These words, dripping from my touch
Keyboard struck by a force beyond me
I call you in, into these words
To reach the hearts of the souls you quench for

My heart--
So tender, it's been marinating
In a deep sea of grief
So many months
Lost at sea

This tenderness, a stranger
Im learning to love him
Longing when he's gone
For that sweet, soft pain
Of my wet and tender heart

At the end,
The curtain opens & collapses down

Cast steps forward and bows
Nervously waiting for the raw applause
of its long lost Love

To be seen in flesh, in form.
To feel
To be alive

And what hope there is
in this pause.

And by God's great glory,
simplicity,
and the logic that supports it
that reveals what we are,
all of us together.

Curtain down, we bow.
And receive fully the divine applause of our creator

to be-
to be seen,
heads hanging together
is enough for him to rejoice.

And his rejoicing song lifts our faces
to be truly, fully revealed

All we are, our mistakes + our triumphs,
standing strong together

The purpose of our being.

To be revealed, humbled and uplifted in truth.
And to let the light of his applause wash over us
As we all bow down together.

The Great Niagra Falls
Spilling over like my love
loose and reckless
alive and fruitful

And having found a source
an outlet for this outpouring love
this deep inborn desire to say 'yes'
with all of me; my life

This thick lust for life
and for love
and this perfect intuition
to give it all away

I am proud to be alive.
And to have the capacity
in my bones and in my flesh
to say 'yes' with all of me

So small and so fragile
yet having existed forever.

Nonetheless, impermanent, I am.
Here to make a permanent mark
with this pen and this paper
and this racing heart
so uniquely my own
and so beautifully similar to the rest.

All here through the great devotional
journey of our ancestors
so gladly outpouring life,
like the great Niagra Falls
Into the present moment,
into our hands

And so,
I pick up this pen
and I write.

There is no stopping it.
A tsunami as high as the sky
Casts its shadow around me.

I tried to run,
But now I surrender,
Standing still beneath it.

Let it pour down over me.
I will drown,
In my love for you.

I am human
and I have lived, and breathed, and seen...
and fallen and stood,
and loved and lost.

And I seek.
And I seek.

And I breathe, and I look, and I live.

And I live.
And I love.
And I see.

As I sit and greet this day,
Warm I am, inside.

As the pink morning sky blazes before me
In its pure, autumn glow.

I let the petals burst from my heart.
I am in love.

I used to be afraid.
Of what? I wonder.

Now that everything is gone.

I don’t want to be alone anymore
I want to be together.
I don’t want to fake strong
When I am weak.
And I won’t go back
When forward is in front of me.

Pain is never wasted
So long as she
Gets her point across

You are my surrender to night
the days last exhale,
That dances into dreams..

You are the arch of day,
the warm rays of morning
the delight of new light...

a forest breeze
between the trees,

the bloom of laughter.
the evaporation of thoughts.

a beckoning gate, of which I step through-

Into your peaceful
And gentle presence.

So many days I begged God for freedom
And how many nights I pleaded for more –
Love.

And here I am, free and fulfilled
For a moment in time.

Let the present go on forever.

I promise you,
There was once a time
When I was not so alone.

And how precious
That moment was to me then,
And is to me now.

All I want to do is write
and rest

I wish you were here
All I want
is to show you my heart

maybe then you could do something about it
fix it, its broken

I call for you
sending empty echoes
across the Pacific

while Christ waits patiently by my side

Feeling
so much it exhausts me

my heart beats double
one for me and one for you

I can't explain it
these words never will
although you always probed me to try

poem after poem i write for you
crawling through the trenches of this heart
that was so open
how can it reassemble

so beautifully broken to take you in
and now that you're gone
all these pieces, all this space
and all i want to do is sleep

How rawly alive we are;
In the light of day.

You are not perfect.
But to your mother,
You are her son.

In a daffodil field
Blue sky in my eyes
Marmalade sun
Sweetens the breeze
I drink it in,
Resting in my mothers arms-

Lord, let me remember
Your love.

I went for a swim
in a sea of emotions
the water enticed me
with its glistening beckon

but the water was thick
and down like a stone
I sank in the sea

growing more and more quiet
and still
and dark

as I drifted
deeper and deeper
into the sea.

his feet drag
too weak to lift
he shuffles to the alter

patiently waiting his turn
to receive the body
of Christ, his savor

head down
back arched like a cane
brittleness pronounced
in every step

his life, lived
he simply waits
for what is before him

when his turn approaches
he crosses his arms
above his frail chest
and bows his head
unworthy to receive

yet a blessing lands upon him
and fills his empty, humble spirit
with a restoring light of Truth.

At dawn
I watched you
Climb into bed beside me

Half awake, I was
And half-lit was the room
From the half-lit sky
Of early morning

And the dawn shadows
Drew across you
And I caught your appearance–
Your beard and your body
Your features and gestures

Getting into bed with me.

I layed there still
As the twilight crept
Slowly over us

Astonished at you
Beside me

As dawn and morning
Cradled us both
Back to sleep
And brought us into
Another day
Together.

We let the silence speak
And it speaks loudly

As we lay together
tangled between sheets

Polished: May 9, 2018

Your smell
What was it like?
I think it encapsulated me
It swallowed me whole

Your head on my shoulder...

Your eyes
They went far
Too far for me to follow
But I went anyway
And I got lost

Your hair
Through my hands
My hands were full
And now they’re empty

And my heart felt the same, Full
And now it asks,
Of what?

Your body
Glimmered in my mind
as it faded my own
into a grey glimpse of nothing

That fear
That drew me near
Is still resides
Within my bones
And now the pain
Leaps from my skin

Budding into
what it always should have been
And never would have become
If not for the pain of opening

here I am Lord
I have come to do your will.

A part of me exhausts
As you withdraw into yourself

Pulling the thick tar of hurt
Out from my chest
And into these words

Molding it into
Meaning.

Walking through water
doesn’t seem so hard
til' you've gone so far
you just can't turn back.

And so, you sink.

When you were gone
I saw myself

–Alone, weak and fragile
–That, I did not like.

And I longed for your return
So I could be strong.

But I failed to see
God by my side.

Who was there all along.

warm
heavy
honey

lust
trust
pull

flutter
flutter

pull
more
near

comfort
peace
calm

space

flutter
flutter

firece
de­sire

you
draw
me.

I wish I could be more of the woman you and I both want me to be
Selfless, confident, and self-assured
But weak, I am-
Woman.
Plush and fertile,
Tender with tears
Trying to be strong
To give you more
Of the woman you and I both want me to be.

But I am not her,
I am me.

Strong in my weakness,
Sincere in my ways.

Humbly, I am
The woman I am.

I like to drink my coffee fast.
And standing.
Because I know there’s more where that came from.
And I’ve got somewhere to be.

90 degrees
hot summer morning
8 am

same time every day
white shirt buttoned up
sweat insulating
his paper skin beneath

Hands firmly gripping the handles of his walker
with the same determination
that he has for life

not letting go

morning after morning
buttoning that shirt
tying those tarnished shoes

and down the hot and busy road
against the traffic and the rushing young
whose fleeting eyes somehow miss
this pure dart of life

Gaze fixed upon his target;
the next step.

He proceeds...

Rushing waters
Of trust

A blurred,
Deep gaze

The graze of a hand

A glance
A note
A smell
salty skin

Mornings-
Sun in the face
Yawns and touch

Holding tight
In the black of the night

Wishing for eternity
Then, wanting an end

And together was done
And tomorrow came
And we went on alone

And somehow survived
This bleak, white world
alone.

Character does not descend from the sky like dew
It grows from the depths
And fights to move upwards.

Upwards, upwards, upwards,
I go.

to be empty
is to be filled
with the divine possibility
of anything.

I have grown so tired
Of the weeds of doubt
That wring at my mind

Please prune the fear from me
And make my vision clear–

So I can see
All the light
That rests ahead.

People are people.
And life is hard.

She wept.
Curdled upon the disjointed planks
Of old mahogany wood
On her cold bedroom floor.

She watched the empty air
Swirling specks of dust
In a perfect dance, afloat
Before her blurry eyes.

Each particle contained
A glimmer of light
That informed her,
Day was near.

But still, she sank
Beside the bed,
That contained
The essence
Of them--

Words, softly spoken
In the black abyss of night
When sound and sensation
Triumphed over sight.

The timelessness they spent
Within the vortex,
Levitated & contained
As that enchanted rhythm,
Moved them-
Together.

Those raw mornings
When light spilled across them
Delighting
In an innocent rebellion
Against the sun’s command
To begin the day.

STOP

Without an accomplice
She felt no delight
In her meager rebellion
Against the light.

And so she collected
everything within her
and drew herself to kneel.

And then,
Pressing the calloused soles of her hands and her feet
Into that cold mahogany floor,
She picked herself up-

And began her day.

He plucked the mistakes from his heart
Uprooting the dry bulbs and coiled stems
With an empty satisfaction that consumed him

Pruning himself for perfection
And deep in the earth he buried his sins

Day after day
He maintained his routine
Summer dawned,
Autumn fell,
Winter withered

And alas came spring
When all is made new

A tender green bud
Still wet with life
Burst through the earth
With a courage
Soft enough
To make itself seen

Let me capture life
Celebrating itself
Before the sun
Drops into the sea

Tender tomorrows
Give rise
To blue skies –
Fresh beginnings.


I know,
Fall is near
With its crisp air,


And subtle, bitterness.


Tomorrow will come
Supple with autumn rays
Dancing across my face,


As i walk boldly
Across the shaky bridge,
Into the next season
That life has to give.

My thoughts
Lead me down
An enticing path
Into darkness

Where I dwell,
For just a moment

Until I turn around
And take myself
Up and back
Into the light.

When it’s morning
And I see your face
I see forever
With you.

I have found
That love is
A series of small quirks
That one finds endearing
By either familiarity
Or novelty
Or a delightful combination of both

And the challenge ensues
When the familiar turns novel
Or the novel grows familiar

And we must learn to love
This strange new series of quirks
All over again...

When we grow old
And our bones become brittle
The falls of our youth
With a proud smile
Of the strength we once endured

I’ve got this hungry, selfish love
Pleading on these desperate, bleeding knees
For you to open
So that I may survive

I don’t want to escape from this feeling
And yet,
I cannot bear
To withstand it, either…

A flower
Red pettaled
with a soft yellow face
Rests flat, wilting
on a chipped white windowsill
In the city

Picked by a thin woman
On a warm summer night

she had walked by many times,
And never once noticed
Its becoming hues of red and yellow

But it always noticed her,
Straining its yellow face
Upward To watch
Her graceful gate

And the way her skirt
Delicately danced
Like flower petals in the breeze
As she walked by

But that evening
She noticed

And she adored it
enough to take it home
Perching it purposefully
On that warm windowsill
In the city.

And there it rested,
Horizontal and high

Window open,
Warm breeze coming through,
Gracefully receiving the day,
In its final hours

Enjoying its new perspective,
Finally looking down,
rather than straining upward,
To watch those great human giants,
Busily walking by

And feeling its physiology degrade
it smiled inside
consumed by the wonderful new sensation
Of lying down

Enjoying a final rest,
And a new view
as the world rushed by

Resting, just resting
Assured
That all was good
And all was right.

As life slowly faded away...

So long I’ve been searching
For me.

And finally I see,

I am a wall
That knocks itself down.

And using the pieces,
I build a new wall.

One with a window.

Until I become all empty space.
Above a mound of my remains.

I have fallen so many times,
And descended so low,
That the only way to go,
Is up…

In your presence,
Music plays in my ear.

Sometimes the beat is slow, like blues
And it pulls at my heart
Stretching it
Wider and wider
Till it feels it will break
Like the New Orleans Dam

And sometimes it’s fast like jazz
Fluttering my heart and my feet
Moving me in such a way
that feels disorganized
but really, it’s just too complex
for the mind to follow,
given its nature.

And occasionally
There is a slow, peaceful hymn
A solo harp
That simply
and purely
sings us both
into a sleep-like state

All these songs play in my ear
For you, depending on the day
Or the hour
Or the moment
Or the look in your eye
Or the tone in your voice

And given the hymn,
I am drawn to weep, or dance, or sleep

But frozen in space
I wait, intently watching your face
For some subtle indication
That you hear it too…

I am only as good as my greatest sin
So I hold it high, overhead
Like a torch–
That guides the path
And lights the way…

"I didn't mean to ignore you" she said both genuinely and proudly.

Dually proud.
One, for her ability to evoke emotion in him, through her simple act of nothing.
And two, that it had been so very 'nothing' to her, that she very genuinely didn't know she was doing this act of nothing.

Ignorance, ignoring...
What’s the difference?
She was innocent.

Regardless, she moved through the circumstance
Something like a maverick
Cunning her way in and out of his heart...

Stitching it up,
a poor repair,
one that was soon to rupture again
surely worse next time.

But the remedy consoled him
And imagining her essence
hazily around him,
he fell into a dreamy slumber...

Until the next time she awoke him
with her jolting and revolting
Chilling and thrilling
Weary, weary...

Nothing.

Now that you’re gone
It seems almost a dream
How we once moved
As one flesh, one being