The clock is ticking down

Why does time pass so slowly?

I feel years older already

Though only days have gone by

Life is harder without their smiles

I wish they still wanted me around

Friendship was what fueled me

Now my soul is breaking down

I wonder how long it will take

For me to realize it was my mistake

That scared them all away

A year? A month? A week? A day?

No, I feel I already knew

But not exactly what I'd done

I miss them dearly

Their smiles were my sun

The world shines less brightly now

My school days feel grey

I want them back but...

I'll get used to it

Just realized something

I write poems about Identity

As well as poems about gender

BUT

I forgot to update my gender

Time to add the right gender

Ooh and pronouns too!

Showing who I am

So have a smile

From me to you! :)

Deep breath in....
Hold for two....
Blow it out...
Over and over till
Your pulse goes down
Close your eyes
Count to ten
Don't let your anxiety win
Not again
No time for panic attacks
Try to keep calm
Reach out to your friends
They've been there all along
You aren't alone
You'll be ok...
But what if you are alone..?
What if you can't calm down?
Tell me what I'm supposed to do now
When the panic has set in
And the air has left my lungs
I will not pray.. Not a Christian
Should I curl into a ball?
Just wait for it to go away?

Hold my hand gently,  
Let me take your pain away,  
Rest in peace with me.

Keep throwing your rocks
And watch me fall
I'm starting to crack
My heart hurts
My minds dying
But keep throwing your rocks
Say more hurtful words
**** me even more
I'm falling apart
I can't take much more
Keep throwing your rocks
I'm a person made of glass
Keep throwing your rocks
I'm ready to leave
Please make me disappear

I know how to play the notes
I memorized the tune
The timing sets in easily
Learned sheet music to "Talking to the Moon"
But every time someone's watching
Even if they just walked into the room
My fingers slip and a sour note plays
Maybe I really am just a waste of space

My friends told me

They didn't want me anymore

I scare them you see

They never understood me

I tried to send them away

They promised to stay

What happened to promises?

Now they've all gone away..

I can sit alone at school

Every day

My brain just broke
I read one word and I died
Not in a bad way don't worry
I just dont know how to reply
I believe its been 20 minutes
I read it over and over
I cant think of what to say
It made me happy?
I feel special?
No that's pathetic
Thank you?
I dont know
I dont understand my mind
I need some time to reboot then I'll reply

The scar on my hand is mostly faded
The pain decided not to last
My matches are gone
No more smoke in the room
No more burns on my skin

Sometimes I find myself ahead
Others I fall behind

Sometimes I love to read
Others I rest my eyes

Sometimes I watch anime
Others I'm on Disney+

Sometimes I watch old movies
Others I watch Owl House

Sometimes I want to be an adult
Others I find I'm still a kid

Sometimes I rush to grow up
Others I want to be Peter Pan

Sometimes the world spins too fast
Others it feels too slow

Sometimes I keep a schedule
Others I go with the flow

Thank you for support!

Thank you for reading!

Thank you for the suns!

Thank you for listening to my feelings!

Thank you for the views!

Thanks to you I'm on the front page!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! <3

Too many thoughts are flowing

Too many words are growing

So before they spill out in the wrong way

And leave a bad taste in our mouth

We have decided to take a short break

Honey, I'm home

Just kidding

Well not really

Gotta say I'm glad

To be back

I'm exhausted

But way too tired

Ta hit the sack

And all these people

In my head

Seem ta view me

As a friend

Well that's a first

Anyway this's never

Been my specialty

I prefer free verse

   - Anthony

I long for dead dreams

Yearn for lost memories

I wish I could turn back time

To when you stood by me

             - Jinx

Been a while

They ask how I've been doing

Oh I'm fine

Been about two days since I cried

People say my face looks like a dog just died

Oh it's ok

It's alright I'm fine

Smiling all the time

Real or fake?

Who cares?

Made a mistake

Bumped my head

Don't fret; I'm not dead

Oh I'm fine

I'll say it all the time

I'm alright

Even if I'm not

Sleep is way too hard

Maybe I should just start

Intrusive thoughts say to give up

Maybe I should start

I found my letter to my future self
Written out in middle school

Back to the days I was very young
When I was still lesbian

I wanted three kids two boys and a girl
One year apart

Thinking back I cant help but wonder
Did I know I wasn't a girl?

Who knows? Who cares?
I am who I am

Since that is the case though
I will continue on from there

Wish me luck

Why can't anyone look at me the way I want to be seen?
Why doesn't anyone use the right name?
Why do I need to sit and deal with these pronouns that simply don't fit me?
Why am I told it's just a phase when I know it's not?
Why do people never look me straight in the eye?
Why do I eat alone, sit alone, cry alone?
Why can't I ever sleep at night?
Why do I see shadows in the night?
Why when people speak of me is "autism" the only word they know?
Why is it that no one wants to know me if not for pity?
Why do people hold out their hands simply to ****** them back?
Why is friendship so fleeting that it never seems to last?
Why does love always hurt and end in nothing but loneliness?
Why do I change for others who never even stay?
Why do I not even know who I am anymore?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Don't ask too many questions
I don't know myself
If you get sick don't blame me
I don't affect your health
I see accusations in your eyes
Blaming me every time someone cries
My mental state is crumbling
Leaving just enough to surmise
If it makes you feel better
Make me your witch....
Burn me to ashes in the forest
Wish I didn't start ****
Sorry you were part of it
Just make me your witch