I am a mess

I am impulsive

I am obsessive

I am fake

I am a liar

I am neurotic

I am Insecure

I am ugly

I am as intelligent as I try to be

I don't try enough

I am lazy

I am annoying

I am imposing

I am assuming

I am afraid to know what others really think of me

I know what I think of myself

I don't know who I am

I am ashamed of my body

I am ashamed of my skin

I am ashamed

I am weak

I do not believe in myself

I do not follow through

I hate who I am

I don't love enough

I am not as caring as I should be

I am selfish

I am afraid of being alone

I am too distant

I don't use my time wisely

I am indecisive

I am not competitive

I am manipulative

I am an addict

I don't like being told not to do something

I am disgusting

I am overly critical

I am judgemental

To my loving husband
I see you, when your gaze is not fixed upon me because you are working so diligently.
I think of you when you are so intently transfixed on the endeavors that  occupy your mind.
I wait for you, knowing your time is so strained.
Like Pavlov's dog I am trained to listen for the bell that tells me when to eat.
Patiently at your feet
Hoping you'll throw me a hunk of meat.

If I could write a story
And I knew you would read
It would spew from me
Like the veins of a seed
That the morning dew sewed
And the sunlight freed
Blossoming like a flower
At dawns earliest hour
And folding into dusk
With the lingering aroma
Of natures sweet musk

In your absence
many lessons I did learn
like how to play with matches
and watch bridges burn

In your absence
many lessons I did learn
like how to see someone starving
and watch them yearn

In your absence
many lessons I did learn
like how to wait for karma
and watch the tables turn

In your absence,
many lessons I did learn
how I wish you wouldn't have taught me
how to feel so spurned

Bodies going down in my city
Man I tell you it's ******
No lobbies or committees to combat
The epidemic of systemic genocide
Man I'm so tired
Of losing all my friends to dope
******* shoot it up
Snort it like coke
All up in their nose
If you're into popping pills
They got those too
***** lethal but it's legal
The government's got you boo
Get addicted want to quit it
hit the clinic get your fix in a minute
******'s a game
But only the pusha man is in it to win it
Cause the dope is slaying
Dealers don't give a **** about the implications
Of the drugs they slanging
Saying man come back I got more of that
Homie keep on banging
Family trees rearranging due to falling leaves
But as long as they stacking stacks
They'll perpetuate the perpetual disease
The illness is the illest
The realness is the realest
And if you feel this
Tell me what the deal is.

The African mother
Has genes like no other
Can create eyes with greens
Browns or blue
Skin with Tenebrae
Or lighter in hue
The African Mother
Created every color
We see
We all come from
The fertile crescent
So why are we so incessant
To worry about the melanin
In our skin
Iridescent or incandescent
Our descent from relative location to the equator
Has become the subject of debate or hate
But why can't we relate
That our fate
Should never differentiate
Based on differences
From interferences of light
Regardless of the color of our skin we should have the same plight
But I am privileged because I am white
I am not an apologist
Just a social anthropologist
Who acknowledges that its not right
We are all made of matter
And atoms
Or come from Adam and Eve
However, you perceive
But we deceive each other
To believe that we are different
Inherently and there needs to be a disparity
Of how we treat one another
But you are my brother
And I am your sister
Though my skin is alabaster
And begins to blister in the sun
I will fight this battle
With you by my side
Allied as one
Until we hold the same opportunity
There can be no unity
So we fight this war
For equality
Once more
Know that I am your friend
Not your enemy
And I'll defend you
Never condemn you
My brethren

It is cold outside
Most hearts are frozen
We are the ones left
The others have chosen
There is a wall being built
To keep them out
But we are here inside without
Where there was a torch
Now there are pitchforks
And people who shout
Get out get out
People once devout
Saying love thy neighbor
Are saying they can't take our labor
Never have I seen my country
Rally with such hate
All the voices I hear
And I can't relate
I am not afraid
I am not angry
But I haven't heard
A single word that makes sense
When his supporters
Give defense
Build walls on the border
Order them home
But an America without different cultures
Is an America alone
United we stand
Divided we fall
But this division
Is leaving no one at all
Let the immigrants be
Help the refugees
For we were once
Searching for liberty
But there's no justice
Just us
Watching America get sold
It is exactly like a time of old
Where it mattered if your eyes were brown or blue
I look around and say no it can't be true
But yes, yes, it could be you.