He lost track of time
A five year gap
lapsed
in his time line
Now here I am
losing mine
His penance
my sacrifice
His redemption
My demise
Reparations
Of desperation
No reconciliation
For hours
Days weeks
Months and years stolen
I am sullen
A broken clock
For a broken heart
I am left with the pieces
And the broken parts
Of the start to something new
A promise of better days
Where skies are blue
But all I would like
Are more than just
Pieces of you

I am awake
I am alive
I am human
I am woman
I am kind
I am smart
I am funny
I am beautiful
I am loving
I am loved
I am blessed
I am gracious
I am understanding
I am understood

You're the man who was never there
When I was alone
And I was scared
You never cared
You were never at home
Now that you're here
I am never alone
I am never scared
Because you've shown that you cared
As long as you're here
I am right at home

Our dreams were never ours
They were mine and yours
My dreams were of love
Yours were of money
But isn't it funny that we both got our dreams
Even though we were ripping
At the seams
Like the tattered jeans
I wore in youth
Back when we were so uncouth
And we thought we knew everything
But we couldn't see the truth
That we were so close
And so far
Like the vibrating strings of my exes guitar
We thought we could go anywhere
We knew we would leave this town
In all its' dust and smoke
But we came back each time
Defeated and broke
We would meet up for cocktails
Reminiscing of the past
Hoping for the future
Unsure of the present
Saying this isn't permanent
It too shall pass
As we discussed plans
Each time I found myself
Grasping for your hands
Perhaps it is because they reached
But not to me
That is what I couldn't see
But your fingertips longed
For something ahead
And when you discussed the future
I was very much in the moment
Looking at you instead
I never loved you
I loved your lust for life
You never loved me
You loved the way my heart thrusted from strife
We never loved each other
But we loved the plans we made
And to see our dreams come true seperately
Is the most beautiful bittersweet serenade

I don't always write right
Sometimes I write wrong
It helps me right wrong

Your love is demure
Often times obscure
Are your intentions pure
Or am I looking back at a cracked mirror

My vision distorted
By suspicion purported
Your decision not surported
By the revision I've recorded

Who can say if the way I feel is subjective
Is my thought process objective
Does my mind race like that of a detective
Could I possibly be selective

Its all I've known to feel rejected
And it's just because I've always been neglected
My sense of self worth has been affected
As I've been a cassette consistently ejected
I'm often times dejected

Am I just easily distrusting
Is it worth us discussing
Or do you find this side of me hideously disgusting
As I get mad and start repeatedly  cussing

Perhaps I am a girl with daddy issues
And these eyes won't dry with one billion tissues
Or I just refuse
To think my ticking time bomb heart will diffuse

In taking others loving advice
I'm accepting your sacrifice
But I'm contemplating my own demise
Simply negating a man can be nice

And it is unwise to be this way
And I can't help these tricks my mentality tends to play
Perhaps there will be another day
Where I can keep these thoughts at bay

Two tons of lead
Dropped in the sea
I slip away  aimlessly
No rope to tether
My feet to land
I am reaching
For an invisible hand
And my grasp
Is like trying to pinch
Just a grain of sand
Feeling the pressure
Pulling me down
Sinking to the depths
Starting to drown
Two tons of lead
Dropped in the sea
As if there ever was a chance
I could rise and be free