This is not for you.
I don't know you yet
I don't know that I love you yet.
I don't know the way your smile makes me feel.
I don't know the way the warmth of your touch is so unique.
I don't know that when I'll close my smile you'll hold me.
I don't know when you move your lips you can build worlds.
I don't know that I am un happy now.
I don't know when we first say hello.
I don't know that you'll be my first love.
I don't know that you'll be my last.

I don't know anything.

Wax lyrical about those other little *****?
With their heads full of arrogance.
With their hearts full of lies.
With their fists full of misplaced angst.
With their smirks full of "Told you So"

Who am I?

I've walked away from Omelas
They've tied the ******* albatross to my neck.

Laughter fills the air,
There They Sit with My ******* in the air.
Staring back through that looking glass.
"She hurt you and you meant nothing to her....AGAIN!"

Shouting in the mirror till I fix my tie and walk about.
Shouting out of the mirror until you fix your tie and sob.

Life is not about reinventing yourself.
That's the thing about you.
You think you're complete right now.
But every day you ******* away with a new smile.
Beautiful wanderer discover

I am going to stand here and say I am sorry first off.
Sorry that I don't have the courage to tell you I like you.
Sorry that because the stars aren't aligning that I am complacent.
Sorry That I am the sort of ******* to let you be with someone not me.
Sorry about ...well sorry about me my lacking of character is showing.

Give me my pain meds hand me that book.
The cure for a sad reality is at times another's shoes.
Dancing to the same rhythm just another person's moves.
Oscar said to influence is to stifle your own glow.
I liked those words when I read them but I changed.
I am not as original as that Wilde man.
I am a mosaic of every single person I've ever met.

I found myself miles and miles away from home.
In a field of green
I saw a tree with blood red leaves.
In the midst of all the crowded emptiness
I stared at me.
I blinked hard and moved toward nowhere.
I tasted my breath and remembered my drive...

an unmatched savagery

Dancing across the heads of pins.
Walking on the sky, playing at God.
Empty hands holding both Tomorrow & Yesterday.
Eating Razor blades, speaking of love.
Made of paper..crumbling diamonds.
Tears of lighting fall to the earth.

Shadows dancing across the walls.
lightning breaking around the shattered sky.
The sound of rain seems to be God's applause.
A million accolades radiating from the within.
Left the emptiness alone, so it went away.
Smile didn't fade, it crept into my eyes.

The days can blend into one, I wouldn't notice.
Lack of ambition, a certain kind of content.
The drum dances silent just waiting for nothing.
Dull grows the flames that burn for an empty tomorrow.
Give me the pain of nothingness because I'm used to it.
My heart is growing cold just waiting for nothing.
Can't give up but too alone to give a ****.
What do I search for?  But for some lost thing I never had.
I know what I want...not this.

There is a fire inside of me.
There is a fire and oh it screams.
It tells me move and to never stop.
My love has gone soft and my heart grown wild.
Dead are the eyes that gaze on this world.
What is beyond it is what they yearn for.
What is the unknown has become my kingdom.
In the daylight of worry I have found my feet.
If I weren't to move how would you follow?
Hard has grown the fire, but still she burns.
Still she calls for it with one word, "More".

I pray the gardener cuts that flower.
I wish for it to died and its beauty to cease.
I want to hold it in my hand just for a moment.
And for that I wish for its pain.
I don't want anyone to look upon "my" flower.
Selfishly I am in love.

I did a lot of screaming today,






                                                                                                                            Said the Heart.

I love strength.
I love it more than anything.
I craved and desire strength.
Because I do not have it.
I lift ungodly amount of weight.
I train to hurt people more efficiently than a bullet.
I do these things and yet I am not strong.

I remember looking into your eyes once.
Just the once and I gleamed all I could bare.

In those eyes was not the weakness I knew.
   A person who can smile honestly
   A person who can hope
   A person who doesn't hate others.
   A person who knows what they want.

****** girl. Just be happy is all I ask.
And I know you will.
Of course I like you, you're you.

Some machines just leave the factory a bit broken.
We can hide it to our best abilities and compensate.

Can't sing? Learn to dance to the heartbeat of the night.
Can't be happy? Learn to make others smile, it'll come.

Like a chasm in the water, like a black rainbow.
Sometimes broke is beautiful.

I like writing poetry.
I can be vague and hide in hyperbole.
When I am honest as ******* won't know.
Getting **** off my chest.
Suffocating under this freedom.
It's like a plastic knife to my heart.
That was a simile,
The salad dish at the poetic dinner table.
Metaphors are fun like fries but just as filling.
**** this is weird...*Save Poem

I write poetry because i am lazy.
Short stories are too long.
Screen Plays are too many people
Actually talking to people is too risky.
Journal-ing will get me no accolades.
Photography is just an app on a phone.
painting is an application on a canvas.
Acting would be fun without a stutter.
Songs are too loud, and singers are pretty.
Dancing would be nice if i had some rhythm.
I write poetry because it's fun and I like it...alot.

Sometimes I just sit and wonder what you're doing.
Then I stop and go back to thinking about normal things.
Time to replace reality with some dope little beats.
Grasping for sanity far away in worlds ticking and tocking.
With a smile in my pocket and the sand still on my face.
Let me stand here looking **** with all my disappointments.
Deleting all the lies from my phone turned it into a clock.
Come on tell me something real so I can dream with a smile on this face.

Dear Brother,

     I was the person you looked up to and the person you strove to surpass. I long for those days, you following me around and trying to do the things I could. Soon we realized our paths were different. I was destined for something mediocre and you were born for greatness. You and your goofy smile and lisp always made me laugh. I remember when we would fight each other. It was never fair for you, I had over a hundred pounds on you and yet you always stood your ground. I hope that you always keep that insane courage.
         I would become a thing of violence and you would be away in your own world. I knew you would become a runner so I forced my way onto that path just so you could follow me a little longer. So we could be big brother and little brother awhile longer. I would run and I would hate it, my hulking body would scream with all the wasted motion. And you little brother, you would glide as if you meant to flow across this prairie as smooth as water. Out of desperation I pushed myself and kept my head above you for as long as I could. and just a few months ago you surpassed me. I would run 5 miles and you would run 7 as if it were nothing. I remember that day we raced and most of all I remember your cocky smile. I acted angry...because that's what I'd do. But know that that was probably one of my proudest moments.
          Now little brother just know that it is me chasing you, and now that I am happy to say that the little boy who wanted to be me has become my rival. I wanted you to be great so now I am going to push you until you want to scream and give up, then I am going to push you some more. You're my brother so I know you can take it.


                                                              ­                                                                 ­                  I love you.

All day the idea danced in my head, Death could flow in like nothing. I could cease and in that maybe my head would stop hurting and my soul stop bleeding over my eyes. She ...HER, it doesn't seem fair that a young girl slipped into my heart and stomped out my fires as it they were nothing. She is cold and toyed with me as if I were a simile meant to be used and discarded. She wanted me to stay, and I would have. I wanted to be around her and let her **** everything about me that I thought I held dear. I wanted that, but I tried killing myself and other people intervened. My family traveled across the country and carried me home. I cried the entire way home. I bawled and screamed. HER, she hurts me still. I want to see her smile, and I know that she damages me. I want to say I am getting better each day that I am home, but its not true, each day I become number than the day before. I am shutting everything out and it is scaring me. The healthy things that used to bring me joy are becoming mundane activities.

I screamed at the moon and the stars the other night until my voice went, then I pounded my fists into the ground until I woke up face down. I am losing so much and I hate that I still love that girl. I would do anything for her. and because of that I am afraid I will not ever be whole again. I fell down this ****** rabbit hole called "love" and it left me battered and shattered. This isn't really a poem, But I wanted some people to know what I am going through even if you are only strangers on the internet. RIGHT now, this page is all I have. I love you for reading this far. and I am sorry this isn't a poem.

Passing notes across the country.
Sending each other silence just to care.
You're goofy as ****
I can't describe you in so many words.
What you are is my friend and I love ya for it.

(Let's stand outside of time as you tell me I'll be fine. )

"He was an all right kind of guy.
He said what was on his mind.
Often times it was simple hyperbole
But I understood him well enough.

He seemed to always be in love.
I am just not sure he understood it.
I loved him a lot and he loved me.
He could think of a million reason not to
but he also loved the misery in his life.
He often looked at it as an opportunity to be strong.
He once told me,
'Dad, God wants be to be the strongest thing on the planet'
He was happy a lot, but he seemed to truly shine when
He got to make another just as happy.
I love my son."
~My Dad.

What would you say if i told you i fell in love?

In love with a girl i have yet to meet.

In love and imagining saying Hello.

In love and wondering if she’s wandering.

In love with a girl have yet to even see.

In love and happy as can be.

“In love with an Idea?” Is what you’d say.

“Yes, it’s called ‘hope’”,and I’d smugly walk away.

God cried and looked almost human
Soft pain was felt by those who felt those whimpers.
A thousand lifetimes burned away waiting.
Life moved on and so did the rain.
Warm sand never changed but by the waves.
God died and felt almost human.

Can you look at me and just see me for what I am?
I was lost in the struggle for my own identity.
Now I am lost in the struggle for who I will become.
When I am gone without a sail, there is one constant.
In this abyss called me, I always know that I adore you.
When everything is cast in doubt, I know I want to make you smile.
When fear grabs me deep, it is your hand I want to hold.
Your laugh is the light that shatters my pain.
Now please raise me up one last time, and let us meet.

I am alone once more.

A lonely man gone mad in the space between thoughts.
Chasing a friend that only exists when I stop looking.
I want a friend, I want to speak my heart to a person.
Fingers can dance on the board of keys but I want a hug.

I find myself simultaneously imploding and exploding.
I look up at the vastly small universe and feel hugged.
I see more than I can never know, I see myself looking back.
Cars flash by, they don't see me I am invisible at 60mph.

The eyes of the nights aren't just black but fields of deep blue.
I look at the moon and imagine you're out there.
I pray I cross your mind every once in a while.
Just so I am not so pathetic for thinking of you every night.

I am alone just waiting on you

I am ******* weird.
Last night I dreamt I fell in love with a girl and she looked through me and smiled at my empty heart.
She kissed my cold breath and drank in the self loathing "what the ****"-ness of my ego. She lead me by the hand in the moments I forgot I was a drug dealer on the run from God and the empty softness of saying "I love you" in drunk english.
I was beast screaming at monsters and running with demons.
The girl got lost in the snow and I Who sought happiness died alone with only the sun to mourn my damp flickering life.

Monthes spent screaming at the moon, cursing the sun for making it shine.
The Sun doesn't set every night,sometimes Darkness rises up and it takes the sky.
It was all pain in a hollowed out chest, Broken "Love" felt like a shattered limb.
It was a fight you walked into that no one thought you could win and you didn't.
Battered and bruised, you fell to the ground from the throne you built so high.
Black didn't become white, nor up into down, but you became the demon that is "weak".
You became the Byronic hero fighting the romantic villain, silly words and silly men.
Standing on the hills looking up to your home, this is how it will all end...

                                                            ...A­s the One-Winged (Former) King of The Sky

Sitting at the bar talking about poetry.
Talking about the girl I want to look at me.
Hold up my hands as if those thoughts were fire
Burning me from the inside out, just had to get it all out.

"I met her for the one night, and I've been writing about her ever since"
Then she looked at me and just said "Wow".
I wanted to smile but I felt just *****.
These are my true feelings and I don't want share them with you.

Hold up the time for me I can't see it through this mask.
My head hangs low and stitches are bleeding.
I want to fall in love with this girl, so I write and hope she'll read it one day.
Now I am alone, high as ****, totally drunk on that idea.

Pacing pacing shifting left and right in a flurry.
Run to the bath to dry heave, which does nothing.
Lop it off and hide it away with a smirk.
Calmly walk up the steps and toward him.

We touch and the rush feels me but not us.  
You've been here before oh so many times.
Open up with a straight right to your face.
You dance away and hint at a smile.
You think that's all I've got.

This is our first go and I want to make you remember.
I eat fist after fist fear of the knockout lessens but doesn't go away.
Your fists don't hold the strength to maim.
Your heart holds a fear in it tightly, and then you hesitate.

My steps toward you leaves the fear in your heart and spreads to your face.
I saw lighting from one but not again,you realize this.
Three left hooks to my head I trade for one to your gut.
You know I mean to hurt and you slow down.
Not stopping but thinking just enough to **** your reflexes.

You found yourself in the corner and saw me smile.
You block the overhand left and squirm away.

The bell rings

I drop my hands and can't pick them up.
Completely exhausted, I find a nice little bliss.
I get out of the ring and just hope I helped you a little bit.
I am not the prodigy it is you with the speed and endurance.
Now show the world we're not people to mess with.

How do you tell your friends, "Hey I'm having a panic attack"
I don't know they asked when I went and I just told them "Cigarette".
Sat by the river in the drizzle and had a nice long cry.
Screamed at the emptiness, "You made me this broken! For what?"
Nothing to throw so I threw my head back and sighed.
Looked at my phone and thought about the time...where'd it go?
I lost a dozen minutes and can't find my shoes.
Maybe I'm truly drunk on this sobriety, and ****** with self righteousness.
"Someone pick up their phone. I'm scared and alone!"
The drunk man stumbling by looks at me and hides his eyes.
Looking at that flowing water, just stopping the thoughts.

I'm sorry
He said I'd never say
I've said it before
Just like I'll say it once more
For the reason I lost my way

What's beyond my control
Is beyond my control
I will not apologize for it
I'll say my piece about the sun and the stars
But you're the one who listens to it

I've never met another who twists what I say
In such a way to where I brag about my faults
Maybe the girl is all too aware of her weaknesses
Is it a fault to admit, accept, and embrace
Those things beyond her control?

Some things need not apologizing for

The poet took what he saw
And exposed it in a certain light
Opinions made, I bet this doesn't change a thing
Just affirmation about everything he previously thought

The light was beautiful
Cynical, and a sight some might say
A tad judgmental, a bit unforgiving
I'm sure the poet would never apologize
For contemplating something beyond his control


the first poem ever written about me, thought i'd share
*Also a response to "The Girl With Freckles"

Behind two obsidian pools of vast nothingness.
Staring at sky behind broken street lights.
Back against the ground, head in the clouds.
Water stained cigarette truly bobbing about.

"I would like to say my life is built on lies, it's not"
Idolizing villains though i'll always be a "hero".
"Ashamed of honor, for I've never been without".
Grass-is-greener sort of things.

Give me a lie I'll hold it close.
A lovely fib is better than silence.
But then again I did wake up this morning.
My poetry became English's drunk Uncle.
Perverse as a God being born from Facebook.
North Dakota man without a sense of Wintermas.
Lights made the eyes so black and hollow.

Your eyes give away your name.
They tell me it's something beautiful.
That if I say it I shall feel as if I were swimming in honey.
That it will become my single word prays to thank god.
That it will be the sweet little smile that make me.
But I don't know your name.
So I'll just say the word that means all the same,
"Hello"

I see her every day, and she always makes me smile.
I lost minutes just watching her glide.
She smiles and her laugh dances through the room.
Her voice sounds as if an angel is speaking only to you.
My heart drops from the sky when she leaves.
I sometimes just imagine that smile and that beautiful attitude.
It's closer to one o' clock now then I thought
I the lost day and I still don't know your name.
It's you that scares me
I look your way and fear holds my tongue at bay.
I'm not even brave enough to ask you your name.
You're like the girl of my dreams...

                                                               ­                                                     







    ­                                                                 ­                                       ...I just don't want to ruin you.

Drunk driving in bumper cars
Singing sad songs worth singing.
Standing straight in a blurry world.
Making poetry in the snow with bare feet.
Wide awake turns to talking in your sleep.
Eyes turn to worn out streets.
I'm Bob Dylan with this broken cigarette.
Tomorrow morning is thunder with no regrets.

Be brave to allow yourself hope.

I want to hold her hand
And take her to the world
I want to break her self doubt
with the truth of her smile
I want to hold her heart
and just watch her soar
I want her and
I want her know to this

One day this hope will die
with having been realized.

I went for a run along the highway.
I came upon a snake at the mile 2.
It looked at me, and nodded its head.
It didn't hiss or strike, simply looked.
Acknowledging an old friend, two of a kind.
And we parted ways, satisfied.

This sordid little life slowly etching away.
Days pass only to mark moments leaving.
Waiting for a real life to begin or end?
I'm right here.
This mind doesn't take me anywhere anymore.
These leafs made of hope fall from me.
Death at my feet with darkness rising.

We were friends before we even spoke.
Locking ideas across the ocean.
Following one another from prairie to desert.
Fingertips opening different kinds of words.
Completely different sides of the world.
Same hometown, same wild heart.
Both trying to change the world with broken words.
She is my friend and I don't even know her name.
She is not like me, so I'll praise her.

She spoke the most beautiful silence
Said so much,
you'd hadn't known she had not said a word.
And that smile,
Made you forget how to take a breathe.
Every time you'd meet again,
Beauty would enter your world, and you'd be reborn.

It was all but impossible to be anything but in love.

I do hope sometime someone tells her she's beautiful, she is.
Adrenaline ****** with some a cute anxiety.  
When I read her words her face always says "duh".
She conveyed tone in words with no sound, amazing.
Her heart is skipping beats just keeping up with her feet.
She likes Doctor Who and Violent movies, and ****
I haven't heard her voice but I bet she talks almost as quick as me.
She made me blush when she said, "You're not an idiot".
She fell in love with a bat who thought herself a bird, and wonderful.
I never had a clue of how much she liked her some Blue too.
A silvery Dee block element with a penchant for sarcastic remarks.
I don't know I just find her quite lovely, and beguiling

When she said those words.
I broke, for truly.
She choose someone over me.
And I could feel her breath on my face.
She was so close and ..so so very cold.
My soul fell from me to the dirt.
I felt so cold I thought I had died.
My eyes glossed over and I lost my air.
I felt cold and empty
As if no warmth had ever touched me.
My vision faded grey then turned black.

When I came back, she was still inches from me.
But I only wanted one thing, I wanted to die.

Happiness and strength come from vulnerability.

To not trust and to not believe in others
well that is not only selfish is it weak
and most damnedly it is cowardly.

I wear my heart on my sleeve
If I cry just know it wasn't because I didn't care.

They told me to be subtle, so I left.
Drug my feet, stumbling down the street.
Raised a glass to the stars for a wonderful night.
Woke up drunk on the train tracks.
Walking east, chasing the only star in the sky.
Fell asleep in the comfort of a stranger's house.
Don't remember how, but left before they found me.
Woke up with the adventures of last night chasing me.
Crawled more than I walked, heading to a friends.
Rung the bell, fell asleep in the cold light of midday.
I took a rest, looked back and remembered nothing.

Words blur into pictures and sound fades.
(Can't you be sober for this?)
Heavy moved the air from the lungs.
Found my feet at the ends of my legs.
Movement seems a ways in time.
Hands turned into little ***** of death.
(Wait wait...you're not....him)
Bang Bang shouted the heart.
Heart beat like a phone book in a dryer.
Blackness took up the night and..
(Hey?! Who are you?)

Every night I look up and pray a little lie.
As if he would believe me when I don't even.
I'm just going to say these words until they're true.
"I don't hate her"
I'm going to say these words til they're the truth.

I don't even care anymore.
And here I thought our love would last forever.
A year later and I forget the sound of your name.
I don't like that I lied to you and hate that I lied to me.
Young and in love seems a lot like lonely and drunk.