my friends i know don’t want me to stay they can sense i feel the same way in that i am unfit as a person i do not want their help & they do not want to help me that’s how it’s still working
I am no different Than any child close to death Even if my bones Seem to be so feeble My health is not eternal There was a time when We would've been the same
There is an attitude about coming together to create something new
I wonder if that is the cause For corruption When someone steps up To take another's place To carry out something prewritten There is no longer the cause There should never have been Permanence in legislature
I open my phone its a text from you that takes all of passing to read 3 paragraphs to delicately explain how and why we are through If I knew I wouldn't have opened it The door shuts and she tells me to read the poem aloud My stare that compensates For the dull of my mouth
Hyperfixations Why does everything I write Need to be coded I realize that everything I say Is equally so I feel less alone When I can say it aloud Even if it's only underlying
Different meanings to the passing bird I heard you've been mentioning my name I heard it all until 5am I dream I'll hear it again There was no moon today In the place where it should usually be At this hour It was full the night before The sky is clear now I wonder what it might mean
I went on a walk And failed to find any cool rocks
I repeat the ******'s word like he was meant to live within me I say it like an anthem as if death took form and walked through my door and gave me words to worship as some personal salvation it invades my nightly silence: "I am young enough to repaint and old enough to sell" I make it a multitude of myself
consistently revising the suicide note it’s now years in progress from the original draft, only a rare few words remain why write the note at all? I’ll wait until you forget
an antidote to worsen the symptom the day, once threatening the night, now laborious time passes as a slow & steady tide but there is no more time for me to wait there is no more good there is no more guilt only the weight, only the lack everything is tiring
my brain has begun to unravel the chords unwind and unknot suddenly my motivations are each their own separate branch separate root of which new inspirations sprout
it is hard to handle and i feel too plentiful too filled with words that have no time to express themselves
time is working against me in this moment it quickens so that these ideas never set foot my own mind whiplashing me into another moment when I was not yet finished with the last
I feel wrong in my age Wrong in that To be in any other body Than that when I was ten Is to stretch and tear and wear me down I am worn I feel old I feel my skin sagging over the muscle The muscle sagging over the bone I am the last breath of a murdered corpse I am the last of my friends The last of my family My lack of power Is shown through shaking fingers Protruding bones I am wrong
a lot of people see me and decide they'd like to hurt me maybe let me smile and laugh until i'm cornered into that wall they like how they tower over they see my strength and they want to test the limits
Time and time and time and Time again They guide you And even they discover That this isnt the answer This isnt the answer Every time There is only one end
Didn't think id make it this long Accepted that im done for Not sure if ill wake up but if I do What will it mean for me Accepted that im meaningless or at least dont want a meaning anymore I just want to be done for