do not look for me
I have run into a forest
I will not return
the air is better here
I can see
it is wonderful.
the trees are absolutely lovely
they talk to me about birds and grape vines
no torrent of energy or mind.
there are flowers in my feet
the song is not of the birds, but of the earth
don't call for me
this is my home.

you throw your fists in the air
angry at the world
at the death and the propaganda and the late night talk shows
you are a television
spiraling through the internet of money
you will find it
one day.

I am the foolish clown
Clumsily tripping through my life
Stumbling in public
Befooled I am
By my silly big shoes
Slip on a bannana
The whole world a laughter
Big buttons , bonkers hair
How do I dare
But I always need to share

Isolated I feel , Encaged I am
For this is the circus
Ring of my life
As the world is my audence
I am incircled with their laughter
Long lines of cackling heads
And long pointing fingers
Stare ,
layer apon layer
Filled up to my ceiling
I need a way of dealing
With these heavy loads of laughter
Painted on me like plaster

As I shade my face white
To hide my red flush
Painting a great smile
To hide my hidden hurt
But tears betray me
As they spill my make up
For I am the capital
Of false welbeing
My humilated heart
Bursts and springs
Into a torrent of tears
My eyes seek the ground
Away from the world
While my body embraces
A waterfal shape
For I am the new Niagra

As a young clown
My many tears held
In my giant belly
Fall and drop away into
An ocean of compassion
Where the love for the world
And myself are found
As I grow older I realise
There is nothing more
Healing than the laughter
Of your silly self
As my giant hollow belly
Resonates with a cackling Echo
As it becomes a cathedral
Of consuming Laughter
As I always laugh harder
Holding the world in my belly
A feathers tickle turns me to jelly
It laughter becomes my
Fulfilling devotion devotion

How they hold the center stage
While spreading their
Compassion an laughter
How I wish to understand
The tears and Laughter
Of a BEAUTIFUL CLOWN

I used to want to be thin
             To be taller
To have more friends
             And to live like royalty

But that wasn't the way I'm supposed to live
              I am made to be the way I am
Like the things I like
             And live the way I live

I am the one and only
            No one else can be me
                      Why should I be someone else?

Even if you get judged,
                 What better does that make them
If you stand up taller
                  You don't need them

Those people who tease you;
                  Their words may hurt
But there's too many people in this world
                   For very few to hurt you

Now open your eyes
                  And clear your mind
For this is only the beginning
                  And I'm here cheering you on

Blame it
on the
ley lines.
Or blame
it on this
city itself.

These bodies
can tan
10 months
out of
the year
without  the
mind ever
wondering
where the
winter went.

Give them
a little
rain and
watch them
seek refuge
in the shopping
malls where
they buy
designer
rain boots
and jackets.

Things they
know they'll
only use on
the oddest
of these grey
Los Angeles
winter days.

I was so close to trust I could taste it
Feeling more stable around strange faces
But that familiar ache bubbles up from within
Suffocated by the universe again