My soul is the tune-up to my autopilot life.
Shining through bright Windows of clarity
I manage to change just one or two things,
But this drag-on stage drives me
So infuriating and insidious,
When I realize I'm the fool,
Unable to change, for I've but time sensitive tools.
So I search for panes scattered throughout strife;
Use my pain to grow,
Till I'm worthy of you gracing my life.
I used to think it was brave to declare my love with intent to die
But how much harder, how much more pain,
To live without you every day?
I'll spend my days,
The rest of my life.
All my time remaining,
Just for a chance to once more join in your heavenly light.
I've caused so much hurt,
I should have been better.
But no time for remorse,
Just time to prepare and get better.
You pulled me out of my self-dug abyss.
You gave me hope,
You gave me bliss.
I've never felt like I had mattered,
I've never hurt like when our relationship I soured.
For now we're apart,
And it may be forever.
But I'll hold out hope,
That one day we can be back together.
I am a monster become self aware.
Aware of my nature, not changeable even with my heart laid bare.
I hoped love could save me; Help me escape.
But all it could do is hold the evil at bay.
We had good times; I gave my all for you. But slowly, but surely, the evil seeped through.
I'd become so bitter, so rotten within.
That even when I met my soul mate,
Love was doomed not to win.
I spewed my evil,
I traumatized my life.
She was everything to me,
And yet my tongue and actions cut like a knife.
I lost all control,
Or maybe regained it?
I don't know whether it was always like this,
Or if circumstance changed it.
My heart; was it always so cold and vile?
Was I always the one whom I hated and reviled?
She's gone now.
I only wish it had been sooner.
I can never mend the hurt that I have gifted upon her.
All she ever gave me was grace and love,
And I returned these blessings with poison and blood.
For my whole life, I've always been sure.
Sure that I knew one thing in this cruel world.
I thought, no I was sure, that I understood love;
Until Heaven sent me this Angel from above.
She gave me hope I could live with strife,
She's beauty incarnate; so strong and almost larger than life.
She made my world and then shook it upside down,
She showed me truth and love unbound.
Thank you Kat for always being my rock.
Before your entered into my life, I floated endless through this void.
But now I feel like I'm on solid ground,
I can walk and run and scream aloud.
You brought color into this monotone life.
Every memory with you so full and so bright.
You painted my world back into being,
You showed me how to give life meaning.
If there's one thing Im sure of, now more than ever,
Its that you are the reason each day I awake to try better.
I've made mistakes, not just once or twice,
Yet still you find it in your heart to overlook my vice.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay these feelings so bold,
But you make me believe that I can when I wrap my arms around you and this heart is no longer quite so cold.
You were the first color I had seen. In a world of gray, you were a crimson, heavenly light. When I met you, it was if a supernova of passion had erupted into my world; Never to be the same.
Suddenly everything was vibrant; My life was no longer a walk along a blues' ode to content. I suddenly had Divine purpose; as if God himself had seen fit to grace me with such an angel.
But the fool I was, the fool I am, diverted my gaze back to the gray. For who was I to deserve such a gift? One of such beauty, character, wit.
This Angel deserves God, and I was but a demon. So I flew back to my self-imposed hell, ready to submit to oblivion. And even as I descended down, your hand I saw reach to the ground.
You stopped my fall; So now? I fall only for you.