All I have are words and tears
And hours of life
Arranged in a particular pattern.

Let me live it,
unabashedly so.

It won't exist when I am gone.
And I choose not to bury myself
Before my time.

Time passes fast
And in it,
If I have not conveyed myself,
I have done nothing.

She leaves,
And he stays.
She takes,
And he gives.
She strikes,
And he endures...

All the while seeing
Her loving,
Tender ways
Despite this - temporary -
darkness.

I love
The imperfection
Of who I am
Today.

Because God made me this way,
And gave me this day.

Day, break over me
Let your sunny-side yolk
Wash over me.

Draped across a bed
of sleepy green clovers
Wet with morning dew.

I begin again,
Anew.

let's be children again
and roam the streets
on hot summer days
with nothing to complete

On a dirt road
I saw a man dancing

Stomping
Clouds of dust
Surrounding him
In an aura of earth

Like the moon
Dusted across the night sea
Something in him
Was magic

And so I stopped to say hello
While he kept dancing
I paused and watched
The novel parade
Of paradise prancing
Before my eyes

In a glimpse he was gone
Vanished before me
I watched the soot settle
And bowing down
I touched the earth
To feel if it was real

In my memory
That man dances on
Behind the cloud of beige
I watch him move in mystery

Wondering
When he will stop
So I can see
The spark of his splendor
Just a bit more clearly

You will never find another me.
And I will never find another you.

But for a moment in time,
We found each other.

And I suppose,
That is enough for me.

As time fades
the light of omnipotence
into dull hues of frailty

I turn to God, instead.
He will make it all okay.

As my mother did
When, as a child
I crawled into her arms
And all my troubles went away.

So simple a story
And so magnificent

how your existence
And my being
Lay together
As evening dim
Sweeps across us

Sometimes
The most simple things
Are the most aweing
And you, Ahmed
Make me wonder

Gray pours over everything
Covering life with dust.

Of which I was made,
And which I will return.

I know you’re holding back a little
But I don’t think I will.

Because that's not who I am
And I'd rather lose you
Than lose myself to you
By holding my breath.

Although I stand
Alive and alone,
With my words and my breath
Outside of me

It creates a space
for God to fill.

Let me stand outside in the rain
With my mouth wide open.

Today is one day
Just like the rest,
But unlike the others
It is here
Now.

Unlike tomorrow,
It holds the promise
Of existence.

And unlike yesterday
It provides opportunity
For change.

Today, her majesty
Is all we have.

When we salute her sunrise
And give way to her glory.

The shadows of yesterday
Come to rest
And the worries of tomorrow ease

And today opens her royal gates
To let in the living.

With calloused feet and open eyes and a blazing heart
I run through high grass, unforged before
And I wipe my own tears from my face.

And I dance with Christ
beside rushing rivers.

And I breathe life in
And I want to be seen.

And I try so hard to trust in God.
And I kneel before him.
And I weep as I write.

And I am humbled by life,
and all of my losses.

And I Rise.

The soles of my feet were not born strong
Obedience and grace built them that way.

And if I had one thing to do with my life.
I would continue to give it all away.

Some things are so pure
That you know God made them.

Like paper, crisp and new
And a winter's night,
Observed, warmly from inside.

Something about snow and paper,
And simple things, as such
That say so little,
And offer so much.

And on this paper, I’d like to say
That I am here today,
and I don’t have much to write,
But whatever I can offer, I give to you,
It isn't much, aside from the truth
That life resides within this flesh.

It woke me this morning, with it’s own will.

And it speaks its own words here
Commanding my body to obey and covey
What it has to say,
Which again – isn’t much
Aside from the truth, that I lived today
That on a crisp autumn morning,
With winter nearby.

And I can imagine and feel, what’s behind and ahead
And the white of night
In soft winter glow –
It eases my soul.

There are things in this life that I love,
They are mostly simple and pure
Impermanent as snow
And as blank as paper.

I see myself there.

Life, write your words over me.
For soon I will fade like snow

Into something new
And although I don’t know where I will go,
But I don’t much mind.

As long as I leave some good words behind
And melt into something life-giving.

Faith is not the absence of doubt.
Faith is having doubt, and not believing it.

May I walk in the light, today.

I am ready to rip the white off these walls.
I am ready to destroy them.

Only to notice,
In that courageous moment...
That one of the four is missing.

I miss him
Even though
He is long gone.

I tried to contort
To fit your shape
And now my spirit
Is knotted and bound

Still and stuck, I am
Full
Of life–
Unlived.

I take a deep breath
Creating space
To begin releasing
The knots I once made.

Lord, release my heart
From this cage it’s in

I need to breath
Fresh air

I am full of fire
And resentment

Encased and surrounded by the past
Which has become my present
And my future

Unable to change him,
Loving and tender.

He cares for himself
Foremost
And I, foremost for him.

When joy returns,
After a long time away
It’s like she had never gone away,

When joy returns,
She comes with light
Bright enough to cover the night
That came before.

When joy returns
She let’s you see
A divine hand aiding your mistakes
So you know the journey was all worthwhile.

When joy returns
– and she always does.

Your heart is wider and fuller than before
Because sorrow swells it for good.

But when joy returns,
She obtains all the new space that the sorrow has made.
And inhabits it, radiantly.

And when joy comes home,
You’ll know it.

Because you’ll see yourself there, again.

Once I achieved
All I ever wanted,

My full hands
Longed for the space
They held before.

It was full
Of opportunity.

Trees in the breeze
Sun on the skin
Love in the heart

Quiet contentment—
Filled with a subtle hunger
For what tomorrow will bring

Knowing, without thought
That everything will be ok.

Nothing wrong,
Nothing right.

But everything
Perfectly,
Peacefully
And quietly-
Okay
Today.

And full of pleasure
In what rests ahead.

I am wrapped up in yesterday,
Tied in the knots of my heart,
Bound by my regrets of the night.

Restless, I am,
Eager to escape to before
When it was evening
And there was opportunity
To do right

But rather,
It is morning
And i am trapped in the pit of my chest
A prisoner to the night
Without a chance for change.

Let a single ray of day shine upon me
As I sit in this pit of mourning.
Let it warm the fibers of my heart,
So they grow loose
And I can step out, into the day.

And let me say sorry,
By how I live
Today.

A child runs –
Down an eternal summer street
Trying to catch a butterfly
That flies above her reach...

God made me my mothers daughter
And I hold her fear in my heart.
But I hold her love, too.

And her fear I handle with honest, shaking hands
– cautiously and gently…

But with her love -
I let it roar like wildfire.

The sky is heavy,
with moon to-night.
Pregnant with moon,
To-night.

Soon, tomorrow will come --

A fresh new day,
Full of Light
and Life.

I used to love,
You know.
It broke my heart
Like the New Orleans dam.

Somehow, it got too full
This heart of mine.

And out, it started pouring.

Out it goes, still.
This love in my heart.

Back, we descend.
Into the sea.

I awake
To the gray of dawn
And listen to the hymn
Of the train and the winds

And watch the gray become blue
As, in the east,
The sun lifts
Its heavy weight
Over the horizon

And subtle pink hues
Dance wildly through
Tender morning skies
And clouds fill the space
Where heaven resides

From my home,
I watch another morning
Bloom with life
And become part
Of another day, again

Blessings wash over me.
I am the center of the fountain.

Renewing waters
–Cleansing.

Feeling–
More than whole.

I have.
More than enough.
To offer this world.

If I were to paint this grief,
I would use the sky as my canvas,
And it wouldn’t be great enough

If I were to sculpt this shame,
I would shape a new universe,
still too small to contain.

And if I were to sing this pain,
It would rumble the earth
Rise the tides
And shake the sun out of the sky

If I were to write this regret,
I would use every word,
In every language,
But still, it would be incomplete.

Nothing can convey
the state I am in.

The best I can do is pray it
And say Lord, have mercy.
Only you know my pain and my sorrow,
Let your light shine upon me,
And make me new.

Only you know me.
Christ have mercy
On me, a sinner.

I think that true love is
Missing something that is with you
Longing for something that is not yet gone


your soul enduring
The separation of flesh
That will only be undone
Upon death


When your spirits can unite
And dance through eternal starry nights
In the way they did before.


Love is-
Missing the soul you were once one with.
Before you burst through the barrier of life.
Love is-
Touching something that cannot be touched.


And the ambivalence
Of holding on tight.


But knowing deep down
Your love is always there,
Like the ground you walk on.


Love is seeing the eternal starry nights
You used to dance through, together
In the eyes of your beloved.


Love is-
deep down,
Beneath the sleepy stupor of
Being alive…


A brilliant knowing,
that it’s better there,
In that deep, and starry night,


That goes on forever behind the curtain of life.

Will there always be something to stomp over?
Will there ever be more than a glimpse of time when this agitated soul of mine -
can settle and rest and in ease?
Will this being, of me, always be looking for more..
Or trying to escape?

Why can’t I be more like my grandma -
Simple and humble
Enduring and strong
Gentle and caring
Quick to forgive...

Why must I cling so tightly to my pain,
As though without it i would be lost
How can I learn to just put it down and rest -
Forgive…

When i am angry enough
To tear down the walls around me
And become a beast
Capable of destruction

While all the while
I just want to stop
And smile…

But i can’t
Not truly.
This smile is flat.
A weak attempt to endure, like Nanoo
And forgive.

But it is beyond my capacity,
And I need space-

So i do not destroy
Everything around me.

How much pain i have endured already
Waiting and clinging
To something wild, untame
Lashing me forward and back
Without rest or pause
I am exhausted
And still attempting to hold on
And tame this beast-

And at the same time,
I am ready to match him.
To let go, and face him head on
A bull fight.

For although I am tired,
I have grown strong from all of this holding
Back and fourth -
Up and down.

A moment of rest -
Then jolted awake...
I’ve grown agile,
And quick on my feet.

But how much longer can I endure?
I am tired.
And angry..
And stuck...
Between letting go,
A sad surrender.
Or holding on
With the strong hope
That i can survive.

As I grow older,
And my muscles decay
Will I be able to hold on?
Or will I be thrown vigorously to the ground
After years of battle,
Tired and broken,
With nothing left to hold on to.

Why can’t i be more like my grandma?
Simple and humble..
Enduring and strong..