Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Sep 2021 · 248
A brace o' Eeeeejuts.
Obadiah Grey Sep 2021
******. Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson!!!

Yer've spilt yer seed
yer've spent it
as did Onan
on a barren land
and no flower grew
where you shot through
off a ninety nine change hand!!

(There ought be a winky emoji thingy following
but alas,,,,, I'm lacking the wherewithal whatnot.)
Elon's musk...

I'm a conceptual millionaire,
my unpaid gas bill means **** all to me,
tomorrow, I'm a gonna buy me
a mind coat lined with thick meta fur
ignoring them chilblains that
just -- isn't there!

Sep 2021 · 315
Bit of an animal.
Obadiah Grey Sep 2021
She scooped my marrow
she peeled my teeth,
when I felt her lying
bare beneath.

She savoured
our sweet
****-u-lant meat
and filleted my soul
then made the We,


Apr 2021 · 878
Del's dilemma.
Obadiah Grey Apr 2021
I met my uncle Albert
down at asda, in aisle three;
he got there in his mazda,
jus' a smidgen after me,

said he'd traversed sainsburys,
tesco liddle n the spar,
but not one o' them flogged caviar
truffles or foie Gras.

He sidled past the pork pies
streaky bacon turkey thighs
a headin for the french fries
n forsaken knock down buys,

He shimmied 'round the ankle biters;
expectant mums to be,
popin pills for bloated ills
in the haberdashery.
Feel free to add a verse !!!!!
Feb 2021 · 457
: Doggy paddle:
Obadiah Grey Feb 2021
feets, are the foundation
of our uprightedness,
knees, are for the leanings
in advance of our fall.
hips, are for the twisting-
and swivelling of it all.
necks, keep our head up
in back stroke, or the crawl.

Jan 2020 · 225
"Boing, time fer bed"
Obadiah Grey Jan 2020
"-Boing !!!!-"

Afore you up and shuffle
out the door
for god to tally up
yer score,

may I make jus'
one suggestion-
that you ask of him
this question.

Why was Zebedee
so rude
and what became of -
Jan 2020 · 78
Obadiah Grey Jan 2020
the he
that is me
when the we
just could not be
finally, sees this truth.

Nov 2019 · 239
Death of a poet
Obadiah Grey Nov 2019
didn't know him very well,
didn't even know he'd gone,
though, what I know is that he was,
The idiot, in an idiotocracy.
Jul 2019 · 408
Obadiah Grey Jul 2019
Feathered, daft,
leaning sweet.
compliant, reliant,
we, complete
May 2019 · 317
Obadiah Grey May 2019
Look, its poached, or fukin fried.

Its either, or,
there ain't no more,
tertiary options, out de door.
May 2019 · 280
"- Gracie -"
Obadiah Grey May 2019
thought I filed her
in the drawer,
third one down
I thought,
in amongst the
clutter of things
I should have ought,

her name is lost
to reason,
many seasons
past and gone

though her face-
her face is
emblazoned on
this evening setting sun.
Apr 2019 · 251
Obadiah Grey Apr 2019
In our snap shut skin,
in our blue twang of youth,

When we bound young wolves
in a palette of grey,

When we shackled
a snowflake in white.

When we manacled the sun
unto the day,

And, we tethered the moon- -
to the night.

(****, I have absolutely no-idea how to reply to anyone, Sorry! )
Nov 2018 · 657
Obadiah Grey Nov 2018
Fully ambulatory with
onanist wrists,
neither whig,
nor tory,
nor communist,
he's loose lipped
loose hipped
quite well equipped,

he's bendy n trendy,
he's buff, n ripped.

not quite castrato
and gives good vibrato
to choirboys mulatto -
with belly button fluff.

Sep 2018 · 342
Aching bones.
Obadiah Grey Sep 2018
Aching bones n bladder stones
are signs of gettin old,
missing teeth n droopin beef
two more,, or so i'm told.

Hairy backs n saggy sacks
are afflictions of old men,
havin rants n ****** pants-
happen now n then !

when the gut is sagging more n more
and it's dragging on the floor,
when ******* are banging on the knees
and armpits smell like cheese,

when teeth they sleep within a glass
upon the bedside table,
and as for giving girls a thrill
you find you're quite unable,

But don't think that I’m unhappy
after everything I said,
e'en though I wear a grown up *****
and soon be ****** dead.
Jun 2018 · 264
Obadiah Grey Jun 2018
I could wax on the wings of a butterfly
but, I aint that kinda o' guy.
rather kick the nuts off ******* squirrels
pull the wings off blue arsed fly.

I'm the stuff that flops off dog chops
when he's up fer it and high,
I'm a metaphor to drink s'more
I'm the toe nail in the pie.
Jun 2018 · 238
If's buts n maybes !
Obadiah Grey Jun 2018
Lumbago ought be a flower,
but it ain't.

Goldfish could have shoulders,
but they don't.

Death should have meaning
and my windows need cleaning
by the missus -

but I know- she just -- won't.
May 2018 · 251
middle fer diddle.
Obadiah Grey May 2018
There once was a theist, I hear,
whom thought he'd bend Gods leftist ear,
now feeling contrite
Gods deaf to the right.
the atheists thought that - quite queer.
May 2018 · 220
Obadiah Grey May 2018
'er pons and medulla oblongata
makes Annie the ****** a bit smarter
than the average gal, joe pete or al
and her mystery is - pro rata.
Feb 2017 · 535
"- Ergo sum -"
Obadiah Grey Feb 2017
There is a brilliance
in the darkness-
that only the blind
will see.

There is a symphony
in the silence-

A heaven - for me.

We are but a breeze
amidst a storm at sea,

This precarious spark,
We-- humanity.
Sep 2016 · 968
"- Two quid a ticket -"
Obadiah Grey Sep 2016
Liverpudlian rock stars
to sing fer me - the Queen,
I'll pay yers all in corgis  
and transfuse ya wiv - caffine,
I've gorra a bloke called Ringo  
fer the bingo - inbetween,
support act - Chewbacca -
and Macca - in yella submarine.
Jun 2016 · 656
Obadiah Grey Jun 2016
I am partly shiny
but mostly dull,
kinda Bo Peep-ish,
I'm into wool.
I am an errant bent penny
of dubious worth
and a fickle little tickle
on the funny bone o' mirth.
I'm tapioca pudding
after chicken Coq au Vin --

an iamb, and I am,
The Vitruvian Man.
Apr 2016 · 2.4k
Obadiah Grey Apr 2016
In Alarias eyes lies
a roast lamb mountain,
on a sea of the worlds
bestest gravy.
between her thighs
is peas pudding n pies,
cornish pasties,
crimped and savoury.
Apr 2016 · 368
Obadiah Grey Apr 2016
First, we fashioned
our gods of stone,
and then from
a sacred wood,

We even tried
out flesh and bone
but it wasn't
- quite as good,

we lauded him as
then promptly nailed
him - to the cross, !!

the next shall be
of ones and zeroes
pay per view
and pixelated -

a Super Hero.
Mar 2016 · 374
Obadiah Grey Mar 2016
Gimbal eyed and shrugged -
at rooks caw and ravens croaked
shriven threaded dawn.


Mar 2016 · 321
Obadiah Grey Mar 2016
leaf litter rustle
urcheon beneath the hedge row
mother and hoglets
Dec 2015 · 456
Obadiah Grey Dec 2015
There is a perfect angle
at which the bottom
of the left *** meets the
rib cage of your woman and its
the square root of two.
Dec 2015 · 489
"- Wabbits n stuff -"
Obadiah Grey Dec 2015
Croak with the raven
bluff with the crow
the urchin
the field mouse
beneath the hedgerow

Yelp with the *****
howl with the hound
and bay at the moon
till the sun comes around.
Aug 2015 · 646
"- Metaphoric Alley - "
Obadiah Grey Aug 2015
Some say metaphors are
a refuge for the inarticulate,
a maisonette for the
narrow minded.

Others, may feign indignation
at such a lowly art.
a sometimes mansion for the
oft times creatively bankrupt.

I - as a lover of metaphor
couldn't give the tiniest of *****--
in my a two up two down
with outside toilet and tin bath.
Jul 2015 · 399
"- With a nod to Spike -"
Obadiah Grey Jul 2015
Somewhere, there
is a fat man dancing,
and behind his rusty grin
lies a man thats lithe and thin.
Jun 2015 · 3.1k
"- Passchendaele -"
Obadiah Grey Jun 2015

Off dead mens lips
fell the clarion call.
"Away up lads
Away us all--
till we fall !!"

Off dead mens lips--
fell the clarion call.
Apr 2015 · 930
Maslow and Me.
Obadiah Grey Apr 2015
is a plump
fickle comely
*****; Want is but
a breakfast in bed; Need
is a dump a *** and a trump
and a **** with a bodkin and thread
Mar 2015 · 394
"- Reply from God -"
Obadiah Grey Mar 2015
"Reply from God"

Sometimes silence is violent,
unspoken words beating
you about the ears
and paranoia going about his business
Obadiah Grey Feb 2015
I quite like plastic sandals,
**** shaped candles,
and big assed women in my bed,
I like artistic folks and ***** jokes
and piccalilli on rye bread,
I like big gay men and Tony Benn,
loud mouthed scousers and Steven Fry,
I like The small faces whisky chasers
and come home Lassie - made me cry.
I like the upturned curl
of ******* dog lip
the hurl and swirl
of big girl hip.
I like Bevelled slick edges
and reeaal eeaasy slopes.
chilli dip wedges
with fresh artichokes.
wanton loose wenches
and swivel hipped ******
daft dawgs and dentures
and granddad - who snores.
Nov 2014 · 349
"- Of love -"
Obadiah Grey Nov 2014
Let me be your drowning man,
then you could be my saviour,
when you are all that is, and all I am,
for your love, I am but a slave for.
Jun 2014 · 704
"- Pascals preserve -"
Obadiah Grey Jun 2014
"Pascals preserve -"

It came with tamper proof *****
and heavenly holes
one way slats for
the blinkered souls
a promissory note
from the big "I AM"
there's eternal life

in my - Godly jam !!
Feb 2014 · 704
"- Not Optional -"
Obadiah Grey Feb 2014
And so begins the relentless trudge t'wards oblivion,
dodging metaphorical dog turds along the way,
poking the odd eye, kicking cans, shrugging shoulders
and the obligatory scratching of a dying ****…'till, death.
Feb 2014 · 442
"- Optional 2 -"
Obadiah Grey Feb 2014

Oh, for the snap shut skin
in the blue twang of youth-

I wish them well in their stretchy hell………….. ******* !!!
Feb 2014 · 968
"- Optional -"
Obadiah Grey Feb 2014
A tummy rub, a foot tickle
a cake twice cooked and tea,
with lunch the finest whisky
and bed time rumpumpee..
Feb 2014 · 555
"- A Godly leg up -"
Obadiah Grey Feb 2014
"- A Godly leg up -"

The day will come
when I will die
of this I can be sure,
stick my body in the ground
let it ripen and mature,
just in case I’ve got this wrong
and in heaven God I’ll meet,
I’ll prostrate myself,
kiss her ***,
and worship at her feet.
Feb 2014 · 895
"- Cheers Bob -"
Obadiah Grey Feb 2014
"- Cheers Bob -"

The can't ****
squirrel arsed
say -

"Hey, we're on
the up lads
and the Footsie's
buoyant too !

Wall street's
through the ceiling
****'s beginning to accrue.

So we saw no need
for apprehension
we've done the deed
and spent yer pension" !!!
Obadiah Grey Jan 2014
To the left of kathmandu
sat a man bereft one shoe,
was one sandal shod
so he said to God
"oh Lord this just won't do,
I've holed my sole
and my begging bowl
has up n then gone missing,
now it's my mishap
that I've trod in crap
and I've got no ***
to **** in".
Dec 2013 · 44.1k
"- Odds and sods -"
Obadiah Grey Dec 2013
Sphincter factor nine approaches
food for the fish n roaches
methinks its time for me perhaps
to open up the rearward *****.

AAChoo !!

Oh, liddle sister, Josephine,
you sure don't keep your
nose real clean.
got stalactites
o' pure pea green
my infectious sibling
snot machine.
I thought that I might shoot the breeze
with God or Mephistopheles
and ask them please to ease my wheeze
of my bad back and dodgy knees
Croak with the raven
bluff with the crow
the urchin
the field mouse
beneath the hedgerow
in a flurry they scurry
away away go.
Yelp with the *****
howl with the hound
and bay at the moon
till the sun comes around.
Gino's bar and grill.

Away, away afore Bacchus
doles out befuddlement
and Morpheus has his way,
lest I awake to find myself
in the company of
sodamistic bedfellows
with buggery in mind.
Harry Potter has grown a beard
he lives alone and turned out weird.
Dumbledore, Albus, no more
turned his toes and 'ad a snore,
Voldemort, who's *** is taut
has no nose with which to snort.

Ahem !!

Behind two Lilies- sits Rose,
then Daisies
for two and a bit rows.
with Poppy, and *****
Petunia, Primrose.
and Bryony - who gets up
- my nose.
God bless the Cows - for beef burgers.
God bless the Pig - for their bacon.
God bless the wife n her sharp knife
for the slice of their **** she's taken.

We can, no more fetter the sea to the shore
nor the clouds to the sky
or tether the glint
in a lovers eye,
As sure as the shore loves the sea
so shall I love thee, together,
together for eternity,


It bends for thee
sweet chevin,
the cane thats cleaved
by three,
wilt thou now
sweet chevin
yield, my friend ,
for me.
There's Marmalade then Marmite
and Jams thats jammed between
the buttered bread of bard-dom
a poets sweet cuisine.
I took up campanology
and fired up my ****.
I rang that bell
to ******* hell
till the busies
came along.
so, I've been whittling away
at a buoyant ****-
fashioned something approximating
a poo canoe-
in it, I intend to
surf the **** tsunami of old age
to-- death;
I have named it Public - Service - Pension.


A surreptitious delightful tryst,
with my honey, my sebaceous cyst.
she's my pimple, my wart,
my gumboil consort.
she's the zip, in which
my *******, got caught.
Frayed at the bottoms
ripped at the knee.
baggy and saggy
big enough for three.
faded and jaded
and stained with ***
but I'm due for a new pair--


Ther­e's Cockerel in my ear
and he bills and coo's for you
whenever you are near
goes - **** a doodle doo !!!!!,,,,,,,,


Oh,­ for the snap shut skin
in the blue twang of youth
and to un-crack the spine
on the book of love.
now the gulping years
have flown away
we take sips of the night
and are spoon fed the day.


Zeus made the Moose to be somewhat obtuse,
a big deer- rather queer- I fear.
then God gave him the nod to look funny and odd
the spitting image of you - my dear !!!


Knobbly Nobby.

Nobby has a great big nose
a great big nose has he,
and nobby knows
that his big nose,
is big, as big can be,
nobby has two knobbly knees
two knobbly knees has he,
his knobbly knees,
are as knobely
as knobbly knees can be,
don’t pity dear old nobby
for soon it’s plain to see,
that nobby has a great big ****
as big, as big as three !
now nobbys **** is knobly,
as knobly as a **** can be,
so nose and knee and ****
make three,
and we - are ****- ely.


The Woman that wouldn't eat meat,
had reeaally, reeaally big feet,
her **** was as big as an hermaphrodite brig
and her **** were as hard as concrete….


Hearken the clarion call of the crows
afore the snow-
they caw,
hey, get your **** into gear lads-
we gotta feckin go !!!


Gods pad

I took a peek within
your house
wherein on pew, I spied
a mouse,
and in his hand,
a Bible clasped,
and out his mouth,
a parable rasped,


I'd say she had
a pigeon loft in
her eyes and
bluebells up
her nose.

But then again
I wear a flat cap

and stroll through meadows.


Would you care to buy our house?
It's minus Mouse n devoid o' Louse,!
Spiders, Roaches, Bugs or other,
have all been eaten by my brother,
snaffled up n swallowed down
then jus' crapped out a - yellowish brown.
so would you care to buy our house?
from an oddly pair -- devoid of nous


Though the Crows got her eyes
and the Worms got her gut.
comes as no surprise
death can't keep her mouth shut.


Bevelled slick edges
and reeaal eeaasy slopes.
Chilli dip wedges
with fresh artichokes.
Wanton loose wenches
and swivel hipped ******
Daft dawgs and dentures
and granddad - who snores.


Been whittling away at a buoyant ****
and fashioned something approximating a canoe,
in it, I intend to surf the **** tsunami of old age;
I named it, "Public service pension"


     I could wax on the wings of a butterfly
but, I ain't that kind o' guy.
rather kick the nuts off ******* squirrels
pluck the wings off - blue assed fly.
I'm the stuff that flops off dog chops
when he's up for it and high.
an infection in your sphincter,
a well
that's jus' run dry.


befeathered­ and bright scarlet
is my ladies bonnet,
jauntily askew and -
lilting on a paramours

"- Gladlaughffi -"

I'm reliably informed that dear ol' Muma
sported a goatee around his **** sphincter,
now, whilst this is merely educated speculation
from my esteemed friend his "groom of the stool" ! 
who was in fact required to wear a mask,
ear muffs and a blindfold whilst he went about his business,
He did possess reeaaally sensitive fingertips
somewhat akin to a blind man reading brail,,
and, swore blind that said "**** sphincter' spoke him in Arabic
and asked him for a quick trim, (short back and sides)
I myself being a practising proctologist of some repute
am inclined to believe my friend the "groom of the stool"
as I've come recognise -- Arsolian when I hear it !!!!!!!!

In a Belfast sink by the plughole
where hair and gum gunk meet
'erman the germ-man  and toe jam
bop the bacillus beat.


Doctor this I know as fact
that I have a blocked digestive tract,
I'm all bunged up and cannot go
my trump and pump is - somewhat slow.
I need unction jollop for junction wallop
some sorta lotion to give me motion.
If you could please just ease my wheeze
then I needn't grunt and push and squeeze.


They are breaking out the thwacking sticks
and sparking Godly clogs
pulling tongues through narrowed lips
at the infidel yankee dogs.


As a paid up member of the
lumpen bourgeoisie poetry appreciation society
I can confirm without fear of contradiction
that poetry is indeed baggy underwear
with ample ball room, voluminous in the extreme
and takes into account
the need for the free flow of flatulent gassiness
that is the want of a ****** up poet.


She's a rough hewn Trapezoidal gal
a gongoozler o' the ol' canal.
She's copper bottomed n fly boat Sal.

I'll have thee know that
that there hat
is a magic hat,
it renders me invisible
to the arty intelligentsia
and roots me firmly
in the lumpen proletariat .
Said the sneaky Scotsman, Jim Blaik.
if the pension, you wish to partake,
bend over my son, lets get this thing done
and cop for this thick trouser snake !!

I met my uncle Albert,
down at Asda, in aisle three;
he got there in a Mazda,
jus' a smidgen after me,
said he'd traversed Sainsburys,
Tesco Liddle n the Spar,
but not one o' them flogged Caviar
Truffles or Foie gras.

He sidled past the pork pies
streaky bacon turkey thighs
a headin for the french fries
n forsaken knock down buys,
shimmied 'round the ankle biters;
expectant mums to be,
popin pills for bloated ills
in the haberdashery.

Fandango'd o'er the cornflakes
and the spillage in isle four


I'm linier and analogue,
a ribbon microphone man
mired in the dust of the monochromatic,
the basement, the attic.


Simple simon met miss Tymon going to the fair,
said simple simon to miss Tymon - "pfhwarr what a luverly pair"
of silken thighs and big brown eyes and scrumptious wobbly bits,
Said simple Simon to miss Tymon---------- shame about you **** !!!

So sad sweet Shirl thought she'd give a whirl to clubbercise n pound

Squat, slightly,
tilt head 45°
and squint.
See the shimmering blurry
dot in the distance?
That, timorous ****,
is ME !
Fast twitching my
narrow white ****
to the pub.

There was a young lady named Sue.
whose ***** and **** was askew,
whilst taking a ****
she'd aim it and miss
and she lifted 'er hat when she blew.

Oh Mon Dieu !!

Obadiah Grey Nov 2013
When dh'a reaper come a
knockin on ma’h door
tell him a'h gone to bogator,
if he want ma’h ***,
he'll have to wait,
a'h goda liddle more life
to satiate,
A’h sold ma’h soul
to be-el-zebub
for a cute liddle ***
an' a tummy rub,
So a'h guess ah’ll be
a headin d udder way
an' widda old nicks ******
ah'ma gonna play,

Now be-el-zebub said to me dat time
" sign dis boy your *** be mine, !!"
a’h know dis now, a’hn a’h knew dat den,
he purloined ma’h soul whidda fountain pen,
so lawd oh lawd please hear m'ah plea
take pity m'ah lawd on poor auld me,
deliver m'ah soul to da' place above
n tell be-el-zebub dat' he can shove !!
Nov 2013 · 446
"- A whimsey -"
Obadiah Grey Nov 2013
In that moment, of slender breath,
death grants purchase
to relinquished dreams,
and whimseys t
                                                  - free.
Oct 2013 · 1.6k
"- Think Julie Andrews -"
Obadiah Grey Oct 2013
Bevelled slick edges,
and reeaal eeaasy slopes.
Chilli dip wedges
with fresh artichokes.
Wanton loose wenches
and swivel hipped ******
Daft dawgs and dentures
and granddad - who snores.
Sep 2013 · 569
"- homunculus of grief -"
Obadiah Grey Sep 2013
just once
before, I sang
the song of sorrows-
the song that cracks the eyes
and breaks the sanctimony of lips.
Sep 2013 · 526
"- R,I,P Anon -"
Obadiah Grey Sep 2013

Here lies the body
o' poet Anon.
broke wind once
and then was gone.

so, think on this
afore you depart,
life is but one--
unencumbered ****.
Sep 2013 · 426
"- Haiku 1 -"
Obadiah Grey Sep 2013
Gathering silence
in mustering of the dark-
hollow beats the heart.
Obadiah Grey Sep 2013
A Pox ! a Pox !
upon the man
that flogged my wife
this camper van,
and told her please don't
worry dear
that damp patch here
is nothing queer,
it's merely steam
and condensate
that's dripping on your
empty pate...
Jul 2013 · 1.7k
"- Ifs buts n maybes -"
Obadiah Grey Jul 2013
Lumbago ought be a flower,
but it ain't.
Goldfish could have shoulders,
but they don't.
Death should have meaning
and my windows need cleaning
by the missus - but I know-
she just -- won't.
Jul 2013 · 583
"- Calima -"
Obadiah Grey Jul 2013
She blew in as a broiling wind
chocka with sharp sanded beauty
and scythed the jelly of the eyes.
Next page