So I had no idea that I was female.
Everyone knew.
I compare it to twilight.
Bella spends a full hour trying to figure the inner workings of Edward's outer shell.
His masks. She finally figured it out.
And everybody in the theater had become aware. From the sneak preview. 3 months prior to the screening.
Still just like me. Bella scurries to find the truth of Edward's origins and nature.
But Edward's hot so I'm cool with it.
I just want to accept this.
I tried so hard to make the world feel amazing. And help everyone.
But it was me that needed help.
So many thoughts of suicide.
So many fake relationships.
Shallow promises. And emptiness.
Breaking my families heart.
And trying to impress the wrong people. Looking like a fool.
And surviving for my kids. And my mom and brother. My uncle and grandma as well. It was so confusing being a girl ina boys body. To this day. I suppress thoughts about men.
Or rather disassociate and numb witha a void filling habit or two or ten.
What you felt for those two days was at my core for years. My brain made every survival technique possible.
All maladaptive.
Drug addiction. Delusions. Self harm
Grandious thinking. Self medicating.
****** programming to like women.
I really put myself in the worst spots for no reason.
I could have just as easily figured it out and changed genders
Younger in life.
But in a way imsuper glad for all my ******* endured. I had two beautiful kids who are the world.
And I changed alot of people's minds about women. Trans. Racism. Environmental. Obesity. Mental illness addiction.  Maybe you tell me I'm ******* crazy but this was all happening to me. I was broadcasting thoughts to the entire world.
I thought the world hated me. I didnt know why everyone laughed at me.
Or avoided me. But I see now. You cant be mad at anyone for them judging you after you gave them false impressions. Or made shallow attempts at being something other than what you truly were.
I think I love the world. Thank you for loving me back. Sorry if i offended anyone. Except trump followers. You can lick the brand new car smell off of my *******. I'm done. God bless

Creative genius.
Left the room.
No soon.
Too soon.
We thought the habit
Leached and drew.
A poisoned wound.
But none knew.
Just what the **** youd come to do.
You changed the world.
Accept it.
Your made for excellence.
Not second best and.
If your fed up.
Make your mind become.
A messenger of truth.
In place of critics. Fakes.
And jesters...
Blessed is the hunter.
Keep my brother safe. If he loves her.
Give them comfort.
Help. The studder in my veins.
Impart the arch Angel's gabriel. To lift me up n give their  wonders
Come from rumblings.
Of hunger.
In the den of Odin's offspring.
Give me. Glares of wildfire
Come from lightning
In the summer.
But make it known.
My throws of toxic body odours.
Are the keeper of the dungeons
Wonders.
My body. Reeks of *** and slumber.
Peek obsession.
Bleed the demons. That live under
Covers. While my stomach suffers.
**** it. I'm the last to know it...
It's a mass emotion.
I display the world. My joy devotion.
In Hope's I'll make it out
In fact. And grow a set of ****
You witless *****.
Your still the **** we know it

Breathe and live.
Positive. Inviting every inch of me.
Testing waters.
Chemical inversion
My disturbance. Like a luxury.
So heaven like a tuxedo deal.
**** me see me luckily
Like coming up 7s real
While my stud husband
Cant stop ******* me.
My family jewels.
Tucked away. Dont **** with me.
Money comes so rare.
I swear.
I need to come up.
With a monthly.....
Self replenished
Money tree.....
And dont thinkbasis.
Is creative *** I made
The corners. Of the rug.
A ******* funny place
For pugs to ***.......
Them ugly looking *****
Something similar
To mister Donald Trump.
His ******* junk
Is made dysfunction.
The assumption. Being
Donald's *****.
Is the reason.
Santas fat *** replaced jesus as the meaning of the season.
I should pull meat cleavers.
Pull the lever.
Move the temperature.
To jam rock.
Mary Jane with solidarity. And reach a fever.
And create a religion solely baced on marley vibes. And make Donald first believer.
Launch a soaked ******. At his roster of bodyguards.
And tell himeat it. You big dumb ******* creature.
Back to shadow moves.
Chaotic evil is my breed
Of feature. So ****** feed my need
Or show me fear.
But never show me fakeness.
I'm made for basic. Greatness.
Blame myteacher.
And my leaders
Cant take it here's a spoon.
******* and tell me how it tasted

Never once had friends
New essentials.
Now I cant ever leave em.
Pretend. Were valkyries.
With discipline from heavens..
Benevolent. And ****.
Reese. I love your head.
You so beautiful.
Not knowing. How your worth.
Was priceless. To your death n
Lyssa. Your not shy.
Your eyes are weapons.
Lacey. Your a graceful song.
Chaotic. Mess. But your the best.
Never forget. Shiina.
Your my  queenie.
Need my genie. To grant you every good event. To bring you men.
That you never woulda met.
And hold your head.
In heavens blessings
Ebony. Your a wedding dress.
So silky. And well kept.
Though your parents.
Thought you were best kept.
In the attic. Till you managed.
To evict. The past.
And see the fabric. Bless your chest.
I'm jealous of your *******
Never shame your body.
Your intoxicating to the senses
You **** vixens.
Were so delicious. Ain't it ****.
When you asking him.
For filling your night.
With passion.
Not to pack it full of filler
Like lays packages chips
In plastic *****.
Asking jackylyn.
How come her body is amazing.
But shedont see it.
Crime observed.
No rcmp. To write a ticket.
*** shes to fine. And doesn't
Act it. It's a tradgedy.
She wrote the book on hotness
**** that snot a compliment
She wrote the ******* manuscript
Than next is hailey Kastendieck
Shes the best. Not coming second
To anyone. Shes the angel
In a whiskey glass.
And the shades you need.
To keep a candle lit.
When its pitch blackness.
In the world with out her
Heart to illuminate the path of sanity
Amidst the madness grips...
And sha. Is my badest *****.
I pray she knows. I never hated
For a second.
Shes my reckless. *****.
Her husband's going to need an army.
To break that mustang.
Fore he saddles it...
Shes the gravity. Between. The planets
Her madness is my habitat.
Steven is my man. I wanted bad ****
But never imagined.
He'd be rapped up in so much bad ****
That I'd feel like I couldn't help
Him brings me sadness.
Tyler my little native gangster.
Hope the Angel's make him practice.
Loving within himself.
Till he fades away his vision from the blackness.
And Ricky and jack jack.
Hope you goofs.
Find proof your awesome
In the memories you gotta leave
In bags.
R.i.p. your futures brighter.
And this vacuums cordless and its bagless
**** up all the good ****
Love you all. I prolly forgot
About a million souls I love on this planet.
In a hospital for mental health
But my diagnosis bad *****

Hurricanes in season.
Eyes of life.
And devastation...
Breed captivity. In containment
Calm inside the confines
Of a central storm
The world now faces....
I believe.
In god. And Angel's. Calm like allah.
Or Mohammed.
The future me is hopefully
More honest.
But I'm no prophet.
Just want my family to feel
My love. And live so long.
Our bodies start to rot.
Before we choose our plot yep...
Guess it's not always
The plan.
But what happens in the process.
Maybe logan. Finds true love
And jade and him move on
*** I think its toxic
And my sister moves
On beyond the coffin.
Re kindles her passion
And enthrallment
In knowledge.
Maybe pursuesher doctorate
Hope my mom can rest for ever.
In the peace and holy gospel.
May my people prosper.
Life to offer.
It's a try at life.
Hope my sisters husband
Forever wants her.
May my cousins
Never want for *****.
Cloud of Casper.
Turning ghost
From marijuana.
Jenny reindfleish tm. Sauna.
And my aunty louise leave the
Rubble kept
Like land mines
From her dear departed momma.
May my cousin get a better back
I tried the opposite.
Of mine but God's not a doctor.
Hes just the all giving father.
Hope my cousin dilly.
Feels the rumbling in his
Under belly.
And watch for his true calling.
Like a hawk. Stalks its prey.
He needs direction.
*** his depression.
Isn't awesome. No god its rotten.
Hope he meets his soul mate in the process.
May my cousin steven keep his passion
Hes a master with his hands.
But guide his spirit gland.
To a sweet song.
His frigid. Lips may have never sang.
Pray my aunty. Clears her throat.
And cancer ***** off.
Sorry god. But I need her longer.
She comes back stronger.
Hope my hailey Kastendieck
Loses her *** and ****.
And becomes a man legit.
Her family ***** a fat ****.
He gets a bad ***** for a partner.
And I'm best man. At a trans gen
Wedding.
Dam lit. Yeah best man ****.
Hope my uncle learns his music
Isn't first
His mom is more important.
Gramma. Your my angel.
No way to explain
The storm. You
Swore I'd make it through.
Cant ignore. I couldn't make if not with you.
Hope my aunty Terry. Wins a thousand bucks. And plants a tree and feeds the ducks. That sweet stuff..
Hope my kids grow up.
To love their life. And learn some stuff.
To help them heal with love.
Hope gabby valentine. Learn love from gentleman's. And ladies touch.
And have memories were jealous of.
Those ******* studs.
Hope my friends canfucking quit the drugs.
Hope everyone I've touched. Expands
Their life to line with god.
Allah. Jesus christ. Creator. Every single teaching. That I love
May they embody that stuff.
And confucious too
And buddha.
And the Vikings.
Thor is ****.
And the valkyrie. I'd love to be one.
Give us it all god. Love you.
And everyone else I forgot
Oh and p.s. give david a **** honey.
Who has his back. And wants to blow something other than his money.
Malia too. Well shes got huge ****. She doesn't need any help. Lol
Lol and rest in piece mike honcho.
We know what you've done here this day.
Carry on soldier

So I'm turning female
Wish dad could have seen his daughter....
Shes cool. And wild.
Like river water..
Next to leaves of autumn.
Changing. Stories.
Like a man. In question under
Lawmen. Lawless from the state.
Now saying. Honest better.
Shes a solemn. Golden spec
In Alaskan rush.
Who learned a mans touch
From her father..
As a boy. Confused.
Bewildered. In a gender.
Not belonging. To his
Posture ever....
Now the leaves have thawed
And summers. Clock.
Is long as her hair..
Mocassins. And bear skin sweater.
All together. But her hearts not leather.
It's a butterfly. In flight.
Sometimes clumsy
Like a toddler.
Making songs
By banging pots together.
Dad. You brought this weather.
Spring was fast.
My bodies. Better.
Love your heart.
Modesty. And proof of ****.
You knew you loved my mom
More than any other star could ever.
Make a wolf sigh.
And cry to the moon.
You knew why I brought you this letter.
Hope it makes it better

Who am I.
Not thinking suicide.
I want this life with love eloping
Soon as I... can move this
*******. Celestial
Grooming time.
With foolish very.
Mood lit.
Muted conversations
Happening with you and I...
You knew this time.
My love was not a hemi sphere
Its circling.
Your atmosphere
And as it nears.
You make me
Look like dancing
Pictographs
Collages of every smile
That made you tear...
My mate is here.
You can face your fear.
And join my heart.
In every memory.
You never seen.
The deer and rabbits.
Run from foxes.
Never need. To stop it.
*** I want you to end the hunt
With my body.
In your jaws.
And my soul. Nourishing.
Your happiness.
My man. Let's hear it for the boy.