Everytime I look at you I smile.
If only you'd see deep in my eyes and see...

My smile isn't what it seems to be.

"I like you"
"I like you too..."

But timing *****...

It is what it is, but it's not and it hasn't.

Please.

Catch me when I fall. Break my fall, because.

I promise, I won't bloom.

Sometimes...

It's just best.

To walk away.


It'll hurt though. Unbearably so.

There're against us
You and I
They don't want this to happen.
You and I

It can't happen.
Why
It can't
Why

It hurts, when reality hits.

Feeling trapped
Speculation upon speculation
There's a chaos in my mind

I cannot escape.
You.

I cannot escape.
"We need to talk..."

The blue hour Is when I am constantly thinking of You
It is when you capture me thickly in your presence
The amazement in this time

The hue of the heavens sky, blush strokes and strokes of yellow, blue fading to black just after the preceding promise of passion red slowly appearing

There is something in this hour that leaves me wanting
leaves me wanting more - yet I cannot help but feel satisfied

There's just something about your perfection that satisfies me. Deeply.

And yet I just cannot get enough. It's almost paradoxical. Surely if I was satisfied, I could move on right?

I supposed when You are enough, satisfaction is a given - a prerequisite when we come in contact with each other.

But that's just it isn't it - it's all about that contact

I can only be satisfied if I'm constantly returning to your well of Life.

Water can only quench for a limited time...
But what I actually seek, what I actually find in your presence quenches me for a lifetime and lifetimes over and again.

For whoever drinks of the water You give them will never be thirsty again.

It actually has been a long time since I've been here.
Sitting down, putting pen to paper.

So much has gone on and happened. A couple of months and perhaps years have gone by since I've opened my mind to this avenue.

We've been through a fair bit you and I. We've seen, heard and experienced so much in such little time.

I know it's clichéd and lame, trying to make sure it all rhymes...
stays the same...

I guess it's finally clicked in that this season is over, my skill has fade-d a bit, my knack for writing has reached its end. I guess I'm at my last wits end - trying to make sure words fit.

But in all seriousness, for all intents and purposes I suppose I'll start...

with the real reason why I'm actually here. I guess it's in the silence that all this happens, where it all begins. It was in the silence that I first met you. A season it was where it was just the two of us - mostly one-sided, I spoke - you listened. For the most part I only sought you out in times of trouble, for the most part...

when i needed someone to talk to...

I was selfish then - I'm not so much anymore

You talk a lot - you always have I guess. You're much more wiser between the two of us. I suppose you do have years and years more to offer than I do, but nevertheless I forget this fact more times than I care to admit.

You have been my rock, my shelter, my comfort and my Shepard - like a lamb I have followed you (without even knowing it for the better portion of my life) like a puppy I have loved you - like a child I have forgotten you

But I have found you again. You have always been here, waiting for me while I went my own way. You have always loved me while I loved others and sought love elsewhere. You have always considered me while I forgot you and placed you in the attic of my mind.

But here we are, walking together again - the dust blown off, eyes set, the path straight

It seems so much simpler now doesn't it - my days are brighter, the lurking shadows around me have dissipated and I can finally breath deeper

deeper and deeper as I walk with you

It's been a while
I'd almost forgotten about you

Surmise to say I was succinctly shocked

...to the core, to see how far and deep I have come

From the depths of a dark place, I have found a light. My light,
This light has grasped me, grasped me tight - tight in His mighty bossom.

It's a weird feeling, an acceptance of helplessness outside of your will.

Two thousand odd years and you still remain, such reverence and still you choose to chase after me.

Well, I'm done running...

I was for a long time.  How peaceful it is now.

To cross, my legs and sit in comfort.

At your feet.

if you believe you are limited
your thoughts flow from that belief

i wish it were so, uncomplicated
simple
every night and waking minute my mind plagues me
unlimited

an insatiable, unlimited influx of thoughts and emotions
flood, and flood
every day and every night
every night i drown in my own
euphoria and depression

i desire release
i desire capture too

i dont know what i want anymore, i dont think i ever have

i wish my thoughts were limited
i wish i was limited

Paint me like the burnt air.
Unwanted, careless and forcibly inhaled.

Paint me like the bruises on my chin.
Blue hued, swollen and new.

Paint me like blood.
Flowing and hidden, threatening to flood out.

Paint my pain.
No one else knows, I so desperately need to share.

In vain, paint me
In vain, paint me in vain.

Isn't it funny how the phone charger in theory resembles that of an umbilical cord?

Even as adults, we long for what was - from once we were torn

Isn't it something to say that something so important to modern society
Resembles something symbolic to birth
To nature

It's anything but
Sure it feeds energy and life just like the cord used to...
Sure it's useful in its own sense
Just like the cord used to...

Perhaps they share similar ends...
They'll both fade away from use and be thrown away

It's not really a poem
I thought I'd write
nonetheless

I prefer to wallow
in my own world of silence
and yet... I'm forced to interact

I share my thoughts, learn through my experiences
all the while
writing on a shabby piece of paper

I don't pay attention to the
World ending
It has ended for me
Many times
And began again in the morning

I don't pay attention because I'm me
Fallen beneath the cracks
A forgotten pile of flesh and bones
Neither bad or very good
Person
Being
Entity
Bad things have happened, more
Less good, more bad more bad
I'm so filled with darkness
I'm lacking full introspection
If the world split I'd fall in between

It's who I am, dark and devoid in a world
That's not my own, full of optimistic aspired light.

I am seeking
For so long I have been seeking
And yet...

I do not know what I seek

What is it I'm looking for
Where is the direction
Deflection
What stands in my way

Motivation
I lack the motivation to carry on

Seeking

It's a sad reality when I realise that you won't live forever.
you're slow to the pace.
No longer can I see through the wrinkles on your face.
you linger
stutter, longer than you should.
I never expected for it to come so soon.
too much to do - things I never could
do on my own, without you - now, the only hope is that I could
Ignore the heartache and gloom
and accept things for what they are - and soon will be.
that one day you will part from me.
It's a sad reality that one day you won't live forever.

It is gained so slowly, lost so quickly
We fight over it, we burn over it
Immense and long graft awaits us, an early mourning next
Controlled by something foolishly we had to create
A temporary happiness, unsatisfied and unfulfilled
All over a piece of paper, an apparent expense

Thinking, breathing,
heart beating still
observing a feeling of
decay, a bitter pill
     to swallow...

hurting and healing
irrevocable time to fill
grieving, left wanting
     biding time...
    infallible time

im not having the best of days
the universe is out to get me
I don't know what ive done wrong, there must be
a reason why I feel shackled, in a haze

weights on my shoulder refusing to relieve
seven days of thorough torment
my life is my own enemy, disbursing enjoyment
of such pain, desperate need of a reprieve

I cried today, internally though
my face mimicked, like a duck
calm on the surface
frantic beneath

i think i needed it though
not entirely certain
its time to close this curtain
before  emotions overflow

I was just about to tell you
but I was too late
left my heart out in the open
now it's all **crushed

Don't lie to me
you're not helping anyone
this isn't the person you're supposed to be
what am I to believe while you lead me on - am I the first one?

Cease your aimless performances
Clear-out this alluring façade

Don't leave me a shell of what once was
I beg of you, don't let this chance pass by
cross your heart
hope to die

I used to be sad
you gave me joy

I used to be fickle
you made me firm

I used to be scared
you made me brave

I used to be shy
you made me sing

I once was invisible
Now you see me

I never thought I could change
Until you met me.

If I dug a single seed into the ground
I hope it grows, grows...

In a year or two, if you're around
you'll see a rose, rose...

I'm lost

Flinging ideas and notions
Trying to find a way...
To cope with the commotion, inside...
my head

Threatening to tear...the fabric, keep away
It's not safe
For you...nor me
Ignore me...I'll rant about and about
Without a doubt

Perhaps in a little while
I'll find my way.

More biting,
less soothing.
such power, of lesser significance
sharp like a knife, piercing the heart
cool like the wind, seducing

Give it time
it'll bite
bite deep.

God gave me a face,
But it was not pretty.
God gave me eyes,
But they only see bad.

God gave me a mouth,
Though wisdom doesnt flow through.
God gave me a brain,
but it wasnt smart.

God gave me a body
That doesnt flatter.
God gave me money,
But it wasnt enough.

God gave me some one to love,
But it was not true.

And then God had some mercy,
And then...God gave me you.

Can you hear me
dropping the pin
Can you see
my chagrin

I won't force this
dismiss my provocative nature

Pretend you didn't see
Pretend you couldn't hear

Imagine it; kids in the park full of whim and ecstasy
Happiness to the brim, "to be young wild and free"

I had a very pleasant dream the other day
I was young again, just careless, free to play
and it dawned on me, how far gone I was to those times
All I do now is stress about the hours ahead of me, the days past

When we are adults, we cannot forget can we? Our minds are never free to wander, free to cast out all the troubles and darkness that dampen our spirits.
Adulthood isn't quite what they said it would be
I remember being a kid, waiting to be free, free from control- free to make my own decisions

But life wants none of that does it? Curve-***** keep getting thrown at us, hurdles upon hurdles upon hurdles, I just cannot keep up. I cannot fathom the amount of times I've fallen and pondered just staying down, down on the filth of despair, the dirt of down-trodden, the earth that is our sorrows,

But I just can't.

The same dream rewinds and plays on in my head. Jungle gyms, jumping castles and swings, this is the stuff of Kings.
It's this dream that keeps us going I guess
Otherwise why put up with all this stress

To accept life as it is, to play around and be free
To laud the grace of childhood and whimsy.