rest of my life

They hurt me
And sometimes feel like they ******* me
But in reality
They built me

I'm a good person
Even when I don't feel like it

I love people
I treat them with respect
I treat them
The way I expect them to treat me

So I made a vow
They day my eyes were open
To never
EVER
Be like you

And though sometimes
My words don't ring true
I am doing so much better
Without you

So because of you
I know what to do
I know how to read the signs

I know how to act
And where to draw the line
I know when to say okay
And when to say no way

So when I saw you today
For a moment
A split second in time
I saw you as the guy
That I use to call mine

But then I blinked
And had to rethink
And remembered the monster you hide

Though I remember
Things I wish I could forget
I know deep inside
That I'll be alright

Because I'm not afraid of monsters anymore
I've grown up
And seen the light in people
That you made me believe wasn't there

I'd think I was okay
Then I'd see you
And my body would just shut down

Now I see you
And a smirk plays on my lips
As it's you who looks to the ground

So I'm all right
You can't burn out my light
Because lets be real

You can't take
And break
My heart anymore
Because you have no control

How did you see me?
     Why did you choose me?
        What made me different than everyone else?

   Did you think I was some kind of *****?
     Some type of ****, who would play your games?
        Or did you find it fun to rip away my innocence?

   I remember some of the things you said
     I remember them word for word
       And I can't seem to forget them

   We had a fight that lasted an hour
      Because I wouldn't have *** with you
        You told me you deserved it
           You told me to be a lesbian if I didn't want to further the relationship

    I told you no about something
      And then you wouldn't even touch me
        Because I didn't give you what you wanted
          You told me that you wanted a girlfriend who did what you wanted when you wanted
            And you were ****** because I didn't want to

   You used me
     You abused me
        You manipulated me
           And twisted my faith to fit your wants

    How do you see me now?
       Do you see a scared little girl?
          Who panics at the sight of you?
             Or do you see me as a strong woman?
                Who has the strength to fight?

   Did you ever really care for me?
     Or did you just care for what I'd do?

   Do you care about me now?
     Watching me grow and bloom without you?
        Do I cross your mind?
          Do you regret using me?
            Or would you do it again if you had the chance?

   Did you cry when I left you?
     Did you feel remorse for pushing me?
       Did you know that I wanted to **** myself over the pressure from you?
         Did you know I was afraid of you?
            Did you know I hated myself if I said no?
               Did you know I would've followed you anywhere because I was blinded from the attention you gave me?

   Did it ever occur to you that I was a human with emotions?
     Did you know you would damage me permanently?
       Did you know you would cause so many flashbacks that I would have trouble focusing?
         Did you know I would cry whenever I thought about you and everything you made me do?

   Do you know about these things that happen to me?
     Do you feel bad?
       Do you feel remorse?
         Do you hate yourself or are you proud?
           Do you look back at us and smile or cry?

   I hate you
    You took everything from me
       You took my innocence and purity
         You took my confidence and self-worth
            And the worst part of it all

    This happened over two years ago
      Two. ****. Years.
        But here I am
          Still hurt
            Still questioning you
              Still crying over the Hell you put me through and how blind I was

   I don't say this often
     But I hope you go to Hell
       Where you will burn for eternity

   I hope you die alone
     And no woman ever falls for your charm

    I want these things for you
      Because I hate you
        I hate you with a passion

   It's ironic really
     Especially considering I promised to marry you
       And run away to New York as soon as we turned 18
          And now I hate you
            And wish I had never met you

Sincerely,
  Your once nieve ex,
     Monica