They took me away from it all..
Made me start over
Took me to the hospital again and called me "Crazy"
Told me to take my medication
Told me to sleep without any worries
Told me that everything was going to be okay, if I **** my... pills
Forced me into therapy
Made me talk about my "Problems"
P r e t e n d e d ..
Like I was going to get better
Or at least humored it
Now I sit alone
Like usual
I told you I needed you..
That
I needed a place to stay
S o m e o n e
S o m e t h I n g..
But no..
You told me you had to much "Anxiety"
That I needed to "figure things out"
That you wouldn't "let me in your door" if I ran to you
Because I needed you..?..
Who says that, when someone needs them?
What kind of a person..
And then you go and write a poem about me the same me you wouldn't even open your door for..
I mean seriously can I not... trust anyone..
And I love how after all of this I'm still considered the "Crazy one"
After what you did
Did you even take the time.?.
Did you know that I was going to **** myself?
Maybe you did..
But you still wouldn't open your door
You
Didn't listen...
And now..
Now..
Well, I think I'm going "Crazy"..

You've seen my face
but not my scars

You've seen my smile
but not my tear filled eyes

You've seen my best
but you haven't witnessed my worst

So, don't you dare judge me
by what your eyes see

Look inside my heart
that's where it is
beat after beat
coping with
the judgement
but hey
I'm still breathing

I guess I miss the texts
I guess I miss the love
I guess I miss it all
I guess I fell real hard
For a cruel man
Playing
with a
girl's
mind
and

f
  e
e
   l
i
   n
g
   s

Pieces of my heart
are scattered on the floor
and no, it's not fun
and yes, it is mean
the way you tore me up
the way you broke me down
as I was holding on
and being let down
clinging onto you
blinded by the love

I feel so ashamed
the way I let you in
into my heart again
begged myself to be strong
and not to give in
but yes it was hard
trying to be smart
when you were there sitting
messing with my heart
it's breaking
it's bleeding
aching for someone
to heal it again

I always wake up
With a smile on my face
But as soon as the night is here
My smile fades and disappears

4 am is when I'm crying
Barely even functioning
Wishing you would need me
Wishing you'd see
How much I need
Your love over me

How many times do I have to say this?
How many times do you need to hear it?
I don't know why you never gave it a chance
I could have been your last romance
We could have it all
But you cheated me
And I took the fall
Blamed myself for your departure
But in reality, it was her
Her fault for ruining our love
Ruining our joined hearts
Destroying what we had
And now I'm falling asleep
With tears on my pillow
And your voice in my head

4 am is when I'm overthinking
Wondering if you miss me
Like I miss you
If she loves you
Like I used to
Like I still do

Does she adore you
Like I did?
Would she be committed
Like I was and used to be?
Would she give her all
Just to make you smile?

Still got that engagement ring
I'd never trade it for anything
It's a part of my memories
Reminding me of what we used to be
Reminding me that yours, I always will be
Maybe one day you'll see
That you belong with me

a beautiful flame
burning bright
and then one day
it's gone
nothing
left
but

       A
          S
        H      
      E
        S


&

   D
     U
        S
          T


I was okay
for a while
until
my
smile
faded
into
something
I can't describe

a face with no expression
a heart with no emotion
a body with no oxygen
collapsing
falling
dying
with
no
time
to
save
my life

needing a release
before I
relapse

I don't know what to express
feels like I've given up
on my life

no amount of love
could change my thoughts
I'd blank it all out
as I'd fall into what I once
swore I'd never let in again
the other part of me
that I had to leave
I sense my old feelings
making a bitter return

I never wanted to fall for it
I tried so hard to make an effort
to stay and keep myself on track
but every human
has their weak points
something that brings them back
to their deadly old thoughts

Memories flash before my eyes
as I remember the present times
of my insane life

I think back to where I was
how I behaved
how I acted
and I reflect upon
how much I've matured
since then

I used to be insane
oh wait
I still am
only smarter now
than I was
way back when
I was a little child
in this big world

look at me now
now I'm the big one
a big girl
in a tiny world

insomniac at heart
born and raised
in the city which never sleeps
yeah, I love being me sometimes

I always feel so down
knowing she's not here
helping me smile again
and wiping away my tears
she was my favorite poet
such a beautiful heart
makes me
want
to
be
put
to rest
with
the one
who made
me smile
the brightest

I could never forget her face
or her infectious laugh
the way the room would shine
when she walked in
her personality shined
like the sun
her hugs
are what
I miss
the
most

it's been three years
and I'm still grieving the loss
of my favorite poet
the one who
gave my heart
warmth
enough
strength to
re-start
re-activate

her death changed the way
I looked at life
she taught me that
life can easily begin
but also
very easily
end

i am exhausted!!!
no more tears to shed
no more moments to expect
no more dreams to see
no more words to explain
i am exhausted!!!!
every single moment
god makes me fail..
leaving no explanations
my prayers unanswered
i am exhausted!!!

to heavens
i pleaded for a reason
but he kept silent
i wish
a prophet to come
and tell my fortune
but, ended in vain
i am exhausted!!!

spring has gone
autumn has come
i am exhausted!!!!

in the horizon
i see colours
they are bright
but vision is blurred
drawing near..
they brightened
let the hopes
fly in wings...