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call me for the ransom
kidnapped and adaptive brightness
riding eyes wide
dragon fire inside
its ******* frightening
dying,, living in enhancement
entranced
dope in guage romance

ten guage the trigger dance
and i freudian slip and red my hands
my life a madness
in containment
chased no bravery here just blood
the microscopic homeglobins
slowly flowing down my plut
french for *****
mostly mushy
drenched in mud
and burned like sage
a ****** mystery like pages
with a pinch of salt (assaullt)
and violent rage
what to write about
awwww finding your sexuality young

demons and urges, memory .....swept
the stolen youth
most lose, you ......kept,
thrills...... procuring forbidden knowledge
obscure to peers
till  they mature in college

i dont want to talk about this anymore
im not normalizing ****

this **** has been in my system for either 11 years
or 14, at least conscious of it for 11
they asked me all kinds of questions
i knew were just geared for me
do you feel spiders
do you get wierd tastes
do you get bad smells

i mean how the **** could i not know
you guys would bust out laughing
or say really obvious things ten feet away from me
when i had a wierd thought
or felt something wierd
now i go world wide,
its a great feeling isnt it

i mean my sister said ***** supposed to be the opposite
but i always try to correct the thoughts i send out to match
what im really thinkingn constantly  raging an internal war of dyslexia
and other mental addictions and illness.

i hear people around me saying all kinds of ****
and im always right about what there saying
were all up to date on the stupid thoughts
i have like my mind is a steel trap, or trying to do the voice match
or whatever the **** else
or the thoughts you guys get like placebo effect
or im not simulating things
or the goof would have
or whatever else
you guys post little obscure messages about my **** hoping to break through my walls but primarily just end up trying to hide this from me so hard that it becomes even more apparent
im not stupid or dillusional
i may know how to think like a girl but i also know how to think like a bunch of really cool other things
i cant even sincerely tell if you guys think im a genius or your laughing at me, and honestly if you knew how many times i felt like absolute ****, youd just be real with me
like it doesnt matter now if i know or if i dont
theres no way to suppress it anymore,

i know i transmit thoughts and feelings
i know they give this medication to the stupidest worst ******* people on the planet
and it effects them entirely differently
i know its supposed to go into your brains waste bins
and eventually peed out and **** out sweat or whatever
but for whatever reason ive surpassed the ten year mark
.........


i hope you guys know i still love all of you
no matter how many times i thought of ending my ****
i just want to be loved.
i thought if i made everybody happy i could do alot of good
but here i am.
confused about my sexuality
socially isolated and stuck in a town where all my friends are doing really bad *****.....
i mean i dont want to go in depth, but you know i know
i know you know

lets just call er good
Dime type boy with an expensive tag
Simon knows I'll dress in drag
Science says drag equals
Friction
Think like a chick
My strange addiction.

Hooked on Phonix but cant really read
Hydroponics with lots of ****
Chronic equals lots of letters
Like blaze a j.
                      O.   it cant get better
                       I.      feel dope
                      N.         its smoky weather
                      T.              for time out
j.o.i.n.t effort together
Motionless resistance
Devoted. Bro.the  Flows now
Like knowing your ****.
Growing up with Christian's.
***** in.
The sin of knowing
more than being different.
Hoping someone listens
But god only exists in fiction.
Fairytales and during Christmas.


Living in the borderline
Blow
My nose
My throat is closing
When I snort a line....
Its *******  horror time...
Oh ***** foul
Hannas on the prowl
really  try.... this Billy cyrus
Can vanna white
Get it right... I ..... just
Need to buy a vowel
I'm in the jouls
Of a monster with a purpose
Turning words to detergent
And a mouth full.
Of my fur that.
Turns my growls into howls
Words that ******
And stimulates the bowels
I'm a monster on the prowl
Burn down the whole **** town
Let's get it now
Break....... from the way we live.
In death we learn
Ambitions price.
Is the devils little ***** sin
Better yet
we discover that we  never really learned to lived
It's not a component you forget.
Nor a burden you can give. Away.
The maiden voyage.
Of a little train.
Grown up and Stuck inside the middle lane...
While corporate misers
Rise and fall.
You still feel the same.
And if the walls could talk...
They'd be saying.....
They'd be saying....
Jordan dont waste your life away.
The songs and poems tomorrow knows were written yesterday.
And all the ways the corruption breeds
Dont become a slave after you've been freed....
So just break.
Random writing on my flight
here amongst the muffled chatter
lost thought, and people
scattered
is a living breathing, neural network
connection in eternal matters,
and all is calm for now,
at least,
my firey tongue and mind at peace
for what to come of whispers
shout,
and living in reasonable doubt
of what is real, taste, sound and feel,
like pathways carved
of which will always heal,
and dreams again like connective bones
strangers words as im arriving home
a silhouette in a cloud of smoke
the lingering pictures
of images and motion
broken into
clouds of potent smoke, I choke,

breaking through a circuit tissue
a surgery complex not guaranteed
to fix you,
cerebral surges, and urges coming,
to in turn reword my name
as the taste is funny
its on my tongue
in perfect tone,
but left alone
I know this time im home
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