but you see -
she has
a tendency
to be silent
when it gets
real loud
inside her head.

It's not that I'm overly dramatic in intense situations.

It's not that I think too highly of myself with my nose in the air.

It's not that I put others before myself as a distraction.

It's that I feel so much all at once that I can't regain control of my emotions and what I want.

It's that I stay quiet and continue to move forward with a trail of blood filling my footsteps.

It's that I don't want to be a burden and try not to make others feel responsible for me feeling broken.

"Do you believe in Magic?" I asked him.

He replied, "More than I believe in my very own existence."

Sometimes I feel
Like I am a background character
In my own story

I sit and watch my friends’ lives unravel
Like a movie
Taking everything in all at once
I observe
And think of what I could say right about now
But when I go to say what is on my mind
I suddenly get a feeling of shyness

It’s easier to be the background character
It’s easier to forget the plot of your own life
When everything is revolving around everyone else
And it’s nice to see everyone’s smile
When I remember their favorite things
Or their birthdays
Because I spent more time observing them
Than speaking my opinion

Dear God, it’s me, lonesome
The only friends you give to me
End up leaving shortafter
What did I do?

Dear God, it’s me, anxious
You tell me everything that could go wrong
And tighten my chest, make my breathing unsteady
What did I do?

Dear God, it’s me, depressed
You give me so many good things
But even more to ruin my happiness
What did I do?

Dear God, it’s me, Reagan
I can’t figure out what I did
To make you want to throw the worst my way
Please tell me, what did I do?