Another Year ive Begun
Everyone thought i was clean but that same
31st eve, i was strung on
methamphetamine
I know i know Im the one continuing on
but temptation hit hard
i just felt the need to celebrate
and feel differnt , i was feining and
went to go seek it..

I Used to Doubt
But Now I See and believe
You Really Love me.
Alll the Things You Have Done
Have made me feel lovely
i Dont deserve It.
iDont Know How your still Around.
Lack Of Maintaing Clean
Havent Been quite focused.
I see you understand me and help me control this.
im Sorry for all the wrong ive provoked, You deserve
so much more.

iHave Your Mind
In Circles.
Stressed And Worried over me.
All Because of my disease
Yes I know its so unfair
That You Have to go through this
Through My Comedown And Rages iThrow All
Because of tweak.
Your Minds In Trama
Because Of what you know about my past
Feeling Tortured
Once i Spoke About the lies ive told you.
This Problem i Have Affected Us Too.
Its daily Thoughts & Doubts
Wether im really where i Say Im At
If il Pick Up Or if i used.
Instead Of Missing me And waiting till You See me
Having Thoughts Of Always Wanting to be with me
You Have the complete Opposite
Cause you dont know If you should believe me

Late night Walking.
My Bfs Out Drinking
& were both arguing.
All Black Chevy,
Cruising Down The City Lights.
Memories of Getting High
Swipe by My Mind .
Homies Spitting Raps To
The Beat That's Bumping.
Its Been So long since I Kicked Back,
But is this right ?
An old clique ?
A Bad Crowd That Can Make My life go downer Than what it is.
Why'd I Hop in ?
My emotions
were getting the best of me
so I gave in to spend a good time
just how my baby is somewhere out there in the streets.
Drinking His Treat.
To Forget All his problems and ******* with his friends.
I've Been Dealing With All this nonsense sober lately .
No surrounding Changes.
Whether I'm clean or ***** everything flows the same.
It Took A Second
Now I'm Back Were I Belong,
its The Drugs That make me crave so hard. My loneliness enables to it.
Here I Am, Relapsing.
Once The Homie Pulled Out the sack,
I Got A Bit Of Fat rocks then crushed. Rolled and snorted Up.
Now I'm High, I'm on one.
Temptation Blinded Me.
There was no positivity in my brain to have stopped me.
I Was Just So Fed Up with all my mistakes and **** ups.
I Couldn't Think Of My Boyfriends Disappointment because he was already disappointing Me?
I Usually Feel Bad About This, I still do. Just not as much.
I dont know, my minds just unwind & lose

A Bag
Few Shirts & pants.
Some bras Socks & underwear
Lotion, Brush Makeup
D.o tweezers paste and toothbrush
On & on
So Simple to pack a bag & be gone
Become a runaway
Leaving a simple note to why.
Sounds so easy
Find a reason then make a plan
Those plans dont ever go as planned
How would you survive
How long will you stay in the 1st home,
Before they get annoyed of you
The struggle of a runaway
Having to find places to stay.
The troubles your put to face
I remember those were my adventures days
Getting high all day all night
No worries of nothing.
Coming up at night
G Rides, Raiding Homes
Just to get some ice.
All seems so nice
Deep inside,  im drowning.

How many has it been,
One, 2, Three?
How Many Outpatients
More Than 9.
How many hospitalizations
Like 2
How many therapist
7
Phycatrist, counselors, etc ?
So So many.
Here I am going once again for the
Fourth time
To residential rehab.
They say I need more time
For a mind so ill like mine.
6 months or a year
To be fine.
The frustration that I get from not able to do right
Tournaments me
I kust want to be set free and fly

Treatment Centers
After Outpatient,  Rehabs, therapist
Etc
Im Tired Of All this *******.
Sometimes all I want is a dope hit.
But I know
All it will do is cause me temporary satisfaction
And endless Arguments.
New Year?
Same News.
I Need To Create A new story already
I can't believe im
Still here stuck in the same cycle as the past other years.
If theres a god, can he come visiting and hear
That im desperate for a miracle.