I don't think I've wanted to hold you
As much as I did that night
Every kiss stained with black lipstick
Was our beautiful mess
When we reminisced about the past
I heard you laugh and I knew
There was more to our story
This moment was not our last
And when I saw the time and said it was getting late I had a feeling that you wanted to stay
And when I looked down as I rested my head on yours I knew nothing had changed.

The silence cuts pretty deep
And I know you were right
For me
I'm sad you had to leave
And I miss you everyday
I'm not okay
And I know you aren't either
And it's killing me.

If the pieces put you back together
Where would you be?
Would you then see me
Enough
To understand that we all are lost.

How frail can one heart get
When lies masquerade without warning
We lost our love because of a story
Maybe we loved too much
But the hurt we both shared
Left an impact deep enough
For the days to breed more pain
Maybe it was the silence of our dismay
Or the choices we chose to make
Or the thoughts that wouldn't go away
Or the heart that needed to break.

It's all so different now
I don't feel up for being happy
Last week seems like yesterday
And 7 years is but another life.

I feel alone,
Alone like I used to feel
Constantly asking if it will ever end,
It did before
So maybe again
But I don't know what to do
Because I don't fully understand
I still hope I run into you
Just like we did before
And I would look across
And find your eyes
But also find the floor,
I'm not as strong as you think
Sometimes I think I loved you more
And when you said you lost some love
It seemed like you were falling short,
If I still gave you everything
Who then would I be?
Sometimes I think
You would lose even more love
The longer you were with me...

And that's why I had to leave.

The sun burns my skin
And I'm fine with that
I want my veins to bleed dry
Don't let me in.

I want you now
Just as I did before
The glass that shattered
Did cut my soul
But my shadowy figure is dead
Just as it was before
You make it better
And I wonder where you are
Please come back
And heal my scars.

Feeling secluded
Posthuman
In bloom
Trapped behind full moons
Unused
And left
For truth to find
It's so quiet
When I don't dream at night.

I'll search for you in the stars
And learn to fly with these clipped wings
I promise.

I guess this is what it feels like to barely breathe
Waking up just to go back to sleep
I guess now I'm a fiend
I get so high off dimethyltryptamine
You'll only find me in my dreams.

Find me in dystopia
Where the trees grow more beautiful
Underneath
And the shattered souls
Are the air we breathe
The ever changing
And the thoughts
We actually mean
A plague so fruitful
We can feast
I'll be in the garden
Ripping apart my limbs
For I am free.

A cliffside cigarette
The rush of being on top of it all
Knowing how easy it would be to fall.

Sometimes I feel like the days just fall
Into each other without any elegance
Sometimes I steal emotions from strangers who seem fit
Sometimes I wish I was better.

I wonder way too much
I'm distracted by the thought of us
And what it used to be
The blood that fell originally
Now pooled
With no echo of distrust
Or hesitant desire
We were all that we could be
Until we weren't

I still have the cut on my hand
Memories engraved with silence
A dying wish to see her
And how I've been standing.

My daily routine consists of me
Hiding and telling lies
It's hard to ignore what I've held inside
It's hard to go outside
The world spins
And I'm spinning
Hoping for new beginnings
But still holding on to the past
The memories
Are all I have
And that's not enough
Anymore.

I used to check
If you had written
A poem
Almost everyday
Now I expect
That you are smitten
alone
And far away
I used to let
The clovers and crimson
Postpone
My decay
But now that I've slept
On nails of riddance
I'm not home
Anywhere I stay.

When life gets hard
Moments tend
To starve
And when love
Should flourish
We pretend to sleep
In the silence,
But the stones we walk on
Still prepare themselves
Just as we imagined
And your image
Was all I could witness
When I closed my eyes.