Monotone

Monotone May 2021

Define a crush~
Is this someone who you're just attracted to,
or is this someone you know well and have feelings for?

Define 'talking'~
Is this just chatting amongst many different people,
or is this something considered exclusive?

Define dating~
Is this going on a few dates with multiple people,
or is this loving one person and unmeasurable feelings for them?

Define engaged~
Is this a trial run of marriage,
or is this a promise to love someone for the rest of eternity.

Define marriage~
Is this an agreement to only love one another,
or is this a contract that keeps the two of you stuck together?

I'm so confused. So please, define it.

Monotone Apr 2021

Sometimes

Sometimes I become unfathomably numb.
Sometimes I’m overwhelmed with sadness.
Sometimes my heart can’t take more pain.
Sometimes I can’t paint a smile on my face.
Sometimes I want to take a knife to my skin.
And, sometimes I want to take a bullet to my brain.

Monotone Apr 2021

Do I choose Option A or Option B?

Sometimes I don't know what to say
or even how to act correctly.
You suddenly distance yourself-
do I choose option a or b?

Option A-
You're just busy:
I give you your space.

Option B-
You're trying to throw us away:
I message and fight for us.

There's too much gray area.
There' too much ifs, ands, and buts.
I don't know what to do.
Someone please help me.

Monotone Apr 2021

the farther and farther you stay

I'm cold.
I'm cold and tired and unmotivated.
I can feel it.
Feel the warmth seeping away,
the farther and farther you stay.
It's not the physicial distance, no.
It is your words and your laughter,
our connection seems to not matter.
I'm on the back burner-
and that's okay.
I'm cold.
But really, it's okay.
I'll be warm someday.

Monotone Apr 2021

just... listen to me, please.

Stop looking at me.
Please just stop.
I'm tired of being on the spotlight.
Just stop criticising me-
you keep instruct-no demanding me.
You keep demanding me to change.
Demanding me to be okay.
I don't want to change.
No matter how much I want to be okay,
I don't want to change me.
My essence, my unique.
Just let me be. Please?
Stop staring at me.
Stop looking at me.
Just... listen to me, please.

Monotone Mar 2021

pouring feelings down the drain

Sometimes I'm not okay,
and while I know it's okay to not be okay,
people don't really care if you aren't.

They tell you, "I'll be there for you,"
but branch away from the topic at hand,
even when all you want is for someone to listen.

I don't need advice or help,
I'm not asking for them to solve my issues either.
I just need to dump some of my feelings out.

My bottle of feelings has reached max capacity.
I'm not asking for you to give me a bigger bottle or say it'll be okay,
I'm simply asking for your help in pouring some down the drain.

So yea, sometimes I'm not okay.
I know it's okay to not be okay.
But, to be okay, I need someone to help me pour my feelings out.

I don't want to keep not being okay just because it's okay to not be okay.
I want to improve my mental health.

Monotone Feb 2021

I'm scared.

I know why I'm scared.
As much as I want to disappear,
I don't want to be forgotten.
I want you to hold me in your heart for eternity.
I want to remind you of small and big memories,
even in the little things.
I don't want to be lost to nothing.
I want to make a mark,
even if it's only on those close to me.
I want you to cherish the memories of us,
even after you find your forever love.

I'm scared because I know I won't make a difference.