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I have desired to own my own typewriter for so long
Thought I would never amount to be a true writer; without one
Told myself again and again;
I need to have an antique indication that I am one
I need an vessel other than a dusty ole notebook and pen
If I did not invest in the proper tool I believed;
I would never become a true writer
My fingers needed to feel the pressure of each letter being wrote
Almost as if the **** machine would write off symphonies for me
As if there would be magic within the ink specific only to a typewriter
I have never been so wrong;
I won't ever be a true writer; regardless of what tool I use
So **** it; here I am punching away at my keyboard
Regardless
I remember the day you asked if we had always been this way.
If the love, or at least what we thought love to be, has ever been.

I looked into your eyes and I really considered telling you the truth.
Wouldn't that be a first?
I looked into wanting eyes and I could feel your skin trembling.

I told you that we had always tried to make each other feel numb, a little bit dead inside, just enough to keep us going.

I told you we were both so terrified of feeling more, that we are still so desperate for touch, that we never would have been able to touch each other properly.

I told you that a part of me abhorred you and that a part of you had always felt the same for me.

But the truth is my sweet, I love you in every version of you and me. In every way we thought and still think love to be.
I hope you are there. I hope you are reading this.
I hope you see my words. For it is you I miss.

The nights have been cold. The days been long.
The bed has been lonely. And god have I been too.
I know you feel this way. I know you are missing me.
Not to be conceded. Let's say. This has been a shared feeling.
Not quite disappointment. Not quite regret.
Like a missing piece. Of an unexpected puzzle not yet built.
Almost thou. Nearing to. Completed no. Not quite yet.

You have what I need. I offer you the same.
It has not been easy. I can admit that babe.
But here we go. Final stretch. Of this ******* heart-wrench of a race.
Distance. Endurance. A test?
Regardless. We are almost finished. But not quite yet.

All for what? Shall there be a prize?
All I want. Are your eyes.
Your touch. That lust. We share.
A moment still. You in my arms.
A drug. No overdose. Smoke. No choke.
Be my ecstasy. Get me to see my dreams. Come alive.
I will be your nicotine. Give that body a buzz. Bliss. No disguise.
I ask the heavens please. Give her strength.
To give herself to me. The moment that we meet. Again.
I know. We are close. But not quite yet.

Shhhh. Loneliness may be felt. But no, it is not permanent.
Let us find that missing piece. Let us complete this puzzle.
Let us dance. Reconnect. Make love. Sweat.
Let us show them a real race. See who finishes first.
We won't need a night. We won't need much.
I am ready to go. I guarantee you are too. But not quite yet.

I need you. So god I hope you see this.
I know we spoke. Said we miss.
We miss where we were. Together. All night. All day.
Miss our hands meeting skin. Miss the way we fit.
Like a perfect puzzle set. With you on top.
Oh don't you stop. Got my dreams coming true.
God babe. I can feel you. So close. So soon. But not quite yet.
No sugar. No cream.
Straight black, right out of the ***.
Still hot. For it is bold. Has a bite.
All dark. For the sun has still yet to rise.
No added *******. No flavor.
Just roasted beans. Mean. The way it should be.
More than warm through my throat.
On in to stir up my heart.
It pumps like gasoline. Igniting my withered dreams.
Another day. Another brew.
No sugar. No cream.
I left traces of love, in the spaces of my words
Never knowing, if she read between the lines
She spoke in a way, I could interpret that she knew
But she left a faint sound, of feeling lost and confused

Her words struck, as if I was the one not understanding
That she was, the one dying inside because of me
This tethered our connections, solidified our silence
As both of us had drank the poison, we let ink flood our veins
Why must all the words I write, be self-defeating,
         Why must I always write of my monsters, my
                   Insecurities.
Why can I not write of pleasure, of purpose, of power,
         Why can I not declare my love, write of times never to be
                    Lost.
I want to write differently, I want to tell my reader's a story,
         I want to tell them of this girl, who has changed my world
                   Forever.
A girl who is sweeter than the first sip of coffee after a long night,
         Sharper than the thorn of a rose, lips softer than the breeze, of the
                   Moon.
A girl who has transformed me from inside out,
         She wrote me one little poem with just the look of her eyes, and I
                   Knew.
The way I was living, perfectly-alone,
         Was far from perfect at all, I desired her poetry more and
                   More.
The poem of the goosebumps on her skin,
         The poem of her *******, the poem of her hair
                   Falling.
Across her chest, my hands followed hers,
         She wrote me the poetry of her dancing, poetry of how she
                   Loves.
She took the words I wrote, threw them away,
         She made me into a man of action, made me a man forever
                   Attracted.
To her style of poetry, for she made her words come alive,
         Now I write not of my losses, my sadness, I write as I dream of
                   Her.
You
I have had writers block, for the longest time
I cannot seem to get words out, that rest on my mind
They grow heavier, with every passing moment
As if I do not tell them to you, they will leave nothing left
They weigh down on my soul, desiring to be heard
I begin to write you this letter, and so I tend to get better
Then I begin to wonder, how has a poet become so dependent
Speaking to this impeding entity, one who consists only in my head
I have no idea who you are, but I do know I need to write
I may never meet the one's I vent to, but thank god they exist
My writer's block ceases and you are the one's I can thank
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