She sat
Cross legged
Somehow assuming
the shape
Of a taught
bow and arrow

Palms resting open
White and fleshy,
As leavened dough
Before her womb
One over the other
In a tender gesture
Ever so still

She breathed
In and out

And her lips
Came to a subtle smile

And she looked beautiful there
In that peaceful position

And in her top, left palm
Was a cherry
Black and ripe
Ripe enough
To emit an aroma
That would travel
All the way up
To her creamy face
As she breathed it in
And enjoyed.

Its inner beauty
Leaving its flesh,
To be consumed,
Engulfed,
In her delight.

While all the while
Her plump and tender hands
Cradled the fruit
In its full integrity

Consuming it completely
In peaceful pleasure
Receiving its life
Without taking
a drop of its juice

Perched there,
Upon a cushion
Serenely smiling
At the paradox
She contained

The fruit of life, giving
And she, receiving
Without taking
In return.

Looking back
I can see..
how deep
and how true,
my love was-
for you.

My heart beats slow
On this blue spring eve
Silence hums
As I continue on
This gentle, winding road

A flower
Red pettaled
with a soft yellow face
Rests flat, wilting
on a chipped white windowsill
In the city

Picked by a thin woman
On a warm summer night

she had walked by many times,
And never once noticed
Its becoming hues of red and yellow

But it always noticed her,
Straining its yellow face
Upward To watch
Her graceful gate

And the way her skirt
Delicately danced
Like flower petals in the breeze
As she walked by

But that evening
She noticed

And she adored it
enough to take it home
Perching it purposefully
On that warm windowsill
In the city.

And there it rested,
Horizontal and high

Window open,
Warm breeze coming through,
Gracefully receiving the day,
In its final hours

Enjoying its new perspective,
Finally looking down,
rather than straining upward,
To watch those great human giants,
Busily walking by

And feeling its physiology degrade
it smiled inside
consumed by the wonderful new sensation
Of lying down

Enjoying a final rest,
And a new view
as the world rushed by

Resting, just resting
Assured
That all was good
And all was right.

As life slowly faded away...

She wept.
Curdled upon the disjointed planks
Of old mahogany wood
On her cold bedroom floor.

She watched the empty air
Swirling specks of dust
In a perfect dance, afloat
Before her blurry eyes.

Each particle contained
A glimmer of light
That informed her,
Day was near.

But still, she sank
Beside the bed,
That contained
The essence
Of them--

Words, softly spoken
In the black abyss of night
When sound and sensation
Triumphed over sight.

The timelessness they spent
Within the vortex,
Levitated & contained
As that enchanted rhythm,
Moved them-
Together.

Those raw mornings
When light spilled across them
Delighting
In an innocent rebellion
Against the sun’s command
To begin the day.

STOP

Without an accomplice
She felt no delight
In her meager rebellion
Against the light.

And so she collected
everything within her
and drew herself to kneel.

And then,
Pressing the calloused soles of her hands and her feet
Into that cold mahogany floor,
She picked herself up-

And began her day.

I have learned to enjoy the night
As it approaches,
I no longer turn away
to chase after the day that has passed
Running backwards
Against the eternal force of time

Constantly
Moving
In one direction;
forward.

I have learned to enjoy the night
No longer do I waste the splendor of dusk
Pressing my meager resistance against it

Instead, I melt into it
becoming one with the dimming day
Everything slows
As the darkness gently fades the lines of distinction
blending all of life into one into one
Under the tender canopy
Of night
Where all is made new.

I have learned to enjoy the night
Accepting the day has passed
Come and gone
And that life,
In that particular shade of day
Will never be seen again

In your presence,
Music plays in my ear.

Sometimes the beat is slow, like blues
And it pulls at my heart
Stretching it
Wider and wider
Till it feels it will break
Like the New Orleans Dam

And sometimes it’s fast like jazz
Fluttering my heart and my feet
Moving me in such a way
that feels disorganized
but really, it’s just too complex
for the mind to follow,
given its nature.

And occasionally
There is a slow, peaceful hymn
A solo harp
That simply
and purely
sings us both
into a sleep-like state

All these songs play in my ear
For you, depending on the day
Or the hour
Or the moment
Or the look in your eye
Or the tone in your voice

And given the hymn,
I am drawn to weep, or dance, or sleep

But frozen in space
I wait, intently watching your face
For some subtle indication
That you hear it too…

In a daffodil field
Blue sky in my eyes
Marmalade sun
Sweetens the breeze
I drink it in,
Resting in my mothers arms-

Lord, let me remember
Your love.

I’ve got this hungry, selfish love
Pleading on these desperate, bleeding knees
For you to open
So that I may survive

Now that you’re gone
It seems almost a dream
How we once moved
As one flesh, one being

My heart had become
Tenderized meat
Pounded and hanging
For vultures to eat

On a dirt road
I saw a man dancing

Stomping
Clouds of dust
Surrounding him
In an aura of earth

Like the moon
Dusted across the night sea
Something in him
Was magic

And so I stopped to say hello
While he kept dancing
I paused and watched
The novel parade
Of paradise prancing
Before my eyes

In a glimpse he was gone
Vanished before me
I watched the soot settle
And bowing down
I touched the earth
To feel if it was real

In my memory
That man dances on
Behind the cloud of beige
I watch him move in mystery

Wondering
When he will stop
So I can see
The spark of his splendor
Just a bit more clearly

I love you because
Your shield and sword
Are there to protect
The tender lamb
Of your being

She covered herself
From head unto toe
Screaming and weeping
For not being seen

You strike at my heart
It becomes tender
And with one final blow,
It breaks.

Chambers draw open
Contents outpour
And wide it remains
To receive all of life

Your heavy hand
Has made my heart
As tender as the soil
And as open as the sky

I keep trying to prove
to myself and to you
that I am something of value
to hold onto

But this outpouring of words
won’t do me justice

And won’t convince you
that I am worth keeping

So simple a story
And so magnificent

how your existence
And my being
Lay together
As evening dim
Sweeps across us

Sometimes
The most simple things
Are the most aweing
And you, Ahmed
Make me wonder

Stepping out on the ledge
that held him with a weak and trembling grip,
his eyes were filled
with the future

Lucid lights painting ribbons through the sky,
tracing the frantic motion
of masses lost,
in a rush to nowhere

Entranced by the spectacle,
eyes yellow aglow,
he ceased to notice
the grounds growing tremor

He plucked the mistakes from his heart
Uprooting the dry bulbs and coiled stems
With an empty satisfaction that consumed him

Pruning himself for perfection
And deep in the earth he buried his sins

Day after day
He maintained his routine
Summer dawned,
Autumn fell,
Winter withered

And alas came spring
When all is made new

A tender green bud
Still wet with life
Burst through the earth
With a courage
Soft enough
To make itself seen

I went for a swim
in a sea of emotions
the water enticed me
with its glistening beckon

but the water was thick
and down like a stone
I sank in the sea

growing more and more quiet
and still
and dark

as I drifted
deeper and deeper
into the sea.

I used to be afraid.
Of what? I wonder.

Now that everything is gone.

I miss that man in the garden
With coarse dark hair and a smile
With thick skin
And callused hands
And a tender toughness
That appeals to a child

I miss that man at the table
Behind the morning paper
I miss his simple routines
And his humble ways

And I recognize in him
The strength of simplicity
The great honor and privilege
To live amongst
Such perfect repetition of pattern
What meaning it creates in time

I miss that man in the living room
Relaxed on the sofa at night

Oh the simplicity
It wrings at my heart
That being
Oh that being

Day in and day out
Over and over again
Oh what it means to be alive

Pain moves me
Simply because
I cannot bear
to stay with it.

A part of me exhausts
As you withdraw into yourself

Pulling the thick tar of hurt
Out from my chest
And into these words

Molding it into
Meaning.

We let the silence speak
And it speaks loudly

As we lay together
tangled between sheets

The Great Niagra Falls
Spilling over like my love
loose and reckless
alive and fruitful

And having found a source
an outlet for this outpouring love
this deep inborn desire to say 'yes'
with all of me; my life

This thick lust for life
and for love
and this perfect intuition
to give it all away

I am proud to be alive.
And to have the capacity
in my bones and in my flesh
to say 'yes' with all of me

So small and so fragile
yet having existed forever.

Nonetheless, impermanent, I am.
Here to make a permanent mark
with this pen and this paper
and this racing heart
so uniquely my own
and so beautifully similar to the rest.

All here through the great devotional
journey of our ancestors
so gladly outpouring life,
like the great Niagra Falls
Into the present moment,
into our hands

And so,
I pick up this pen
and I write.

to be empty
is to be filled
with the divine possibility
of anything.

I’ll write for you
And I’ll read
And watch your soul be appeased

And the knots in my heart will become undone
As you exhale deeply

At the end,
The curtain opens & collapses down

Cast steps forward and bows
Nervously waiting for the raw applause
of its long lost Love

To be seen in flesh, in form.
To feel
To be alive

And what hope there is
in this pause.

And by God's great glory,
simplicity,
and the logic that supports it
that reveals what we are,
all of us together.

Curtain down, we bow.
And receive fully the divine applause of our creator

to be-
to be seen,
heads hanging together
is enough for him to rejoice.

And his rejoicing song lifts our faces
to be truly, fully revealed

All we are, our mistakes + our triumphs,
standing strong together

The purpose of our being.

To be revealed, humbled and uplifted in truth.
And to let the light of his applause wash over us
As we all bow down together.

These words, dripping from my touch
Keyboard struck by a force beyond me
I call you in, into these words
To reach the hearts of the souls you quench for

My heart--
So tender, it's been marinating
In a deep sea of grief
So many months
Lost at sea

This tenderness, a stranger
Im learning to love him
Longing when he's gone
For that sweet, soft pain
Of my wet and tender heart

warm
heavy
honey

lust
trust
pull

flutter
flutter

pull
more
near

comfort
peace
calm

space

flutter
flutter

firece
de­sire

you
draw
me.

All I want to do is write
and rest

I wish you were here
All I want
is to show you my heart

maybe then you could do something about it
fix it, its broken

I call for you
sending empty echoes
across the Pacific

while Christ waits patiently by my side

Feeling
so much it exhausts me

my heart beats double
one for me and one for you

I can't explain it
these words never will
although you always probed me to try

poem after poem i write for you
crawling through the trenches of this heart
that was so open
how can it reassemble

so beautifully broken to take you in
and now that you're gone
all these pieces, all this space
and all i want to do is sleep

Polished: May 9, 2018

Your smell
What was it like?
I think it encapsulated me
It swallowed me whole

Your head on my shoulder...

Your eyes
They went far
Too far for me to follow
But I went anyway
And I got lost

Your hair
Through my hands
My hands were full
And now they’re empty

And my heart felt the same, Full
And now it asks,
Of what?

Your body
Glimmered in my mind
as it faded my own
into a grey glimpse of nothing

That fear
That drew me near
Is still resides
Within my bones
And now the pain
Leaps from my skin

Budding into
what it always should have been
And never would have become
If not for the pain of opening

here I am Lord
I have come to do your will.