We wonder in the desert
In search of the mirage of dessert
Searching for that which satiates
But does not sustain
Our broken hearts are broken clocks
But there is a compass that leads the flock
Deep inside peace does abide
If we just stand still
Let the beasts from every corner sound their trumpets shrill
For the angels all surround us
But not with mighty sword
The earth shakes when David’s Lyre plays it’s resounding chord
Heaven and hell are at war
But victory for the armless and the lame
Will show us all the mercy that Jesus is his name.
None shall harm us.
As long as it is in God we trust.
Amen

To the pen
That became the blooms of ink spreading across every page
To the tears that created tributaries for conduits
Which became the atlas to my heart
I’m not sure how life has become so strange
But I know that the ink is running through my veins and I am being held
But I flow freely like the tears that silently became rose petals of liquid metal

I was born without life
It was taken from me by the very vessel that fed me.
Science gave me another chance where fate had already written me off.
I had my body taken from me before I ever knew it was mine.
At the very same time my faith was taken from me because man had told me so.
I was born to a child, who was sold to a man twice her age for drugs.
Her hostage meant her home.
She herself ran from pain.
Never being able to perceive where her fears would take her next as she suffered so much pain.
She managed to marry a drug addict who beat her and her children everyday for 8 years straight.
I endured a mock kidnapping from the very man who would later take my body and faith.
I found myself burying the fear of clowns which arose from when I was just 6 at 17 when I rediscovered what had happened.
10 years later I would have to revisit that experience all over again when being robbed at gun point by clowns.
I am done running from any fears.
I am here to live my life and be present.
I belong to myself and no one else.
I am here to love and be loved and there is nothing that can stop me from protecting those whom I love most.

You only gave me a name
Just like my father before
But like that man
Staying was never in your plan
And loving me was a chore
I always thought it was me and nothing more
I bore holes in my soul bearing my heart
Knowing **** well what my father taught me from the start
We would have to part
You left before I did
I stayed close to your ghost
As close as you can get to a silhouette that hid the man I thought I loved
The man who continuously shoved me away
The worst part was I prayed
I prayed for god to make me lovable
To make me good enough
I prayed to not cry to just try to be tough
But alas God granted my wish
He led me to this
With all of the love I have for me
A sense of self and dignity
You betrayed me
But I played myself
Because I thought my worth was in you or my dad or someone else
Now I feel sorry for those wasted days when I wasted away
Hoping to be someone that I didn’t let be
Mostly, I just want to thank you for what you couldn’t give me
Which was my identity

I don’t say bye for now
Now I say Good bye
I won’t wish you farewell
I’ll say well I tried
Because I know I did good and well
When I was by your side
But you made my life hell
So I had to run and hide
I thought the sun was burning me
But it was all a shame
If you feel burnt
Then know I feel the same
But I don’t have the blues
But sometimes I wanna sing
But not for you
Because it would only make your ears begin to ring
As winter is growing near
The cold doesn’t sting
Because I see a future
And the warmth it will bring
I can’t look back at you
And what was our decay
Because I’ve got more than enough to sustain me on my plate today
As for the loss and the nothing that remains
I wish you well
I don’t care if you feel the same
And one more word if I may
I’m looking forward to giving you back your name
Because I am Ceridwen
I am Shiva
I am the Phoenix that you tried to extinguish
I am Pandora’s Box
that you tried to open and shut like a case of cold feet
I am the puzzle you couldn’t complete
but you only saw me as a missing piece

Midnight fell on your face
As you brushed the flower surprise from my thighs
I blushed as laughter lit across your smile
A memory just moments ago
But I thought I’d write it anyway
While we were sitting here
I love you my dear
My darling, my friend
I’m glad to have you near all day
my love has no end
If I’m not present
You can find me in heaven
Ascending in bliss

There’s so much that I can’t begin to say.

Sometimes I feel like I am doing everyone a great disservice just by being alive
When I reflect on this I feel almost narcissistic
My existence is not that impactful
All of these thoughts bring me an inner grief
As I would not say these things towards another person
I want to filter my inner monologue
My thoughts can almost bring me to tears when I am trying to focus on a present task at hand
Ruminations of misery come over me at random
I want to be emotionally well

The blinds are cracked just enough
For a sliver of the streetlight
To illuminate your empty side of the bed
You’re not that far but the stairway
Leads to rejection
The air conditioner muffles my sighs
But the silence is interrupted by the sporadic chirping of the smoke detector that’s batteries are dying.
The sound is reminiscent to a canary in a coal mine.

I can’t just undo the damage done in a day
The lord giveth and the lord taketh away
Should the winds shift and leave me penniless
I’ll wait, but I’m accountable for every mistake
Even if there is nothing to account for per se

Hello Poetry 👋
I welcome you with love ❤️
With acceptance 🖐 🤚
With joy 😊
With peace 🧘
With hope 🗽
With gratitude 🙏

Anoint me in finely spun silk
Bathe my alabaster skin in cleopatras milk
Let honey drip onto my rose petal lips
Baring it all as my guard slowly slips
Swimming in ecstasy backlit in lace
Breathing jasmine enraptured by your embrace
The wind caressing my body and soul
Feeling the part of you that makes me whole

I don’t know you
I may never
But if you’re anything like me
or your father
You will be clever
You will be smart
You will joyfully take on any endeavor
with all of your heart
You will triumph
and you will fail
But you will keep on trying
and you will prevail
You will love without grace
Never being afraid to fall on your face
If you’re anything like me
You will be clumsy as can be
If you are anything like him
You will give anything to win
If you are anything like us
You will have to learn to trust
with mercy forgiveness and kindness
Never chaste
These are just some of the qualities
I hope you will embrace.

Quiet, it is night time
My mind wishes not to be stirred
By notions which unnerve
It is the time for relaxation
Not emotions’ swirling vexation
I wish not to be jolted by such thought
Calm is what I ought to keep
As I am lulled softly to sleep

The distant train calls to the night
The bright glow of the phone illuminates our darkened home
Soft taps of the finger tips create a poem
I feel at peace and not alone
We lie in bed together your hand rested on my thigh
You laugh at memes and show me why
I love you dearly just as you are
Silly you sing your Persian song
Why would I want to dream
If reality is a place I truly belong

You’ve left so much behind
Can’t seem to find you anywhere
Your truck is parked in the drive
And your shirt is on the chair
The bills are are piling up
And everyone keeps calling
We wanted you to come home
But you left us all alone
when we dial your phone
Your voicemail is full
Trying to keep it together
Everyone is losing their cool
Why’d you have to go
Why do you have to stay gone
Nobody knows how to get on with it
Thought you would be back in a bit
But you never came back from the hospital
It was only supposed to be a few more days
Before you were on your way
The family won’t stop fighting and crying
Because we could never picture you dying

Although we lived in a constant state of change,
life had become static and we found a sense of
relative normalcy.

Of course, situations arose that brought excitement or turmoil but for the most part, our egos were so sure of tomorrow.

Our laurels rested in its promise, fore-bearing responsibility and hopes for that magical time that was boundlessly abundant.

Suddenly, we were jolted out of our mundane routines.

A powerful shift occurred. Our cognitive dissonance could no longer protect us as the invisible threat grew nearer.

For some, this time is filled with fear and anxiety of what the future will be like.

For others, this time is filled with peace and ease.
Staying present and calm.

Yet, there are those who mourn with nostalgia for yesterday.

As for myself, I am grateful to be alive. Acknowledging that death has no deadline has reminded of how sacred life is. Each moment can be sentimental and profound. For this finite period, I am sentient and that is the gift of human experience.

From the Midwest to the North East
An insatiable appetite for adventure
Never ceased
From the city that never sleeps
To the beaches of cape cod
With just a nod we kept on going
No sign of us slowing
We made our way to the summit
Before the elements made us submit
Because easily we could plummet down
We sought more solid ground
All the way to the Niagara Falls
Where walls of water crashing down
Made a thunderous rushing sound
back on the road to the place we call home
With you I feel no fear
In a world unknown

In the rising tide
That ebbs and flows
I won’t find myself
Thrashing against
Crashing waves
Like throes of passion
I’ll hold steady
But not too tight
And ride it out
Til the sky is bright
If I find myself
Smashing against the rocky shore
I’ll gaze upon the lighthouse
Til I’m no longer sore
If I find myself thrashing in the current
Grasping for air
I will not succumb to the sea
You’ll see me there
This too shall pass
I’ll soon be found
The moon sings to me
And I am sound

Treasure of the earth
Skin anointed by the sun
Eyes that gaze into existence
As if they had witnessed life
Before it had begun
A smile knowing and reassuring
Pure lips that speak beauty, pain, and truth
Sipping forever from a fountain of youth
Named from the continent
Never tamed by discontent
A testimony of God’s hand
In all that she embraces
A reverence for God’s plan in every obstacle she faces
She is a great warrior
High priestess of peace
Treasure of the earth
Leant from heaven since birth

We rode on the backs of giants
Our heads barely over the cover of clouds
On the high we were reliant
Indignant, defiant, and proud
We screamed so loud they could hear us
Bellowing from below
We could not make out
What they would shout
from the bottom down so low
We were up there for so long
That we had forgotten
what it was like to look up
Looking down was enough to get us by
We had grown accustomed to the sky
To the ground
we fell all the way
And we tried to yell for help
But to our dismay
No one could hear
what we had to say
Looking up at the giants that used to carry us
Was almost scary because
At any time we could be crushed
no longer did we feel the rush
Of touching heavens crown
now we only knew as much
As the loss that we had found

I dreamt that you could speak
That you could understand
My hopes and dreams
My plans for the future
And I could understand
Your past and pain
But it was all in vain
Because even though
I could be understood
And you could understand
You weren’t what I pictured
What I had in mind
When I designed my future plan

Present and calm
Hopeful and well
As for the future
Time will tell

Home to me, is a warm cup of tea.
Green with honey and lemon.
Steeping, steaming, and hot.
A hint of mint, why not?
Home to me, is a knit sweater.
Gifted or thrifted even better.
Lint and cat hair everywhere.
Tossed on the chair without a care.
Home to me, is a menthol cigarette.
Puffed away with little regret.
Half lit and half wet from the morning dew.
Stubbed out before it’s through.
Home to me, is thoughts of you.
A smile sprawling across my face.
Tangled fingers interlaced.
Intermingled in your embrace.
Home to me, is less of a place and more of a feeling but right now home to me is a conversation with a ceiling.

Icarus had wings that would only get him so high
Ten years ago he fell from the sky
Too close to the sun for which he so yearned
His tarnished wings scorched and burned
Never descending to hell again
My friend is in heaven
And well within
Under God’s watchful eye
Surely you will never die
Though you had to perish
I do cherish you so
I had to let you go
So you could fly
Though this is goodbye
It’s just for now
I know we will meet again
Some way some how

Her Majesty
Was on the brink of madness you see
She was facing tragedy
Her life had become a travesty
So she embraced fantasy
Dazzling ecstasy
Couldn’t quell the sadness
It was all hell and terrible badness
She couldn’t tell up from down
And in the sky
She began to drown
Was she swimming or flying
Living or dying
High or low
She lost her mind
But where did it go
Searching everywhere
But inside herself
She then begin to lose her health
The fear of reality
Made her insane
But through acceptance
She eased the pain
Suddenly she faced the shame
Giving forgiveness
Laid waste to blame
Finally she was no longer beating herself at her own game
The queen was safe
Victorious on her throne
She was free
But she was alone
Her king in another castle
Fighting a battle of his own
Slaying his demons
How they had grown
Those imps became dragons
Dragging him down
But his fight was valiant
And he protected his crown
Most wars are fought
With armies of men
But it’s best to go it alone instead
When the enemy is in your head

Many of dreams
I have let die
Many of tears
I have cried
Many of fears
Kept me from trying
And my own lips
Have been lying
I’ve let myself down
But I am trying
I need to get well
I feel like I am dying
And I am afraid
But I keep on trying
To find my way
Because I am good and evil
But I am good enough
To be a better person
instead letting my life and those
who I love lives worsen
I have to give up
On my ways that hold me back
My falls from grace in
which I feel discipline is what I lack
It will be uncomfortable
But it simply must be
Because change is what I seek
And desperation is for the meek
It takes determination
To ascend to the peak

I still remember when I first fell in love with you.
Your smile made me feel like a child, overjoyed.
Your playfulness painted a picture of the happy family I had never imagined before.
Your social commentary made me feel less awkward and alone.
Your focus left me in awe as I focused on you.
I wanted to get a piggy back ride from you.
I wanted our future children to have that opportunity as well.
I wanted to hold your hand in that moment and forever.
When you picked me a flower, I picked you.
I had to meet my best friend so I had to say goodbye.
But I had met my best friend and I never wanted to say goodbye.

Acceptance

Today, I feel pensive.
There is a block on my energy.
I want to build a wall ten feet high,
That allows me the discretion
Of running away without allowing
Anyone to see which direction
I am going.
I have no destination in particular
In mind.

Nimble leaves
Wavering in the wind
Holding tightly
To the twig
The branch is steady
And the breeze is ready
To give heed

The Present
Is a gift
To unwrap
Slowly
Carefully
Not to ruin the paper
But to save it for later

You say the Beldam lead you astray
You placed a garland on her crown that summer day
Lifting the veil only to see
That she betrayed your destiny
If I am the witch fairy as you portray
who promised you love and gave you dismay
Pray tell pray tell why did you stay
Perhaps you were an incubus
On that rainy night
I came for safety
Your prey in sight
You wanted to drain me
Of my soul
Leave me again
An empty hole
Oh from that shame
My heart did swell
And I was full
And I was well
No longer the vessel ebbing
To hell now we are heading
But we can’t be that far from heaven
Because I can feel the angels weep
Was it a dream or a nightmare
When you walked away
And I stayed right there
I lay in sleep or is it wake
Was it the path or a mistake
I could never tell
From one monster to another
I wish you farewell

It is morning, the sun has yet to rise.
There is a crispness to the air
The moon is waning
and the stars are tapered
I dreamt of your face,
for a fleeting moment.
You were alive.
Were you going up the staircase or down?
I don’t know.
I do know I miss you.
Every since the light burned out before midnight,
I have wanted to see your face.
When you were here I felt strength and safety.
At times you burned hot and cold
But I always felt the ambivalence of your disposition.
There are people that you will get only so close to.
They are the ones who will be farthest away.
You are as near as the impending sunrise
and as far as the moon.
I remember you and I won’t soon forget.

In a fever dream of pyrotechnicolor
I set fire to my life
Lining up my affects and assets
And igniting them one by one
Today I wake and can’t believe what I’ve done
But there is no wrong in starting over
Even if you start a fire
If you desire rebirth
Place your feet upon the hearth
And everything else you know
Surely the will not to burn
Will keep you from being hot ash in an urn

You are my rock, my solid stone.
You are my shelter, you are my home.
You are my solace, when I am alone.
You are my answer in a world unknown.
No one could ever take your place.
No one but you could ever put this smile upon my face.
Never could you be replaced.
You're being is my pain erased.
Always together, I pledge you forever.