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No sugar. No cream.
Straight black, right out of the ***.
Still hot. For it is bold. Has a bite.
All dark. For the sun has still yet to rise.
No added *******. No flavor.
Just roasted beans. Mean. The way it should be.
More than warm through my throat.
On in to stir up my heart.
It pumps like gasoline. Igniting my withered dreams.
Another day. Another brew.
No sugar. No cream.
A man presses down the keys through the night, continuously as he always has
No plan of action, just a man who is sad about mishaps with a mind full of regrets, squandered moments, and plenty of wasted opportunities
Took a skill he possessed, instead of igniting it like the flame he swore he always had
It drifted off, floating along as a washed away piece of wood amongst the ocean

His fingers crash hard against the keyboard, with no music to be heard
Just heart felt words which rarely carry over to the reader
Just so happens that’s what he has been lacking
No one to read those dark words struck into the paper
He has accepted his fate, just a man and his typewriter

A dreamer, to compose deep, emotional, and moving work
Sunken in too deep for his own **** emotions
He sits still, yet restless, feeling helpless
Feeling unworthy, a daze strikes in the form of ever-so-swift hands
Pounding heavier than the storm within his head
Steam rolling off the letters as bliss was sure to follow

His fingers ferociously slammed the hammers against the paper roll  
As hours went by without any ordeal, he had wrote from his heart with dire truth
Finally, a piece he could be proud of, but as the open window gave in to the breeze
A realization came through; this was still not the one and so he again accepted defeat
As he was just a sad man, with a dead beat skill, and a beat down typewriter
A void. With no visible end.
No edge. Boundaries not tangible.
Just as you were. A professional at leaving holes.
A crater of a footstep. No positive impressions.
Lessons. Yes.
Stories to unfold. Many untold.
For the scars they would behold.
The tears. No control.
This is why I to this day try.
To bury what was. To leave it behind.
Let it be a shadow. No disguise.
I will not let it catch me by surprise.
I wait. For the call one night.
For the hole to sink further.
I will miss you my brother.
No amends. Just emptiness.
No forgiveness. No open space left.
No wrongs to right. Nor a new page to start.
No end in sight. Perpetual pain.
Whole lot of open space. Endless.
But a pressure neither of us can fix.
Heavy weight. Blame fate.
Blame our past. All but ourselves.
No chance. Too late.
No light. We will not open our eyes.
Refuse. Too much dirt to fill back in.
Too much time. What an excuse.
I wait for the call.
You pretend it was all, nothing.
We bore swords in our words.
Bullets in our actions.
One day we shall rest on mattresses closed.
In a place we cannot escape.
Forced to repent. Accept our mistakes.
Our souls to take. A will. No fight.
Brothers by blood. Enemies by treason.
With no secure reason.
A lesion. A missing piece.
A unfillable space.
Brotherless. Still.
Write me your poetry. Write me your words. How your body trembled from bliss. Being pumped into your veins as every breathe escaped you. Clenching muscles making your brain flush with hormones and chemicals. It's a drug. The things we do to one other. Pure. Raw. Natural. Ecstasy created within who we are. Derived of nothing more than intriguingly random chemical compounds. Acting on systems as vast as the galaxies around us. It's a wonder. Is this not a gift from the very force that drives us. Let me have you. Let me be one with you. Let us collide. Where your pen meets paper. Exists our universe. That very universe. I just created. I know you felt it. Let it surround us. Please let us become lost. Write me your poetry, darling.

- Nicholas A. McNutt
Every now and then, day will come and night shall rest
You can't recall your dreams, since you haven't slept
You feel you've lost yourself, as the sun rises above
Looking out on the horizon, past everything that was
No idea what is wrong, something sure is amiss
Some things, you just got to figure out yourself
There will be times, it all seems to be too hard
You will fall, you may bleed. A small boat caught out at sea.
A drift in thought, you seem to lean. Too far over the edge you'll be.

No way to resurface, no coming back to the ship
You'll never be unchanged, the light won't feel the same
No warmth to find, caught up in your own mind
Day won't be your friend, night has betrayed you again
This may pass, a mere storm
You'll keep sailing, journey some more
There will be danger, I promise you've grown stronger
The rocks underneath, slam and they churn. Time don't wait for the perfect storm.
Just remember, a sailor still on deck. Never knows what he shall learn

Now you know, every now and then
There will be struggle, but you will be okay my friend
Night will come, day shall rest
You deserve to dream again

- Nicholas A. McNutt
She was the pen. Forever scaring me.
As I was the paper. Who loved the pain.
I knew with every touch. I would never be the same.
I desired nothing more. Than her poetry.

-Nicholas A. McNutt
Sitting up on top the roof
Three stories higher than most
I find myself
Looking up, I’ve always been
Always been looking up
For something more, never less
I can’t seem to find, what it is
Thou I will never quit, always with
My head to the sky and my chin ******* tight
Ready for the punch, ready for reality
Won’t let it make me fall
Still I’ll find myself
Higher than most
Tattooed onto my soul. I could never forget your poetry.
You sung your lyrics soft. They screamed into me.
Been too long now. Your voice a whisper inside my head.
I desire your words. I need their warmth again.

Always able to make me think. Your poems made simple men sink.
Even I, would always drift. Begin to question myself.
How far have I floated off? How have I let you become so far gone?
It once was lust we acted upon. Thou we were not the shallow type.
Our words made love. Now they call each other on drunk nights.

Our hands may have never met. Our pens formed our breath.
Ink working as our tongues. Poetry our inner language.
I have read scriptures. Not as passionate.
I have seen monuments. Not as magnificent.
I desire your words. I need their presence again.
Why must all the words I write, be self-defeating,
         Why must I always write of my monsters, my
                   Insecurities.
Why can I not write of pleasure, of purpose, of power,
         Why can I not declare my love, write of times never to be
                    Lost.
I want to write differently, I want to tell my reader's a story,
         I want to tell them of this girl, who has changed my world
                   Forever.
A girl who is sweeter than the first sip of coffee after a long night,
         Sharper than the thorn of a rose, lips softer than the breeze, of the
                   Moon.
A girl who has transformed me from inside out,
         She wrote me one little poem with just the look of her eyes, and I
                   Knew.
The way I was living, perfectly-alone,
         Was far from perfect at all, I desired her poetry more and
                   More.
The poem of the goosebumps on her skin,
         The poem of her *******, the poem of her hair
                   Falling.
Across her chest, my hands followed hers,
         She wrote me the poetry of her dancing, poetry of how she
                   Loves.
She took the words I wrote, threw them away,
         She made me into a man of action, made me a man forever
                   Attracted.
To her style of poetry, for she made her words come alive,
         Now I write not of my losses, my sadness, I write as I dream of
                   Her.
I hope you are there. I hope you are reading this.
I hope you see my words. For it is you I miss.

The nights have been cold. The days been long.
The bed has been lonely. And god have I been too.
I know you feel this way. I know you are missing me.
Not to be conceded. Let's say. This has been a shared feeling.
Not quite disappointment. Not quite regret.
Like a missing piece. Of an unexpected puzzle not yet built.
Almost thou. Nearing to. Completed no. Not quite yet.

You have what I need. I offer you the same.
It has not been easy. I can admit that babe.
But here we go. Final stretch. Of this ******* heart-wrench of a race.
Distance. Endurance. A test?
Regardless. We are almost finished. But not quite yet.

All for what? Shall there be a prize?
All I want. Are your eyes.
Your touch. That lust. We share.
A moment still. You in my arms.
A drug. No overdose. Smoke. No choke.
Be my ecstasy. Get me to see my dreams. Come alive.
I will be your nicotine. Give that body a buzz. Bliss. No disguise.
I ask the heavens please. Give her strength.
To give herself to me. The moment that we meet. Again.
I know. We are close. But not quite yet.

Shhhh. Loneliness may be felt. But no, it is not permanent.
Let us find that missing piece. Let us complete this puzzle.
Let us dance. Reconnect. Make love. Sweat.
Let us show them a real race. See who finishes first.
We won't need a night. We won't need much.
I am ready to go. I guarantee you are too. But not quite yet.

I need you. So god I hope you see this.
I know we spoke. Said we miss.
We miss where we were. Together. All night. All day.
Miss our hands meeting skin. Miss the way we fit.
Like a perfect puzzle set. With you on top.
Oh don't you stop. Got my dreams coming true.
God babe. I can feel you. So close. So soon. But not quite yet.
We all think we get it,
                                       we don't.
We all think we can see it,
                                              not noticing our own blindness.
You would think it is imperative,
                                                           it is.
Yet,
       we all think life is only from our perspective.
How,
          how do we all go on like this?
I,
   refuse.
Another plain ole average day. Facing the treacherous walk through the bustling streets. Swimming against the fish who never look up. Distracted constantly. Faces you'd never know, were people too.
Forecast predicted some winds. Advisory to stay at home. We all know there is no such thing when it comes to work. Grabbed the rain coat and on I went. Barely made it a single block. Couldn't see two street lights ahead. The fish were scarred. Slamming off one another. This was no average storm.
A splash. A wave. Puddle ruined my pants. Passing car coated me with only god knows what. These were ***** waters. Soon rivers, took over the concrete. A rainforest of a jungle now. My tie chocked up my neck. Briefcase forced me to sink.
My eyes soon were teased. I was stranded out at sea, or so it seemed. Until I crashed into an island. I soon found as a haven. Standing beneath the city clock. I waited patiently. Knowing I would never survive out there. Until, a beacon shined through all the grey.
My skin froze. No, not from the rain. From the way this women looked at me. Hesitant yet amazed. Awe filled up inside her faster than it did in me. I blinked. Thought maybe I have finally gone insane. But no, this was happening. We both stood in place as if the hands of time broke down. Something kept the gears idle within the clock tower.
We were drenched from the passing storm. Standing under this monument. We paused accepting the falling waters of the sky. Cowardly so, we never even spoke. Just admired. Simply and silently. Two statues stuck in a daze. Standing as skyscrapers amongst umbrellas.
Looking into each other for a moment that lasted long beyond both our years. The water washed away our wear and tears. The city vanished. The storm ceased to be a bother. The fish faded into the ocean. It was just me and her. Shipwrecked. Stranded. Alone. Or so we thought before. Soon learned, our destinations were never meant to be. We fell in love. Swiftly and unexpectedly. The way the heavens intended. Grey clouds blew through us both and out came the sun. If not for this treacherous storm, I would have never met... her.

- Nicholas A. McNutt
With the shattered glass upon the floor
I no longer can deny
No longer bottled up inside
Spilt out across the room
For all at the party to see
And laugh
As if it were caused by a stumble,
A drunken moment
But the reality of it all
Is my heart just struck a beat
As my heart and mind have been at war for sometime

I can no longer keep downing all this wine
Trying to act as if everything is just fine
I will no longer lie
I shall take this as a sign
I've been far too empty
That is all this drinking has shown me
And still yet I try
To find you resting inside
Underneath the sea of my misery
But you wont be, you wont be
No you have moved on, are living your own life
With your own parties which I imagine don't consist of you playing the fool
Your drinks remain amongst laughter not directed towards you
While my drink seeps into the living room carpet
Staining the moment
I'm not worth it and I'm not getting anywhere with this
I realized its all a lost cause
Getting you back won't consist of
Me losing myself in the night
It wont consist of me becoming your knight
No shimmering armor, no epic tale of conquer
No me and you left in the remaining pages of this tale
NO, NO, NO.
My wine is spilt and by wine I mean
My chances with the princess
My wine is spilt and by wine I mean
My chance with the princess
You are      standing                       
on your      head
  but think      you are
      resting on      the bottom
                                   of the world.

    Perspective      my friend
          you must     understand
            is key     to insight
                 not a     rabbit-hole
                                         to perpetually fall into.

Flip your     view
               up-down     and sideways
     then find     balance
            on your own     two feet again
                                                   quit standing on your head.

         Unless you      have been
                 buried alive      cement will not
           be atop      of you
   stand up      tall
                                                                ­   with the endless sky above.
I left traces of love, in the spaces of my words
Never knowing, if she read between the lines
She spoke in a way, I could interpret that she knew
But she left a faint sound, of feeling lost and confused

Her words struck, as if I was the one not understanding
That she was, the one dying inside because of me
This tethered our connections, solidified our silence
As both of us had drank the poison, we let ink flood our veins
Toes press into the sand
Wind causes bumps to form on the skin
A loose button-up flutters
Waves wash away the footsteps

An evening spent along the water
Just listening to all the sounds
Try not to let the mind grow loud
Thoughtless as the sun goes down

A rock pier lie ahead
One never seen and never been
Soon feet rest off the end
Attempts to jump right on in

A man found the morning after
On the cusp of his last breathes
Mutters that he never meant
To resent his own thoughts

No one knows who he is
No one claims to have been a witness
No one there to talk some sense
Not a **** soul had cared

This man was left to walk the plank
Solitary on a island full of people
Death row with no trace of hope
No wonder he wandered to his death
I have desired to own my own typewriter for so long
Thought I would never amount to be a true writer; without one
Told myself again and again;
I need to have an antique indication that I am one
I need an vessel other than a dusty ole notebook and pen
If I did not invest in the proper tool I believed;
I would never become a true writer
My fingers needed to feel the pressure of each letter being wrote
Almost as if the **** machine would write off symphonies for me
As if there would be magic within the ink specific only to a typewriter
I have never been so wrong;
I won't ever be a true writer; regardless of what tool I use
So **** it; here I am punching away at my keyboard
Regardless
I have not seen her. Nor have I felt.
Wondered to myself,
Has she drifted of into the morning mists
Or perhaps, wondering the bustling streets of New York

She could be off away at sea, pondering upon the stars
Or climbing mountains of northern Italy,
A continuing goal to discover herself amongst this world

I followed from a distance too far, now I have lost her
But I cannot come to believe, she is wanting to be found
So now, shall I still try
Or shall I let her merely exist in my mind

A perpetual daydream, sifting through my head
I want to follow her, want to see the world from her view,
But her poetry has been running short, she no longer pursues to write
Her whispers have tickled my ear, like the wind,
Telling me she rather see the beauty of the world than feel its sorrows
Now I can no longer sense either, no not without her
You
You
I have had writers block, for the longest time
I cannot seem to get words out, that rest on my mind
They grow heavier, with every passing moment
As if I do not tell them to you, they will leave nothing left
They weigh down on my soul, desiring to be heard
I begin to write you this letter, and so I tend to get better
Then I begin to wonder, how has a poet become so dependent
Speaking to this impeding entity, one who consists only in my head
I have no idea who you are, but I do know I need to write
I may never meet the one's I vent to, but thank god they exist
My writer's block ceases and you are the one's I can thank

— The End —