The sun rose over the mountain tops
Last night I was upset now I forgot
And I’m done being an afterthought
This world is mine just as you sought

Goodbye Pluto, au revoir
Your plans of granger are now afar
Your philosophy glows like the stars
Not a soul to read your dark memoirs

I was strong enough to bury your pain
I fight for that every day
I told you I had to silence your haste
I fight for you every day

You knew I’d step up to take care of you
You knew I’d have no choice
You made me into a leader
You made me into your scripture

You left before I could say goodbye
You left before I could even cry
You left before I had a chance to help
You left before I could help you grow

I’ll miss you everyday of my life
I’ll miss you with every burial I conduct
I’ll miss you with every face I embalm
I’ll miss you with every hint of the past
I’ll miss you in the future milestones

I wanted to grow together
We were always best friends
I’m not a mind reader

But I will always fight for your honor

A heavy pit closes my throat
My thoughts are the quicksand
Slowing my own two feet
Your betrayal hit me hard
But I scramble to pick up the pieces
I sit on the floor with trembling hands
Trying to piece together our childhood
Tears fog my vision, I choke on my gasps

This is what you planned
This is what you wanted
This is what you wrote about
This was your revenge?
What about me?

I did all I could to love and protect you

I can’t seem to grasp the fact that you left
I can’t seem to grasp you never loved me
I can’t seem to move forward

I am stuck

What will you do about this?




What will I do about this?




...


What is family?



What happened to my brother?
Why is this my burden to carry?


Why did you hand this to me?

I’ve been fighting for myself lately
If it were you it would drive you crazy
All of the battles I’ve voluntarily fought
Have saved you from becoming distraught
Death has a way of knocking you down
Mental health & hate being thrown around
I’ve kept my cool and gotten things done
Yet I stay strong and keep my head on
On this day, my journey has only begun
(But alas, my battle I have finally won)

Unrest.

Can I bring him back by helping souls like his?

Can I help from the present?

Can he help from the past?

Who holds the key? He or I?

Beauteous waves of growth
Inferior to the unknown
I sit here in the undertow
Heart so heavy yet is bestowed

His halo was too heavy
It leaned over and slipped to the floor
Shattered into a thousand pieces
As he was just before

I leap toward the challenges in life
I fall into a bed of flowers that I’ve planted
These are the glasses that I glance through
And I see nothing but glistening potential

I dare to dream to climb the tallest trees
I dare to oversee the whole operation
I dare to take a chance on standing tall
And I dare you to follow me

Encapsulate your wishes
Burrow with your roots
Grow towards the sky

Spread your pollen with love
Spread your petals with grace
Grab ahold of your opportunity

For this moment you are in full bloom

I’ve been damaged
I’ve been bruised
I’ve fought hard

I’ve been put to the test

I’ve persevered
I’ve persisted

I’ve stood for my beliefs

I’ve grown
I’ve loved
I’ve won

I’ve become who I forever shall be

Tao fills my spirit
Heat dances across my face
The wind, I can hear it
Rays of white in empty space

Fulfilled with earths nutrients
Beams of UVA and UVB
The end, I can’t see it
The sunlight forever shall be

The moon vs the sun
The light and dark abide
Heat and love and light
It’s all what’s on the inside

Today I feel hopeful
For sunshine fuels my heart
Today I can improve
For this is a brand new start

Time speeds up, slows down again.
The leaves fall, the stray dogs whimper.
The politicians keep lying, neighbors crying.
The children are fed chemicals
And the sun keeps rising.

Years have gone by with my brother in the ground.

I’ve stood atop this mountain searching for answers.

I’ve taken my chances, stood tiptoe reaching high.

My conclusions have lead me to a place of realization that consciousness
is a figment of time-space.
Physical manifestation is a result of this matrix colliding with space-time.

Years have gone by and my brother is still in the ground.

Years have gone by and the stray dogs still whimper.

Years have gone by and the children are getting sicker.

The politicians keep lying.

Time-space and space-time are the only truths that develop and unfold like a prism shining directly into my mind’s eye.

Are you awake?
Are you self aware?

Years are going by…

Your eyes follow me into the distance
You have a way of making me feel whole
If I could dream up a humble man like you
I’d paint a perfect picture of us together

Let’s live the rest of our lives on a mountaintop
Let’s absorb the beauty of the sunset sky
I’m so filled with joy when you are near
And this life is so gracefully blissful

Oh, and I love you forever

Lately I’ve been coming around
Grief so heavy was dragging me down
Wasn’t too sure I belonged in this town
Now my strength has finally been found

Upon my efforts to lay you to rest
I’ve figured out which path I will quest  
Guided by your writings, you could attest
Silence of the void with the cosmos is best

& now I may heal...

Heavy, sunken, falling
My feet drag slowly on the floor
I think of him and whimper
Yet find courage in this lore

Get up, wise up, fighting
Head up towards the sun
I think of him and breathe in
Do I stay or do I run?

I can make it, I can help them,
Eyes shut barreling through
In spite and in his honor
Am I healing? Is this you?

There is a looming misconception about the awakened ones. Labeling yourself as awake or higher on a spectrum of enlightenment is disregarding the entire concept.

Just be.

Pay attention. Smell the crisp morning air. Relax. What do you really want? Follow that path. You may diverge at any time.

You are water.
There are waves.

Fight against the current and your energy will be lost. Follow the flow and you will navigate it to your advantage.

This, in fact, has become my religion.
I am awake because my eyes are open.
I am not a label. You can’t decide my fate.

Enjoy life. Breathe. This time is yours.

It was Corbin who inspired me to write
And once I began I started to feel alright
Maybe I’ll finally get some sleep tonight
Or instead I’ll begin to endure this fight

The loss of a brother is a hard one to bare
It makes you believe that life isn’t fair
But if you sit and cry you will get nowhere
Instead I’ll decide to climb out of despair

This year had been way too entirely hard
His suicide was out of the psychiatric ward
As a mortician I became the one in charge
To this day I’ll never forget nor disregard

The fight I have in me is endlessly true
I would do the same for them
I would do the same for you
(So let’s all be good people too)

We may not ever know
We may not begin to understand
The story of such deep love
One that got completely out of hand

There is a place and there is a time
Impulse may lead you to this day
The story of such deep love
One that got completely got away

Such tragic love and damning thoughts
Such intense heat and vile plots
The story of such deep love forgot
He completely got deranged

Oh, what a journey you have begun
Fighting demons no more, peace at last
Cheers to the many nights of solitude
Those moments that shaped your story

What an adventure, wondrous mysteries
Heartfelt ups and downs aplenty
You found a way, you held on tight

Now the stars shine in your honor
My Pluto, forevermore...

We have been broken from the start
He cried before their holy matrimony
She had his children as he traveled away
They grew up watching him leave
When he was home his mind was not

She bathed us, cared for us, filled both roles
She did her very best to keep it together
She fought for her imploding marriage
As he met his mistresses on his business trips

The three of us grew up intertwined together
Keeping each other strong through it all
Dad was a cheater, mom filled us with haste
And my little brother couldn’t take it anymore

He grew up to have confusion fill his head
And thus, today he is unfortunately dead
His suicide note filled with incredible disgust  
And I threw it away before anyone could see
Because all I wanted was my family

A self inflicted bullet in your skull
My heart breaks like glass as I lay here
Blood drips down the steering wheel
Brother, why won’t you answer my calls?

How did it feel?
What swept you away?

Pain engulfs the area between my eyes
My stomach drops and bottoms out
My fingers can’t grasp the fact that;

You

Are

Gone

My family has fallen apart

(I struggle to stand on my own two feet)

+This feeling of abandonment shackles me to the problems that may never be solved...


-

The wondrous galactic gleam of light
Let’s me know you might be alright

What about the soul on the bus with sad eyes? He who judges the struggling spirit dies a little inside. Don’t disregard the one who continues to fight. You won’t be able to take their life tonight. Perhaps let’s listen to each other’s thoughts and fears. Maybe we could make this worldly anguish disappear.

Do you have what it takes to contribute to this world? Will you instead sit and judge the promiscuous girl? What about the family who struggles to eat? Will you take on that worldly feat?

Before you speak your two sense remember this line. Is what you’re saying the truth or a lie?

Daunting and haunting
That oak tree is where he fled

Daunting and haunting
He pulled the trigger, now he’s dead

He touched our lives and had no clue
The impact that he had on me and you
He felt so disconnected what can we do
I thought our family bond was so true
Today I can’t stand the thought of you
Sitting in our old car with a gun -
Knowing what you wanted to do

Now I miss you everyday of my life
And I can’t stand this never ending strife
Maybe I’ll finally get some sleep tonight
It will be a fight until I start to feel alright

I am the kudzu crawling up a tree
I am the vines draping over thee
I am the light bouncing off of the lake
A puddle of mud as the dog shakes
I am the clouds making forms in the sky
I am the happiness between you and I
A laugh in the corridor of the mortuary

& all of you thought I was so scary?

XO

What are you made of?
In the midst of this worldly fight
What are you afraid of?
Please don’t take your life tonight

How did I become the one
To talk others off the ledge
How did I become the one
To gracefully bury the dead

The light that shines within me
Is a feat I’ve conquered myself
The love that grows within me
Is a golden trophy on my shelf

The battles I have fought and won
Have scarred me to this day
The war cry I have gladly sung
Has yet to scare me away

If there’s one thing I have learned
It is the art of personal growth
If there is one thing I have burned
It’s my past and the place I called home

Oceans wash away my sorrows
Rain cascades down into bliss

I feel warmth in my heart

Life sends waves to my psyche
I have learned to persist

Capsize my ship I shall not
I gaze beyond the shoreline

Like water I shall change
And my journey sails on

I’ve fought for my family
& my armor has lost its shine
I’ve fought for my family
But I shall leave the past behind

I’ve done all I could

This burden shall burn

I’ve done I should

Now it is my turn

I will rise for myself -
I will put on my cape
I will take care of myself -
This life is mine to take

The way I absorb the aura of light
Keeps me alive in the midst of the night
I keep my faith and my humble insight
When the ground shakes beneath us -

Oh, please pull me in tight...

All of the good I’ve done was to set an example, to help those in need, to inspire you. All of the good in my heart was to show you the way. You had your eyes closed. You shut me out. Your king complex was the crutch you leaned on as an excuse. I knew you as good. You believed in yourself when you were with me. We were stronger together. You refused to see that. You closed off your heart. Yet, the blame lays on us in your eyes? We all take responsibility for our own lives. I wanted to help those lost souls, not inspire you to become one..

I am angry, I am upset, I am grieving.

What I feel at this time is important too.

I refuse to lose myself in this.

& I love you... always...