Everything is swirling around, screaming.
I keep trying to address each scream,
but then another one sounds.
They get louder and louder,
and I'm spinning in circles
as I try to keep up with them.
I'm dizzied and confused.
I feel as though I've fallen into an ocean
and I've forgotten how to swim,
so I slowly sink to the bottom
as the screams tear me apart alive.

I regret to inform that I am sad.
I'm sad because I keep getting pushed away.
I don't want to be left isolated.
I keep doing my best to help, to support,
but in the end no one ever stays.
I'm always alone it seems.
Even if the room around me is crowded.
I stay friends with those who hurt me,
because even then, I still don't want them to leave.
So yea, I'm sad.
Because, both those who make me hurt
and those genuinely care for me leave.

Sincerely,
Me

I am a lie.
I put on this persona and
I keep my feelings locked away.
The moment a door opens,
someone decides not to stay.
They ask, "How are you?"
"I'm okay," I say.
Instead of letting my thoughts spill.
I don't tell them I'm in pain,
or that I'm slowly becoming numb.
I don't reveal that my will to live
is slowly beginning to fade.
I keep it all inside,
and I lie.
Because I don't want to be alone.
Is that such a bad thing?

Yes. It tore me apart.
I gave into my stupid heart.
I let you play with my emotional needs.
Even now, I watch as my soul bleeds.
It isn't fair.
You didn't even care.
I was maimed,
meanwhile you weren't ashamed.
You didn't act hurt,
you just left me to die in the dirt.

I ate today.
That's a step in the right direction.
I ate today.
Tomorrow I'll clean,
but for today,
I ate.

I cut myself again.
That's it. That's all.
I cut myself again.
And I regret it.
I cut myself again.
Because I'm weak.
I cut myself again.
I wanted to feel something.
I cut myself again.
And I almost didn't stop.
I cut myself again.