I owe myself
The biggest apology.
For putting up
With what I didn’t
deserve For so long .

My heart
Is physically hurting.
I analayzed all the possibilities
All in which made me fear.
Yes, this is real.
That time is finally here.
The final night.
I no longer want to tear.
My heart feels so heavy
My chest feels so full.
I feel this heavy weight in me.
I want it all to go away.
Tonight marks another.
My brain is in panic mode
I know the outcome of them all
While you dance in the light
I cry in the shadows

It's been difficult for me to swallow
I feel in distress
I feel so pathetic
Yet I continue to address
But they continue to do what's best
Live for them self's .

It's the final night
I can't put up with no more lies
Live your life
I don't deserve this anymore
I can't explain anymore

Lullabies of you & I
Same lullaby
fights, arguments and cries.
I'm finally getting tired of it all
I'm near saying my final goodbyes

once I walk
I won't turn back
that spark I had for you
has finally died.
I blame you, I'm even feeling
like I don't even have love 4 u
soo much pain that you've put me through
I'm sorry for my honestly
I'm always apologizing for things I shouldn't
I should've been walked away

I’m ******* tired
Of your *******
Fed up with making
Me feel so ******* useless
Sick of all
Your manipulative ways
My wasted days
Sitting around crying
Punishing myself by
getting high Or cutting.
All because of your avoidance,
Sents to voicemails
no replies ,
Tears down my cheeks
While Beers, music , parting
In your Eyes.
I walking lonely dark streets
To blow of the angered frustrated steam that Whistles
Out my body
Because you continuesly
Hide , lie , deny
Every question asked.

I hate I cry
I cry I hate
I’m tired of being
In this Same place

Piles after piles
Depression
Addiction
Emotionally abused
Self esteems so low
Been told many things
To make me feel
Like I truly have no worth .
So sad
That I’m just going with everyone’s flow of me
Being the chaos To
Anything , everything
That goes wrong .

I’m drowning in the sea
People see my desperation
to swim up To breath
Watching me Suffer
Do nothing when I scream
The words h e l p

They just stand by & point a finger
“Shouldn’t have gotten near
the water”
Yeah I know that above phrase made no sense
To you the reader
But there’s so much to explain

I’m just done
I can’t find words to explain
Wrapping my self up
I don’t want drugs
I don’t want pain
I don’t want to run away
I just want to sit
Shove the stick into my mouth
& Pull back the Burner
Push hard & fast
On the trigger
blow up My brain
I’m sad I’m hurt
Lalalala
I just can’t cope
I don’t want dope
Don’t want smoke
want No Sharp objects
I just want all of this to stop

Close my eyes & wake up
To a life where I have it all together
A career
Job , car
Normal life with the basic problems every one els deals with

Idk idk
Why’d he break my heart
Gave Love a chance
High hopes of finally
Making it out my current misery
Start up a new
Beginning
I got twice pain
I got shredded
My life’s at its worst
Going to bed
Sweet dreams to me
Night

These stories of addiction
Repeated tales
Of hating then saying
I’d turn back without hesitation.
I’m tired of misleading,
The truth of how I feel .
Story telling to these people.
Who will Never see In deeper
.
Across my head
They’ll forever read tweaker
Who’s lying & will go get
High after promising to never take another hit .

I’m tired so disgusted
This drug is really Killing me
Eating up my insides & Confusing up my ******* mind.

I’m dying when I’m on this
Every heart beat is a risk
The Fast Pacing or the slowness
Any second I could collapse
I don’t have to be an addict
I don’t need to have consumed so much or often.

My body might 1 day
Not react to It’s toxic.
Out the blue , just 1 use
Can land me to the place where the skies are blue , Trees are breezing
Lovely green nicely cut grass lays beneath, decorated with stones
Where underneath lay
Loving souls
Who won’t ever return.

Untitled
You once told me.
'Not everyone thinks like you'
I Now know.
what your phrase means.
how its applied to our life.
Its 2018
You still question whether
to continue on our love..
You are right. nobody thinks like me.
so I have to accept.
that's just who you've always been.
loved me with doubt.
---
Untitled
Been living in The dark.
Trapped by these 4 Walls.
Everyday, Same Feel.
Sadness & Helpless.
6 Years.
Living In a box .
Nothings changed
Happiness has not made its Way in
I Can’t no more .
I Sit On The cold Floor.

---

Untitled
The nerve you have to make me.
Feel as if I’m truly torturing .
As if you don’t deserve to be
**** talked to.
The nerve you have
To say I don’t respect you
Making me feel so bad

----

Let it consume me.
Destroy the little left in me.
Let it Come Like a tornado .
A furious hurricane .
I don’t care , what’s there to look forward for.
I’m so unhappy and keep on finding more reasons to

----

Untitled
Why
Did you Do this to me.
Damage me badly.
I repeat over & over.
Same Vocals.
Why
Did You Hurt me.
Why did you play with me.
Why didn’t you notice how this was affecting me.
Why
Weren’t you respectful.
Take advantage
Take me for granted .
Why
Did You convince me.
To be kissing friends knowing I had feelings for you.
Did

---

Forever now
I’m doubting
More than I ever have.
Wondering about the
Little loyalty you carry.
What’s going to happen
To that speck .
You’ve never been honest.
Now I’m worried.
Since I avoided you that night
Which is something I never do but I copied you that night.
My point
My irrelevant lie
----
Untitled
I made a mistake.
So little that it’s not worth the hype
But you ,
You wait for days like these.
I Mess Up So Small
& you love to make it a big deal.
It’s your excuse to go

----
Untitled
Disgusted of Drug Abuse
When She Hurts Her mind Turns.
The tears that run down & The Trigger Is something he’d Said or done That’s led her to run .
Alone She Seeks & Returns.
She Uses Alone.
Responds to All calls & Texts.
You Were the switch
To intoxicate her body , Esch hits a risk . To breath less , For the body to not resist & Give Up .

----

Untitled
Disgusted of Drug Abuse
When She Hurts Her mind Turns.
The tears that run down & The Trigger Is something he’d Said or done That’s led her to run .
Alone She Seeks & Returns.
She Uses Alone.
Responds to All calls & Texts.
You Were the switch
To intoxicate her body , Esch hits a risk . To breath less , For the body to not resist & Give Up .

---


My depression is not progressing
I’m in such distress.
No mood to right Nomore .
I’m tired , Of not having power.
To leave & Move on From Everything That’s Overwhelming.
I’m hurting a lot.
People don’t see it.
It’s all in my head.
It’s insanity eating my brain .
I’ve been walking forever.
So many obstacles have crossed my path that’s delayed me.
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