my most enduring memory
will be of you pretending
I’m not there

I’m still haunted by the knots
this was a bad idea
makes it harder to forget
I thought I could untangle them
but he’s too much a part of it
pathways burned in my brain
you resonate together
a chord of surreal notes
his face, your words, my heart
tangled

he makes me feel safe
he held me while I cried
over you
kissed my forehead
tucked me in
he fills this tiny space with love
seals the cracks
and I feel safe
he’s the only one
whose ever done that

isn’t this what you wanted?
for things to be as they are?
for me to forget everything?
and be just your subject?
haven’t you got everything?
everything you ever wanted?

before being observed
(and subsequently destroyed)
the cat was teleported to an array of galaxies
and times
thereby seeding the universe
with his own special brand
of ambiguity

in some future world
originals are being murdered
and frauds are prolifically plagiarizing

stories are leaping off the shelves
they are starting for themselves
they are starting happy

I’m bored.
You’re interesting.
At a respectful distance.

she’s got a demon
clearly
a fat, happy thing, making the most of easy street
and she’s not too bright
I suppose I should feel compassion
you certainly aren’t helping
but maybe it’s all tied together in your mind
that, or you’re a sick *******
ugh, compassion all around
alright then
here goes
this round’s on me everybody

the question may not be
would I love him if you weren’t there
but
would I love you
if he weren’t there

a very unstable astrological arrangement is afoot
it’s a good thing
he locks the doors now

most everybody seems to persist
they close their eyes
and when they open them, they’re still there
it’s...

amazing

but I think,
I think I can do that,
in theory,
I should be able to do that, too

I’m not sure how this is better
than the traditional approach
it sure feels worse than anything I’ve ever experienced
how about for you?

I wish I was with you tonight
which is silly because you’d just say,
in one way or another
- Can’t you take a hint?
and then I’d want to die
again

the capitol was vacated
but the capital is still there

are your birds sleeping?
are they hungry?
are they delivering your messages?

all my states
are united under one country
of which you were the capital

There’s only one thing better than ***, drugs, or meditation
And that’s a good run in the middle of the night
with your tunes just slammin’
That moon is a bonus

the most disappointing thing I ever heard him say
(it was a post, actually, I think)
was that he was definitely not a dog person
and I just
I have never been able to forget that

yeah, but
you don’t know people,
he said
and I thought,
exactly

you’re right
I’m not going anywhere
take your time

I have no moving thoughts
only polish for statues

if it isn’t you
if you’re not the one
you’ll be my biggest fan
and they’ll arrest you for stalking

I have a black hole in my pocket
It is

So

Heavy

I wish I was a tiny being
who lived in tiny trees
admiring tiny blooms
floating on a micro breeze

I wish I had tiny problems
like finding a bit of light
to lay my tiny head
among the lovely bryophyte

there was a grand stage
a tiny actor
and all this empty space
it was something

it was a tragedy, an irony
a catch-22
like Romeo and Juliet,
it was an epic timeless love
that killed them both

where, oh where, did that tender trusting soul go?
she is hidden in a treasure chest
at the bottom of the sea

but don’t worry
dreams are her oxygen
and she has plenty

I don’t want to be an *******
I really don’t...
I just —
can’t —
help it!

how are the drones working?
has the technology improved?
I’ve been staying away from windows

There’s a lot to look forward to
But shooting down the scooters?
...I don’t know, it’s almost a deal breaker
I can think of plenty of places where that wouldn’t happen
I bet some of them even have affordable housing and good schools

truth is subtle and quiet
we have to wait for the dust to settle
then it is revealed
immutable and clear
carved into smooth stone
impossible to unsee

I waited for you, alone
in this brightly lit room
until finally
it was a turn off

a kayak
no, two kayaks (you need one too)
my school loans paid off
Celtic knot amethyst earrings
a red Honda Shadow 750
the back bedroom remodeled with cathedral ceilings
a back deck with hot tub
a romantic weekend in a cabin by the ocean
wireless earbuds with phenomenal base

I’m sorry but this is kind of easy and
I’m just getting started...

I feel really good about this thing
my self
I’m going to run it all over town
with sparkly flashing gear
and cool kicks

whoever said it takes two to tango
never saw me dance

last week was really lovely
what shall I believe this week?

we had the greatest romance ever
it was full of passion, intimacy, intrigue
tenderness, joy, heartbreak
mystery, intensity, playfulness
humor, attraction, fantasy
in fact, I think you were the love of my life
I’m so sorry you couldn’t be here for it

are you upset I won’t make him leave?
the father of my son?
in the middle of this economic crisis covid thing?
when we all need all the support we can get?
hell, you wouldn’t even block some crazy *****
but had no trouble blocking me
when I asked for explanations
or your name
oh ****, I guess I am angry
huh.

farewell then, sweet prince
your unicorn is sleeping
and I must take flight
with my dragon

I need a body double
for my pillows
this is a very dangerous maneuver

I’m jumping! I’m jumping!
I’m flipping and twisting!
I’m jumping!
I’m old

stay behind a very thick glass wall
when tossing steaks to beautiful lions

they waited and waited and waited
but the sky never fell
and eventually
they fried that little chicken

I am still all here
it seems
I am not magic

I pretended to sleep
you lounged in the corner
ankle over knee
casually holding a very long handled
sledgehammer
talking to someone I couldn’t see
you were upbeat and relaxed
you were gentle and amused
you were handsome and
a bit
frightening
who were you?

I framed a new space
wired it
installed electrical boxes
insulated it (the good stuff)
put up drywall...

next weekend will be mud and paint
then another weekend for shelves
which still doesn’t give me enough time
to figure out
whose closet is this?

our kisses are being edited
playing over and over
forward and back
slow and fast
clip clip clip
pause delete copy

we may need to do a few more takes

he’s been trying to convince me
for so long
I have borderline personality disorder
I may as well believe it
still
neither of my therapists agree

commas are graphic
three dimensional bullies
so opinionated
we should put them in their place