i feel like im trapped in a cage
and the lock's getting tougher
as i rave in sheer rage
i feel like im wearing a vest
that is too tight to breathe in,
as it crushes my chest.
the hight never scared me at all
and i've always looked up
traced those firm concrete walls
all the way to the skies
i mistook them for paths
guiding me to the heaven
while hell was where i was.
I could never imagine
how much i'd fall for your gaze
how i'd search for your figure
in this foreign thick haze.
I could never envision
i'd get to taste your stiff lips
wrap my arms round your body
and let go of my shield.
you fall silent for months
nonchalant and unworried
whilst my days are now one
my steps no longer solid.
and im thinking i could
just get rid of you now.
block your way back into
my life.
but if you disappear,
everything i live for
all my hopes, expectations
stay behind the closed door
on the same side as you.

i stepped inside the new year without you.
never thought i'd be able to;
yet here i am, sober but drunk on hopes and expectations
behind left disappointments and frustrations
i stepped inside the new year without you.

When I run out of air and I can't breathe
When I lose my eye sight, forget the sleep
And mother tongue will make no sense to me
I'll still remember you like day before
And deeply rue I'd spent my days ashore.

The songs I listen to demand: dive in, jump in, depart.
They call for an uprising and a riot
But I feel safer in my home,
Where quiet.

When I run out of air and I can't breathe
When I lose all I had including thee
And will be left with aches and pains and bitter thoughts
i'll pay to feel your touch and hear your voice.

my loneliness is nothing more than thirst
my aching heart- no more than biting hunger;
just like a dog i run to every stranger
but i appear to be a wolf to every hunter.

No one will hear me howl at night,
im silent.
my cry is deaf, my cry is dry,
non violent;
so very few see diamonds in my eyes
those frozen treasures are tears in disguise.

they say keep your head up
and protect faith;
but where am i to seek this endless strength
when all around me grey, and melting, quiet
whereas i long for some sunlight and a riot.

i got myself in such a mess
he likes it like i like it
im impressed.
he does it how i want it
all right moves
the pose the hips the touch
my clothes come loose.
he bites but doesnt bark
his kisses leave skin burning
i take him like a drug
each morning.

There was this boy
And there was this girl
For him she was carnal lust
For her he was the whole world.

He looked at her - never noticed
She struggled to look away,
For him she was unimportant
While to her he- drop of faith.

Through debris following beams
Of what life's not, but it seems;
We wander, most getting lost
But so determined to find
A soulmate, despite the  cost.

Alone we walk along sidewalks
Paths laid by others like us
Seeking and calling for someone
Who'd hear the hertz of our cries.

Clearing the driveways
Of snow, of dead leaves
Spraying with water fake lawns
To keep facade what it seems;

At last so tired and empty
At last but never at least
You find the one whose heart fills in
The beat your heart gently skips.

Seems like it was yesterday
This pain found in me shelter
Unwanted guest
What a terrible mentor

I have wasted so much
Battling, trying,  defending
Saving, crying, pretending
I have wasted so much

Time. It seemed so irrelevant
I let ache swallow me whole
Love. It seemed so important
Above all.

On my mothers bed was I
Lying still, covered up
Couldnt make a sound, whisper
Couldnt make days count, listen
To my favourite songs.

my loneliness will pass
and i'll feel fine.
old aches become part of the past
as i drown in red wine.

the more the level
and the higher tides
i enjoy more the dangerous
and reckless rides
with you.

i spilled you on my shirt
you came through, you are on my skin
and then to my heart you crept in;
i felt it burn.
i didnt brush you off, or wipe, or clean.
you left a scar, and it'll remain within.
my loneliness will pass
and ill feel fine
but i wont touch the scar you left,
it's mine.

under my breath i muttered that i loved you
under your halo i saw fires, flame
looked like an angel, acted like the devil
you fooled me twice, id let you fool again.

If I had all the treasures of the world
Money, silver and pure gold
If I had all the diamonds and the coal
For 5 more hours to a day I'd trade it all.
For more love in our deeds
For more faith in beliefs
For purity in dirt
For words said that don't hurt
For travels and adventure
For dignity and virtue
For music ending wars
For endless even scores
For more life in our eyes
I'd pay required price.

i waited and ran downstairs so often
as if if i didn't go my door'd never open.
i waited and breathed in tact with my sorrow
deep, dark, so intimate your air i borrowed.

minutes seemed years and seconds seemed so still
my patience ran so low, it ran so thin
i waited till the end and then gave in
i stood there by your side, never went in.

i waited listened to the clock so hungrily and bravely
i stared at the four walls i was confined in daily
i waited and i ran downstairs so often
as if if i didn't go your door'd never open.

Quiet quiet in my head it's quiet
Riot riot my heart wants a riot.
More and more I
Long for wars than peace and
Bigger greater
Grows my love for fears then
Quiet quiet
Before storm it's silent
Riot riot
Im awaiting my end
Larger brighter
Fire's flames are rising
Thinking dreaming
Over-analysing.

Please hold my chair while I tie my noose.
It won't be accidental, it is something I choose.
So im holding the rope, round my neck like a scarf
And im looking around, round myself 'sif on wharf.
Far away in the sea, lie my hopes, expectations
'cause I buried them with
My dear friends and my patience.
Kindness can be mistaken
For a weakness mistook
But im done with being perfect
sliced my friends with a hook.
They were nice when they needed
My assistance or warmth
Now they re lying, not breathing
They've awoken my storms.
I took rusty old metal hook
'fore it got covered in blood
It even shone in some places
Under sun's heavy light
Now I don't think it'll ever
See the daylight again
I threw betraying weapons
Into sea during rain
There lie lifeless their bodies
Mutilated, in parts
They lie, empty their minds.
Boy, they should have thought twice.
I won't stand the rejection
Im not good at ignoring
In a search for perfection
Act was beautifully gory.
Judge as much as you want
And be scared of my words
But If you stab my back
Please hold my chair while I tie my noose.
Dying is not my fate, it's something I choose.
So im holding the rope, round my neck like a scarf
And im looking around, round myself 'sif on wharf.
Far away in the sea, lie my hopes, expectations
'cause I buried them with
My dear friends and my patience.
Kindness can be mistaken
For a weakness mistook
But im done with being perfect
sliced my friends with a hook.
They were soft when they needed
My assistance or warmth
Now they re laying, not breathing
They've awoken my storms.
I took rusty old metal hook
'fore it got covered in blood
It even shone in some places
Under sun's heavy light
Now I don't think it'll ever
See the daylight again
I threw betraying weapons
Into sea during rain
There lie lifeless their bodies
Mutilated at parts
They lay empty their mind
Boy, they should have thought twice.
I won't stand the rejection
Im not good at ignoring
Always reach for perfection
Act was beautifully gory.
Judge as much as you want
And be scared of my words
But If you stab my back
I'll interrupt your pulse.

it's driving me crazy
it drives me insane
your indifference, lazy
agonising and plain.

it's making me nauseous
it's making me ill
i knock on your doors
but you run for the hills.

no matter what happens
im trying to choke
suffocate this vain feelings
turn my pain into smoke

i dont eat, there's no point
i dont breathe
leave me alone.
stop reappearing
but how can i delete
delete poisonous feelings
that i turn into wit.

you lose somebody only once
and spend a lifetime trying to restore
but once they're gone, forever lost they are
but wounds will heal,
and soul will hurt no more.

I dont know if im shaky or steady
Are my feet firmly set on the ground
Or am I lost and not at all ready
To see clearly or even come down.

I dont know if im honest or false
Am I being sincere or pretending
When I talk is my voice being heard
Or its drowned by the noise never-ending.

Can you feel me being in the same room
When im there with you sitting so tightly
Itching to get away, get out soon
Being close is too much, it is frightening

I am tired and nearly forgotten
I look fresh but my insides are rotten.
I am fading away like the smoke
Disappearing like time
Unlike you I am broke

I am sleepy im nearly down under
Buried as if Im supposed to be
I am light I am heavy addictive
Though you seem to be immune to me

i am strange and i know you are too;
why else'd i rearrange dreams for you?
you are odd to the core, to your bones;
and it hurts twofold when you throw stones.
your weird spirit is filling the air;
and my demons are reaching their arms
to the light you emit, to the flair
we'd be happy, if there could be "us".
but you're a ****.

i'll let you win whenever you want
i'll tell you "you're right" even if you are not.
I'll kneel and pretend just to make you rejoice
i will not scream when you use
pillows to dampen my voice.
I wont fight when you put
your heavy body on mine
when you press pillows tightly
against my face, and my life
will rush before my wet eyes
hurry ahead of its time
miles ahead it will run
be ended by a cold crime.

the thing is that i like you more than others;
you make me feel so safe
one of my brothers.
the deal is, i will always be a little bit too crazy
my speech will sometimes flow, sometimes seem lazy.
my eyes will shine one day
the next- be flooded;
sometimes my nod' s a yes
or for no i will nod and
there's nothing you can do to change my figure
for i am not a fan of bitter tastes;
there's little you can do to leave me saddened
and there's no way to erase my mistakes.

today i wasnt happy i woke up.
in fact, my phone screamed ****** ****** and awoke me.
and so it brought me back to life
to my reality.
it wish it were my dreams that'd haunt me.
not a nightmare but beautiful lie.
M was with me, he kissed me
he was kind.
M was there, by my side, for some time
he was tender and loving
i missed him.
i though i had forgotten about him
i believed he had gone with the smoke
now that i am awake
it's apparent
he cannot go away for too long.
if you ask me what'd happened to trigger
these emotions and visions and pain
just a casual, unthoughtful question
by a curious, immature friend.
now i feel very disoriented
im uncertain about where to go
all directions've messed up on my map and
i keep stumbling on ******-white snow.

you are the best thing that has happened to my soul.
you are the strength i needed most when all went wrong
and now when i am back on track and can stand firmly on the ground
you're found.

you are the best thing that has happened to my heart.
you are the power that keeps pumping across my entire body
blood.

you are the best thing that has happened to my all
you are the air i breathe, the dreams i dream, my soil.

you are the worst thing that has happened to my sanity.
because of you, it's long gone down the drain
there goes the gravity.

Wrong touch
In the wrong place
Wrong speed wrong pace
Noone is coming tonight

Your chest
Unfressed
Clothes ripped
Jeans unzipped
But noone is coming tonight

Your hair
A mess
Nothing is left
Of my new dress
Why the hell none are coming tonight

I tried
To pull
You agreed
Were in my pool
But I cant be coming tonight

Soft Kiss
Gentle hiss
You did well
But I couldnt tell
When you went inside
Didnt. Feel right.

My bed
Undone
Broken frame
And wasted time
I dont think we are coming tonight

Should have called
Someone else tonight
Lonely still,
But youre by my side
Why cant I be coming tonight

Your friend
Made me confused
I nearly came
When he introduced
Me to you
But im not coming tonight

Versio:

I thought this day
Would end in the best possible way
I hoped
You would rip my clothes
Take ne to the skies
Show me where all joy
And satusfaction lies


Your hands were too rough
And you laughed when o mentioned love
When I kneeled you looked upset
Through the whole thing you were looking left
The tv was on
And you felt no shame
Watching two broke girls on their way to face
And at that point..

you broke my heart
and now im breaking yours.
im taking my ships back
to homeland's shores.
im redirecting winds
and raising tides
you wont find a lone soul
you'll hear no cries.
you broke my heart
and now im breaking yours.
im giving back the wounds,
the pain, the sores.

something great is about to happen
something terrible will then proceed
something about to take me higher
and then drop me right back on my feet.

it hurts it hurts oh god it hurts
it cuts it chops it bleeds stabs through
it drags it drains it takes it all
oh god it hurts it hurts it hurts.

it hurts so much im better off dead
it hurts it hurts it hurts.

You know how sometimes it can be enough
To lower your eyes when you smile
For friends to call your bluff
For Shaking hands to open up your soul
Expose your secrets, cut wounds to the core

Beware! My mind screamed mutely
My weakened knees were Shaking when you called
Yellow leaves in slow motion were flaring
So uncovered I felt and so bald.

and we're just sitting reminiscing
remember times that now we're missing.
and we're just sitting distant strangers
remember we were lovers, dreams exchangers?

and we used to  hold hands
and it felt right.
today, i cant bare of you accidental sight.
i used to hold your face so close to mine
and kiss you
i used to smile, i would give myself to you
i used to.

and we're just sitting, silently recalling
each other's names.

It keeps hold of your heart
And everything becomes unclear
Your thoughts seem tangled up
Courage drowns in deep fear.

The blood stops flowing through
Your veins
Mind overflows.
Too much is going on
But noone knows
Noone can notice what seems to be universe size big to thee
No body hears the loud screams whispers
Voices
Where you find pain
The rest rejoices

leave it, leave it be
let it sting your soul
set it, set it free
bury in the soil.

amplify your pain
simplify your life
let it, let it be
bleed hard when you dive.

be scared, unprepared.
worry, panic, brood.
be misunderstood.

patch your deep old wounds
then cut them open deeper
pierce your skin, my sleeper,
break free from your roots .

you will always be everything.
you will always be anything
and i'll never see better things
unless you are right here
next to me.

i will never be
better than i am
unless you are here
laying next to me.

blossom never will
as im laying still
in the grave i'd dug
so high on your love

if love is what you're looking for
then look no farther
than your own family: mother, your father.

If luck is what you're seeking,
stop and be,
luck cant be found, developed,
luck is thee.

If sound is what you need
then stop and listen
to this world's gentle, soft and calming whisper.

he treats her like goddess
he treats her right.
he waits for her, he calls,
brightens her nights.

he speaks of her with so much love
affection
in every word he says-
there's her reflection.

with every breath he takes he thinks of her
he worries, occupied with her concerns.

he sends her letters, keeps her in his sight
he treats her like a goddess
treats her right.

and in return, i notice every time
when she looks up at him
her eyes glow with sincere light.
They widen, open to the world
when she looks up at him
i see, they are two stars
illuminating night.

You make me feel big
Bigger than life
And I love you for that.
You make me the happiest
Give what I'd never had
And I love you for that.

You make my heart beat
Race at the speed of sound.
You bring colour to world
Now it doesn't taste bland
And I love you for that.

In my darkness you're light
On all black stains you're white
In the chaos you're calm.
On my neck lucky charm.
And I love you for that.

You will smile at me
When I fail, or stumble
As if it's supposed to be
Creased and broken and crumbled.
And I love you for that.

When I feel like a duckling
Not the best of its kind
When I feel out of place
When I try run and hide
You comfort me with love
You ease my distress
You make me get up and show up
With you I fear a lot less
And I love you for that.

You are stars leading the way
When clouds divert me astray
And I wish that you could see
If you were real, I'd love still.

You are the ache in my head
The deep black hole in bossom
Youre the devil from hell
And a Saint, heaven's gossip.

the guy i love is flawless.
his eyes are blue, though dark
the guy i love is perfect
the guy i love loves back.

the guy  i dream of daily
my one and only friend.
the guy i love is near me,
he'll be until the end.

and envious my girlfriends
can never look away
i am lost sea, an ocean
he is my home, my bay.

the guy i love is perfect
oh, what a fine creation!
too bad the guy i love lives
in my imagination.

it's a little but plenty
it's so cheap but expensive.
It's so brave but it's cautios
and so sweet nearly noxious.

it's so full, and so empty
it's so bright and so tempting
so fulfilling and breaking
what it gives you will take it.

It will knock you off your feet
it will dislocate your heart
it will wither your bones and
it's not even the worst part.

It will starve you and leave you
then take back and forgive too
it will beat you up daily
hourly make life dreary

it will spill, it will cry
when you turn away wry
lift you higher than heaven
bury deeper than hell
your vision will better
but blindness will find a way.

you will come out a *******
egocentric but lost
selfish, trustless and beaten
sell yourself for no cost.

throw yourself at a stranger
look for comfort and "it"
years will pass, pain will ease
you'll still die incomplete.

Saw the light glowing
Thought I was drowning
Reached out to grab it
But captured the air
Saw you were watching
Your lips were moving
No words were spoken
I  wouldn't dare.

Stuck in the middle
Distance is growing
Cold lifeless full stops
Fill up your lungs.
Heartless you stop and
Shapeless Im begging
Forgiveness is something
You haven't seen once.

Be everything you want to be
When tides rise high
Be everything and more
Be thee.


Do everything you want to do and more
Do what makes your heart beat thousand times faster
And skin crawl.

Forget about the bad about the sad
Remember only good, be joyful, glad
There comes the time
We get stuck in a heartless, biting slumber
But it's only a day, drop in an ocean, number.

this could be a song
and could be a movie.
i could be bright and sunny
or pitch black sad and gloomy
they could be notes and ties
truth could always be lies
definitions could be
mine is you, yours is me.
world could turn upside down
world could stop and stay still
everything could be different
i could be made of steel.

you crawled under my skin
you got inside my head
dug a hole in the core
of my mental armour.

you poisoned veins and my air
know, im not going nowhere
you chained my heart to your face
my strength my all to your grace
your body is all crave.

i cant sit still when you're near
forget what common sense is
all i can think of is this
the way you touch and you kiss .

the way you lift me up and
the way you looked in my eyes
how you ran your fingers down
my naked back and my thighs.

how i breathed so deep and gasped
how i wished that it could have lasted
for just one more day

if i could give my life to you
i would;
if i could replace bad with good
i would;
if i could make it better and less painful
if i could make life easier, work - playful;
if all your doubts i could remove with just one word, i could;
i would;
if all bad memories i could put in one box
and throw into the ocean with bad thoughts
and hold you still for once, prevent the storm
and put back pieces that you've vainly torn;
i would;
if i could give you what you've never had
if only i could shelter desolation, just a tad
so you dont have to suffer in this dirt
i would;
and may my rivers dry if you desert.

Just take a deep breath
let it, let it go
don't rap it, sing it, live it
do it slow

will you be mine or will i suffer still;
will you be in me, i won't rest my soul until
I get my hands on  you, on all you love
i m standing still looking at you like angel from above.

Will ever you be mine i wonder here
do i make you feel way you make me feel?
do i make you as nervous and excited
startled before the choice, glad and

will you be ever mine and not bring the bad with you
will you make me the happiest of all
im thinking looking hungrily at you
my sweet and slightly sour sausage roll

Oh romance, whatve you got against me
Oh love, have I hurt you in some way
Have I sinned
Oh lover have I left you before our time
So wickedly I lived
And now I bleed
With every new wound I lose more and more my strength and
My bones turn into dust when you're around
But romance what I done.
What have I done.
Amongst a thousand people
I feel one.
Alone, deserted, left out
I feel blank
And when I stay with you
Alone, deserted, treasured
Don't feel numb.
My feelings they exhaust me
My flame fades
I blame it on being tired
But stay vague.

I dont believe in ghosts
I dont believe in torture
My faith lies deep inside
Inside the light I nurture.

In shadows I hide well
Am quiet, am no shameful
Am brave, rarely regretful
In shadows I hide well.

I dont believe in life
But death aint my religion
Inside black holes I find
My safety, self imprisoned.

When I am old and my
Hair is the shade of ashes
And my old look refuses to
Surrender to all washes

My thoughts will fall asleep
And constant noise will quiet
I won't care for the world
I won't care if my nights end.

My cage will stay the same
The walls will still surround me
I won't believe in ghosts
Even not those I can see.

The more I look the more
I notice in reflection
My perfect imperfection
The more I look I see.

The end will be my closure
Ill rest I'll lay my head
Nail down my bed, and change my posture
At death im now adept

all i need is a bit inspiration
but where do i find one when i look?
i source rhymes from my lone desperation
i look for what you left and what took.
on my plate there is little of hopeful
there is not much of happy or full.
there is plenty of lonely,, deceitful
i cant tell when i stopped being a fool.
all i need is a bit self destruction
and i only achieve such by trying
to love myself without no distractions
i succeed when i rot and lie crying.
Push yourself over limit and failure
get back on your feet, if needed - knees.
Brush and shake off the horrible feeling
like you're nothing, inspire and breathe.
I think i have found my inspiration
finally i know what i want to say
let out all so long bottled frustration
aim to give, there is nothing to gain.

this is a very lonely world
we're born alone and  lone we're learnt
we're bred alone
alone we live
we search alone
the ground beneath.
alone we pray, alone believe
alone we stay alone we leave.
a single person you and i
one match, one candle, single eye.
this is a very lonely world
for those who hope to say right words
we grow old lonely
in the aftermath
we are still single soldiers
walking different paths.

your friends wont remember
your name in a day
your parents will live on
a niddle in stock of hay.

you know i'm ill
tired and wasted, I
thought i was bulletproof
thought i could handle truth.

You know i'm done
no more strength to carry on
I feel the tides rise up
i feel the pain increase
summer is long gone now
you put me on my knees.

Youth's running wild but i
am planning my own death.
writing my own eulogy,
drop the veil, i cant stress

enough it's hard to breathe
your sight it hurts my lungs
walls coming closer still
i stare and burn inside.

i'm sick
and im wasted, I
thought i was bulshitproof
til i met up with you tonight.
you can say what you want
you know i will believe
you can treat me the way
you think is best i'll live.
no matter what you say
abuse me, erase my faith
put me down, bring me low
set me on fire so
leave me bleed, bruised and scarred
leave me die under cars.

do what you want to me
i can withstand your touch,
one thing ask in return
once im lower than life
dont begrudge.