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Aug 2021 · 225
Phases
Anubis Aug 2021
I am deeply dark by nature
But bubbly and light by choice
I am truly hateful by DNA
And I really can’t stand your voice

My giddy personality
Has yet to break me away
I giggle and gasp and smile in haste
& please, DON’T BOTHER TODAY!
Aug 2021 · 39
Disregard
Anubis Aug 2021
My efforts are always pushed aside
Again, all you do is run and hide
My words don’t enter your mind
My heart is stuck in this terrible bind

You never seem to truly listen
My breakthrough seems so forbidden
This is not nearly what I envisioned
How can we be one in this condition?
Aug 2021 · 29
Goodbye, Corbin
Anubis Aug 2021
A heavy pit closes my throat
My thoughts are the quicksand
Slowing my own two feet
Your betrayal hit me hard
But I scramble to pick up the pieces
I sit on the floor with trembling hands
Trying to piece together our childhood
Tears fog my vision, I choke on my gasps

This is what you planned
This is what you wanted
This is what you wrote about
This was your revenge?
What about me?

I did all I could to love and protect you

I can’t seem to grasp the fact that you left
I can’t seem to grasp you never loved me
I can’t seem to move forward

I am stuck

What will you do about this?




What will I do about this?




...


What is family?



What happened to my brother?
Why is this my burden to carry?


Why did you hand this to me?
Nov 2020 · 52
June 9th
Anubis Nov 2020
A self inflicted bullet in your skull
My heart breaks like glass as I lay here
Blood drips down the steering wheel
Brother, why won’t you answer my calls?

How did it feel?
What swept you away?

Pain engulfs the area between my eyes
My stomach drops and bottoms out
My fingers can’t grasp the fact that;

You

Are

Gone

My family has fallen apart

(I struggle to stand on my own two feet)

+This feeling of abandonment shackles me to the problems that may never be solved...


-
For Pluto
Oct 2020 · 76
4 MONTHS (of agony)
Anubis Oct 2020
We buried you the other day
I still don’t know what to say
Everything sounds so cliche’
Your memory won’t fade away

And I still don’t feel okay

Will I ever find another way?

Or is this hole in my heart here to stay?
Sep 2020 · 69
Shall I Dare?
Anubis Sep 2020
I leap toward the challenges in life
I fall into a bed of flowers that I’ve planted
These are the glasses that I glance through
And I see nothing but glistening potential

I dare to dream to climb the tallest trees
I dare to oversee the whole operation
I dare to take a chance on standing tall
And I dare you to follow me
By Anubis
Sep 2020 · 166
Keeping Your Memory Alive
Anubis Sep 2020
My baby brother out on the playground
We made up different games and sounds
And I always loved having you around
Cheered me up when I was feeling down

Never had any hint of you feeling blue
If there was I’d know exactly what to do
Day in and day out it was just me and you
Not only siblings but we’re best friends too

Since you’re gone it doesn’t mean that it’s done
I’ll always remember the laughs and all the fun
The struggle with mental health is finally done
ALAS! Your new journey has finally begun!

& I love you Corbin James,
Best friends bonded through time

Just set sail and enjoy the ride
& I’ll be here waving goodbye...
By Anubis, For Pluto
Sep 2020 · 44
My Family
Anubis Sep 2020
We have been broken from the start
He cried before their holy matrimony
She had his children as he traveled away
They grew up watching him leave
When he was home his mind was not

She bathed us, cared for us, filled both roles
She did her very best to keep it together
She fought for her imploding marriage
As he met his mistresses on his business trips

The three of us grew up intertwined together
Keeping each other strong through it all
Dad was a cheater, mom filled us with haste
And my little brother couldn’t take it anymore

He grew up to have confusion fill his head
And thus, today he is unfortunately dead
His suicide note filled with incredible disgust  
And I threw it away before anyone could see
Because all I wanted was my family
A true story of my life
Sep 2020 · 65
My Love
Anubis Sep 2020
Your eyes follow me into the distance
You have a way of making me feel whole
If I could dream up a humble man like you
I’d paint a perfect picture of us together

Let’s live the rest of our lives on a mountaintop
Let’s absorb the beauty of the sunset sky
I’m so filled with joy when you are near
And this life is so gracefully blissful

Oh, and I love you forever
By Anubis
Sep 2020 · 52
Fingerprint
Anubis Sep 2020
He touched our lives and had no clue
The impact that he had on me and you
He felt so disconnected what can we do
I thought our family bond was so true
Today I can’t stand the thought of you
Sitting in our old car with a gun -
Knowing what you wanted to do

Now I miss you everyday of my life
And I can’t stand this never ending strife
Maybe I’ll finally get some sleep tonight
It will be a fight until I start to feel alright
By Anubis
Aug 2020 · 48
My Travels
Anubis Aug 2020
It was Corbin who inspired me to write
And once I began I started to feel alright
Maybe I’ll finally get some sleep tonight
Or instead I’ll begin to endure this fight

The loss of a brother is a hard one to bare
It makes you believe that life isn’t fair
But if you sit and cry you will get nowhere
Instead I’ll decide to climb out of despair

This year had been way too entirely hard
His suicide was out of the psychiatric ward
As a mortician I became the one in charge
To this day I’ll never forget nor disregard

The fight I have in me is endlessly true
I would do the same for them
I would do the same for you
(So let’s all be good people too)
By Anubis
Aug 2020 · 48
2020
Anubis Aug 2020
What about the soul on the bus with sad eyes? He who judges the struggling spirit dies a little inside. Don’t disregard the one who continues to fight. You won’t be able to take their life tonight. Perhaps let’s listen to each other’s thoughts and fears. Maybe we could make this worldly anguish disappear.

Do you have what it takes to contribute to this world? Will you instead sit and judge the promiscuous girl? What about the family who struggles to eat? Will you take on that worldly feat?

Before you speak your two sense remember this line. Is what you’re saying the truth or a lie?
By Anubis
Aug 2020 · 129
Bonded Through Time
Anubis Aug 2020
The wondrous galactic gleam of light
Let’s me know you might be alright
For Pluto
Aug 2020 · 51
Corbin
Anubis Aug 2020
I am empty
He is gone
My life is heavy
He has fled
I am listening
To the void  
Yet hear nothing
Soaked in red
My baby brother
My best friend
Took the gun
Now he’s dead

We both rest in the void
Of the past, present, and future
A projection of my healing
Anubis Aug 2020
What are you made of?
In the midst of this worldly fight
What are you afraid of?
Please don’t take your life tonight

How did I become the one
To talk others off the ledge
How did I become the one
To gracefully bury the dead

The light that shines within me
Is a feat I’ve conquered myself
The love that grows within me
Is a golden trophy on my shelf

The battles I have fought and won
Have scarred me to this day
The war cry I have gladly sung
Has yet to scare me away

If there’s one thing I have learned
It is the art of personal growth
If there is one thing I have burned
It’s my past and the place I called home
By Anubis
Aug 2020 · 48
SRT vs. CJT
Anubis Aug 2020
Why is it so hard to find
People with drive like mine
Why is it so hard to hear
The shouts of worldly fear

Why do we struggle so much
Life should glow like the sun
But maybe we have lost touch
My solo journey has just begun

When I look inside my spirit
There is nothing but undying love
I embrace this and I don’t fear it
My grace was bestowed from above
By Anubis
Aug 2020 · 49
26
Anubis Aug 2020
26
I’ve fought for my family
& my armor has lost its shine
I’ve fought for my family
But I shall leave the past behind

I’ve done all I could

This burden shall burn

I’ve done I should

Now it is my turn

I will rise for myself -
I will put on my cape
I will take care of myself -
This life is mine to take
By Anubis
Aug 2020 · 67
Fight
Anubis Aug 2020
I’ve been fighting for myself lately
If it were you it would drive you crazy
All of the battles I’ve voluntarily fought
Have saved you from becoming distraught
Death has a way of knocking you down
Mental health & hate being thrown around
I’ve kept my cool and gotten things done
Yet I stay strong and keep my head on
On this day, my journey has only begun
(But alas, my battle I have finally won)
By Anubis
Aug 2020 · 51
An Ode to Myself
Anubis Aug 2020
Goodness girl, you’ve been through a lot
You’ve been mislead, made mistakes
You’ve been inherently distraught

Goodness girl, you sure have grown to be wise
All of these struggles you have held inside
Facing diversity, facing lies, facing fear

How did you go and make it all disappear?
Thoughts by Anubis
Aug 2020 · 47
Enlightenment
Anubis Aug 2020
There is a looming misconception about the awakened ones. Labeling yourself as awake or higher on a spectrum of enlightenment is disregarding the entire concept.

Just be.

Pay attention. Smell the crisp morning air. Relax. What do you really want? Follow that path. You may diverge at any time.

You are water.
There are waves.

Fight against the current and your energy will be lost. Follow the flow and you will navigate it to your advantage.

This, in fact, has become my religion.
I am awake because my eyes are open.
I am not a label. You can’t decide my fate.

Enjoy life. Breathe. This time is yours.
Thoughts by Anubis
Aug 2020 · 73
Decadence
Anubis Aug 2020
Life has a mysterious way of knowing
Your lows have a way of turning around

Your third eye has a powerful way of growing
Your inherent love and patience will be found  

When the clouds hang low
And you just can’t bestow
The grace you once held in your hands

Look inside thy spirit, use this third eye
It is then you will begin to understand
By Anubis
Aug 2020 · 271
Free (To Be)
Anubis Aug 2020
To be empowered to grow with the oaks
Is to be intertwined with nature and virtue

To be inspired to fly like the avians
Is to be touched by your own soul

To be rooted into the earth like the flowers
Is to be content with your being and bloom

To be true to thyself is (to be) free
By Anubis
Aug 2020 · 101
Iridescent
Anubis Aug 2020
The way I absorb the aura of light
Keeps me alive in the midst of the night
I keep my faith and my humble insight
When the ground shakes beneath us -

Oh, please pull me in tight...
For my Enlightenment
Aug 2020 · 77
Words for my Brother
Anubis Aug 2020
I was strong enough to bury your pain
I fight for that every day
I told you I had to silence your haste
I fight for you every day

You knew I’d step up to take care of you
You knew I’d have no choice
You made me into a leader
You made me into your scripture

You left before I could say goodbye
You left before I could even cry
You left before I had a chance to help
You left before I could help you grow

I’ll miss you everyday of my life
I’ll miss you with every burial I conduct
I’ll miss you with every face I embalm
I’ll miss you with every hint of the past
I’ll miss you in the future milestones

I wanted to grow together
We were always best friends
I’m not a mind reader

But I will always fight for your honor
I love you Corbin. RIP. For Pluto. Read his poems. I have them posted on my profile.
Aug 2020 · 47
Youth at War
Anubis Aug 2020
I’ve been damaged
I’ve been bruised
I’ve fought hard

I’ve been put to the test

I’ve persevered
I’ve persisted

I’ve stood for my beliefs

I’ve grown
I’ve loved
I’ve won

I’ve become who I forever shall be
Becoming Anubis
Aug 2020 · 87
Full Bloom
Anubis Aug 2020
Encapsulate your wishes
Burrow with your roots
Grow towards the sky

Spread your pollen with love
Spread your petals with grace
Grab ahold of your opportunity

For this moment you are in full bloom
Anubis
Aug 2020 · 43
Sunlight
Anubis Aug 2020
Tao fills my spirit
Heat dances across my face
The wind, I can hear it
Rays of white in empty space

Fulfilled with earths nutrients
Beams of UVA and UVB
The end, I can’t see it
The sunlight forever shall be

The moon vs the sun
The light and dark abide
Heat and love and light
It’s all what’s on the inside

Today I feel hopeful
For sunshine fuels my heart
Today I can improve
For this is a brand new start
For Anubis, by Anubis
Anubis Aug 2020
Mental hospital doors swing open
The strap you down and feed you pills
Doctor labels your forehead BI POLAR
Admin sends your family all the bills
You get released during a pandemic
No follow up care ignites all your fears
You continue to write down your bible
You’ve been writing all these years
Writings of your own justified suicide
How your holy ways are the sacrifice
You claim visions of the past and future
You hear voices in the middle of the night  

You take your fathers gun

and drive away

Never to return home again...

Your sister who lives so far away
Never got to see you after your stay
Never got the chance to say goodbye
Now she sits on your bed and cries

Your sister finds your suicide notes
Filled with angry and feverish haste

Your sister buries you with so much respect

& she buries you with so much grace...
Based on a true story.
Aug 2020 · 58
The Mix Up
Anubis Aug 2020
He had a wave of superiority
Could not feel true synchronicity

Grew a false sense of understanding
Fell from above with no soft landing

Sacrificed himself like Christ almighty
Schizophrenia and THC felt so inviting...

Now Anubis must lay him to rest
Was it Pluto who really knew best?
For Pluto, My Blood, My Brother
Jul 2020 · 52
Tao
Anubis Jul 2020
Tao
Oceans wash away my sorrows
Rain cascades down into bliss

I feel warmth in my heart

Life sends waves to my psyche
I have learned to persist

Capsize my ship I shall not
I gaze beyond the shoreline

Like water I shall change
And my journey sails on
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 46
My Nature
Anubis Jul 2020
I am the kudzu crawling up a tree
I am the vines draping over thee
I am the light bouncing off of the lake
A puddle of mud as the dog shakes
I am the clouds making forms in the sky
I am the happiness between you and I
A laugh in the corridor of the mortuary

& all of you thought I was so scary?

XO
Jul 2020 · 52
Difficult Love
Anubis Jul 2020
Lately I’ve been coming around
Grief so heavy was dragging me down
Wasn’t too sure I belonged in this town
Now my strength has finally been found

Upon my efforts to lay you to rest
I’ve figured out which path I will quest  
Guided by your writings, you could attest
Silence of the void with the cosmos is best

& now I may heal...
For Pluto
Anubis Jul 2020
I see your gaze in the eyes of the deceased. They cry my tears at the burials. I touch your face every time I embalm. I smooth your clothes every time I dress bodies. You are my reason.You engulf my practice. You have etched your face onto every urn and every casket.

Reminders of you fill my everyday.
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 974
Perks of Being Alive
Anubis Jul 2020
The sun rose over the mountain tops
Last night I was upset now I forgot
And I’m done being an afterthought
This world is mine just as you sought

Goodbye Pluto, au revoir
Your plans of granger are now afar
Your philosophy glows like the stars
Not a soul to read your dark memoirs
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 82
Bereaved
Anubis Jul 2020
Beauteous waves of growth
Inferior to the unknown
I sit here in the undertow
Heart so heavy yet is bestowed
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 66
Anubis
Anubis Jul 2020
A dark shadow cascades against the contrast of the walls. A silhouette of a dog on its hind legs looms the darkness. This presence fools those into thinking the consumption of death is a horror.  

This being steps toward those grasping for life with their last breath. A cool sensation starts engulfing the feeling of consciousness. A sense of understanding fills the crisp air of the room.

Why are we fooled by the fear, and not consumed by the genuine nature of protection and peace?
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 559
The Embalmed
Anubis Jul 2020
A new case through the prep room doors
On my table ready to be embalmed
A lifetime of hardships and promises
Now forgotten who’s right and been wronged

A new case on my prep room table
Ages have ranged from youth to so old
A lifetime of hardships and promises
Their story shall not go untold

My forceps, my scalpel, my chemicals
Pumped arteries as I drain their blood
A lifetime of hardships and promises
I embalm the oh so beloved...
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 181
Wonder Woman
Anubis Jul 2020
Close your eyes
Focus

As the world catches fire
Put on your cape

The one you love has gone mad
You must save them all
You must fight him in his dying words

You must save them all

As he lunges toward them
You take him down
You cradle him softly

And lay him to rest

(In peace, rather than in chaos...)
For Pluto
Anubis Jul 2020
All of the good I’ve done was to set an example, to help those in need, to inspire you. All of the good in my heart was to show you the way. You had your eyes closed. You shut me out. Your king complex was the crutch you leaned on as an excuse. I knew you as good. You believed in yourself when you were with me. We were stronger together. You refused to see that. You closed off your heart. Yet, the blame lays on us in your eyes? We all take responsibility for our own lives. I wanted to help those lost souls, not inspire you to become one..

I am angry, I am upset, I am grieving.

What I feel at this time is important too.

I refuse to lose myself in this.

& I love you... always...
For Pluto
Anubis Jul 2020
We may not ever know
We may not begin to understand
The story of such deep love
One that got completely out of hand

There is a place and there is a time
Impulse may lead you to this day
The story of such deep love
One that got completely got away

Such tragic love and damning thoughts
Such intense heat and vile plots
The story of such deep love forgot
He completely got deranged
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 62
Cheers
Anubis Jul 2020
Oh, what a journey you have begun
Fighting demons no more, peace at last
Cheers to the many nights of solitude
Those moments that shaped your story

What an adventure, wondrous mysteries
Heartfelt ups and downs aplenty
You found a way, you held on tight

Now the stars shine in your honor
My Pluto, forevermore...
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 76
Angel, not a King
Anubis Jul 2020
His halo was too heavy
It leaned over and slipped to the floor
Shattered into a thousand pieces
As he was just before
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 56
Untitled
Anubis Jul 2020
He and I are searching for the same light
In a room full of monsters and lilacs
We together found a garden
I picked the lilacs
He became a monster...
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 85
That Oak
Anubis Jul 2020
Daunting and haunting
That oak tree is where he fled

Daunting and haunting
He pulled the trigger, now he’s dead
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 114
Oh, my lost blood
Anubis Jul 2020
He and I are the same
And the same we are so different

He and I are the same
Opposite to one, identical to the other

He and I are the same
Thoughts, feelings, love and life

He and I are the same
And together we will remain...
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 619
Reverence for the Dead
Anubis Jul 2020
It is my dear calling
To bury his pain
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 243
Mortician’s Grief
Anubis Jul 2020
Unrest.

Can I bring him back by helping souls like his?

Can I help from the present?

Can he help from the past?

Who holds the key? He or I?
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 64
Confused
Anubis Jul 2020
Emotions feel bleak
Legs feel weak
Suicide has taken him

Dark thought streak
I can’t sleep
Suicide has taken him

My brother is gone
He doesn’t belong
Anywhere but here...
For Pluto
Jul 2020 · 92
Empty & Fulfilled
Anubis Jul 2020
Heavy, sunken, falling
My feet drag slowly on the floor
I think of him and whimper
Yet find courage in this lore

Get up, wise up, fighting
Head up towards the sun
I think of him and breathe in
Do I stay or do I run?

I can make it, I can help them,
Eyes shut barreling through
In spite and in his honor
Am I healing? Is this you?
For Pluto

— The End —