I dont believe in ghosts
I dont believe in torture
My faith lies deep inside
Inside the light I nurture.

In shadows I hide well
Am quiet, am no shameful
Am brave, rarely regretful
In shadows I hide well.

I dont believe in life
But death aint my religion
Inside black holes I find
My safety, self imprisoned.

When I am old and my
Hair is the shade of ashes
And my old look refuses to
Surrender to all washes

My thoughts will fall asleep
And constant noise will quiet
I won't care for the world
I won't care if my nights end.

My cage will stay the same
The walls will still surround me
I won't believe in ghosts
Even not those I can see.

The more I look the more
I notice in reflection
My perfect imperfection
The more I look I see.

The end will be my closure
Ill rest I'll lay my head
Nail down my bed, and change my posture
At death im now adept

Oh romance, whatve you got against me
Oh love, have I hurt you in some way
Have I sinned
Oh lover have I left you before our time
So wickedly I lived
And now I bleed
With every new wound I lose more and more my strength and
My bones turn into dust when you're around
But romance what I done.
What have I done.
Amongst a thousand people
I feel one.
Alone, deserted, left out
I feel blank
And when I stay with you
Alone, deserted, treasured
Don't feel numb.
My feelings they exhaust me
My flame fades
I blame it on being tired
But stay vague.

no please dont like me
oh please dont love me
order your heart to
not try the wrong sea.

i got myself in such a mess
he likes it like i like it
im impressed.
he does it how i want it
all right moves
the pose the hips the touch
my clothes come loose.
he bites but doesnt bark
his kisses leave skin burning
i take him like a drug
each morning.

i thought i got what i wanted
why do i feel like a ghost?
yet im haunted
there's no place for my soul to rest
there's no place for my heart to beat
i feel im doing my very best
yet im failing, i suffer defeat.
i though i got what i wanted
turns out i lost the little i had
never gained happines i was after
now i fight with myself in my head.  
and no cigarette will make it easy
and no wine will release me from pain
now im on the road too hard to travel
where i am i dont want to remain.
where im from there's no more room for my dreams
no more space for my ego, my thoughts
where do i go, what door do i knock on
where they'll take my pure love and my faults.

If I could have a different face
Spend days and nights at different pace
if only I could change my features,
Lines and curves;
Not treat what I was given like a curse
If I might just believe there is someone
For everyone;
There is a second missing piece to shattered souls
If I could have a different personality
And be less goofy, better not at all...

I would be happy.

i tried to make it work
i gave him all:
my aspirations, inspiration
body, soul.

With nothing left
im left;
and nothing's right.
brighter than hell
burn my days into one
lonely cold night.

I gave you one third of my life
my thoughts my tears;
my smiles, my believes;
my deepest fears;

And i will give you seventy years more
until the world ends,
by time we no more.
the day might come you wake up
with the other
the other will take off your shirts and head.
and you'll be joyful
tender, caring
and never wish 't was me instead.

under my breath i muttered that i loved you
under your halo i saw fires, flame
looked like an angel, acted like the devil
you fooled me twice, id let you fool again.

i searched for what i craved the most;
i thought i'd had it before lost.
i tried the sea, i searched the earth
i looked elsewhere no bliss just curse.

I looked under pillows, and deep in the sands
i dived deep into waters of unfulfilled plans;
i wondered round woods though dense, scary nights
i searched for what i could't find in his eyes.

"love" all i was craving.
it was all that i needed.
all i waited, i wanted
i prayed for and seeded.
i watered and cared for
cherished, protected.
i cuddled and held
not to break, but to save it.

my love turned into dust
my heart is coal
i shook the world off me
and grabbed the soil
i ran to keep the earth moving and spinning
the end of this was end of my beginning.
pathetic
hear me?
i speak words of truth
pathetic
you with ugly useless youth.
with time the beauty fades
your mind comes reeling
so when you run to contribute to the earth spinning
you will be thrown off into space
forgotten
love turned to dust
heart black, hard,
and bones rotten.

you crawled under my skin
you got inside my head
dug a hole in the core
of my mental armour.

you poisoned veins and my air
know, im not going nowhere
you chained my heart to your face
my strength my all to your grace
your body is all crave.

i cant sit still when you're near
forget what common sense is
all i can think of is this
the way you touch and you kiss .

the way you lift me up and
the way you looked in my eyes
how you ran your fingers down
my naked back and my thighs.

how i breathed so deep and gasped
how i wished that it could have lasted
for just one more day

Just take a deep breath
let it, let it go
don't rap it, sing it, live it
do it slow

i dont know how to feel
i dont know what to do
i dont know your face even
though i thought i knew you.

i am choking on smoke
we are equally broke
and now i am divided in two.

this is a very lonely world
we're born alone and  lone we're learnt
we're bred alone
alone we live
we search alone
the ground beneath.
alone we pray, alone believe
alone we stay alone we leave.
a single person you and i
one match, one candle, single eye.
this is a very lonely world
for those who hope to say right words
we grow old lonely
in the aftermath
we are still single soldiers
walking different paths.

your friends wont remember
your name in a day
your parents will live on
a niddle in stock of hay.

something great is about to happen
something terrible will then proceed
something about to take me higher
and then drop me right back on my feet.

today i wasnt happy i woke up.
in fact, my phone screamed ****** ****** and awoke me.
and so it brought me back to life
to my reality.
it wish it were my dreams that'd haunt me.
not a nightmare but beautiful lie.
M was with me, he kissed me
he was kind.
M was there, by my side, for some time
he was tender and loving
i missed him.
i though i had forgotten about him
i believed he had gone with the smoke
now that i am awake
it's apparent
he cannot go away for too long.
if you ask me what'd happened to trigger
these emotions and visions and pain
just a casual, unthoughtful question
by a curious, immature friend.
now i feel very disoriented
im uncertain about where to go
all directions've messed up on my map and
i keep stumbling on ******-white snow.

It keeps hold of your heart
And everything becomes unclear
Your thoughts seem tangled up
Courage drowns in deep fear.

The blood stops flowing through
Your veins
Mind overflows.
Too much is going on
But noone knows
Noone can notice what seems to be universe size big to thee
No body hears the loud screams whispers
Voices
Where you find pain
The rest rejoices

and we're just sitting reminiscing
remember times that now we're missing.
and we're just sitting distant strangers
remember we were lovers, dreams exchangers?

and we used to  hold hands
and it felt right.
today, i cant bare of you accidental sight.
i used to hold your face so close to mine
and kiss you
i used to smile, i would give myself to you
i used to.

and we're just sitting, silently recalling
each other's names.

This city cuts
This city bleeds.
The lights are blinding
Concrete streets.

A littered nature
Faded sun
In stitches are
All lakes and farms.

You run and run
Try to escape
You feel the pain
Try not to break

Your soul unfolds
Mind closes gates
You've seen it all
You know the dates.

you're stronger than you think
i know that.
your heart will break then heal
in any light.  
i know you're scared and ready to give in
and there's a soul tearing, skin- crawling howl within
one or two days allow yourself to die
let go, if should tell your goodbyes
do what you need when life's tearing you up
but then, when skies clear up,
get back on track.

Please hold my chair while I tie my noose.
It won't be accidental, it is something I choose.
So im holding the rope, round my neck like a scarf
And im looking around, round myself 'sif on wharf.
Far away in the sea, lie my hopes, expectations
'cause I buried them with
My dear friends and my patience.
Kindness can be mistaken
For a weakness mistook
But im done with being perfect
sliced my friends with a hook.
They were nice when they needed
My assistance or warmth
Now they re lying, not breathing
They've awoken my storms.
I took rusty old metal hook
'fore it got covered in blood
It even shone in some places
Under sun's heavy light
Now I don't think it'll ever
See the daylight again
I threw betraying weapons
Into sea during rain
There lie lifeless their bodies
Mutilated, in parts
They lie, empty their minds.
Boy, they should have thought twice.
I won't stand the rejection
Im not good at ignoring
In a search for perfection
Act was beautifully gory.
Judge as much as you want
And be scared of my words
But If you stab my back
Please hold my chair while I tie my noose.
Dying is not my fate, it's something I choose.
So im holding the rope, round my neck like a scarf
And im looking around, round myself 'sif on wharf.
Far away in the sea, lie my hopes, expectations
'cause I buried them with
My dear friends and my patience.
Kindness can be mistaken
For a weakness mistook
But im done with being perfect
sliced my friends with a hook.
They were soft when they needed
My assistance or warmth
Now they re laying, not breathing
They've awoken my storms.
I took rusty old metal hook
'fore it got covered in blood
It even shone in some places
Under sun's heavy light
Now I don't think it'll ever
See the daylight again
I threw betraying weapons
Into sea during rain
There lie lifeless their bodies
Mutilated at parts
They lay empty their mind
Boy, they should have thought twice.
I won't stand the rejection
Im not good at ignoring
Always reach for perfection
Act was beautifully gory.
Judge as much as you want
And be scared of my words
But If you stab my back
I'll interrupt your pulse.

i'll let you win whenever you want
i'll tell you "you're right" even if you are not.
I'll kneel and pretend just to make you rejoice
i will not scream when you use
pillows to dampen my voice.
I wont fight when you put
your heavy body on mine
when you press pillows tightly
against my face, and my life
will rush before my wet eyes
hurry ahead of its time
miles ahead it will run
be ended by a cold crime.

what will be left when feelings melt away
as seasons change, my feeling change the way
i look at you, admire you and love
you make halo shine brighter up above.

sometimes i wonder what you'll leave behind
when we are withered, tired, not so kind.
and your touch wont excite me, raise my pulse
seems it will not come soon, i hang my noose.

Saw the light glowing
Thought I was drowning
Reached out to grab it
But captured the air
Saw you were watching
Your lips were moving
No words were spoken
I  wouldn't dare.

Stuck in the middle
Distance is growing
Cold lifeless full stops
Fill up your lungs.
Heartless you stop and
Shapeless Im begging
Forgiveness is something
You haven't seen once.

you let me down
you let me fall
i still reach for you
after all.
i think of what's happened
nothing's ever been right
but heart keeps the war up and against you
but my soul keeps on winning the fight.

will you be my silence?
will you be my rope?
that i'd hold on to so tightly  
as i let go of hope.

will you be my nightmare?
wake me up from good dreams;
will you be my last drag
before i seize to exist.

i want you to replace
all the good and the bad
i want you to take place
of what i have and what had.
i want you to be the air,
i want you to be the sun
the only voice i can hear
when i can hear no more sound.
the only touch i react to
when flesh come off of my bones
and be the darkness i enter
as i fall deeper in love.

what if i loved you a little bit more?
if I blocked all ways in
but gave you key to main door;
what if my heart beat a little bit faster?
would i slow down the time
'fore inadvertent disaster?

What if my hand was a bit closer to yours
what if my ships came to your abandoned shores;
what if i travelled every day hundred miles
through the mountains and oceans
passing cages with lions;
would you love me a little,
would you love me some more?
if i broke all my bones
would you love me at all?

It's like when someone stabs you over and over.
It's like you're being left daily by your perfect lover
It's like you are drowning but people are watching
It's like you've been chained to the air, the doors latched, and
The world seems so small
But your dreams are so big
And this constant sharp pain
Makes you tastelessly weak.
You lay there, heart in seizures
No one noticed a thing
you cry: it's so obvious
what you carry within.

you are my paper-cut
wound that wont heal;
you are the water in my lungs
my Achilles' heel.

around my neck- tight noose;
my quiet self abuse;
my lucid dream-
my silent scream;
and faulty safety fuse.