I Don’t Want to let go.
My 1st Everything
Will be my only I say.
I want no other.
I dedicated my all to 1.
Will birth a child from this love.
I want no one Els.
My pride was high.
I don’t want to go around finding a different lover .
——
Your first Will be so memorable!
I keep feeling Hurt that my 1st did not feel meaningful or magical.
I hurt that I won’t feel
What others have
For there 1st
Touch of love.
I stopped dwelling on that.
I realized that I too can have a great memory too .
In the future
I may come across some one
Who will give me the kiss I lust for.
Show me affection & love me
Like I seen in movies .
I may come across some one who will make me feel secure and happy with my body.
Whom won’t criticize judge & only point of the beautiful aspects they see in me.
I may come across someone who will make love to me the way I wished my 1st time would be.
Whom I can fully feel confident to undress and be myself because they never made me feel low about myself.
I may come across some one that treats me the way I deserve to.
Where we have trust & believe in eachother.
I have hope for another chance at love. Not now, in the future I look forward to finding true love.
Someone I can feel safe, happy, loved , wanted, respected & thought of (:

It remains in the present .
Happened 1/2/3/4/5 yrs ago.
They always got pushed away & forced to be forgotten.
It remains in the present.
No solution was ever talked out.
The problems repeated itself.
Through out the years.
It remains in the present.
Trust was broken .
Never once has it been attempted to get fixed just worsens.
“It was the past !”
My feelings pushed under the rug.
Never acknowledged.
The past holds unsolved heartbreaks.
The past holds tear drops that still tear now.
The past holds “forgiving actions”
That still happen.

I’m moving on
I feel many rocks slowly
Lifting off.
I’m feeling a lil sense of happiness.
I used to think it was ****** up for me to say & feel this way .
It’s actually not.
I’m unhappy
All I do is hurt & cry heavily .
I shouldn’t care
If he reflects sadness on me.
Making me feel like the bad guy.
Always faulting and blaming me.
I shouldn’t care for his loneliness .
I shouldn’t stay anymore .
I’m tired of satisfying him
For him to **** me over again.
This is ok for me to feel.
It’s ok for me to want to leave
& say bye bye dear.
All I do is cry and hate myself.
I’m happy I’m finally coming to an agreement within myself.
Letting go

I’m getting closer.
To Packing & leaving.
It’s about time
The rain slows down.
For so long I Yelped.
I’ve cried so hard.
Ignored & left to drown.
In my own tears
Caused by they who I call dear.

I’m getting closer
To packaging & leaving .
I used to always hold back.
Said I’m done but always turned back to get hurt all over.
“I’m sorry, il change, 1 last chance”
Was a song that played all throughout my 6yrs of so called “inlove”.

I’m getting closer.
To feeling what
I’m supposed to feel.
To do what’s right & stop my tears.
To agreeing & realizing .
I don’t deserve All this negativity
I’m understanding that I’m wrong for always staying.


I love him.
So much.
It’s not fair that I’ve shown loyalty
That I’ve hurt so much
It’s only right for me to go
& say “I’m done”
To be told “ you never loved me”.
For the script to flip from
Victim to bully.
I’ve been Soo ******* good.
I’m betrayed.
After so many time
s of being played?
I decide to Finally act on my sadness.
What I’m supposed to do.
Stand up for myself .
What happens ?
The bully plays the victim .
I’m then seen as the biggest ***** and bad ****** girl friend.
For what ?
Standing up for myself.
I’m always faulted and bashed  when I act out on something that hurt me .
His actions of betrayal
Must be forgiven.
My actions on feeling hurt
Are seen deceiving

I just want to
Intoxicate My Self.
With lots of drugs.
Right now, In this moment
I just want to get ****** up.
Drink lean, Smoke ****. Feel slump and Hazey.
Sniff coke , Smoke G.
Right after .
Chew A Cap & A thizz .
Just ****** go all out there.
Right now
In this moment ?
I just want to get intoxicated.
Escape my reality
Mix up all hard drugs
In my veins.
Yeah, I’m tired.
I hate breathing everyday.
Yes , Drugs.
Not to feel high . To feel nothing but numb.
A crazy flow of different substances.
I want to be taken off this earth.