Do not lie about the toll
I know full well it price
you will not take my life
but instead my soul
do not laugh
because you will never have it all
it lives in broken
and happy memories
in the poems I write
so you will never have my soul
at least for one more night

Late to the party
punctual to class
not goody two shoes
but still do not laugh
don’t take risks
because parents are strict
always worried about the box
will I fit inside
they want me normal
but
       I’m
              just
                      STRANGE

Time is a human construct
made with years
of reinforcement from clocks
time is the way we see life
seconds
              minutes
hours
               days
weeks
            months
years
             decades
constructs are only measurements
but these define your life

no one loves you when you're choking
on your own breath
the look at the rope binding you
and believe it is beyond them
to begin unraveling them

I cried in the middle of class
just because I can’t fit in
I can’t fit the mold
I’m too odd
I’m a square in a triangles place
cutting parts of me out
just to fit the mold
the pain is not the worth
the momentary reward
but what choice do I have

As I found empty space beside me
I reached for loneliness
I found a hand
but no solace I receive
instead the cold
and ****** hand of the other me
when we embraced I felt a chill
not from wind or water
instead it rippled through my mind
making itself at home
forgetting the boundaries
I had set before
yet still hand and hand we walk me and the other

My momentum
sweeps me in an arch
I can almost touch the sky,
I can almost feel her again.
She is a butterfly,
passing, with her stained glass wings.
She is too far,
I’m plummeting
away, away from the sky,
down heels dragging
My wings are clipped,
with you just out of reach.

lovely
drop dead gorgeous
she hustled though the crowd
no confidence to be had
always insecure
I compliment her everyday
still no confidence sprouts
always multitasking
never finding piece
a girl rushing to find meaning

Is thirteen too young
to write with abandon
to publish work
to thirst for new words
to gaze with no purpose
to get lost in your own head
am I to young for poetry

Nothing is ever easy
if you don’t celebrate small
before the end arrives

Windy streets
quiet towns
let the snow
come
          c
              r
                 a
                     s
                        h
                            i
                               n
                                   g
                       down

When we were children
we danced in imagination for hours
never having a firm grip on reality
but loosely holding some strands
no one stopped us
we ran wild
claiming the woods as our own
marking it with sitting logs
and home made paths
enduring the snow and mud
never will I forget our smultronställe

Everyone is so cold
so used to the terrible
that it no longer registers
how did we get so numb
so distant
why is violence a norm
why do the important incidents
never get reported
how did we get so messed up

Do you care for me?
that question
puts a weight on my lungs,
and sends my head reeling for an answer.
One I don’t find, instead
tears of confusion pull me to sleep.

I find myself doubting,
getting lost in moments between words.
My hands shake
in time with my heart.
Sometimes I let things fall
because I hate the tremors.
Sometimes they rattle through,
my whole body.

Please, one question
do you care?
or am I desperate and lost?

So shy
hands hide
climbing up your sleeves

So shy
love hides
losing itself in me

So shy
don’t cry
hold it all in

So shy
goodbye
will you remember me?

Hue in the sky’s
silhouette trees
brighten the darkness
and open my eyes
to a new sunrise

the thaw of the ice
is a sad goodbye,
a parting gift from winter
to spring.
the gift of growth,
of flowers pushing their way up
to inform us:
spring has begun

If you constantly
remind me of the past
then tell me to be happy
that’s hypocrisy
you opinions are not helpful

How long can piece last
in a valley where havoc reined
where wanders get lost
hopefully a long time
hopefully forever
but don’t answer
anticipation ruins everything
even if you’ve waited forever

I can’t scream
I can’t move
I can’t breathe
they air leaves my lungs
but I don’t care
tears well
but do not run
they are still, like me
perhaps only they know
how fragile this moment is

Why do you get to care?
you weren’t there
when I was scared
when I was tired
when I screamed
or couldn’t move
So why do you get to be here now?
up on your horse
you don’t get to ride up
and offer your hand
while I’m in the mud.
maybe I don’t want saving,
maybe the mud is good, cool,
maybe I like the feeling
that I’m finally exactly what I accuse myself of being

the moments,
the time it takes to get somewhere,
are like cracks in a sidewalk.
plants grow in the impossible here,
pushing there way to the sun

I feel your presence behind me,
dragging me down
I see you in my quiet eyes
framed with a deep purple

I fear your whisper
a song of loneliness, laced with lies
as I move through the hours

You sneak up in the daylight,
grabbing wind in my lungs
you never seem to let go

I’m constantly at your mercy
fearful of your defiance
I’m prey and you are predator
and the hunt is almost over

Tears roll
D
     O
           W
                  N
my face
goodbyes roll
                  O
             U
        T
my mouth
and my arms
W               P
        R   A
around my friends

I sat there thinking
Voices thoughts swirling in out
What does crying cost

you hunger,
you hunt and stalk.
sloth, loss, despair
you know it all.

but you want most
you lust after power and purpose.
you want and wait,
never doing.

you stalk,
never pouncing,
unless the prey moves to you
you are stagnant

yes, yes, my friend
you can wait,
and watch
you will always crave though
because you will never do