Today I woke up with a dream in mind, "To wander".
Throw away the map and dance to the beat of the clouds.
Chase the sunset till that ocean is far behind you.
Hold in your heart only the far away till we reach it.
Scatter pieces of my soul in places I'll never return.
Touch the abyss and smile at loneliness.
I'm going to run til this gas pedal gives way.
I'm going to run til this heart becomes whole.

Somewhere along the line I became lost.
Not so broken that I couldn't walk again.
Just cracked so that I didn't want to.
Life:The beautiful cataclysm.
She became so much for me.
Laying in the ditch seemed so warm.
Time pour over me and washed away my smile.
Moments and the in between blurred.
Before long I was wishing for death.
Wishing that I could stop thinking.

Misery had become my shadow.
My lone companion, that embraced me in the night.

Anger rose up like a wave and
push me into the ground.

Sadness turned inward ate away at me.
The pain of depression on these lips reigned.

Outward implosion I moved toward oblivion.
Look at this Darkness I became.

I close my eyes, but not to sleep.
I close my eyes, but do not see.
Darkness in my words had crept to my eyes.
All the vibrant hues simply fell away.
I lift my head and it felt like sleep.
I felt nothing as I became all.

First off, Let's cast away "humility" it's the mask of the shy.
If you still your voice, you've already committed suicide.
I'd rather be punched by your foot than give an apology.
Apologizing for your opinion is the mark of weak minds.
Too strong minded individuals, definition of "God Complex"
Let's be truly smug, and brag about our faults and short comings.
Don't turtles dream of flying and humans dream of being us?
You're better than me? I am better than you?
You spend your days comparing apples to oranges.
You said your favorite number was "infinite Zero"
You said your favorite band was watching the sun rise.
You're the moon that out shined the sun.
Your biggest fault is that you think you've lived life.
Your only redeeming quality is that you've lived life.

Walked up the stairs and hanged my head.
Treated my bed like the gallows
and read a book about death.
Held my breath
and felt a song fill my chest.
Walking with the crowd to feel alone.
Walking ahead so they have someone to follow.
Silent steps, and a quiet regime.
The stars hidden in shadows chased away the day.

The idea of eternity seems so savagely mundane.
"In the end we'll all just be stories."
Stories hidden away in immortality.
But hey even Gods die and fade.

Carry on my broken smiling diamonds.
Can't be proud of such bloodsoaked glasses.
I'll let us crack away our borrowed souls.
Let justice fall on our drunkedness.  

Put the dark back in the patchwork of my "Me".
Bleed the day please.
Stand with me in this emptiness.
Dance with our shared silence.

Panic-y breathes I am grasping for air.
Fingers breathing in her hair.

Thunderstorms and chilling flames.
She says my name and Everything else
I say her name and the Truth.

Her soul dances against mine

(Ba dum Ba dum)

Times moves in synch with her smile.
The sun holds its breath each night in the darkness.

There's a chasm in me that goes, "Thump thump thump"
I've outgrown the pain of my broken heart.
Selfishly I look at the happy memories and smile.
Laying on the ground, raising my hands to hold the sky.

These empty rooms seem so crowded when I close my eyes.
I'm standing on a pool of rock shouting whispers at nowhere.
I want to say I raised my head, but all I do is close my eyes.
Every day I am growing closer the age I'll be when I die.

Given to hours just two alone
I find my way far gone.
I visit a world of alone emptiness.
No comforts just lack of dis-

When I return,
I look at loved ones like strangers.
Forgetting names and myself.
I smile more but care less.

My life of thunder slides away.
In it cracks the sound of nothing.
No futures, no pain, and just those eyes.
They peer soft as fire and hard as time.

If Love is a crown, her smile a kingdom.

Your happiness is a mask
Covering up something fundamentally broken.

                                          I looked at her and smiled softly for the first time that day.

Today like so many days out of my life, I want to **** myself. I want to die. Yes something is wrong with me, I am sad and brittle to my core. Some days I find that the light of the sun is a 100 lb weight on my shoulders just pushing me down. Some days I walk through the city feeling like I am moving through mud.

                                           I closed my eyes smiled genuinely.

Other days I am happy and I don't ask why I just roll with it, Some days the light of the world lifts me up and pulls me forward. Some days this city moves and I pick up my feet to match it.  But every day know that I am hiding nothing, this is who I am.

                                              She hugged me and I hugged her.

The fluorescent light flickered
Dancing the line of Life and Death.
Never resting and never moving.
The room filled with a hollow light.

The dreamer sat thinking of being awake.
Nights were filled with vain little ideas.
In the light, memories of the future became real
In the shadow of the sun this dreamer danced.

Flames, Anger, and Hate are my crown.

I am fallen.

I in eternal anger have awaken the beast in side of me.

The violence in these eyes frightens me

We’re all monsters, and this is the age of beasts.

Some one told me I am a "Love Poet".
That what I write about greatly is that emotion.
I remember looking at him and saying,
"I write about the magic of sad little tragedies".
I don't write, I strip away the world and leave the words.

Something vexing about these people who "Know" me.
They look at me as if I were a wounded beast.
Pained by heartache and full of anger.
Truthfully, all I am is waiting.

Phrases come to mind when I think out loud.
My mother fears that all I do is talk to myself.
She doesn't believe when I say, "I am making a poem".

I guess I replaced my frilly phrases for honesty,
This... is this still poetry?

Maybe I've fallen too far in my own mind.

This is my pain, it screams in the place between words.
This is my pain, Raising with the sun in the west.
This is my pain, Sighing like the clouds from our first touch.
This is my pain, Naked as the face of alcoholics.
This is my pain, Alone in the dark world of lights.
This is my pain, Drunk on the breaths I take to survive.
This is my pain and together we'll be.

Don't give me your hope, I'll drop it.
Don't give me your love, I'll lose it.
Don't give me your dreams, I'll steal them.
Don't give me your fears, You'll scare me.

But if I ever ask..

Please give me all your hopes, Dreams, Fears, and Love.

Coffee in the morni...afternoons to wake up.
Fingers glide across this glass like the wind.
Head slow but heart is lightly full of hope.
Words try to match but all I said over and over..
I kept saying the word, "Cool".
My mind is rotting with the things I put in my body.
My mind is rotting without the things my body needs.
I kind of miss the days I got to spend screaming.
I definitely miss the ones I got to smile.
Now only imitation laughter spills from my mouth.
I want to feel again, I want be ..."happy".
I am again like ever before, "Post-Love"

..Medicine in the mornings to get to sleep.

Away I've taken to the streets moving to the rhythm of my heart.
The sun sets and under the darkness I feel at home all alone.

Thump thump thump

Taking a drag from this bottle of wine and nothing sings like my fists.
weeping and roaring, look at that moon andswaying to the motion.

Thump thump

Now times running out and I want to hold your hand, I'd settle for a word.
My feet moved and I don't remember how but now we're on a bench looking at waves.

thump

One in the afternoon and I peel myself away from the staring match with my eyelids.
I hear one words and my day is made, She says "Tomorrow?"

The non violent sadist, here i sit.
empty eyes and empty heart, here i sit.
broken dream and crumbling hope, here i sit.
bathed in the blood of a thousand stars, here i sit.

aggressively passive optimistic cynic, here i stand.
a smile in my pocket and a smirk at the ready, here i stand.
on the shattered remains of dreams achieved, here i stand.
arms open and songs being sung, here i stand.

Watching these people.
Looking at them and only seeing composites of life.
Ideas but no action.
Life but actually none.

"Man, She looked beautiful until I saw what she mistook for it".

This body holds in it only the strength of being weak.
This mind holds in it only the will power from Self-Doubt.
This face holds in it only the beauty of never being beautiful.
This mouth holds in it only the words made entirely of silence.
This heart holds in it only the pain of being full of love.

I'm 12 stepping this depression.
Wake up and live in the moment.
Sometimes it's one day some times one minute.
Sometimes I dance.
Other nights I can't find the strength to get out from under the bottle.
My struggles won't be visual or even physical.

I look hard at the mirror, into the eye's of my greatest enemy.

Inside me lay only smoke and ash.
Hollow and full of ***** words.
The outside isn't as pretty.
A stumbling man reaching rock bottom.
It wasn't so gradual a fall as it is now.
I fell hard, but continued walking.
Trudging onward and downward.
Step over step conceding all your hope.
The bottom isn't black and dark,
it's full of hope,
people dreaming of going back up.
and people hoping this day is their last.
Here I am standing in a puddle of pride,
just knowing "I'm still alive"

I was running yesterday
Just threading the needle of pain with focus.
Each mouthful of the day dragged me forward.
Each day that swam by pulled me.
At the end I was living just step to step.
Everything hurt in such a magnificent way.
I smiled for the first time in a while.
and I looked over at the eyes.
I saw you standing there.
You watched me saunter on.
Then you ran with me.
I tried keeping up with you.
Then I watched you bound away.
I smiled again and laughed.
Yesterday I ran with a deer.

Let's shake up this whole state and just wait.
Let's hold each other's hands not our tongues.
Let's dance like fools, so alone but together.
Let's do those illegal things we do so well.
Let's play in the snow and dream of Winterfell.
Let's sing along to songs and mumble the parts we forget.
Let's drive around the town with no where to go.
Let's play with the rocks in the river.
Let's write ****** little poems about one another.


Maybe this is just me but I think that sounds fun.

I'm swearing through my teeth.
Screaming "I am the King"
To these ******* machines.
Going till my palms bleed.

Take a picture and send it to me.
fake a smile, promise you'll fool me.
it's true what they say, tonight is the night.
we make good guys bad, turn wrongs into rights.
Tumbling in the darkness of regrets.

In the end aren't we all just stories?
posing in pictures, and saying "cheese"?
staying up late and wondering "What-if?"
falling asleep, knowing what Love is.
Telling lies to shadows in hushed words.

You know, i love things i can't control.
it's no fun, turning Yes's into Knows.
i chased the sun, followed the moon.
followed my heart, into a typhoon.
Smile, you make mine shine.

Angels they sing to me in my sleep.
i fill up the pelican's dreams.
the first time we touched, your skin was soft.
yesterday, thats how the clouds sat.
look up to the heavens to see me.

Close my eyes, i find my home again.
give me a paper, i have free reign.
i spill it all on this page for you.
just give me a moment or two.
another drag and i'm done.

I promise you i am lying.

I do not remember where we were.
I can not fathom why you said it.
I do not recall if I was crying.

But I do know that you were drunk.
And I know that these words shaped my life.
From the moments they left your lips
To this moment and beyond.

"Son, complaining only makes you look like a *****"

I never complain even when I can barely stand.
My tongue remains stilled.

Weakness is not something a man possesses.
The world has enough boys.

Under this crown I've found my home.
I grabbed the sky and tore it down tonight.
Smile from this jaw is a broken kind of light.
Let silence fall on this lonely kind of life.

Happiness I thought I held in my hand the way my skin felt.
The emptiness of life fell away but I was believing a sort of lie.
The fish don't know they're in water and they life.
She pulled me out of the pond and my world grew.
In her hands I died and in her breath I was reborn.

Read a poem,
Found myself simply looking at words.
Thought "I can do this better".
looked around and went back to sleep.

I put a scar on the sky,
Watched the day turn to ash,
All the blue simply burned black.
So, darkness I became.

Give me your failures and I'll show you my heart
Give me your shame and I'll tell you of life.
Give me your pain and I'll take it and hide it from you
Give me your hand and I'll give you my own.
Give me your heart and I'll show you the world.
Give me a chance and I'll take it.

I was told my worst habit is giving people my heart
before I knew anything of their character.
When trying to break this "Habit",
I found myself saying nothing.

She smiled in an amazing way.
It was a miracle when she did it.
It made her already beautiful face even more.
Man, I hope she shines when I am not looking.
I pray she laughs when she's alone every so often.
I wish she would and I want to say hello.
Nah, Let's not corrupt the beautiful with the real.

See ya,
Nameless amazing girl.
Please be great.