I haven't felt happiness
Not in a long time
Then you came to me
My mornings dream
Simply sweet
Forever with me
Oddly enough my reason to be

Streetlights, fast cars
Street life, fast drugs
Streetlights, fast cars
Street life, fast drugs
Streetlights, fast cars
Street life, fast drugs
Streetlights, fast cars
Street life, fast drugs
Streetlights, fast cars
Street life, fast drugs
Streetlights, fast cars
Street life, fast drugs
Streetlights, fast cars
Street life, fast drugs
Streetlights, fast cars
Street life, fast drugs

What you see is not me
You see what use to be
That outer, now, hollow shell of me
I guess you could call me free
With nothing and nowhere to be

Dahlia
The name of an absolute beauty
A soulful being of splender
Delight and wonder

DAHLIA
The dog
Above all others
The dog that saved me
A time I'd gone yonder
When I'd fallen for an angel

Dahlia
Her name recalling
My fondest reminiscence
Our first walk
Our walk with that woman
I'd pictured to be my wife
Leaving me now with only
Irregular breathing
My mind bleeding
Nothing more for life

I sat with Dahlia today
As if some animal intuition
She'd known I'd thought of you
I saw her eyes light up
For such a bundle of energy
She immediately sat in my lap
She knew I missed you
She misses you too
So it seemed
So unreal
Afterall
My rescue pitbull pup
Until she became our rescue pup
The moment your face lit up when you saw her
I think she'd recognize you anywhere
Even after such a long time
That's love
Our love
Our hidden love
Our past love
It was there
There's no doubt
As I regret leaving with Dahlia
I still think it was best
Atleast I've got her
My first day with her
A beautiful memory of us
I guess this is all I can take from this

I need not anyone know me
I need not approval
I need but one simple thing
I need my inner peace

I use to write poetry
Apon a time
Thereof a woman
Dearestly held
Another later found
The other now a mother
This one the last to make me suffer

No longer recognizing reality
In a manner of normality
At a pace unmatched
A level of meaningless ending
With a frequency depleting

Truly uncertain
This hearts been too strained
I guess too many times betrayed
So much I've lost
More so everyone I've pushed away
Laying down with murmers
Twitching inconsitant beats
Falling in pain
This heart of mine truly is
dying
With no love but family
I worry not
For in the end
I'll be just another
Only to be forgot

I don't know what's real anymore
Back at it once more
To the moon and back
Everywhere inbetween
This crippling anguish
For a love never mine
What is this all for
That heavily barricaded door
I tried getting through
To declare one's sorrow
For a time long ago
Tirelessly I've prayed
For one I'm deprived
Endlessly ruling a withering heart
I repent
A thousand times over
A million more
It doesn't help
I guess I'll carry on
Dreaming
My only peace
Seeing her as I open the front door

So it is
That the poet is lost in translation
By all that was
All that shall never be

It'd seem peoples expectations
became the bars of my own
Cerebral prison cell

I've let it be
However
This is it

Gun fire and blast beats
All but to drown out
Ones past deeds

For I the flame born of darkness
Set unto thee only for warmth
As for thee to spread light

I've failed again at being withdrawn
For an individual
I must mourn
Not for death
For a friend I do so much adore
I wish only her well being
As we stand to watch our nation healing
My concerns fleeting
I might aswell be bleeding
For tonight I go forth
Assisting my fellow countrymen
With my God at the reigns
My heart filled with love
Against those
Destroying our country
Making sure only they are fleeing

Sweat stained skin
Swarming with flies
I might aswell be dead
As everything in this life
Seems like a load of lies

The day I watched you walk away
The very same day I'd never be the same

I wonder
Will there come a time
A time of clarity
One of peace
That moment of Bliss
Raw love and admiration
Apologetic

Will it devour us
Could we let it save us
If ever you and I could ever be
With you, the happiest I've ever been

It's all I dream of
Everything I crave
First and always
It's still you

A
A memory
A home
A love
A light
A figure
A presence
A nonpareil
Where you ask
I'd tell you if I could

There came a point
Since then
I haven't felt anything

I am nothing to you
I need you to break me in two

The fire
Once ruled my heart
The very same fire
Now torching my mind

He resides deep down in the ribcage Amidst the dead leaves
Of his own dying heart

I keep imagining the day

The day you look through me

Not recognizing me

Not reminded by our past

A time where I no longer hold a place in your memory

Only to see your gaze undisturbed

I can no longer be your pain

The coldness of my being
Pained and screaming
Dying and depleting
Was only ever for your well being
With no place left for retreating
I'm afraid I won't make many more evenings
I'm sorry though
I never meant to leave you bleeding

Gone are the days
Those glorious days of happiness
To what it may be
My own deceit
Destroying myself
Aseak my own hidden self
A raw being
An ugly sight
A truth I do not like
I'd torn love out of myself
Gone cold and void
Seeking Wisdom
Looking for peace
It wasn't there
Never could it be
Only in love
Anic

Sometimes and still feeling
I had to die so she could live

Time and time again
My mind runs
Far to a place it cannot be
Coinciding so sweetly with memories
There it finds solice
On a beach
Maybe at backline
Gazing back in the waves
Each time emerging
The most incredible being
Any man could ever lay their eyes on
As drawn to the earth as I
Be it the ocean
Personifying the waters of life
Most crucial of all
Glimpses of heaven
Exalted gloriously in her eyes

I've met Art
In the form of woman
The likes, a realm outside my reach
Afar yet so near
The likes of one still
Changed one's darkened ways
Instilled values grasped in moments
Guiding to this very day

Oh by the way
Happy Valentines day
I hope you have
A smashing day

Dating amidst the generations of the 21st century is prioritizing someone only to become their option

Faces forever more
Foreign to me
My inability to look
All this my only fear
Seeing your eyes
The only thing I'd need
That moment
Ultimate bliss
Incomparable heartbreak
Which it'd be
I wouldn't know
I've become permanently afraid
Afraid of seeing faces

This evening my life changes
For better or worse I couldn't tell
The outcome dependant
Many variables in play
This evening
I change my life
For the same I cannot remain
Much in preparation
More so in deliberation
My ultimate conclusion?

This evening I must change my life forever

To a love I knew
The same love I lost
The love I'd pushed away
The love that haunts me to this day

We went from building futures in one another's eyes
To building futures in others arms

I'm sorry
I'm so sorry for everything
I'm sorry for leaving
I'm falling apart
I can't help myself
I'd hoped you wouldn't see me like that
It's not what you think
I know it looked really bad
I know you probably have questions
For your sake I think it's best they're unanswered
Just know it was just
It had to be done
For my sake
For the sake of others
This path I follow
I can only take it alone
With you in my heart I feel purpose
My love please be well
Along your many journeys
With God in your heart
You are guided
He loves you infinitely

I just need to fade away
Even if I'd seen her
What would I have to say
Well honestly
She'd see me and walk away
So this had become of me
Most and if not every day
Finding my peace
In my time of wreckless grey
Broken myself over her
Withing my own minds dismay
It was the way she looked at me
Telling me to go and stay away
I guess it's just that
That's all I've left to say

Deluded ramblings
A mutation of a man
Inadequate and empty
Yearning yet still
For a love unrequited

I am the only one who can save me
Seemingly you were my only need
Here I am begging on my knees
Begging for my existence to cease
Hands shaking, knees weak
I haven't the heart so see you again Anic
I am but poison
Maybe a little frozen
A heart returning to stone
Prepping for a journey all alone
To me you were home
To you was I only cold to the bone
Now heartless in appearance
I seek only disappearance
Let the void consume me
Do not look for me
Let me
End me

Like thieves
We are all
Inlove with stolen hearts

There's this soul
Once
The one to waken my very own
Now
The one for which it calls
Never to see
Never to feel
Never to hold
Not ever again
Yet this soul
The only one to change me

For the betterment
Of my humanity
Through her divinity

2nd dose down
Burning me to the ground
From inside out
The only thought for comfort
The one I live without

My dreams my solice
Existence my bane
Living always with so much pain

Again dreaming
Energy depleting
Yearning still
The silence of night
With the woman I still love

1 round chambered
15  rounds clipped
All 16 rounds
Precisely well placed
Marksmen at hold
Sidearm withdrawn
Holstered
5cm spacing
A congratulations
My downfall
Not a single round
Actually ruptured my pallet

Where does time go
When lost in pondering
A place drawn by a single person
Of beauties
To good for the likes of man

Standing alone
Amidst the killing field of one's self
Left with little of a past
Not much of a future
Hands and a mouth
Good for only destruction
With Graves to close
Years of work ahead
To fix myself further
Gragments of souls
Filling places mine once was
I have only their humanity and love
With my knowledge
Critically In use
Only for the betterment
Of those held dearly
Amidst the rubble of a once
Ever so fortified heart
I now allow the foundation of the greater good

When will the inner me
The subconscious *****
Get a grip
You were never hers
Those soft eyes
The true stairway to heaven
The very same eyes that only saw pain
Reflections of my own distraught world
It was only care
She never loved you
Get it into your head!

Forget it

She's permanently etched
Deep within
Along fibres and neurons
From thought to coping mechanisms

You were mearly her friend
Wait
Acquaintance at most
You ****** it all up though
Just someone she now wishes she'd never known

I love you but have no right
The center of God's heart
You shine so bright
I am so sorry
This is the only way
So I must go away
I cannot help but drown
In you
You are all I ever wanted
More so
Everything I ever needed
Yet still so much more
I know I've hurt you
I cannot do it again
I'm doing this for you
You will flourish
This is all I want for you
Only so without me
Anic
Please take this as a blessing
You never needed me
Not the way I need you
I'm setting you free
Essentially
To Grace you your full potential
I cannot help but cry
As I reminess
The times I felt such love
The times I ******* up
With this poem
I free you of me
This is the end of me
The beginning for you
Please understand
I do this for you!

So it's come
Years of planning
My disappearing
Death certificates
Nothing but a figure
No one among the masses
My ghosting
My new life in death
A face soon to be nameless
A second unsaid goodbye
Better left unsaid
For love sake
For my family sake

I've never known anything easy
From love
All the way down
To work
I couldn't give myself a break
This my curse
My inability to be a burden
More so a fear
Always being too much
I drove her off
I made her hate me
Now she's forgotten me
Even worse if she thinks me a freak
Do you see?
What it's like to be me
How does one carry on being
Here I question it
Tomorrow back at it
My mind is diseased
I've purposely been torching it
I've never known anything easy
Atleast I can't allow myself the ease
My mind and soul
Now running off
Just like her
Taking the smart route
While all I know, the hard ones
I guess they had to flee
For their own safety