my loneliness will pass
and i'll feel fine.
old aches become part of the past
as i drown in red wine.

the more the level
and the higher tides
i enjoy more the dangerous
and reckless rides
with you.

i spilled you on my shirt
you came through, you are on my skin
and then to my heart you crept in;
i felt it burn.
i didnt brush you off, or wipe, or clean.
you left a scar, and it'll remain within.
my loneliness will pass
and ill feel fine
but i wont touch the scar you left,
it's mine.

A broken man rented a van
And drove it far away
In hopes to escape from his past
Forget the happy days.

A broken man drove all night long
With no stops for a rest
Hunger was strong but pain was worse
Now he was on a quest.

A broken woman in meanwhile
Wept herself to sleep.
Her eyes were swollen, wet and red
Her man she couldn't keep.

A broken woman in her bed
Not letting sunlight through
Thought it'd be better if her man
Was right there with her too.

But broken man with rented van
Was nowhere to be seen
He stopped he wept he never slept
He just replayed the scene

When broken woman tore all ties
Convicted innocent of crimes
Abused her right of being loved
Her heart turn hard, once being soft.

A broken man rented a van
And drive it off a cliff
A broken woman never guessed
She caused such a mischief.

two broken hearts, in broken parts
are beating out of synch
two ships that used to sail far
inevitably sink.

i wasnt very kind to you
i know
i pushed you into freshly fallen snow.
i laughed and i was cruel to your heart
i stomped on it, i crashed all hopes you had.

i never understood what i was doing;
i never stopped to think if i were wrong.
the wind led me with the force of a bullet
it made me so insensitive so long.

i wasnt very kind to you
i know
i wasnt fair, i didnt care
to show;
that deep down i was burning with desire
to kiss your lips, your fingertips
are fire.

i wanted to be with you every second.
when im awake, asleep, alive, or buried under
in my peaceful beginning you're a thunder
and i loved you so eagerly i reckoned.

im sorry i was ******* you, im sorry
i thought i was the author of the best
the most romantic, to die for love story
im dead inside : i watch you're laid to rest....

under my breath i muttered that i loved you
under your halo i saw fires, flame
looked like an angel, acted like the devil
you fooled me twice, id let you fool again.

i am strange and i know you are too;
why else'd i rearrange dreams for you?
you are odd to the core, to your bones;
and it hurts twofold when you throw stones.
your weird spirit is filling the air;
and my demons are reaching their arms
to the light you emit, to the flair
we'd be happy, if there could be "us".
but you're a ****.

you're tearing me apart
you're my death sentence.
you're blood that wont stop
but get more intense and

i throw myself at every stranger passing
and ask to give me hope,
but it's collapsing.
i beg to see you,
and beg to forget you.
i gave you all i had to offer
and more than that too;
i got myself in debt
now i pay back.
i wake up, 3 am and sweat is dripping
my heart is racing at the speed of sound, it
feels like it's going to jump right out of my chest.
vertigo, sickness, desperation...
blessed.  
i tell the others i am blessed to know love
to feel the way i feel
and fall so low i've;
...

i recognised the song that you put on
and thought i love this song, i'll sing along!
but after the first note i hit i thought
"wait up a minute, you cant sing you idiot."
so i sat quietly and waited 'til it ended;
that you did NOT hear my flat note
oh you pretended.
and i believed i had ******* up all chances
for moonlit walks and singable romances.
but you were maybe drunk
or maybe stupid
or maybe, i hope so, struck by a cupid
you didnt judge, you didnt even comment
you let it pass- horrific, silly moment.
and i am not the perfect one, you see
and i am not the most of what could be
and yes i spent all evening slurring words
mixing two languages, i wish you spoke my first.
it was so awkward and embarrassing i thought
and flirt -is not something i'd ever master,
but after this- our horrible disaster-
im so love, oh i am so in love.

and life is harder when you're not around
the water's levels climbing higher as i drown;
the air is cold and i cant feel my hands,
the knuckles on my right hand bleeds
oh so it tends;
and nights seem darker, sheltering more fright;
and days more dangerous, more burning feels the light;
like acid rains appears against my skin,
like spiderweb my armour but i take it on the chin.
and music- hopeless noise filled with vain screams
about being disappointed in what love just seems;
i scream along with them, empty my lungs;
and tears stream down my face,
i get the chance;
now all is calm, i ve had my break and let it go
im lying on the floor its dark and cold you know
and life's not needed when you're not around
that's why im lying buried deep, deep down

if i could give my life to you
i would;
if i could replace bad with good
i would;
if i could make it better and less painful
if i could make life easier, work - playful;
if all your doubts i could remove with just one word, i could;
i would;
if all bad memories i could put in one box
and throw into the ocean with bad thoughts
and hold you still for once, prevent the storm
and put back pieces that you've vainly torn;
i would;
if i could give you what you've never had
if only i could shelter desolation, just a tad
so you dont have to suffer in this dirt
i would;
and may my rivers dry if you desert.

I dont know if im shaky or steady
Are my feet firmly set on the ground
Or am I lost and not at all ready
To see clearly or even come down.

I dont know if im honest or false
Am I being sincere or pretending
When I talk is my voice being heard
Or its drowned by the noise never-ending.

Can you feel me being in the same room
When im there with you sitting so tightly
Itching to get away, get out soon
Being close is too much, it is frightening

my legs are dangling off the edge
my mind in circles on a sledge
off hills, through valleys and through storms
my feet are touching your feet's soles.

we are reflection of each other
forsaken sister, sinner brother
across and under gone and travelled
so many lies we have unravelled.

and many years we spent apart
not friends but siblings, bests at heart
my feet were dangling off the edge
again you calmed my mind's poor rage.

you broke my heart
and now im breaking yours.
im taking my ships back
to homeland's shores.
im redirecting winds
and raising tides
you wont find a lone soul
you'll hear no cries.
you broke my heart
and now im breaking yours.
im giving back the wounds,
the pain, the sores.

ya vijy vi volnyetes' moi dryg
y vas tryasytsy ryki, plyashyt nogi
vi pozabili vsex i kajdogo vokryg
boyas' svernyt' s pryamoi kak shest dorogi.

*** vistypaet, v ygolkax glaz stoyat slezi
ne v sostoyanii stoyat', sidet' i govorit'
vi plachite, dlya vas vse tak ser'ezdno
moi dorogoi, ny kak tak mojno jit'.

no ne volnyisya, dryg moi
podojdi;
vi rano so schetov spisali vas je;
i esli mi seichas ne pobedim
to vperedi mi viigraet i dvajdi.

If beauty will be this world's superhero
Who will save human race from chasing it?
It will all become clear when end comes reeling
We're killing what we did not help to build

With every word of critique we establish
Ourselves within ourselves
But nothing more
We hurt like we have right to be so savage
We sting as if we don't leave scars at all.

Oh romance, whatve you got against me
Oh love, have I hurt you in some way
Have I sinned
Oh lover have I left you before our time
So wickedly I lived
And now I bleed
With every new wound I lose more and more my strength and
My bones turn into dust when you're around
But romance what I done.
What have I done.
Amongst a thousand people
I feel one.
Alone, deserted, left out
I feel blank
And when I stay with you
Alone, deserted, treasured
Don't feel numb.
My feelings they exhaust me
My flame fades
I blame it on being tired
But stay vague.

and we're just sitting reminiscing
remember times that now we're missing.
and we're just sitting distant strangers
remember we were lovers, dreams exchangers?

and we used to  hold hands
and it felt right.
today, i cant bare of you accidental sight.
i used to hold your face so close to mine
and kiss you
i used to smile, i would give myself to you
i used to.

and we're just sitting, silently recalling
each other's names.

Please hold my chair while I tie my noose.
It won't be accidental, it is something I choose.
So im holding the rope, round my neck like a scarf
And im looking around, round myself 'sif on wharf.
Far away in the sea, lie my hopes, expectations
'cause I buried them with
My dear friends and my patience.
Kindness can be mistaken
For a weakness mistook
But im done with being perfect
sliced my friends with a hook.
They were nice when they needed
My assistance or warmth
Now they re lying, not breathing
They've awoken my storms.
I took rusty old metal hook
'fore it got covered in blood
It even shone in some places
Under sun's heavy light
Now I don't think it'll ever
See the daylight again
I threw betraying weapons
Into sea during rain
There lie lifeless their bodies
Mutilated, in parts
They lie, empty their minds.
Boy, they should have thought twice.
I won't stand the rejection
Im not good at ignoring
In a search for perfection
Act was beautifully gory.
Judge as much as you want
And be scared of my words
But If you stab my back
Please hold my chair while I tie my noose.
Dying is not my fate, it's something I choose.
So im holding the rope, round my neck like a scarf
And im looking around, round myself 'sif on wharf.
Far away in the sea, lie my hopes, expectations
'cause I buried them with
My dear friends and my patience.
Kindness can be mistaken
For a weakness mistook
But im done with being perfect
sliced my friends with a hook.
They were soft when they needed
My assistance or warmth
Now they re laying, not breathing
They've awoken my storms.
I took rusty old metal hook
'fore it got covered in blood
It even shone in some places
Under sun's heavy light
Now I don't think it'll ever
See the daylight again
I threw betraying weapons
Into sea during rain
There lie lifeless their bodies
Mutilated at parts
They lay empty their mind
Boy, they should have thought twice.
I won't stand the rejection
Im not good at ignoring
Always reach for perfection
Act was beautifully gory.
Judge as much as you want
And be scared of my words
But If you stab my back
I'll interrupt your pulse.

i ll never lie
if you say yes.
i ll never curse ,
i'll argue less.
ill never envy,
gossip, whine.
i wont indulge on too much wine.
i wont smoke when im drunk, believe.
i wont make plans, and then retrieve.
i ll keep my word,
i ll help the poor,
i wont give in to selfish lures.
i ll study hard,
work double time
but let me sleep at least till 9.

you know i'm ill
tired and wasted, I
thought i was bulletproof
thought i could handle truth.

You know i'm done
no more strength to carry on
I feel the tides rise up
i feel the pain increase
summer is long gone now
you put me on my knees.

Youth's running wild but i
am planning my own death.
writing my own eulogy,
drop the veil, i cant stress

enough it's hard to breathe
your sight it hurts my lungs
walls coming closer still
i stare and burn inside.

i'm sick
and im wasted, I
thought i was bulshitproof
til i met up with you tonight.
you can say what you want
you know i will believe
you can treat me the way
you think is best i'll live.
no matter what you say
abuse me, erase my faith
put me down, bring me low
set me on fire so
leave me bleed, bruised and scarred
leave me die under cars.

do what you want to me
i can withstand your touch,
one thing ask in return
once im lower than life
dont begrudge.

You make me feel big
Bigger than life
And I love you for that.
You make me the happiest
Give what I'd never had
And I love you for that.

You make my heart beat
Race at the speed of sound.
You bring colour to world
Now it doesn't taste bland
And I love you for that.

In my darkness you're light
On all black stains you're white
In the chaos you're calm.
On my neck lucky charm.
And I love you for that.

You will smile at me
When I fail, or stumble
As if it's supposed to be
Creased and broken and crumbled.
And I love you for that.

When I feel like a duckling
Not the best of its kind
When I feel out of place
When I try run and hide
You comfort me with love
You ease my distress
You make me get up and show up
With you I fear a lot less
And I love you for that.

You are stars leading the way
When clouds divert me astray
And I wish that you could see
If you were real, I'd love still.

today i wasnt happy i woke up.
in fact, my phone screamed ****** ****** and awoke me.
and so it brought me back to life
to my reality.
it wish it were my dreams that'd haunt me.
not a nightmare but beautiful lie.
M was with me, he kissed me
he was kind.
M was there, by my side, for some time
he was tender and loving
i missed him.
i though i had forgotten about him
i believed he had gone with the smoke
now that i am awake
it's apparent
he cannot go away for too long.
if you ask me what'd happened to trigger
these emotions and visions and pain
just a casual, unthoughtful question
by a curious, immature friend.
now i feel very disoriented
im uncertain about where to go
all directions've messed up on my map and
i keep stumbling on ******-white snow.

they say, it's normal to be lost.
they say, it's usual to feel so insecure.
they claim
there's nothing wrong with feeling ill
unsafe.
advise:
stay brave.

they say, it's normal to be doubtful
it's ok to feel like ghost
sometimes in this life you're the guest
and not the host.
they say, keep at it, carry on, see where it goes
like water in the river
at times your life streams, flows
at times you reach the waterfall
all plummets dead.
it breaks on rocks, it burns in flames
the fires red.
keep your head up
and keep your faith stronger than ever
all bad will pass
darkness is no more than a fever

Quiet quiet in my head it's quiet
Riot riot my heart wants a riot.
More and more I
Long for wars than peace and
Bigger greater
Grows my love for fears then
Quiet quiet
Before storm it's silent
Riot riot
Im awaiting my end
Larger brighter
Fire's flames are rising
Thinking dreaming
Over-analysing.

I dont believe in ghosts
I dont believe in torture
My faith lies deep inside
Inside the light I nurture.

In shadows I hide well
Am quiet, am no shameful
Am brave, rarely regretful
In shadows I hide well.

I dont believe in life
But death aint my religion
Inside black holes I find
My safety, self imprisoned.

When I am old and my
Hair is the shade of ashes
And my old look refuses to
Surrender to all washes

My thoughts will fall asleep
And constant noise will quiet
I won't care for the world
I won't care if my nights end.

My cage will stay the same
The walls will still surround me
I won't believe in ghosts
Even not those I can see.

The more I look the more
I notice in reflection
My perfect imperfection
The more I look I see.

The end will be my closure
Ill rest I'll lay my head
Nail down my bed, and change my posture
At death im now adept

Your hands are cold and so thin
Your touch makes me shiver, burn my skin
You walk around like you have it all.

Your stare is bounding I am tied down
Your breath leaves me hanging over the ground
I d drop my all to run when you call.

Those nights when darkness swallows my pride
I'd do whatever to make you mine
I'd close my eyes and surrender love
I'd grin in pain under your weight
I'd sit on the edge I would just wait
To be abused to be your slave
I'd dig my own, my own deep grave

you lose somebody only once
and spend a lifetime trying to restore
but once they're gone, forever lost they are
but wounds will heal,
and soul will hurt no more.

my love
will you be mine forever
will you be my untreatable and everlasting
fever.

Will you throw me off balance
leave demented
will you please would me deeply
scar me gently.

leave marks on my arms
on my wrists
my thighs, my neck.
carve crosses, broken ties
on heart and legs.

disfigured leave me
will you?
shall you try
suppressed, forgiven
wasted
humble, shy.

it's driving me crazy
it drives me insane
your indifference, lazy
agonising and plain.

it's making me nauseous
it's making me ill
i knock on your doors
but you run for the hills.

no matter what happens
im trying to choke
suffocate this vain feelings
turn my pain into smoke

i dont eat, there's no point
i dont breathe
leave me alone.
stop reappearing
but how can i delete
delete poisonous feelings
that i turn into wit.

this one's to say i love you
now and ever
this one's to say my lies
are only fever.

im drunk and this might not make any sense
but i will drop the veil,
abandon the pretence
and say i love you,
not to you of course
i dont think i am strong enough
to face remorse

you boast, you lie, you're confident as ****.
im awkward, i am pretty, i'd say very drunk.

you're happy, you dont bother
why should i?
oh yeah, that's right
i am a female
i am never fine.
im always overthinking
always analysing
the words you say
the nouns, the verbs
what you're disguising

The chains you put on me
dragging me down
the pain you caused
is eating me alive
but i stay calm

i need you
please oh be with me
oh please
i know i am not good enough
i'd rather you would **** me
make it easy.

i scratch my head
and pull my hair
i run my fingers down my chest
i think of you
i think of us
i drown, i crumble
im your chess.

your name
i wish i could just say your name aloud
and not be scared
i want to scream your name
but i wont yet.
i'd wait
i'd wait until the very end
and say your name under my breath
i hate this.
i hate every moment, every second
but i want "us".  
but i love you
so i am fine
and merry christmas.

the guy i love is flawless.
his eyes are blue, though dark
the guy i love is perfect
the guy i love loves back.

the guy  i dream of daily
my one and only friend.
the guy i love is near me,
he'll be until the end.

and envious my girlfriends
can never look away
i am lost sea, an ocean
he is my home, my bay.

the guy i love is perfect
oh, what a fine creation!
too bad the guy i love lives
in my imagination.

I am tired and nearly forgotten
I look fresh but my insides are rotten.
I am fading away like the smoke
Disappearing like time
Unlike you I am broke

I am sleepy im nearly down under
Buried as if Im supposed to be
I am light I am heavy addictive
Though you seem to be immune to me

love is love and i'll never recover.
Love is love and i'll always relapse
every time i think i've got it covered
you pop up and i cant think that much.

just a phrase, nothing promising, heavy
but for some reason always enough
to throw me off a cliff, feeling dreary
with this creepy and neurotic laugh.

and i see you once every year
but in my head we're never afar
and i carry this lingering fear
i will die never crossing your path.

love is love so i'll never feel better
i will never feel entirely free.
im relapsing, but you've got it covered
love is love, woe is me, woe is me.

You are the ache in my head
The deep black hole in bossom
Youre the devil from hell
And a Saint, heaven's gossip.

no please dont like me
oh please dont love me
order your heart to
not try the wrong sea.

i'll let you win whenever you want
i'll tell you "you're right" even if you are not.
I'll kneel and pretend just to make you rejoice
i will not scream when you use
pillows to dampen my voice.
I wont fight when you put
your heavy body on mine
when you press pillows tightly
against my face, and my life
will rush before my wet eyes
hurry ahead of its time
miles ahead it will run
be ended by a cold crime.

it's a little but plenty
it's so cheap but expensive.
It's so brave but it's cautios
and so sweet nearly noxious.

it's so full, and so empty
it's so bright and so tempting
so fulfilling and breaking
what it gives you will take it.

It will knock you off your feet
it will dislocate your heart
it will wither your bones and
it's not even the worst part.

It will starve you and leave you
then take back and forgive too
it will beat you up daily
hourly make life dreary

it will spill, it will cry
when you turn away wry
lift you higher than heaven
bury deeper than hell
your vision will better
but blindness will find a way.

you will come out a *******
egocentric but lost
selfish, trustless and beaten
sell yourself for no cost.

throw yourself at a stranger
look for comfort and "it"
years will pass, pain will ease
you'll still die incomplete.

stop the camera
let the credits roll
all your nasty things
took their toll.
i believed you would
change or that was love
little did i know
you were just an ****.
i was nice and kind
i believed in you
tried to change your mind
and my point of view.
little did i know
you were just an ****
little did you show
there was never "us".
i was so in love
i was oh so blind
maybe i am still
but i feel the light
shining through my eyes
closed, and then sealed -shut
i believed you were
simply bold and blunt.
all insults i would
take and bear and wait
i was oh so patient
hoping to get laid.
little did i know
glad now it is clear
only one you loved
you saw in the mirror.

what will be left when feelings melt away
as seasons change, my feeling change the way
i look at you, admire you and love
you make halo shine brighter up above.

sometimes i wonder what you'll leave behind
when we are withered, tired, not so kind.
and your touch wont excite me, raise my pulse
seems it will not come soon, i hang my noose.

the thing is that i like you more than others;
you make me feel so safe
one of my brothers.
the deal is, i will always be a little bit too crazy
my speech will sometimes flow, sometimes seem lazy.
my eyes will shine one day
the next- be flooded;
sometimes my nod' s a yes
or for no i will nod and
there's nothing you can do to change my figure
for i am not a fan of bitter tastes;
there's little you can do to leave me saddened
and there's no way to erase my mistakes.

Wrong touch
In the wrong place
Wrong speed wrong pace
Noone is coming tonight

Your chest
Unfressed
Clothes ripped
Jeans unzipped
But noone is coming tonight

Your hair
A mess
Nothing is left
Of my new dress
Why the hell none are coming tonight

I tried
To pull
You agreed
Were in my pool
But I cant be coming tonight

Soft Kiss
Gentle hiss
You did well
But I couldnt tell
When you went inside
Didnt. Feel right.

My bed
Undone
Broken frame
And wasted time
I dont think we are coming tonight

Should have called
Someone else tonight
Lonely still,
But youre by my side
Why cant I be coming tonight

Your friend
Made me confused
I nearly came
When he introduced
Me to you
But im not coming tonight

Versio:

I thought this day
Would end in the best possible way
I hoped
You would rip my clothes
Take ne to the skies
Show me where all joy
And satusfaction lies


Your hands were too rough
And you laughed when o mentioned love
When I kneeled you looked upset
Through the whole thing you were looking left
The tv was on
And you felt no shame
Watching two broke girls on their way to face
And at that point..

Are you in love I asked
But no reply
Are you in agonising pain
No answer. Why?

Are you in love repeated once again
Did you ignore so as not to pretend?
Did you remain so silent to play safe
Or did you lose your ways riding the waves

Are you in love I begged
Over and over
Is there someone youd dare to call your lover
Is there a soul youd confide every sin
Is there a heart that beats with yours in synch
Is there a hand youd hold through thick and thin
Are you in love
Of whom are all your dreams?
Are you in love?
Are you in pain?
You given up?
's there faith behind your name?
Whatever happens
Tiredness will pass
"No" you replied.
I wished I'd never asked.

you know
sometimes i miss first winter snow.
sometimes i miss your stare, your words, your scent.
i rarely say this,
but im all yours in the end.

you know
sometimes i cant sleep days, and weeks at most
sometimes i 'm so deep in my thoughts
resemble ghost.

you know
sometimes i wish you'd mend what has been broken
sometimes i wish you'd say what's left unspoken
sometimes i wish you'd solve what has been tangled
you know
sometimes i wish
love weren't violent.

yes you could say i daydream way too much
sometimes so often, boundaries disappear as such.
it's easier
to climb the stairs with wings
but my escape-
a run on broken limbs.

every step i take causes so much distress
every breath rips apart ribcage
in this race
you know
sometimes i miss first winter snow
because i met you on the day
it covered my sore wounds
with innocent pure glow.

now there is mud
and slash
quicksand.
i rarely say this
but im still yours in the end.

you are the best thing that has happened to my soul.
you are the strength i needed most when all went wrong
and now when i am back on track and can stand firmly on the ground
you're found.

you are the best thing that has happened to my heart.
you are the power that keeps pumping across my entire body
blood.

you are the best thing that has happened to my all
you are the air i breathe, the dreams i dream, my soil.

you are the worst thing that has happened to my sanity.
because of you, it's long gone down the drain
there goes the gravity.

With eyes wide open I step outside
The air fills up my lungs for first time in a while
Never girlfriend and never a bride
I put on the most painful and  deceitful smile

Youll believe what you see when you look at me
You wont doubt for a second im alright I breathe well
I have learnt how to hide im choking under your spell

oh my lord please stop hurting me
i havent done anything wrong
through every war i went,
survived every bitter storm.

oh my lord please save me
from pain that is growing inside
i wish i could tell you everything
and you could just make it right.

my saviour, my angel, my dearest
i pray to you every night
please take care of those who are nearest
please save my fragile heart.

but you never listen to my pleas
you never vow to protect back
you stare and nod and promise
while im covering my tracks.

I need you
like never before.
want to sit
right beside you
on a couch, on the floor
on the ground
in the mud
in the rain
in the storm
i dont care where i sit
as long as in the same home.

it's in the depths of his eyes
where the sky is so clear
it's without any disguise
my soul was resting until…

until you came around
i was safe and sound
until and you came about

I used to be so strong
my bones could stand the storm

he buried all of my dreams
replacing mine with his

he messed up all my routes
not leaving any clues
where i could find him, how
i need you so much now.

You feel like the sun
So hot and im melting
You look like the ocean
So boundless and tempting

Just like cold air
I feel you
Like rain you wash my smiles
In your tides im caught up
After walking for miles

you crawled under my skin
you got inside my head
dug a hole in the core
of my mental armour.

you poisoned veins and my air
know, im not going nowhere
you chained my heart to your face
my strength my all to your grace
your body is all crave.

i cant sit still when you're near
forget what common sense is
all i can think of is this
the way you touch and you kiss .

the way you lift me up and
the way you looked in my eyes
how you ran your fingers down
my naked back and my thighs.

how i breathed so deep and gasped
how i wished that it could have lasted
for just one more day

Stumbling and tipsy
Make my way through the crowd
Trying hard not to fall down
Not to **** up trying hard.
Forgot to keep my head up
Forgot to keep my back straight
Hoping us seeing each other
Will end with figure of eight