I spent so much time
And energy
Dragging your lifeless body
Up the cliffs of hell
That when we found the surface
I couldn't drag myself over the ledge
And you left me there
Now
On the surface
After my time to rest
You won't look me in the eyes

I fought so hard to save you
Burned my fingers on the hot coals
Of loving you
Yet
You deprive me the chance
To dance with you on the surface

Congratulations you ******* *****

Why do I always look back to you
When nothing about US made sense
How is it that so much later
You cross my mind
And I'm still jealous
Of the life you built with someone else
Even though I'm living mine
And I'm fine
And I don't want you
I swear

Depression feeds on difficult situations
That doesn't mean if fades when living should be easy

You have a failure for a wife
But I will always love you so

Dear __,

     Even though you were a lifetime ago, I find myself thinking about you now even though, I was never enough you always wanted more. Sometimes I picture you when I touch myself, back when you were down and out and needed my help. Barely eighteen and struggling to survive, taking you to bed always made me feel alive. When I was depressed you quite frankly ****** me through it. I've never had the nerve to ask for it the way you do it. To this day in many ways you were the best. But the *** wasn't good enough I had to look at the rest. Toxic is a word but it doesn't quite fit us. The highs were too high and the lows made me quit us. But I know sometimes you remember me too. Maybe someday you'll read this and know it's about you.

Don't worry sweetheart
You'll never be a statistic where you live inside my head
They're telling you that you were loved
But no one mentioned a thing when you were here to hear it.
Rest easy baby boy
I'll bet you're at peace now
Or at least
You can see what they weren't saying
Sleep peacefully my dearest
The next life has its arms open for you

Living tastes like
The "bubblegum" flavor antibiotic goo
They gave me as a child
To cure my ear aches
You would feed it to me
From a plastic tube
As I cried about the taste
And you would tell me
That it's bad now
But it would make me feel better


It tastes bad now

But you're not here to hold my hand
Or feed me wisdom from a tube
To make it better


My husband walks through life
And doesn't for a single second
wish for death
Not like I do
It's ******* fantastic to watch

Now you can watch me
And you finally see what I've been saying
For so long
That I am tired


Are you sad for me
Or are you disappointed in me
You gave me such a chance
And I took it
But everyday is a struggle
Being alive is an infection
And there's no more medicine in my bottle

The metaphor is:

Staring blankly at a green light as a horn blares behind you