A new school, a new beginning. A new chance to meet new people and a new chance for people to see who you really are. A way to prove yourself, a way to feel better, a way to realise that you do get accepted for who you are. You're not a failure, you just haven't been around people that much the past few months. The first week of college, and you've already made new friends, new people you can spend the year with. A new start, a new beginning.

I really really really really really really really like you, and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?

How could you do this to me, your best friend?
How could you play me like this?
A few months ago, I told you I was in love with you. You told me that you weren't in love with me, but that it could come. I have held hope from that day forward, thinking about you finally telling me you love me too!
But then...
But then you flew into the arms of some other guy, telling me you're deeply in love with him...
I have held hope, but now, all of that is now crushed, and it just shows once again what people are capable of....

I need you, but I can't seem to find you...

My body gets filled with anger running from a faucet. My anger just keeps building up, and the core temperature is rising and rising. The pressure is increasing and increasing. I'm slowly but certainly reaching my boiling point: the point on which I explode and let out all the anger, and since I'm on my own, I'll have to take it all out on myself. I'll hurt myself....Stopping that from happening is as simple as pulling the plug and letting the water drain away, but unfortunately, I've lost the drain.....

Respect, a big thing, yet it's so hard to get.

The wind blows through the open window, the curtains rustle. The candles on the drawers leave a flickering shadow on the wall.
On the bed is the reason for the shadow: two people, a man and a woman, sit there, covered by nothing more than a sheet. They hold hands. Their eyes meet. Their heads get closer to each other. Their lips meet and passion erupts. They passionately kiss, running their hands over each other's naked bodies. She brings out a soft moan as his hand goes between her legs. She strokes his manhood and together they bring out soft moans. She whispers in his ear: "make love to me". He lies her down on her back. He spreads her legs and makes love to her. He makes love to her like never before. He makes her feel like a woman again. She moans and pants, sliding her hands over his sweaty chest.
Then, after hours of love making, disaster strikes...

He's walking down the street.
He's walking like he's totally fine, but if you'd look better, you'd see the pain and suffering that linger within him.
He's walking down the street, enduring the same thing as always, people walking past him, either ignoring him, following him with their eyes or make comments: "Look at him haha", "Look at that fatso", "Hey fatty", "Look at how ugly he is".
Those are just some of the things he has to hear, usually followed up by people laughing at him for his looks.
If only someone would make me see or realise that I'm good just the way I look and am, then maybe, just maybe I'd enjoy being outside...

Love and Hate, involved in an Eternal War since the beginning of times.
Love and Hate, constantly fighting to gain control over the heart.
Love and Hate, always on the battlefield as foes, but sometimes they laid down their weapons for a while and fought together as allies.
Love would be in control for a while and then Love would casually step aside so Hate could take its place and make the heart crumble a bit, more and more with every type of foul play by the two.
Love and hate, Right and Wrong, Light and Darkness, normally each other's foes, but occassionally each other's allies.

I might be someone's secret love, I might just be no one's love at all, but for now, I'm just a friendless, loveless young man.

Your loved ones can sometimes hurt you more than 'strangers'.

Giving you my heart was the dumbest move I've made.

Me, a miserable boy, just roaming this world, cloaked in a cape of sadness and negativity.
Me, nothing more than just a spec of dust.
Me, sitting here, being the failure I am.
I'm so lonely...yet not alone, cause you came into my life.
We only talk on HP, but I already consider you a close friend.
You care about me, you are there for me in times of sadness.
To you, and to everyone else who (silently) cares about me, I wanna say: Thank you for keeping the knife away from my wrists...

You and I, converged as one.
You and I, connect by a (seemingly) unbreakable.
You and I, forever till the end of time, or so it seemed.
Years of friendship, washed away by that one day. That one moment on which our friendship was reduced to being acquaintances.
We've known eachother for years, yet, on that moment, we showed sides that neither one of us has ever seen.
I showed an evil side, and I'm sorry.

You, the one I wanted to run away with.
I, well, what's there to say? I ****** up again, like I always do...I'm just a failure...
For everything I've ever done wrong...I'm sorry...

Is it too much to ask for respect towards eachother?
Is it too much to accept eachother for who he or she is?
Is it too much to ask to stop all the namecalling and to stop making fun of people about their looks?
Is it too much to just treat eachother in a normal way?
I'm not the best-looking, cutest, funniest, most interesting guy, I found that out a long time ago.
And just when I reach the point of loving myself just a little bit, someone comes and knocks the foundation from right under me.
Is it really too much to help eachother build a foundation, instead of breaking it down?

To love...
To love is to always be there for each other.
To love is to accept each other and say: "You are who you are and I'm happy with it."
To love is to be each other's sunlight in the darkness.
To love is to reach out to one another when they need it.
To love is to be able to look past tiny flaws.
To love is to love when you can say "I love you" truthfully.
A wise man once said: "In order to be able to truly love others, you must first be able to love yourself."
I keep waiting for the day that I can look a girl in the eyes and say "I love you", but to do that, I must first love this miserable pile of **** known as Davy.

Dreams, they can be about anything. About our biggest fears, or our deepest desires.
Sometimes you dream about a girl so beautiful that she can't possibly exist outside the dream world.
Sometimes you dream about dying or about anything else.
Dreams, they last hours, you feel they only last a few minutes and most of the time you don't remember them.
Dreams, for that moment of surreality they can make you feel great, but then, when you wake up, you realise it's no longer a dream, I woke up in a nightmare.

Years have gone by. Years in which I've sometimes felt lonely and scared.
Years in which dark clouds sometimes gathered over my happiness.
Years in which the feeling of despair to find a girlfriend became stronger and stronger.
I know I'm only 18, I know I shouldn't worry about love.
That's why I've learnt this one very wise lesson: Looking for love is a hopeless quest and will only take you further away from love. You should let love find its way towards you and bury itself into your heart.

Here I am, trapped in an invisible cage, having stones of hate and anger thrown at me. It's been a year since the cage closed itself around me, and with every day that goes by, the cage gets smaller and this feeling becomes more suffocating.
But the urge to get out of this is getting bigger and bigger. I'm finally starting to return pressure.
Now it's only a matter of time before I break out of this cage and finally become that free boy that's been locked away all this time.

There's so much I wanna say to you, so many words that need to be spoken, but my mouth just can't produce those words. Whenever I try to talk to you, I become this newborn child that hasn't learnt how to speak yet. It's like fear is holding my mouth shut.
There's so much that has to be said, so I'm letting my pencil do the talking. My pencil isn't afraid to say the words. Its lips aren't held together by fear.
There's so many words that need to be spoken. If not by mouth, then by pencil.

When I walk outside, I see all these happy couples around me.
Young, old, same ***, it doesn't matter, they're happy couples.
Just that sight drills me even deeper into the ground.
All I think is: What do I do wrong? Is it because I'm ugly? Is it because I'm lame, weird, stupid, boring, uninteresting?
I just want someone to love and who loves me for who I am.
I wanna walk outside, being one of those happy couples...

Down by the riverside, on a log right next to the water, I sit.
I stare at a point across the river, letting the sunlight reflect into my eyes. The ripples travel across the river. I see myself in the river.
I think back to the good times we had. We laughed, we smiled, we enjoyed the moments. I gave you my heart, and you gave me yours.
I gave you my heart, held together with tape, hoping that you would treat it with care...
I hoped, but it didn't happen.
You broke my heart, crushed it like a bug.
My heart has now shattered into millions of tiny splinters, and it will be virtually impossible to tape it back together.
All because you decided to squeeze in my heart a little too hard...

If only you could be there...
If only you could be there when I crash after a long ride of happiness.
If only you could be there when I fall out of the sky after a flight of joy.
If only you could be there when I crumble under the weight of my own problems.
If only you could be there when all the walls close in on me and for a tiny box around me.

If only you could be there to be the pillow that reduces the crash impact.
If only you could be there to be the tree that breaks my fall.
If only you could be there to form a safety structure to stop me from completely crumble apart.
If only you could be there to break the walls before they close in on me.
If only you could be there..

Soaring high in the sky, slowly crumbling down into flakes, falling down like snow.
I hit the ground, people walk over me, cars drive over me, dogs **** on me...
I stay for a few days, and then I evaporate, lost into the dark voids of the earth.
Snow just keeps getting reproduced, but me, Davy, I'm one of a kind, I'm unique in my own way, would be lost, lost forever...

People, I'm stuck with this thought...
I'm thinking about leaving HP...
It's nice to have a place to be yourself, and it's nice to have a place where you can be honest, but it just feels like some people make fun of me, like they don't take me seriously...
I know not all of you do that, don't get me wrong...
This thought is just pulling me away from the one place I can be who I am, and I just hope people can and want to talk me out of it...

When I'm with you, I become a completely different person.
When I'm with you, I turn from this lonely piece of crap into Superman.
When I'm with you, I feel like I can move mountains. I feel like I'm on top of the world, instead of in the deepest depths.

You are my addiction, my drug. You make me feel free and good about myself and you clear my mind of all those negative thoughts.

I don't know how you do it, but when I'm with you, I become the person I've always wanted to be...

I...I wanna throw in the towel...I wanna forfeit the match...
I'm just done trying...I just don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve anything. You keep telling me it's gonna be okay, telling me I'll find someone, telling me my life will be better, but as the days go bye, my hope fades away everyday...it just goes ****...
I'm sorry to say this, but I guess this is goodbye...

Everytime...
Every ******* time...
Everytime I look at myself, I don't see a young boy, I see a bag of sadness and misery, tied together by depression and ugliness.

All around me, I see people who look at themselves without making disgusted faces, or people who have others to tell nice things about them to make them smile...

Not me...
I'm all alone, I have to carry this baggage by myself...all by myself.

Summer should be the season in which people are happy, but for me, it's winter all year every year

There I was, a lonely, depressed, desperate, worthless young boy. Friendless, loveless...
I gave up all hope a long time ago, but then...I met this truly amazing girl and she made me realize that there are people who care about me, people that are there for me when I need it. After that, I met some more people, but I wanna say "Thank you so much for bringing me back my hope" to her.
Not just to her, but to everyone. You guys are truly amazing people, each and everyone of you!

My life used to be a cloudy place, but now, rays of sunlight burn through them, bringing back the light I missed for a long time

Pretty girls, I see them walking all around.
I see them walking and I think to myself: I should start a conversation with her, maybe we could get to know each other, but me being the insecure loser I am, keeps walking and walking past them and with every girl I pass, the regret builds up.

Why is it so hard for me to just say hello...?

I know I'm ugly and uninteresting, but saying hello can't harm anyone...

I just want to be able to say hello to girls that seem nice, and I want them to be friendly to me as well, but maybe I just don't deserve to meet girls...

Your words...
Your words, sneaky as a slithering snake, pierced through my heart without notice.
Your words scar me more than any blade could do.
Your words make me bleed more than any of my cuts.
Your words, spoken so innocently, yet so cruel, killed me.
They tore out my soul and ripped it to pieces, like a plain piece of paper.
Your words, the sharpest, most painful weapons imagineable.....

Writing, the mouth that speaks the words for you.
Writing, the bridge over the gap to get words across.
Writing, the boat to sail over the sea of silence.
Writing, the opportunity to let your heart do the talking.
Writing, the only thing to which you can truly say "Actions speak louder than words."

I'm 18 years old. All these 18 years, I've been alone, living in nearly complete silence. I always enjoyed being lonely and silent.
But since my near-death, this has changed. Now I hate being lonely, it eats away at me, it breaks me down. I used to live by silence, now the silence is slowly killing. The silence screams at me, telling me things I don't like. "You're nothing.", "You're no good to anyone.", "People don't want you around.". The silence burnt these words into my mind, I get reminded of them every day. I try so hard to just have at least 1 friend in my life, but now, I'm convinced even that is too much to ask...

"There's a silent storm inside me, looking for a home. I hope that someone's gonna find me, and say that I'll belong. I'll wait forever and a lifetime, to find I'm not alone and there's a silent storm inside me...and someday I'll be calm."

For those of you who don't know it, it's the chorus to Silent Storm by Carl Espen. I really love this song because every word could be said by me. It's just so similar to how I feel...

When I first heard the song I thought: the melody went through my mind and formed the lyrics out of my thoughts.

Why do you talk to me?
Why do you spend your time typing words to me?
Why do you wanna talk with me, Davy, the friendly neighborhood loser...?

All I do is hurt you, yet you keep talking to me...
All I do is **** you off, yet you keep talking to me...
All I do is upset you, yet you keep talking to me...

You keep talking to me, despite your hatred towards me...
You keep talking to me, but actually you want me dead...
You keep talking to me, because no matter how much I do wrong, I'm the only thing inside your head

You and me...a very special combination.
We're the pinball inside the machine, we bump into everything and we are just as unpredictable.
The first moment we can start the day friendly, the next we bash each other's skulls.

You and me...a duo made in heaven, or a duo raised from hell?

I love this website, it's the well in which I can let my feelings fall to never see them again.
It's a place to share your feelings with others, maybe even to start friendships.
It's always been nice to see that someone started following you, that people show an interest in your work.
Same with following others, you show interest in what other people write.

But for some reason, I can't follow others anymore, I can't show my interest in other people's writings, and people can't or don't want to see my work, and it hurts...

Now, it feels like I'm starting all over again, from the time that I was just a lonely, miserable boy...

This was a night like no other.
I layed in bed wide awake, but incredibly exhausted.
Something inside my brain kept poking it, keeping me up all night.
Drops of sweat, sweat from the warmth, sweat from insecurity rolled down my face, mixed with the salty waterfalls coming from my eyes.
All I could think about was death, death and death.
What it would be like if I was dead, how people would react if they found out Davy was no more...

I already had the blade against my wrist, ready to end it all, but right when I was ready to cut...I couldn't...
It was as if someone was holding my arm, trying to keep me alive to live another day.

I don't know who or what it was, but it saved my life...

Ever since I very nearly died, I believed in you.
I believed there was someone that gave me a second chance in life.
I went to church and read the Bible to find religion.
I always thought you were a warm, kindhearted person who shaped this Earth for the good of mankind, but it turns out you're just an evil mastermind who enjoys playing sick, cruel games with people.
I've prayed for you to take me under your wing, but now I pray for you to get the **** away.

God, even though you live in people's hearts and you're immortal, you're dead to me.

"I'm here for you", that's what you said.
"I always help you", that's what you said.
"I appreciate your help", that's what you said.
"I don't love you back", that's what you said.
"You're a selfish *******", that's what you meant.

Every second of every day I was there for you. I did my best to make you feel better. I did what every best friend would do, but you got mad at me, we fought and now...we're no more than just friends...

It's scary how words can leave a more devastating result than any given weapon.

What should I do?
On one hand, writing soothes me, keeps me calm, it's a way of expressing my feelings, I enjoy it.
On the other hand, I feel like I'm making you guys bored, it feels like my writings have lost meaning, like it's just a bunch of words written down by a pathetic loser.

Please, what should I do?

This place by the river, this beautiful spot. I come here whenever it gets too much, too much to bear.
I just come here and stare, stare at nothing, just stare straight ahead.
I listen to the wind, brushing through the leaves, I listen to the motion of the water, I listen to people passing by.
Whenever I have no inspiration to write about my feelings, I come to this place, to let the thoughts get carried away by water and air.

I come to this beautiful place, this place, so beautiful and soothing, it's the poem that never has to be written.

WHY CAN'T I  DO ANYTHING RIGHT?
IS IT TOO MUCH TO JUST NOT HATE ME?
WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG TO DESERVE THIS?

It was a beautiful, warm, sunny first day of July. Not a single cloud to be seen, not a drop of rain to be heard.
Everyone enjoyed this day, including me.

But then...

At work, it was me and 2 other people. From the moment I got there, I felt abandoned añd neglected. I felt like I was one of the products, not like an employee.

Ever since 12pm, the start of my work day, my  good mood got swept off it's feet by a well placed swing of neglection, abandonment and despair.

"Davy, you're so friendly, you do a good job." All lies...

Truth, honesty: 2 things everyone can offer, but not a chance in hell that someone will be truthfully honest to me...

Why do I still live?
Why am I still on this Earth if I don't have any talents or skills to fulfill any purpose?

Those are just some of the questions and thoughts that run through my mind every day.

Day in, day out, I think about myself, so basically I think about nothing.

Those thoughts fill up my mind, and it's only a matter of time before I explode.

I try to channel the thoughts into my pen, but it's getting harder to focus.

If only someone could defuse the bomb that's called Davy...

An empty room, no chairs, no light, no whatever.
An empty room, except for 2 people.
2 people, complete strangers to each other.
2 people in an empty room, saying nothing, just listening to the alternating sounds of breathing, with an occassional cough and sigh.
2 people, saying nothing, only breathing.
Breathing, which after a few minutes formed a perfect alternation.
2 people, walking around in a perfect circle, without them knowing.

They picked up each other's "actions", without knowing the other or having seen the other.
Just 2 people, complete strangers, walking in a circle towards each other.

Soon, their worlds will collide and become 1.

I'm just laying here in this lonely bed, looking through my notifications, and tears pop up in the corners of my eyes.
For once, they aren't tears of sadness...

Seeing all those positive notifications, people liking my writings, people giving sweet comments, it just starts to mend my crushed heart a little.
For once in a long, long time, I have a feeling that people actually like what I say, do or write.

I know all of this sounded pathetic, but I just wanna say, to everyone, thank you, from the bottom part of my broken heart...