Lee's dead
It all got to his head

Oh how hard it is to watch the person you love waste away with someone they don't truly love
Call it a hunch
It was in her eyes
I know what I saw
I know what I felt
So many things unsaid
So many chances passed away
So much love cast astray
The things I wish I could say
The things I'd never get to say
I just want to save you
The way you saved me

No longer recognizing reality
In a manner of normality
At a pace unmatched
A level of meaningless ending
With a frequency depleting

I am nothing to you
I need you to break me in two

Truly uncertain
This hearts been too strained
I guess too many times betrayed
So much I've lost
More so everyone I've pushed away
Laying down with murmers
Twitching inconsitant beats
Falling in pain
This heart of mine truly is
dying
With no love but family
I worry not
For in the end
I'll be just another
Only to be forgot

It'd seem peoples expectations
became the bars of my own
Cerebral prison cell

Live and let me die

Sweat stained skin
Swarming with flies
I might aswell be dead
As everything in this life
Seems like a load of lies

A
A memory
A home
A love
A light
A figure
A presence
A nonpareil
Where you ask
I'd tell you if I could

The fire
Once ruled my heart
The very same fire
Now torching my mind

As I sit here drowning it all out
Crickets and cycada
Breaking the silence
The silence of you
Your many voices
Taken once as a blessing
No longer
Now I listen for the croaking toad
The cars driving by
Noises of the city
My overactive mind
Now at bay
When will the day come
The day I no longer hear you
The day I'm free
I'm not with you
I never was
I don't want this anymore
I need solace
I need you out of my head

I dreamt I'd died
That I'd stood aside and watched my funeral
Only to see you there
I couldn't move
I couldn't speak
I was trapped
Watching you cry
It'd made me weak
To the point I woke
Only to cry myself
To sleep again

I know not
How much longer I can do this
How much longer I can carry this facade
I cannot do this
Without you
I had to though
I thought it'd be best
For you
This hole in my chest
Your absense
I don't know if I can do this
Weaker by the day
But I have to
For my family
I'm fighting everyday
Fighting for them
The way I wish I'd fought for you
Each day getting harder
Longer
Emptier
Colder
How do I go on
I really don't know
Call me dramatic
You could never understand
I miss you
I still love you
I can't live this way much longer
I need you
I've always needed
You

Traveled half way
Across the globe
Yet you're still with me
My head in turmoil
My heart a mess
Now coming home
Pulse slowing
Knees jittering
Apon this airport table top
Six hours to a flight
I wish not to board
Do I disappear
Do I climb aboard
Will I see you
Can I come home
To be without you

A girl I loved
Well
A girl I love
She used to write poetry
I asked about it
Knowing I shouldn't have
I wasn't worthy of her love
I needed to break my own heart
To hear her say she doesn't love me
I was lost

Of late heavy hearted
Hollow
Withdrawn
Unidentifiable
I felt something
Something calling
To clear my mind
I journeyed oncemore
The cemetery of me
To see a year later a glint
In the spectrum of love
A poem

Only to be written by her
Painfully
Longing and yearning
To love Blue
I feel her writings
Every last one
I want to be Blue
Is Blue really me
It cannot be
Although
I want nothing other
Than to be Blue
What must I do
Do I draw near

Dating amidst the generations of the 21st century is prioritizing someone only to become their option

I've let it be
However
This is it

1 round chambered
15  rounds clipped
All 16 rounds
Precisely well placed
Marksmen at hold
Sidearm withdrawn
Holstered
5cm spacing
A congratulations
My downfall
Not a single round
Actually ruptured my pallet

Where do I go
Knowing nothing
Not fearing death

Into the abyss
Devoid
Cold
I fit the picture now
I've lost it all
Truly Free
Independant
Fearless
Dangerous
Facing heights and cliffs with an urge
An urge to glide
Though for my family
I push through
The abyss
Atop my left shoulder
Guiding me
Through pain
Through silence
Through my sacrifice
The sacrifice I made of myself
My sanity
For you

The day I watched you walk away
The very same day I'd never be the same

Show me a place
The place of light
Your inner grace
My inner most delite

Deluded ramblings
A mutation of a man
Inadequate and empty
Yearning yet still
For a love unrequited

The coldness of my being
Pained and screaming
Dying and depleting
Was only ever for your well being
With no place left for retreating
I'm afraid I won't make many more evenings
I'm sorry though
I never meant to leave you bleeding

I dreamt of you
I dreamt I lay aside you
Your head arest my chest
My fingers scribbling
I was actually writing
Writing about you
Your every beauty
From soul to being
Could I tell you this
Out of place
We're strangers now

I'm sorry
I'm so sorry for everything
I'm sorry for leaving
I'm falling apart
I can't help myself
I'd hoped you wouldn't see me like that
It's not what you think
I know it looked really bad
I know you probably have questions
For your sake I think it's best they're unanswered
Just know it was just
It had to be done
For my sake
For the sake of others
This path I follow
I can only take it alone
With you in my heart I feel purpose
My love please be well
Along your many journeys
With God in your heart
You are guided
He loves you infinitely

I keep imagining the day

The day you look through me

Not recognizing me

Not reminded by our past

A time where I no longer hold a place in your memory

Only to see your gaze undisturbed

I can no longer be your pain