Today is the day
Today is the day where I ask the love of my life to be my wife, and be mine forever.
I’ve plotted out the geography of the day and the weather is almost perfect.
The only thing missing is the shine of her smile when she accepts my proposal.

I’ve planned it all out
I’ve got my speech and I’ve got the ring.
Dinner, followed with a little night drive to a secret location where I can profess my love, and fulfill the first part of the promise of forever - the promise to commitment

I’ve known her forever
Well, that’s not true.
I’ve known her long enough to want to know forever.
I know what she likes, and I know what she hates. I know what she loves - me. I know what she doesn’t love - her ex!
Score!

I’ve seen her cry
I’ve seen her smile and of the two, I just want to be around for them both.

I know her dreams and aspirations. I know her future husband quite well, too. I might have an idea of what her kids might look like. I don’t mean to give too much away but I can assure you that they’ll have her smile, and her eyes and my nose because I don’t want our kids having some big *** nose, busy putting their nose in other peoples business - I hope they get her laugh though and I hope that they’re souls are as gracious as their mothers

I can’t wait to wake up next to her, after having fallen asleep next to her. I can’t wait to wake up and hit the shower together, make breakfast and get lost in laughter until someone checks the time and realizes that not only are we late, but we’re extremely late.

I can’t wait to rush out the house with her on important days because we were too busy enjoying our time together, rather than being conscious of time. I can’t wait to be by her side, and I especially can’t to be on top - of everything she asks me to do.

The proposal
“Love cannot exist if you are not a part of it.
Eternity will be so empty if you’re not a part of it. Time will cease to exist if it’s not you that I am sharing this time with. My life would not be the same unless I have you close enough to make it matter. I don’t want to have to go through life without you. Time has allowed, and the Heavens have agreed, now I just need you to do the same. I have loved you since, and I always will. I promise to love you and never leave you. I promise to be your place of safety. I promise to serve you and place you above myself. I promise to selflessly and endlessly love you.

Baby, will you make me the happiest man on the face of the earth and accept my proposal?

Will you marry me?”

Silence echoes through the night as the stars wait in anticipation, and the moon and the seas join together in musical harmony to create an atmosphere of crashing sounds, and waves that resemble her response, because waves are either for greetings or farewells and her hand waves, and so does her head - it’s shaking. Her eyes tear up and her hand covers her mouth, and what was once my biggest fear is now my sad reality - she says no.

She turns away from our forever and walks away into neverland. The love of my life has just walked out of my life.

A smooth criminal for stealing my heart just to be caught red handed... guilty of making me fall in love but innocent of sharing the same feelings... she said no..

This is an instruction of a dying man. He signs a form that prohibits the doctor from going to extreme lengths to keep him alive. This is indirectly consented suicide. This is the act of a man who no longer wants to live. This, is the instruction of a dying man.

So, Death is knocking at the door and I have decided to not let Deaths’ knock go unanswered. I’ve lived all the life I was meant to and now my body has run its course because it wasn’t meant to get me passed this point - I am about to die.

Family and friends wrapped closely around me like the love they have for me and I’ve left them no control over my life. I’ve made a decision I don’t have to live with - but they do.

If it’s my time, and I’ve done all I can in this life, do not resuscitate me. Do not bring me back to a life where my purpose is fulfilled, and my destiny has been made manifest. Don’t bring me back to be a dormant body watching the fruits of my work! Do Not Resuscitate me

No one knows their time. The painful truth is, when the time comes, that’s hardly the wrong time. If we had a say on when to go, I have a feeling we’d still wipe ourselves out early. We’re already afraid to live, what more if we had the choice. If we had the choice, that would render the works of Marvel irrelevant! Thanos wouldn’t be so bitter about life, but the rest of us would.

We would end our conversations with “Good nights” and tell them to “sleep tight” and they’d take us literal. It would be a good night for them to sleep tight enough to fit inside a coffin. Death would be proud to not have to scour the earth preying on life.

Do Not Resuscitate me
If time allows, and the Heavens agree, I will embark on my last journey with the last few breathes I have. I will boldly walk into the light, and I’d be anxious to see what’s on the other side. I wouldn’t look back.

To be continued..

I gave her my heart
I placed it in her hands
I know she’s clumsy
But
I trust her

I made her a promise
I told she could keep my heart forever
No conditions
I told her that it’s an honor

Regardless of the outcome - it’s an honor
To be held by love in its purest form
To be in love with her
To be with her - a blessing

I made her a promise
I said I would never intentionally hurt her
If I ever did - it would never be on purpose
I’m clumsy too
I’m insecure
I overthink
A lot.
It’s overwhelming

I made her a promise
To make sure she knows I’m here
Even on her worst days
I’d be Superman to her Smallville

I made her a promise that she would wake up next to me every morning
I made her a promise that we would be forever - together
I made myself a promise to never lay eyes on one as beautiful as her

As scary as this may sound - to me
When I said all of this
I never had my fingers crossed

They say death brings perspective
It opens your eyes to things you’ve willingly or unwillingly been oblivious to
Death ironically opens your eyes to more
At the same time, death tragically takes away a part of you

I remember having experienced the first tragic death
It was tailored and chaperoned by maliciousness
It was some sort of a hate crime for being in the right place at the wrong time
I remember the pain like it was yesterday
Years have went by along with memories I’ve  lost
It seems as if time gives us a limited amount of time
Time, becomes a thief to memory because our brains are wired to remember repetition and consistency, and because you’re no longer in a position to receive that from the deceased, it seems that the memories decrease.

Death is as consistent as the memories we hold. Time allowed me to witness my peer carried away in a coffin for being in the right place, at the wrong time. Mistakes and accidents are claiming lives like there’s an outstanding bounty on our lives. Accidents are a new form of a hitman, because she got hit, by man. Assassinated at the speed of a bullet, yet there was no gun and no trigger. Death plays a unfair game, with an unfair advantage of never being seen until, you’re in the right place at the wrong time.

Death, never knocks on doors.
Death opens doors, creeps in while you’re asleep, just to leave you in the same position, just without the sleep, nor the air in your lungs. Death, yet again, takes without consent and gets away every time because death needs no explanation, nor time to do what needs to be done. There’s reasoning behind the deaths, and pain is the coping mechanism, and comfort is the supposed reasoning. We can never ask why because the only person who spoke to death and lives to talk about it, ascended to the Heavens, waiting to grace is with His presence, and His essence. A day we long for, and the day Death lives for.

The thought of another mans hands clutching your waistline, infuriates my mind, more than my heart. See, I’ve had my heart make most of the decisions without consulting my mind, and now the two are at war. My hearts argument is love and my minds argument is logic.

However, it doesn’t make logical sense to have to live the rest of my life without you so this time, I’m following my heart with the experience pain has given me.

I’m following my heart because time has been taken away from me in the form of having to already live without you, and it would be an injustice to my life to have to have the oxygen in my lungs escape every few seconds without you close enough to hear it.

My heart and my mind have held you close once before, and once again, they have the opportunity to do so.

This time, I’ve involved more than just my heart and mind. I’ve invited time to allow me to take my time to love you. Every second will be dedicated to our forever, and mind you, I’ll be mindful of you to my hearts content. I’ll love you like my heart intended to before, with a love refurbished, it will all seem so new.

I’ll love you with the same enthusiasm the sun rushes into a new day with. I’ll love you with the same enthusiasm that the moon decorates the night sky with. I’ll love you as perfectly as the waters touch the shores, never crossing its bounds...

The only tsunami you’ll experience will be my body on yours... with waves of passion, I’ll rip through your clothes like .... like, only you can imagine..

My Love has evolved
I’ve come to see you as my forever, with a whole lot of pleasure. You and I, forever?

I’m told that you’d always despise the man who managed to gain your woman’s attention long enough for it to put a permanent hold on your love for her. I’m told that, you’d despise the existence of the man who was able to win her over faster than you could hold her.

I’m told that, you’d never forgive the man who stole what was once a piece of your happiness. I’m told that my vocabulary would never extend past hatred and regret.

I’m told that the hatred would run so deep that remorse would cease to exist and forgiveness would be as distant as he led your woman to be from me.

I’m told that rage would be the mediator of the centuries best ***-whoopin’... man if I ever put hands on him, they’d put cuffs on me, put me in cell number 3, throw away the key and **** well forget about me like how she did every time he smiled in her direction.

My prison sentence would equate to how she deemed my existence a jail cell, confined to four corners, 3 square meals and a bed to offload the despair of being trapped.

I’d imagine that, at this point, he would be the prison guard who talks to her and ***** her every time she gets lonely in her four cornered cell.