Barely a day goes by where I don’t think about you, Askim
Some days I’m at peace with our distance
But often, it overcomes me and I find myself whispering to myself “I miss you, Askim”
Sending my melancholy into the wind

You’re on my mind tonight and I don’t want to let you go
Please forgive my indulgence of writing this to the universe and upsetting your energy

I still dream of us… as foolish as that may be

Sometimes Askim, I struggle with your words
They’re distant, entirely pleasant and friendly
You’re there, but you’re not there

I understand. You can’t say hello and risk another goodbye. I get it…

I just miss you, Askim **

Askim

I don’t mean to bother you. I just needed to let out some emotions.
I spent this week in your city, and it weighs on me. Just a few weeks ago, I was back in the city we met. And you were in my deepest thoughts. And it’s been a challenge. I’ve been up and down.

I still see you everywhere.

Walking the streets of your city is one of the more nerve wracking and anxiety producing things I’ve done for a while.

I was having lunch this week with your recently departed colleague, who spoke of you, for what seemed like an eternity. All I could do was just breathe in deeply and exhale slowly… while trying to keep my composure. Oh… and… he was pretty happy to get a break from your boss!

I wore your socks and scarf today. Wearing your scarf has an intensity that I can’t quite describe. 2/3 comforting and 1/3 torture. It’s a rather sadistic experience.

Askim, I’m a little perplexed by your enthusiasm to video chat and send gifts, followed by a rather cold semi-silence. We’re all human and it’s not like I haven’t had my moments too! but that messed me around a little.

It’s cool. You can be whoever you want, but it definitely was an unexpected ride.

I didn’t think I was going to write for a long time yet… but it all just bubbled up inside me tonight, right when I was watching GA, funnily enough.

I miss you, Askim.

I haven’t lost the dream…

Work is pretty ******* right now too actually. There’s about to be a blood bath. I’m pretty sure I’m safe, but it’s about to get ugly.

So yeah, the past month has been splendid and smooth.

Anyway, that’s my update.
Don’t worry, I won’t make this a habit. I just had to let the emotions out tonight.

Take care, Askim **

Askim,

I came and I left. I missed you. Gosh how I missed you. I don’t feel like I’m even allowed to admit it. I surely don’t feel like I can email this to you. I missed you.
It’s been a while since I’ve felt a tear roll down my cheek. Let alone many.
It’s been a big week. I kicked ***.
I miss you.
I sorry. I’m supposed to be stronger.
I just have a lot of emotion to release and it’s all coming out tonight.
Maybe I should I delete this. I don’t even know.
I feel like we’re more lost than we’ve ever been. But maybe that’s just me. I feel quite lost at the moment. Generally.
I’m not sending this so you can save me. I’m just burning up on the inside and I need to let it out.  I’m sorry.
I wish I was stronger.

My love, I miss you.

I wrote to you last night. At midnight. Poured my heart out, and deleted it. It wouldn’t have done you any good.

I wanted to write to you, to let you know I’m missing you. And I still love you, Askim.

You came to me in my dreams a few nights ago… it was so lovely to see you again. But it’s left me fragile.

You’ve been on my mind for days now.

I just wanted to put this out into the universe for you. It’s all I can do.

**

I miss you Askim

I miss talking to you…
I miss making love…
I miss having a friend who knows me inside out…
I miss cups of tea together…
I miss caring about you…
I miss ironing your shirts in the morning and helping you roll up your sleeves…
I miss kissing you…
I miss my friend and lover…

I miss you so much babe :/

I can’t quite wrap my head around that we’re not going to talk again. It just doesn’t feel right. So like… that’s it babe?

Will I ever hug you again?
Will I ever make love to you again?

I’m thinking probably not… but I refuse to let go. Even if you have :/

I should sleep. Gotta check out of the hotel and fly home one last time this year.
I wish I could swing past for a hug on the way :(

Oh Askim. Here’s to me missing you from a hotel room on the other side of the world. You should see the city lights. They’re beautiful, but I’d trade them for a log cabin and a big garden with you…

Miss you **

(Found this in my drafts…)

:/ askim

It’s hard isn’t it?

There are emotions bubbling up from the inside of my heart that I’d buried for years

I had a rough week, I’m guessing you did too…

I wanted to write to you every night this week, but I didn’t because it’s already difficult enough without me falling down that slippery *****. So consider this a stop gap. I needed to get some words out to release the pressure in my heart.

I don’t know how you keep it all bundled up inside. But I guess you didn’t let it bubble up to the surface last week, so it’s more manageable.