something great is about to happen
something terrible will then proceed
something about to take me higher
and then drop me right back on my feet.

This city cuts
This city bleeds.
The lights are blinding
Concrete streets.

A littered nature
Faded sun
In stitches are
All lakes and farms.

You run and run
Try to escape
You feel the pain
Try not to break

Your soul unfolds
Mind closes gates
You've seen it all
You know the dates.

will you be mine or will i suffer still;
will you be in me, i won't rest my soul until
I get my hands on  you, on all you love
i m standing still looking at you like angel from above.

Will ever you be mine i wonder here
do i make you feel way you make me feel?
do i make you as nervous and excited
startled before the choice, glad and

will you be ever mine and not bring the bad with you
will you make me the happiest of all
im thinking looking hungrily at you
my sweet and slightly sour sausage roll

it's driving me crazy
it drives me insane
your indifference, lazy
agonising and plain.

it's making me nauseous
it's making me ill
i knock on your doors
but you run for the hills.

no matter what happens
im trying to choke
suffocate this vain feelings
turn my pain into smoke

i dont eat, there's no point
i dont breathe
leave me alone.
stop reappearing
but how can i delete
delete poisonous feelings
that i turn into wit.

this one will be indeed the final one
my friends mentioned the sadness in my eyes
i thought i'd hidden.
but alas they sensed there must be a man
who by i was so deeply bitten.
and i believed i had disguised the agony
the fire's flames i thought i'd covered well enough
turns out while i was getting burnt so violently
they saw the blaze, got burnt but called my bluff.
im writing and my fingers bleed so eagerly
everything i have held locked inside me for so long
finds ways to escape armour i've built, now i see
his touch, his words have sinister, dark tone.
I thank the fate, and God, and my decisions
i thank the bravery i had to see him then
i got last kiss goodbye and watched him leave me
im grateful for the time that we had spent.
this one will be indeed the final one
i will make sure i wont relapse again
and if there is, just like me here, someone
who thinks that it is harmless to pretend
and hope they'll change their mind
their ways, their days
you're in for years of torment, sleepless nights
you aint a princess and there are no knights.

you know i'm ill
tired and wasted, I
thought i was bulletproof
thought i could handle truth.

You know i'm done
no more strength to carry on
I feel the tides rise up
i feel the pain increase
summer is long gone now
you put me on my knees.

Youth's running wild but i
am planning my own death.
writing my own eulogy,
drop the veil, i cant stress

enough it's hard to breathe
your sight it hurts my lungs
walls coming closer still
i stare and burn inside.

i'm sick
and im wasted, I
thought i was bulshitproof
til i met up with you tonight.
you can say what you want
you know i will believe
you can treat me the way
you think is best i'll live.
no matter what you say
abuse me, erase my faith
put me down, bring me low
set me on fire so
leave me bleed, bruised and scarred
leave me die under cars.

do what you want to me
i can withstand your touch,
one thing ask in return
once im lower than life
dont begrudge.

my loneliness will pass
and i'll feel fine.
old aches become part of the past
as i drown in red wine.

the more the level
and the higher tides
i enjoy more the dangerous
and reckless rides
with you.

i spilled you on my shirt
you came through, you are on my skin
and then to my heart you crept in;
i felt it burn.
i didnt brush you off, or wipe, or clean.
you left a scar, and it'll remain within.
my loneliness will pass
and ill feel fine
but i wont touch the scar you left,
it's mine.

There comes the time when reality hits you
It crashes illusions and ***** on your dreams too
Like tornado it grabs you, lifts you up in the air
Throws from side to side, wrecks you
While greedy onlookers stare.
There comes this feeling of emptiness,
Filling with oceans your eyes
And in the arms of a friend
You enter place where hope dies.

Seems like it was yesterday
This pain found in me shelter
Unwanted guest
What a terrible mentor

I have wasted so much
Battling, trying,  defending
Saving, crying, pretending
I have wasted so much

Time. It seemed so irrelevant
I let ache swallow me whole
Love. It seemed so important
Above all.

On my mothers bed was I
Lying still, covered up
Couldnt make a sound, whisper
Couldnt make days count, listen
To my favourite songs.

I don't know where I'm heading
With my head in the sand
Not the future I'm dreading
But the past in my present.

I don't know what I'm doing
With my heart on my sleeve
You can witness me break
Dive in in disbelief.

I don't know where I'm heading
Maybe I'm standing still
Not the pain I am dreading
But not being able to feel.

Wrong touch
In the wrong place
Wrong speed wrong pace
Noone is coming tonight

Your chest
Unfressed
Clothes ripped
Jeans unzipped
But noone is coming tonight

Your hair
A mess
Nothing is left
Of my new dress
Why the hell none are coming tonight

I tried
To pull
You agreed
Were in my pool
But I cant be coming tonight

Soft Kiss
Gentle hiss
You did well
But I couldnt tell
When you went inside
Didnt. Feel right.

My bed
Undone
Broken frame
And wasted time
I dont think we are coming tonight

Should have called
Someone else tonight
Lonely still,
But youre by my side
Why cant I be coming tonight

Your friend
Made me confused
I nearly came
When he introduced
Me to you
But im not coming tonight

Versio:

I thought this day
Would end in the best possible way
I hoped
You would rip my clothes
Take ne to the skies
Show me where all joy
And satusfaction lies


Your hands were too rough
And you laughed when o mentioned love
When I kneeled you looked upset
Through the whole thing you were looking left
The tv was on
And you felt no shame
Watching two broke girls on their way to face
And at that point..

There was this boy
And there was this girl
For him she was carnal lust
For her he was the whole world.

He looked at her - never noticed
She struggled to look away,
For him she was unimportant
While to her he- drop of faith.

Through debris following beams
Of what life's not, but it seems;
We wander, most getting lost
But so determined to find
A soulmate, despite the  cost.

Alone we walk along sidewalks
Paths laid by others like us
Seeking and calling for someone
Who'd hear the hertz of our cries.

Clearing the driveways
Of snow, of dead leaves
Spraying with water fake lawns
To keep facade what it seems;

At last so tired and empty
At last but never at least
You find the one whose heart fills in
The beat your heart gently skips.

You make me feel big
Bigger than life
And I love you for that.
You make me the happiest
Give what I'd never had
And I love you for that.

You make my heart beat
Race at the speed of sound.
You bring colour to world
Now it doesn't taste bland
And I love you for that.

In my darkness you're light
On all black stains you're white
In the chaos you're calm.
On my neck lucky charm.
And I love you for that.

You will smile at me
When I fail, or stumble
As if it's supposed to be
Creased and broken and crumbled.
And I love you for that.

When I feel like a duckling
Not the best of its kind
When I feel out of place
When I try run and hide
You comfort me with love
You ease my distress
You make me get up and show up
With you I fear a lot less
And I love you for that.

You are stars leading the way
When clouds divert me astray
And I wish that you could see
If you were real, I'd love still.

When I run out of air and I can't breathe
When I lose my eye sight, forget the sleep
And mother tongue will make no sense to me
I'll still remember you like day before
And deeply rue I'd spent my days ashore.

The songs I listen to demand: dive in, jump in, depart.
They call for an uprising and a riot
But I feel safer in my home,
Where quiet.

When I run out of air and I can't breathe
When I lose all I had including thee
And will be left with aches and pains and bitter thoughts
i'll pay to feel your touch and hear your voice.

i know it's wrong to love you
and i shouldn't
but give me chance to change it
and i wouldn't
give me another try at making first impression
another go at faking my perfection
i'd blew it once again
i'd disappoint you
that's just the way i am
and me pretending being someone else-
there is no point to.
like class A drug i'd still inject you
shoot you under my skin into already failing system
you are the cure from clear mind, strength, and too much wisdom.
im kept with feet firm on the ground by you reminding
the love i made up in my head
so hopeful, binding,
is nothing more but product of my own imagination
and it's not fair how frequent and how fast around your axis is
my  rotation.
it seems i know what you're looking for
it seems i know exactly what you need
and i know all about your type of breed.

I am tired and nearly forgotten
I look fresh but my insides are rotten.
I am fading away like the smoke
Disappearing like time
Unlike you I am broke

I am sleepy im nearly down under
Buried as if Im supposed to be
I am light I am heavy addictive
Though you seem to be immune to me

you lose somebody only once
and spend a lifetime trying to restore
but once they're gone, forever lost they are
but wounds will heal,
and soul will hurt no more.

i stepped inside the new year without you.
never thought i'd be able to;
yet here i am, sober but drunk on hopes and expectations
behind left disappointments and frustrations
i stepped inside the new year without you.

If I had all the treasures of the world
Money, silver and pure gold
If I had all the diamonds and the coal
For 5 more hours to a day I'd trade it all.
For more love in our deeds
For more faith in beliefs
For purity in dirt
For words said that don't hurt
For travels and adventure
For dignity and virtue
For music ending wars
For endless even scores
For more life in our eyes
I'd pay required price.

think back to when somebody broke your heart
and i immediately thought about the times
we spent apart.
and instantly i went back to the place
outside train station, lone, exhausted, drained.
when i awaited you for hours, prayed you'd come
indifferent, restraining, murky, calm
you said: 'yeah, i'll catch you next time".
my feelings take me back every night
to when i saw you first across the room
and thought i'd never like all what you had
and now, to avoid all you've never touched i'm doomed.
think back to when somebody crashed your hopes
and made you feel like you're a worthless idiot.
you always wanted what i never got
and i will never love what you are not.

for all i know your time has come;
the light has taken over ways of your mere charm
the sky above has fallen down on hell
and what you loved echoes in sounds created by the bell
under glass cover we all live, unbothered
our souls are shut, but shirts are wide, unbuttoned;
you take a step into the world of mine
you hop and hope you leave me none of time.
my heart in seizure, scattered on the ground
i go through motions til i m breaking down.

i wasnt very kind to you
i know
i pushed you into freshly fallen snow.
i laughed and i was cruel to your heart
i stomped on it, i crashed all hopes you had.

i never understood what i was doing;
i never stopped to think if i were wrong.
the wind led me with the force of a bullet
it made me so insensitive so long.

i wasnt very kind to you
i know
i wasnt fair, i didnt care
to show;
that deep down i was burning with desire
to kiss your lips, your fingertips
are fire.

i wanted to be with you every second.
when im awake, asleep, alive, or buried under
in my peaceful beginning you're a thunder
and i loved you so eagerly i reckoned.

im sorry i was ******* you, im sorry
i thought i was the author of the best
the most romantic, to die for love story
im dead inside : i watch you're laid to rest....

you're tearing me apart
you're my death sentence.
you're blood that wont stop
but get more intense and

i throw myself at every stranger passing
and ask to give me hope,
but it's collapsing.
i beg to see you,
and beg to forget you.
i gave you all i had to offer
and more than that too;
i got myself in debt
now i pay back.
i wake up, 3 am and sweat is dripping
my heart is racing at the speed of sound, it
feels like it's going to jump right out of my chest.
vertigo, sickness, desperation...
blessed.  
i tell the others i am blessed to know love
to feel the way i feel
and fall so low i've;
...

you will always be everything.
you will always be anything
and i'll never see better things
unless you are right here
next to me.

i will never be
better than i am
unless you are here
laying next to me.

blossom never will
as im laying still
in the grave i'd dug
so high on your love

Be everything you want to be
When tides rise high
Be everything and more
Be thee.


Do everything you want to do and more
Do what makes your heart beat thousand times faster
And skin crawl.

Forget about the bad about the sad
Remember only good, be joyful, glad
There comes the time
We get stuck in a heartless, biting slumber
But it's only a day, drop in an ocean, number.

leave it, leave it be
let it sting your soul
set it, set it free
bury in the soil.

amplify your pain
simplify your life
let it, let it be
bleed hard when you dive.

be scared, unprepared.
worry, panic, brood.
be misunderstood.

patch your deep old wounds
then cut them open deeper
pierce your skin, my sleeper,
break free from your roots .

if i could give my life to you
i would;
if i could replace bad with good
i would;
if i could make it better and less painful
if i could make life easier, work - playful;
if all your doubts i could remove with just one word, i could;
i would;
if all bad memories i could put in one box
and throw into the ocean with bad thoughts
and hold you still for once, prevent the storm
and put back pieces that you've vainly torn;
i would;
if i could give you what you've never had
if only i could shelter desolation, just a tad
so you dont have to suffer in this dirt
i would;
and may my rivers dry if you desert.

you are the best thing that has happened to my soul.
you are the strength i needed most when all went wrong
and now when i am back on track and can stand firmly on the ground
you're found.

you are the best thing that has happened to my heart.
you are the power that keeps pumping across my entire body
blood.

you are the best thing that has happened to my all
you are the air i breathe, the dreams i dream, my soil.

you are the worst thing that has happened to my sanity.
because of you, it's long gone down the drain
there goes the gravity.

it's a little but plenty
it's so cheap but expensive.
It's so brave but it's cautios
and so sweet nearly noxious.

it's so full, and so empty
it's so bright and so tempting
so fulfilling and breaking
what it gives you will take it.

It will knock you off your feet
it will dislocate your heart
it will wither your bones and
it's not even the worst part.

It will starve you and leave you
then take back and forgive too
it will beat you up daily
hourly make life dreary

it will spill, it will cry
when you turn away wry
lift you higher than heaven
bury deeper than hell
your vision will better
but blindness will find a way.

you will come out a *******
egocentric but lost
selfish, trustless and beaten
sell yourself for no cost.

throw yourself at a stranger
look for comfort and "it"
years will pass, pain will ease
you'll still die incomplete.

the thing is that i like you more than others;
you make me feel so safe
one of my brothers.
the deal is, i will always be a little bit too crazy
my speech will sometimes flow, sometimes seem lazy.
my eyes will shine one day
the next- be flooded;
sometimes my nod' s a yes
or for no i will nod and
there's nothing you can do to change my figure
for i am not a fan of bitter tastes;
there's little you can do to leave me saddened
and there's no way to erase my mistakes.

Beware! My mind screamed mutely
My weakened knees were Shaking when you called
Yellow leaves in slow motion were flaring
So uncovered I felt and so bald.

last time we talked it didn't end so well;
and since i've gone through waters high, and hell;
since then i've grown, i've learnt,
could be i have recovered;
last time we talked something inside me died,
but something better since then i've discovered.
no longer waiting for a word from you, a sign;
i don't wake up mid night to loud voices inside;
last time we talked it might not ended well;
enchanted, fooled me for a while, broke the spell;
like ghost you haunt me, live my days beside me;
though i ignore, and try to push aside thee;
you come down and you pour like summer rain
you mess my hair up, tangle thoughts inside my brain;
you bury me and fill my lungs with sand;
your blizzards never knew how to withstand.
one day i will wake up, your name'll sound unfamiliar;
one day your face will be a face of just another passing stranger
last time we talked was last time i felt fearful
now i feel safe, outside the zone of danger.

you leave no shadow on the wall;
there's no reflection in the mirror.
i wonder if you're there at all
to make my pain seem real, fear- clearer.

you leave no trace of being around,
no visual no scent or sound;
no touch, no feeling, no restrain.
you left no mercy and no blame

Quiet quiet in my head it's quiet
Riot riot my heart wants a riot.
More and more I
Long for wars than peace and
Bigger greater
Grows my love for fears then
Quiet quiet
Before storm it's silent
Riot riot
Im awaiting my end
Larger brighter
Fire's flames are rising
Thinking dreaming
Over-analysing.

i waited and ran downstairs so often
as if if i didn't go my door'd never open.
i waited and breathed in tact with my sorrow
deep, dark, so intimate your air i borrowed.

minutes seemed years and seconds seemed so still
my patience ran so low, it ran so thin
i waited till the end and then gave in
i stood there by your side, never went in.

i waited listened to the clock so hungrily and bravely
i stared at the four walls i was confined in daily
i waited and i ran downstairs so often
as if if i didn't go your door'd never open.

let go and i will be your muse
imprison, and i wont refuse.
hold tight to save me,
keep me warm;
what's day,
when night is dense and strong.
what's water, when wine hits your head?
what's life to you, if you're already dead

one day it will all be ok
once upon a time my will be done
even if i am long, long decayed
and i am no more but portion of time.

if love is what you're looking for
then look no farther
than your own family: mother, your father.

If luck is what you're seeking,
stop and be,
luck cant be found, developed,
luck is thee.

If sound is what you need
then stop and listen
to this world's gentle, soft and calming whisper.

you have the most beautiful smile;
the softest voice
of all i know;
your tears- are liquid gold;
your dreams inspire;
and i wish it was my hand you would hold.

some innocence better not pled
some hearts are better left untouched
when young love's buried in the sand
it all may seem a bit too much.
some people better never met
some words are better left unsaid
and lover's warmth against your skin
is better kept when kept within.

it's better not to see or hear
dissolve rather than disappear
and aspirations locked inside
and fate is better faced with pride.
young lovers beware of the curse
the one replacing universe
one day'll explode and leave black hole
with nothing left safe sound or whole.

and life is harder when you're not around
the water's levels climbing higher as i drown;
the air is cold and i cant feel my hands,
the knuckles on my right hand bleeds
oh so it tends;
and nights seem darker, sheltering more fright;
and days more dangerous, more burning feels the light;
like acid rains appears against my skin,
like spiderweb my armour but i take it on the chin.
and music- hopeless noise filled with vain screams
about being disappointed in what love just seems;
i scream along with them, empty my lungs;
and tears stream down my face,
i get the chance;
now all is calm, i ve had my break and let it go
im lying on the floor its dark and cold you know
and life's not needed when you're not around
that's why im lying buried deep, deep down

you broke my heart
and now im breaking yours.
im taking my ships back
to homeland's shores.
im redirecting winds
and raising tides
you wont find a lone soul
you'll hear no cries.
you broke my heart
and now im breaking yours.
im giving back the wounds,
the pain, the sores.

my loneliness is nothing more than thirst
my aching heart- no more than biting hunger;
just like a dog i run to every stranger
but i appear to be a wolf to every hunter.

No one will hear me howl at night,
im silent.
my cry is deaf, my cry is dry,
non violent;
so very few see diamonds in my eyes
those frozen treasures are tears in disguise.

they say keep your head up
and protect faith;
but where am i to seek this endless strength
when all around me grey, and melting, quiet
whereas i long for some sunlight and a riot.

they say if you want to be silent
to run away and disappear with time;
you probably ache to be noticed, seen, acknowledged
you're likely to want to be simply found.

the more you long for something
more you venture
into the darkness following its trace;
the more you long for something
more adventure
you face,
as well as being misplaced.

this could be a song
and could be a movie.
i could be bright and sunny
or pitch black sad and gloomy
they could be notes and ties
truth could always be lies
definitions could be
mine is you, yours is me.
world could turn upside down
world could stop and stay still
everything could be different
i could be made of steel.

it hurts it hurts oh god it hurts
it cuts it chops it bleeds stabs through
it drags it drains it takes it all
oh god it hurts it hurts it hurts.

it hurts so much im better off dead
it hurts it hurts it hurts.

he treats her like goddess
he treats her right.
he waits for her, he calls,
brightens her nights.

he speaks of her with so much love
affection
in every word he says-
there's her reflection.

with every breath he takes he thinks of her
he worries, occupied with her concerns.

he sends her letters, keeps her in his sight
he treats her like a goddess
treats her right.

and in return, i notice every time
when she looks up at him
her eyes glow with sincere light.
They widen, open to the world
when she looks up at him
i see, they are two stars
illuminating night.

i am strange and i know you are too;
why else'd i rearrange dreams for you?
you are odd to the core, to your bones;
and it hurts twofold when you throw stones.
your weird spirit is filling the air;
and my demons are reaching their arms
to the light you emit, to the flair
we'd be happy, if there could be "us".
but you're a ****.

the guy i love is flawless.
his eyes are blue, though dark
the guy i love is perfect
the guy i love loves back.

the guy  i dream of daily
my one and only friend.
the guy i love is near me,
he'll be until the end.

and envious my girlfriends
can never look away
i am lost sea, an ocean
he is my home, my bay.

the guy i love is perfect
oh, what a fine creation!
too bad the guy i love lives
in my imagination.

You know how sometimes it can be enough
To lower your eyes when you smile
For friends to call your bluff
For Shaking hands to open up your soul
Expose your secrets, cut wounds to the core