In the midst of Disarray I stand
Surge flow in my mind like sand.
Autonomously walk this bedlam
As i face this never ending bellum.
When there are no adequate words
All lost in sandstorm of the world.
Just a steady smile left for me to offer
This should convey how much i suffer.
drifting in this bedlam with petty pace
Is it the same smile i see on your face?

At first, there was silence, nothing else
Then, gently, “I love you" happened
A feeling with infinite weight exploded
Thus, created an infinite mass of shades.
And all spin on the axis of this phrase
Many a time it has been truthfully said
Although this limitless cosmos spread
Parallel worlds exist in another phase.
Those incapable of saying “I love you"
Timeless suspense, missing their cue
This is the plot twist, maybe my curse
I exist as a guest in other's universe.

Today is born when yesterday dies
**** today and then comes tomorrow
Burying today with all its sorrows  
Yesterday is the best place to hide.
As if killing time is a vicious crime
Floating in the current of bygones
Dwell on rich prospect of high tides
Seconds march on with monorhyme.
Life is not, but running in this flat circle
Are we killing time or time is killing us?
Trying to solve an already solved riddle
I humbly beseech, what is all this fuss?
If day and night is a monotonous rhyme
For what we celebrate or mourn a chime?

Write about your pain in love
Of the hollow loveless nights
Whine about all your little fights
I can't pay no mind to all above.
Story of a woman, a soldier in war
A real war, not the imaginary ones
A woman that was a mother once
Even my mind can't go that far.
Drowning her crying hungry child
For the sake of saving other's lives
From the real hounds, angry and wild
Silence the child before enemy arrives.
Holding the crying child in her arms
The swaddled child pushed in the mud
I bite my lips and ******* sour blood
For all my afflictions were self harms.
I'm sorry, your story is of lust not love
To me it's all nothing but filth and dust
Is there nothing else you can think of?
For in a fortnight these pains will rust.
We haven't drowned in a muddy swamp
We haven't killed our crying hungry child
So i only ask to keep quiet and tromp
Before hounds of lust catch us in swamp.

Some things we long for to engage
Whiskey, vacation or honeymoon
Might not be all on the same page
constant repetition in mind "Soon".
Whiskey while gazing at Polaris
Two weeks listening to ocean waves
Feeling pavements of sunny Paris
After that, it fades just like a haze.
Whiskey on the porch in the rain
Coffee in cafe Pouchkine in frost
A different joy but the same gain
Revisit another time, memory rust.
A book is the same, maybe better
You feel it better, letter for letter
Whenever you revisit a good book
It always has a euphoric fresh look.

I'm the ugliest person i know
people who hate ugliness
I want all of you to know
Be thankful, if i wasn't ugly
You wouldn't be beautiful
Instead we all would be normal.

Walking up the ship trail i met
Slowly crawling up the same way
A slug, steady with its mind set
Perhaps the same pastures await.
Left the shell, perhaps on purpose
Perhaps never have gotten there
Getting down, might see the carcass
Said farewell, in a hurry to nowhere.
To this day i think of that lone snail
My fellow pilgrim, did you also fail?

Ants made home in the front yard
One carries a heavy piece of wood
Another carries some sort of food
Day in and out always work hard.
Carry with indomitable conviction
No second guess, pressing forward
To the hole, take the load downward
No matter how harsh their mission.
When it rains and ruins their shelter
I wonder if they think it's God's will
If any of them in this despair falter
Thinking cruel God willed to ****.
And when i'm watering the plants
It breaks my heart to watch the ants
To think i'm the God of destruction
Would it also be their assumption?

Sitting on a rock up in the mountains
Everyone has an interesting story
Everything has a baffling history
I wonder, stories each house contains.
Wonder about these tiny colorful roofs
The story of the rock i was sitting on
How strong and patient it kept on
Stories i imagined didn't need proof.
Wish i could hear stories of that stone
Real stories of people in their home
My friend stole that moment of mine
A photo, i call it "a boy lost in his mind".

There is a spell on lovers at night
Spend it, quarrel over hate or love
It never ends, who is wrong or right?
yes, some times, push comes to shove.
Hurriedly to their homes at night
Refuge from darkness of their own
Lover's arms, sanctuary, ray of light
While hiding a piece of skeleton bone.
Lies in the day and love in the night
Running from ourselves, we survive  
Hold to another human's flesh so tight
For another dawn, to revive and strive.
I wait to see myself in mirror of darkness
To see my true self, when sky is starless
A cup of coffee, a smile on my face
Equilibrium, nothing i want to chase.

As i read Shakespeare and Shelley
Relishing the words waltz and play
in awe, the way words used as clay
butterflies in belly, restless and merry.
explore the thoughts of Shakespeare
Hamlet's despair, Macbeth's disdain
Shelley on ***** , alleviate the pain
wished from themselves i could hear.
and what if they were living in this age?
would same Romeo be inked on page?
Laudanum, or ****** needle in vein
Dear Shelley, which one for the pain?

There is a hidden darkness in me
There is a hidden darkness in you
Even best of us have it in them too
And most of us don't want it to be.
Terrible terrors, terrifying horrors
Shadows hide and darkness swell
Have been there, know it very well
Of fiends, demons of murky waters.
Take a closer look, they are of us
Follow us with loyalty and trust
Parcels of true emotions we deny
Embrace! know yourself, don't defy.

Though our story is not fully told
for rest of the chapters to unfold
patiently we wait, patiently we hold.
though ten thousand miles apart
so distant, in the mind and heart
friends still, no matter how far.
I drink to yours, you drink to mine
we patiently wait, wait for the time.
to one day our lives rhyme again
share a whiskey bottle, bury the pain.
that dark tunnel of future awaits
the light we see at the tunnel's end
is it a train that the death sends?
let's find out how that whiskey tastes!
not much time left, let’s make haste!
should not let that whiskey go to waste!

Enjoyed a warm summer with you
I like you and I swear it’s true
I have boots that are ten years old
Been with me in rain and cold
I liked them the moment I bought them
I loved them after three years of snow
You are not boots, a human, I know!
But you have a long time to go.
Takes a few winters till it shows
A few rainy days till one truly knows.

If you walk without a shadow
A shadow of a doubt behind
You frighten me, the real you
I believe, have already died.

If we are going to have a pillow fight
you know i'm bringing my shovel, right?

I'm a silent crier and i have always been
only way to know, tears that can be seen
had a girl once, she had very weak eyes
had to wear glasses at all times
so at times, I could cry and never had to lie
she never saw my tears, never heard my cries.

When i see a work of art
I always ask " how much?"
But not to know the price.
Prices tagged or hanged on a card
Not interested in values as such.
Every one should think twice
how deep the artist went down
into the depths of the mine of mind.
Colors in suffocating darkness
You endure pain in harshness
You endure to find lost beauty
Knowing it's not your duty
To know the value is a must
How much sanity did it cost?

At times when i'm asked
"How are you doing?"
I simply reply
too hard a question
Can you please ask me
an easier one?

Some one once said " I'm waiting"
I asked, for what?
"for my turn to learn"
That person replied
I learned, learned a long time ago
one thing i learned and i know for sure
The only thing i know and i abhor
we will never learn ,that!, i know for sure.

simple and foolish,to me, words are riddles
for sure that's why words change a lot
hour to hour, a slithering word now skitters
one day i howl , one day i hoot
I'm a simple man, but maybe words don't change
It's the way i place them in my mind and arrange
I search search the dictionary for "life"
I just shot a bird, i like the meat
as i put my blade on the bird, i think
I am simple and stupid but not stupid like a dictionary
It takes a life to know what "life" means
I understand why some choose a life-time of beans
I'm a simple man, i just want to feel
what ever there is that i can feel.

She never says hi
She never says anything
Not even goodbye
But when i say
I'm going away
"to where?", she would reply.

Come winter, come
Bestow your cold winds,
to these brittle bones
to change the shape of pain
numb the river of thoughts
freeze it, so i can walk across

Land is measured by milestones
As a man is measured by milestones
The greatness and beauty of a land
Can only be measured by the eyes,
Not steps taken by feet or stones placed by hand
What measures greatness of a man?
Is it truly the miles he has gone
In comparison to “achievements of better men”?
Or foolish sacrifices he has made
So another can see tomorrow as a better day?

with each poem i see i wonder
we butcher poetry for love
or desecrate love with poetry
futile to explain love through words
sad effort to give lust status of love
to read a book or to burn it?
which warmth are we looking for?

The creature watched them come and go and marveled at their beautiful wings and their elegant movement in the breeze. " i'll get my wings one day and they would put shame on the rainbow, you just wait and watch!" before long the day came and he got his wings. Through agony he fought his way out of the shell. With help of the breeze he spread the wings and flew in sky. When he was passing by the river, in still water, he saw an image and moved closer to it. Saw a dreadful creature in the silvery water that had a thousand eyes and the ugliest wings that he had ever seen.The creature imitated his every movement and then he realized that it's his reflection. He was angry and hateful and just like water that reflected his image he decided to reflect that anger and hate. From that day on he hunts the other winged creatures that he adored for so long. he flies static on silvery waters to see the beast every now and then.  That's the story of the dragonfly.

I sat there, amongst the oak trees
as breeze tickled my face and cheeks
danced around me like a girl in her teens
sun rays played pickaboo behind the leaves
my eyes bared their childish tease
i was alone, the last man on earth
as if i could hold the girth of life
like i was holding my knees in my arms
everything was there while nothing was there
was it a dream? i'm not aware

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Every one is running,to be ahead of life
but miss the scenery, miss the life
no, he just wants to be with us
we look back, He is not in sight!
looking in front, but no one is ahead
thinking , we are left alone in this fight
Fast forward to the finish line, we run
death is waiting for us,with her open arms
Hand in hand with life, He is seeing me out,
She is waiting for me but it's not quite the time
i'll enjoy this walk, as i'll enjoy death's arms

“I” , a single letter as a word
How many letters should do the work?
"Am" , the next step, only two letters
What word next? should have known better...
Seems simple but it’s not breezy
Who “i am” or what "i am"? oh, not that easy!
When I and am are in one room
An excruciating  question mark with them
is what i always assume.
Challenge is erasing the question mark
for me it’s like, searching in the dark.

Memories, stories worth telling
All years, nay decades old
Wondering and pondering
Why everything's gotten cold?
Alas! all extinguished in the past!
Ceased and gone, i found it at last!
we die when stories that we tell
Rings in our ears like the hell's bells
Life ends when stories that are told
Are everything we hopelessly hold
Are all Ashes in the far gone past
we still live a life that didn't last.

I am angry, i'm ******
Wished i could live in bliss
Lips i kissed, moments missed
wish to add nothing more, to that list

They throw me in the name of god
Throw me in the name of freedom
Use me to sharpen their blades
Carve to make beauty that never fades
Use to measure, find assumed treasures
With all the radical measures
Use me to build shelters and shatter bones
Calling me god, he bows and bends
Cull animals and humans alike
With ****** hands, holding rituals
Some one ask him! what is it you truly sacrifice?
I marvel, at this creature
Ponder upon every feature
After ages and ages of gazing
To me, It is still amazing!

Always Maybe, perhaps, probably
why can't it be yes or no? only clues
once in a while,a soft word like simply
something i can easily make due.

I don't fear the demons
Nor the black hounds
I fear all the humans
In the past and the present
And the many more to come.

Footsteps in the sand, my only comfort
for every little pleasure, there is pain ten fold
slowly fading, eager for when it all ends
The world, love it or hate it, more or less

in love with life, funny, so little regard for my own
to me the dusk is as beautiful as the dawn
every one on the hunt, for the bigger stag
to build something ,what ever they can stack
looking back, the wind grooming the sand
gazing, as the tracks fade, past, out of hand

Hate you but maybe love you more
still here looking with awe
The pain i see is what i hate you for
The pain i feel? nothing more but a grain of sand

weightless, no tracks in the sand
not looking forward, looking around, not at back
watching childish wind dance with the sand
I don't not exist, therefore i have no demand

Lost in a turmoil, like a ******* painting
anger, hatred, love and lust, all railing
colors go berserk, coming from left and right
searing pain in a three-dog night

Scared and lost ,i watch them come and go
lost in the flow,They said slavery died long ago
The vines leeching their veins, stay awake with me
supposed to be like this? beats me
I'm not even sure if I , Myself, am free
The only thing i know is that i want to be!
Can't find " we" in my vocabulary
Soon, "they" will fade too,
Metamorphosis, A ship sailed by one not even two
one emotion, one number, only one, words, only a few
Enough words, i think, this is my queue.

when you die once,the fear goes away
i feared living and death in the same way
now death is gone, not afraid to live
it's up to you whether mock or believe
i miss that emotion, the fear
feeling being chased from the rear
now that i don't have it it's equal to love
we die to live and live to die

hounds smell blood
sweat shows you are tired
tears show your heart is in a dire
patch your wounds tight
wash your sweat, wash your tears
hounds are coming, wash your fears!

My eyes are a desert
they have to be!
I don't cry , as weird as it may be
Tears show weakness
forbidden! tears are all sins
specially living in a world like this.

I don't regret my decision
loneliness is a blessing
the only thing i miss is the kissing
listening to a french girl
singing simple songs
the only thing i miss
is the kisses and the light of those eyes
i like simplicity, couldn't stand the lies

Darkness was all i could see
i went to doctors, to see if i'm blind
with precious time i paid the fee
glasses! i could see! color, shape and line
but they were tarnished, gaudy and false
no more glasses, i live in darkness now
at least i know it's not a farce
no north star, no moon
i'm in this deep and dark lifeless lagoon
Leave me in graveyard of time
let the thrush visit once in a while

Dark and humid, as i opened my eyes
encircled by rocks, each twenty feet high
Could feel the grass under my feet
music of a small spring ,running with speed

Baffled by senses, filled with awe
a pathway in rocks, was what i saw
a blinding light, shined into my eyes
had this strange feeling, that i would die

frightening and fast, a figure was closing
frantic and frail, mind, that's what i'm losing
black hound, with knives in jaw
**** or be killed, that's nature's law

muscles waxed with sweat
fiery eyes carved in the head
thrusting into space
he picked up the pace

i knelt on one knee, left hand forward
clenched my fist , as he was coming toward
gathered my grit, waiting for the hound
this was the moment, that my life was abound

he bit the left, right hand took the neck
it was a sacrifice, i had to make
gazed at his eyes, " is that all you got? "
the beast groaned and that's all i got

suddenly, we were fused
equilibrium, is the word i choose
i felt his pain and he felt mine
the chills running down the spine

i wake up, that's not the end
some day near, my dear friend
we settle this fight, this never ending fray
fight with all your might, you are my prey

some day near my demon, i'll face you
at the same time, i'll embrace you
till that day, we share this dream
a million nights, a million reams
you call this a nightmare i call it a dream

Some prefer to face it,
some prefer to embrace it,
It's what we deep within care
and ultimately share

I say it's always with us
If i may dare
If life has an irony ,
It would be right there

In Plain consciousness we live toward death