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6d · 148
Black box of love
Loving you is like a black box
Pain goes in
Nothing comes out
6d · 152
Love like loss
I wonder how many years it’ll take for the pain to subside?
What if it never goes away?
You said to me “I don’t think we will ever get closure.”
Will we die this way?
Sep 26 · 217
A favour
OnceWasAskim Sep 26
You did me a favour. Pulling the pin.
This way we both pretend to be happy.
The alternative was mutual destruction.
I’ve seen that happen and it’s worse than nasty.
You live your life. I’ll live mine.
Forever our heart will beat in time.
Sep 14 · 42
You call me a dog
OnceWasAskim Sep 14
How could I possibly have something with you again?
How could I possibly trust you again?
How could I believe you won’t burn me when it suits you?

How could you possibly trust me?
I’m a ******* right?
I’m a dog.
That’s me.
Sep 14 · 365
Do you think of me?
OnceWasAskim Sep 14
Do you think of me when you’re out on the blue ocean?

When you look up at the stars and the moon and the sky, do you think of me?
Sep 14 · 55
Tears
OnceWasAskim Sep 14
I read your poems tonight until tears were steaming down my cheeks
Sep 14 · 47
My love
OnceWasAskim Sep 14
My love I miss you

I’m struggling to move on

I’m still broken

I wish I could hear your voice
Oh how I dream of you calling me
Just one call...

I do wonder if I’ll ever hear your voice again

You’ve made your mind up to erase me
I don’t have any power.
I’m helpless to your choices

I saw a bunch of Iceland poppies last week
**** near cried on the spot

I just want closure
Anything

Universe? Help me
Sep 14 · 265
Alive?
OnceWasAskim Sep 14
I don’t even know if you’re dead or alive
Sep 14 · 579
Fork in the road
OnceWasAskim Sep 14
I understand why you did what you did, just not how
I knew you had a fork in the road
I knew you had a choice
I know you had to make the call

What you didn’t have to do was ghost me

How you ended it hurt more than you’ll ever know

You scarred me for life

An eye for an eye ?
Aug 26 · 109
I miss you, my friend
OnceWasAskim Aug 26
I miss our friendship
I miss you, my friend

Yes, love made US and complicated US and tore US apart
But it’s our friendship I miss the most

I wish, I wish we could have it back
I miss you, my friend
Aug 20 · 71
Lost
OnceWasAskim Aug 20
You don’t quite realise how lost I am
Maybe you’re in the same boat...
How could I know?
Aug 13 · 121
One difference
OnceWasAskim Aug 13
There’s one difference between us.
I never hurt you intentionally.
I wish I could say the same for you.

I should probably just get over it.
It’s been years after all.
You see, it still hurts like yesterday.

Searing pain. As fresh as the day you disappeared.
Aug 10 · 171
Proud as punch
OnceWasAskim Aug 10
You’d be proud of me Askim
I’ve achieved so much
I’m driven by the pain
**** it burns inside me
I want you to be proud
Despite my anger
I guess you’ll never know now
So what does it matter
Aug 10 · 90
Tell a tale
OnceWasAskim Aug 10
I told someone about you yesterday
I told them about us.
Of the love. Of the loss. Of the pain and desolation.

I don’t talk of us lightly.
But it was the right thing to do
You see he was in the same situation
And he couldn’t see out of the hole

I’ve been there, you see
I clawed my way out without you
So I lent him my hand
Proof that loss of your ikizim isn’t a death sentence
Just a life in which you feel dead
Aug 10 · 63
I wish I knew
OnceWasAskim Aug 10
I’m still mad with you and I haven’t forgiven you.
Just in case you were wondering...
I still love you too. Always will...
And ****** I still think about you daily.
Sometimes good, mostly painful.

Do you remember the good times?
Do you think badly of me?
Do you think of me at all?

I wish I could call you
I wish I could hug you
I wish I could see you smile
I wish I knew when I’ll see you next
I wish I knew if you still think of me at all
I wish I wish I wish I could kiss you
Aug 10 · 253
Miss me?
OnceWasAskim Aug 10
I wonder if you miss me like I miss you?
OnceWasAskim Aug 10
For the record I don’t write these for you
It’s my therapy. Mine alone.
A therapy you denied me.
You don’t deserve it.
It’s all I have left.
Aug 10 · 48
#sobeit
OnceWasAskim Aug 10
I’d do almost anything for you.
Almost anything.
Almost.
Not that...
I won’t leave my own flesh and blood.
Now I pay the price. We both do.
You’ve never stared into your own soul, young, innocent and wholly dependent on you.
I bet you hate me for it some days...
That makes two of us.
So be it.
Doesn’t make it any easier.
Aug 10 · 42
Burn My Shadow
OnceWasAskim Aug 10
Why did you ghost me?
Why?
I knew you had to go.
We both knew you had so say goodbye.
Only you didn’t. You disappeared.
No goodbyes. Just silence.
Never in a million years did I expect that from you.

You tried to go quietly, yet you amplified the pain. Like feedback reverberating in my soul that still rings today.
I hear it in the quiet moments. Ringing in my ears. Throbbing in my heart. Darkness in my soul.
Why?

You thought you were doing the right thing but you ******* ripped my soul out.
You should have known. You did know.
My ikizim would not have done that...

I always said you wouldn’t get a third chance to burn me. You ******* won’t.
OnceWasAskim Aug 10
Do you even miss me?
Do you even think of me?
Do you even give a ****?
I guess I’ll never know...
Aug 10 · 197
So Be It
OnceWasAskim Aug 10
I miss you, my friend.
I miss my friend.
We were so much more. We were more than words can describe.  
But it’s your friendship I miss the most...
You always said we couldn’t just be friends. Maybe so.
But It’s your friendship I miss the most...
No one knew me like you. No one knows you like I did. That’s still true. We both know it.
But It’s your friendship I miss the most...
I’d trade almost anything to be friends again.
I know it won’t be.
Self preservation is stronger than all traits.
And you have that stronger than most.
So be it.
May 8 · 44
Untitled
May 8 · 396
Broken promise
OnceWasAskim May 8
You don’t deserve these poems
You deserve the silence you enforced upon me
I write these for me and me only
My private refuge. Just me and pain

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment it happened
The silence. The cold
Like a train wreck so mangled it’s impossible to know where it begins and ends

I can remember the exact moment I realised
Realised you’d gone... again
Gone and broken every promise we’d ever made
Flung me into darkness
May 8 · 127
Just a train wreck
OnceWasAskim May 8
You saved yourself
Did what you had to do
I took advantage of you

Hold your head high
You took care of it
Nothing to see here
Just a train wreck

Long gone
No longer smouldering
Just a dull throbbing
An eternal sadness
Once Was Askim.
Apr 25 · 201
Brink
OnceWasAskim Apr 25
I understand what you needed to do
It’s how you did it that ripped my heart out

I always supported you
I was always there for you

You turned your back on me
Cut me off
Cut me down
Like I was nothing

I’ve never hurt like that
It took me to the brink of life

That pain is still with me after all these years
A dull throbbing deep in my heart
An eternal sadness
Once was Askim
No more
Apr 24 · 66
Darkness
OnceWasAskim Apr 24
This is all I have
Words pouring out of me
Black on white on darkness

You’ll never see this
It’s not for you anyway
Since when did you give a ****

This is for me
I have to channel this pain somewhere
Better here than elsewhere.
Apr 24 · 139
Once Was Askim
OnceWasAskim Apr 24
My askim
My love
My soul
Lost
This is all I have
It still stings like the day I lost her
Forever lost
Once was Askim.

— The End —